08.Feb.21, 05:51 PM
She winced at the memory. “Yes. I screamed, and cried…I hit my brother when he tried to help. I was upset. Poor Rudi tried to help, and I’m kinda surprised he stuck around because I know I didn’t treat him very kindly, either. I hurt them too, because I know I said some terrible things I didn’t mean.”
She watched the big gold carefully and smiled wryly. “I think I hurt myself, more than anyone, though. With everything that happened, granted, it was a bit of a different situation… but I felt so horrible, I pushed people away because of it. I felt so horrible that I started to think that I was horrible. And I let myself feel and think that way for a long time. Too long.”
She stared absently across the sands, considering, before looking back at the young queen. “But just because we feel bad doesn’t mean we are bad. Sometimes stuff happens, and, it hurts. It’s not fun. It doesn’t make sense. All we can do is…be there. For ourselves. For each other.”
She adjusted on her makeshift cushion. “So…I’m here. I know you probably feel bad. I just want to be here to remind you that you’re not bad. Okay?” She offered a small smile at the gold before looking over at Cazan, busily sketching in her notepad. She knew the gold rider was listening, there’s no way she would’t be. “You too. I know I’ve pulled back lately. I guess I was having a hard time seeing you in motherly bliss. I want to apologize, it’s still a bit of a sore spot. I know you’ve got stuff pretty well covered and under control, but if you need me, I am still here, I promise.” She shrugged.
She watched the big gold carefully and smiled wryly. “I think I hurt myself, more than anyone, though. With everything that happened, granted, it was a bit of a different situation… but I felt so horrible, I pushed people away because of it. I felt so horrible that I started to think that I was horrible. And I let myself feel and think that way for a long time. Too long.”
She stared absently across the sands, considering, before looking back at the young queen. “But just because we feel bad doesn’t mean we are bad. Sometimes stuff happens, and, it hurts. It’s not fun. It doesn’t make sense. All we can do is…be there. For ourselves. For each other.”
She adjusted on her makeshift cushion. “So…I’m here. I know you probably feel bad. I just want to be here to remind you that you’re not bad. Okay?” She offered a small smile at the gold before looking over at Cazan, busily sketching in her notepad. She knew the gold rider was listening, there’s no way she would’t be. “You too. I know I’ve pulled back lately. I guess I was having a hard time seeing you in motherly bliss. I want to apologize, it’s still a bit of a sore spot. I know you’ve got stuff pretty well covered and under control, but if you need me, I am still here, I promise.” She shrugged.