Falling Darkness [Erisi]

What was the world coming to?

Talian sat by himself, stiff and numb. The young man swirled the klah in his cup and peered inwardly at his reflection, meeting his own tawny eyes and evaluating them as he would a patient.

It had been a whole turn now. Longer. He'd noticed the anniversary and chose to observe it in silence, sparing his friends any more of his perpetual complaining. They'd heard everything he had to say on the subject anyhow. He'd spent it alone, along with his birthday, and now the months were rolling by fast enough that he was surprised to realize just how much time had passed since those lonely days.

A whole turn. Back at home, his little girl was growing up. His father was aging. He knew it was so. Originally, it felt like he'd slipped into another dimension. He felt like everything would be fine when he got home. Now, with news of a daughter finally sinking in, he realized how far that was from the truth. Even thinking about home didn't quite feel right anymore. He wasn't sure what did feel right. All he knew is that he didn't want to be at Katila.

It was one thing for dragonriders to lash each other for breaking their laws, but the torture of prisoners really bothered Tal. He'd never spoken to anyone about just how deeply it bothered him, but the lashing of that young man only two days before had really gotten to the young healer. He sat there now, thinking over the event and the entire culture that surrounded him, and heaved a long sigh.

It was just wrong. Tal closed his eyes and thought about all the cruelties that had befallen him and his fellow northerners, not to mention the horrors the riders exposed even each other two.

This place is a volcano waiting to erupt he thought passively. As he sipped at his klah, he realized just how different his anger was these days. He'd lost his taste for bitter rage. He'd been reduced to a new level of stoicism; he'd survived everything this place could throw at him minus the whip. Ever since his encounter with J'ver, well...what else could the riders take from him?

He could wait them out. He'd waited his father out. He could wait anything out.

This was just another day. The clouds were dark, but it was a familiar sight to him. The clouds had always been dark. They always would be dark.

His eyes snapped open. Was I daydreaming again?

Erisi had a lot to focus on with Weyrling Lessons, but that hardly meant he was oblivious to what was going on in the Weyr. He was a sort of kindred spirit to Talian, they both usually disagreed with similar things. Erisi liked to think he was politically minded, liked to think he knew how things should be run... and things were not supposed to be run this way. Erisi was less vocal about his opinions now compared to how he used to be, not because he had been 'tamed' or had learned his place. He was just so sharding busy! Nevermind that he did not want to give someone the excuse to give him a lashing. Before lashings had been implemented, he had certainly earned a few with his behavior. He was hoping everyone important forgot that, but knowing Erisi he would eventually make more noise when he felt justified to do so.

He could run this Weyr better and he was just going to end up as a greenrider.

You are not a greenrider. You are Charath's rider. There's a difference. Charath pointed out in a sly attempt at being witty. Erisi did her the kindness of pretending to be impressed, though he wasn't quite sure if it was sincere enough to convince her.

Erisi intended to make a quick pass through the dining hall, grab some food, and head outside to secretly cuddle up with Charath. Secretly because he really did not want anyone actually believing that he was fond of his young dragon. He really preferred to cuddle up to another warm human bo -- oh look, thinking of that, he noticed Talian out of the corner of his eye. To say he had been neglecting his friend was an understatement. No one could really blame him, though. Weyrlings were kept fairly busy, and the time spent with friends like Valerian were naturally more, since the other man had Impressed as well. You're not coming outside to see me?

'I will later.'

You are not cuddling him when you are supposed to be cuddling me.

'I [b]know'. Erisi sighed mentally, even as he slid effortlessly into the seat next to Talian. With a smug smile he plucked a sweet roll off of the Healer's plate. "Must be awfully tired to be sleeping when I'm around," he commented playfully. He just figured Talian had been kept busy, especially considering that he was a master Healer. His friend was bound to be kept just as busy as Erisi was himself.

Even I fall asleep when you're around - I don't blame him.

'...Shut up.'

Talian jumped, startled by the disappearance of his sweetroll and even more startled by the unexpected voice. As he realized who it was, however, he broke out into an eager grin.

"Eri!"

Talian threw his arms around the other man without apology. He hadn't seen much of his dear friend in quite some time. It was likely for the best; for a while, Tal had nursed a potentially friendship-ruining crush on the young greenrider, but the romantic affection had faded during their separation. It didn't mean his other affections for his dear friend had faded any, however.

Shards, Talian hadn't seen Eri since...the event. The young healer still felt numb at the mere thought of it, and perhaps a flickering of terror appeared in his eyes for a moment, but it dissipated just as quickly. Tal had unknowingly taken a page from his adoptive father's book and chose to simply not think about the event, though unlike B'jin, he didn't try to forget that it had happened at all. Talian wanted to keep the memory at hand, where it would serve as a reminder of his own will to live.

He just didn't want it at the forefront. He wasn't sure where it would cause the most damage; rampaging through his consciousness or tormenting his sleep after long daylight hours of repression. Instead, he treated it much like he'd once treated his father's abuse.  He just carried it around in a handbag, aware of it's weight but not completely bound by it. It didn't break his back, but it did cause a perpetual aching that never seemed to quite go away.

That aching was something he could live with. Few things dulled it like one of his best friends, though.

"I've missed you. How are you?" Talian asked, eyes brightening just a little bit. A silver lining indeed!

Hugs?

Sorry, but when had Erisi ever been personable enough to give the impression that warm and friendly contact was something Erisi enjoyed? For Talian's sake he put up with the gesture, because he did value the Master Healer as his friend. Nothing could erase the mildly embarrassed expression on his face from having to endure it. Erisi was not a touchy-feely individual, especially not outside his usual voyeuristic tendencies. He could hear Charath laughing in his head, that dark sound that still made the hair on his arms stand up on end. It wasn't exactly a laugh in human terms, but she did her best to mimic the sound to give her bonded the most trouble.

Talian released him, and Erisi pretended not to be a little frazzled by his friend's embrace. That was what friends were supposed to do, but still, Erisi had strict boundaries. He was a bit of a dick of a friend. Why anyone tolerated him was something Charath had yet to discover. She considered herself to be fairly amazing for putting up with her bonded daily. "Busy," Erisi commented, mostly to keep from listening to the dragon in his ear. "Charath's fault, really."

Shells, he probably shouldn't talk about Charath. His friend didn't have a dragon, and Erisi was not in the mood to accidentally rub that fact in Talian's face. He wanted Talian to feel like they could be friends without uh, having a fat green dragon in between th --

I am not fat. Look at Krypth, she's fat. Even after laying all those eggs she's bigger than two other Golds put together.

"There aren't any two other golds," he commented verbally. Charath picked up on his mental words far quicker than he could verbally get them out, but it was a habit.

Because Krypth ate one of them. That is why she is so massive!

"I hardly had time for myself, or fun.

Definitely no fun." His voice was full of remorse. Erisi's life sucked.

"Been busy with... Healer stuff?"

Talian peeled himself away from his friend, delicately but reluctantly. "Sorry," the healer replied sheepishly, his face heating up with embarrassment as he realized just how over the top his greeting had been. Talian let out one of his characteristic nervous laughs before retrieving his mug. He settled back into his normal quiet, unassuming ways without much protest.

Tal was silently pleased to be free of his crush. He'd always been physically affectionate towards those he cared for, but that would be a real problem if he found himself getting too attached to his friend. Tal's attitude towards physical contact had also been uncertain since the 'incident'. While he'd always been touchy with people he trusted, he now found himself caring less and less about unwanted contact. It seemed inevitable and, ultimately, not nearly so bad when some other things were so much worse.

He frowned a little bit, then returned his attention to Erisi.

"I figured as much," he said understandingly. "I know you've had a lot to deal with, growing dragonet and all." The usual malice wasn't present in his voice. He still hated dragons, but not with the extreme intensity that he once had.  Shards, even when he wished them all dead, he valued his friendship with Erisi enough to art least try to be friendly with his green.

There certainly wasn't any envy, though. It was stoic acceptance at best. His friend was a dragonrider now, and while Tal sometimes felt abandoned by both Eri and Val in the past months, at least they had a valid excuse.

There had been a time when Talian felt like he needed Eri to survive. At the time, he did. But after their little speed bump following Tal's suicide attempt and his abandonment during Eri's weyrlinghood, Tal felt that the bond had been somewhat severed. He still loved the man to death, but he didn't feel like he needed him anymore.

Was is the long isolation talking, or was this yet another result of 'the incident'? At least Tal wasn't being cold. That had been a problem too, as of late.

Shards. He really was glad to see Eri.

"It's been sort of quiet, actually," he murmured, sliding into conversation with only a brief, contemplative pause. "I'm bored most of the time." Even when he did get cases, they were all too easy lately.

He is soooo understanding. Too understanding, I think I am sick from understanding. Charath drawled, picking easily up on Erisi's thoughts. Her bonded, however, was a little more confused with Talian's disposition. There had been a more obvious distaste for dragons before, and now that it was toned down, Erisi had no idea whether to be proud or concerned for his friend. He'd hate to think that Talian was giving in to this lifestyle. Erisi had little choice, but Talian could still be his own person, could still influence his own life.

Erisi didn't have that. He had Charath, and it was clear that she completely dictated his life. It could be considered a sort of oppression if he didn't love her so much. He missed his freedom, but he wouldn't take it back if that meant getting rid of Charath. He still hated Katila - she didn't stop him from feeling that way, she just made him put up with the place. Impressing her really put him in a completely different place than Talian. It was enough to cause a rift in their friendship, even though their feelings about Katila were mutual.

The Weyrling leaned over towards Talian, plucking another sweet roll of his friend's plate. He had been diverted from grabbing his own food at the sight of Talian, so the Healer would have to put up with more Erisi than most people could handle. "You do know that you're welcome to come visit me after lessons and such, right?"

No. You will get up to mischief, and I will get embarrassed.

"Charath says you're more than welcome to." His smile was so sweet that it probably made infants cry.

You are such a wherry's ass.

"I need the distraction from Charath and Valerian is tied up..." With everyone in the sharding Weyr. Valerian was going to make a better name for himself than Erisi. He was going to be dethroned by the man he introduced this lifestyle to.

I knew that Valerian was better than you in everything! I just had not thought to include that in everything, but it makes sense!

How exactly did Talian explain that he'd done the exact thing he'd promised not to do by letting Charath scare him away? He laughed weakly and brushed a bit of his hair from his face. He really had let it grow out too long. He wasn't sure who he trusted to cut it, though. It wasn't harming anything, so for the time being he saw no reason not to keep it.

He sighed and frowned. "I guess it's just a big adjustment to make," he confessed. He hated to think of himself as some sort of burden on his friend, but right now that seemed like a foolish concern. Erisi was obviously bored at the very least, perhaps lonely as well. It didn't help that the very fact that Eri was a dragonrider made Talian uncomfortable. How long could Eri hold out before he became one of them?

For now, he maintained his faith in his friend. It was just all so sad and unfortunate. He felt like they'd been ripped apart by circumstances, but he couldn;t deny that his own fears and prejudices played a part as well.

"I'm sorry," he said thoughtfully. Had he zoned out while thinking all this over? A little bit, perhaps. He shifted his gaze to Eri and smiled. "I'll try to stop by more often. I don't really have a good excuse," he admitted. He sounded good-nartured enough, though his enthusiasm was muted by all his pondering.

He narrowed his eyes and, in a brief flash of playfulness, thumped Eri's hand away. "Would you like to get your own food, instead of continuing to steal mine?" he teased softly.

There was a sort of awkward length between each comment made by them, as if both were hesitating to find the right words to say. Their friendship had certainly been a lot smoother than this, and it was clear that being apart for so long had taken its toll. Erisi was trying to figure out how to work around Talian's more quiet demeanor to rekindle their friendship. He was making a lot more effort than he usually would - if something like this had passed between him and another person, he likely would not take any effort in rebuilding the bonds of friendship. The Harper was the type of person who would simply move on to greener pastures. But, Talian was a kindred spirit, and he wasn't quite ready to give up on him just yet.

"You should be sorry," Erisi answered playfully. Of course, he didn't seem to take any blame for how they had ended up on his own shoulders. He already was burdened by Charath, it was difficult enough to get time to himself. She always had something or another to say right when he wanted her to say nothing at all. But, deep down he knew he should have made an effort. Valerian probably made more of an effort than he did, but Erisi just wasn't the type of person to chase relationships down. Friends flitted in and out of his life much like lovers did. The only constant in his life had been himself, and now it was also Charath... and he really didn't mind that.

Now, that was a little more like Talian. Erisi snorted as the Healer batted his hand away, and then proceeded to defy Talian anyways. He snatched the man's spoon, scooping up a bit of vegetables. "Somehow, I think I'll just have your plate and you can go get your own food."

You're a kid.

'You're a wher.'

Erisi's humorous jabs were slowly winning Talian over. As anxious as their desperation was, being around the weyrling again reminded Talian of one of the major reasons he'd liked him so much to begin with: not many people could coax such a simple laugh from him. He chuckled lightly, his demeanor still timid and slight, and pulled his plate towards himself protectively.

"I'm going to have to decline," he said, the faintest hint of amusement creeping into his voice. His thin lips turned upward in a passing smile. He reached out and promptly snapped his spoon back. "I'll be taking that. If you'll look to your left, there is quite a lot of food laid out that you're more than welcome to." The dryness in his tone was a form of humor in it's own right.

The healer picked at his food a bit more. He'd been eating better in the past few months, well enough that his weight was no longer a concern. He'd dropped so much so fast that in hindsight, he really wondered if his unstable mind had been trying to starve his unhappy body. His appetite had taken another hit after the incident, but he was trying the best he could not to fall into another cycle of self-destruction.

After all this, killing himself really would be giving up. He was determined to outlast the dragonriders now.

The healer straightened himself in his seat, oddly and quietly dignified, and continued with his meal. He watched out of the corner of his eye to see if Eri would actually take him up on his offer or if he'd try to steal more food. "I wouldn't try it, by the way," Talian teased delicately. "...I think you've taken everything you'd actually want, anyhow!"

That was what he wanted to hear! Talian seemed to be letting go of some of his reservations, and Erisi's attempt to smooth over the gap in their relationship was starting to work. The Greenrider was capable of being perfectly charming when he wanted to be, it just so happened that he did not like being charming often. Most people didn't get to see him that way long enough to actually believe it, but he was making an earnest effort for Talian. "I'm not that hungry, I don't need to get myself a plate when you've gotten one for me," he answered pointedly.

You are behaving so oddly. Charath's voice cut through his mind, making a subtle dig on how she did not exactly favor Talian. The Green didn't hate the Healer, but she hadn't taken to him as she had some others. And she certainly did not take to anyone like she had with Valerian. Charath tolerated Talian because Erisi liked him, and for no little more reason than that. The Healer wasn't bad, but Charath hadn't necessarily been charmed during their first encounter. Like Erisi, the first encounter usually dictated her feelings towards an individual. Now that she was getting older, those feelings were becoming more set in stone. She hadn't liked many people Erisi started talking to lately.

Erisi considered it cute, because it was likely the most affection she had ever shown him. 'You're jealous!' he teased, a smile appearing and disappearing upon his face within a fraction of a second.

"Mhhmm," Erisi responding, pretending to entertain Talian even though his mind had been made up well before Talian's offer. "I do usually get what I want," he mused, thinking well outside of this moment. Erisi was used to things playing out the way he had them planned, and he did usually get what he wanted. So, with that thought his arm reached over Talians to pick up a small piece of sliced meat. "There are still a few things that I want."

Talian had tried to like Charath. He really had. He wondered if she knew or cared just how hard it was for him to make any offering of peace to any dragon at the time. He didn't care if she disliked him now, though. He'd wanted her to like him so he wouldn't wind up like Nemall. Now, it was obvious enough that Charath was going to tolerate him. That wasn't ideal, but it was good enough.

Maybe one day. Probably not, but maybe!

There are still a few things I want

Tal paused. In past months, perhaps he'd have responded with a cheeky 'well of course there are!', in reference to himself. He couldn't bring himself to do that now, but he did chuckle a little bit. He smiled at Eri and pushed his plate in between them. "I'll be nice and share, then. I guess I did take an oath to first do no harm. It wouldn't do for me to starve you to death, poor thing," the healer said cheekily. His voice remained soft, but it grew steadily more spirited. It was good to be with his friend again, one of the few people who always made him smile and forget his problems. It was also good to have the burden of the unwanted crush gone.

Erisi was better as a friend with benefits. Tal wasn;t sure if he wanted those benefits anymore, though. He'd been a confused, desperate, lonely, physically starved headcase at the time. On some level, he knew Eri had taken advantage of his naivety. It had been good for the young man, in a way. He'd gone outside of his comfort zone and explored. He'd trusted someone in a new way. He wasn't sure if things could go back to the way they were now, though.

Could they? Or did they even have to? Sometimes friendships could change without being destroyed. Who knew where the future would take them.

"How long till you graduate, Eri?"

"Charath eats constantly, so I always feel like I'm full even when I'm not." He should know better than to discuss Charath with Talian, but she seemed to always find a way back into his thoughts and into conversation. She was a part of him now, whether he had wanted her to begin with or not. Shells, Erisi was one of the last Candidates people actually expected to Impress. He was sure the Weyr had been filled with a mixture of joy for when Charath matured and horror that he had actually Impressed. Maybe some of them had been genuinely glad, because it meant Erisi's temper had to be reigned in. It was impossible for him to get into trouble when Charath insisted that he not embarrass her.

Now that he had actually won Talian's food, he seemed to lose interest in it. He picked at it every now and then, but his attention was focused solely on the Master Healer. "Probably a while yet, I haven't really been keeping track of the time passing. Charath pays more attention to the lessons than I do." He had developed the wonderful ability to coast through his lessons. He did well enough, besides being late on a few occasions. When his mind began to slip away during lessons, Charath would always bring him back to the task at hand. She wanted to do well. It was just her misfortune that she picked Erisi as her rider.

Sometimes it was hard to determine why Erisi invested in keeping Talian as a friend. He didn't really have friends, and he was known for using the ones he had. Shells, he had used Talian before, had coerced the Healer into doing what he wanted. He had never forced Talian, but he had given him a large nudge in the direction that Erisi wanted him to go. There was still some of that desire now, but that had been greatly overshadowed by Charath's presence. Right now, he seemed to only be after Talian's friendship. Taking that further would require Charath's permission, which was hard to gain right now.

Erisi was convinced the only person she genuinely liked was Valerian. She did not seem to like him all that much if she kept him practically chaste.

"Have you made any new friends? Of other types too?" he teased sweetly.

New friends?

Had Talian found any new friends?

"Not really," he said as he continued to pick at his food. In all honesty, he'd lost most of his interest in it as well. He finished off a few more vegetables before turning away from the plate for good. "I don't know. B'jin has started calling me 'son'. I know you don't like him, but I dunno. He's a better dad than my real dad was, and I know he feels bad for sticking me in this situation."

Tal's brows furrowed.  He still wondered why B'jin ever consented to search, especially knowing what he knew now. He would ask one day, but now wasn't the time to think about it too much.

Would it be okay to mention the news he'd gotten from the north? Or would it be cruel to mention the privilege he'd received? Not every stolen got to check in on their family. Then again, Erisi wasn't likely to care that Tal had a daughter. He would probably just say that Tal was lucky for dodging that bullet. The healer chose not to comment, and instead just thought back to his interactions over the past few months.

"Hmmm...nope. Just you and Valerian," he said. Valerian. That was another one that would have made Tal blush a while back. By now Erisi had probably heard about the pair's awkward flight meeting two months before, too. Tal didn't even react as he thought about it. "Did you hear? Val and I slept together." He spoke with an unbearable indifference that would have made Val proud.

It was hard for Erisi to hide his distaste for a person, and it looked like he didn't even try when Talian mentioned B'jin. Erisi did not care for their relationship, it was twisted how B'jin had somehow gotten Talian to warm up to him after he stole him away from the North. As far as he saw it, B'jin had no right to associate with Talian. The man did not deserve to. "That's weird," he noted, not even bothering to hide his feelings about B'jin. It would probably rub Talian the wrong way, but Erisi had done that to his friend countless times before. For some reason Talian just kept sticking around him. "He has his own kids, and you're old enough that you don't need a brand spankin' new parent."

Talian was likely correct to withhold information about the North from Erisi. The Weyrling was prone to jealousy, and would have been just as upset as he was happy for his friend - upset because he wanted desperately to have some connection again to the North. There were some things that could shake up a friendship, and with Erisi there were a lot more things than some. What Talian kept from him was likely one of those things.

"I heard," Erisi said with such a stern voice that it was clear that he was likely jealous of Talian and Valerian rendezvousing together. Oh yeah, definitely jealous. Talian was free to sleep with whomever he wanted, but Charath warmed up to so few that she was generally uncomfortable with Erisi getting hot and heavy with other people. It left him frustrated, and to make things worse, Charath would probably approve of Valerian if Erisi made a move on him. He had just been busy... and now Talian had beaten him to the punch. It made him just a little grumpy.

"You don't seem all that excited about it, though," he pointed out, trying to conquer his small bout of jealousy... and failing.

Tal didn't think of sleeping with Valerian as much of an accomplishment, and it showed in the way he withered and shied away from comment. It wasn't that Tal really regretted the situation or that Valerian hadn't satisfied him. It was more an association thing. It happened because of J'ver and the act itself meant little if anything at all to Talian. There was a time when it would have meant a lot, when it would have been overwhelming and shocking. Tal frowned as he remembered his own confused feelings at the time, the look on Val's face as he put it together...

The healer sighed, then shook his head. "It's nt that. It was good. I guess I just don't have the spark for that kind of stuff like I used to," he admitted. It was easy to admit things to Eri. Ttal wasn't ready to talk about what had happened with anyone other than B'jin yet, though. Shards, he even wondered how Eri had heard the news. Val had seemed so ashamed, surely he hadn;'t talked about it? Not that Tal really minded if he had. It was just sex.

Just sex. That was an odd way of thinking about it.

"I remember flirting with Val pretty hard a while back," Talian confessed with a small laugh. "I...Well, if that was gonna happen, I sure can't complain about who it was. A green was flying, you see. Shards..." He trailed off, wringing his hands. "I was pretty surprised to bump into him.  It just kind of happened, I guess."

He smiled a little, betraying a hint of fondness. Okay, so many it was an accomplishment. He just wished it had happened before, under the stars on that beautiful night they went stargazing together. Not in a random room during J'ver's flight. Not after what had happened.

"...He's a good friend, though. And worth it. I..I guess I'd go again if I had the chance." He laughed nervously, but he did not blush.

Talian's response to having sex with Valerian was... unexpected. He remembered his first intimate encounters with the Healer, and Talian had certainly been more flustered back then. Right now he seemed almost fairly relaxed about the whole ordeal. He had sex with a friend, and he was starting to act like Erisi would. It was bothersome, not that Talian got action, but that he was responding to it oddly. "You haven't even been into that kind of stuff for very long," Erisi noted. He wasn't really pressing his friend, but it was obvious that he felt as though he was missing a piece to the puzzle. Really, while Erisi loved himself a lot, he did not want Talian becoming like him.

He'd imagine he'd hate him if he did.

That would be like hating yourself, and I do that enough for you. Charath butted in, trying as well to piece together her bonded's slightly confused thought process. Very quickly she gave up on it, deigning it not worth her time.

"I'm not surprised it happened. It was probably inevitable, considering my influence on you." Did he necessarily feel guilty for pushing Talian so far? Nope. He wasn't the type of person to regret something like that. Talian likely knew that he wasn't that nice. Maintaining a friendship with him could be considered difficult. Erisi was flighty, emotional, and when he was emotional he usually resorted to anger to cover it up. He had a tendency to make fights where none were needed, find insults when none were given.

Erisi never could figure out why Talian still hung around him.

"I'm glad. I'd do him again," he answered in a slightly gossip tone. "So I don't blame you for wanting to. Valerian's nice, and well,  I'd say go for it." Erisi was not the best person to listen to, though. Even though he felt something was up with Talian, he was encouraging him to do the same thing Erisi thought was the source of some of Talian's small changes.

"I don't necessarily want to," Talian clarified carefully, and possibly confusingly. He had extremely mixed feelings about the encounter, but he was doing his best to keep them under wraps for now.

He frowned just a little bit. He probably should have been angrier about the whole thing than he actually was. He probably should feel violated or nervous about the incident. He didn't, though. He didn't really feel anything about it at all. He hadn't at the time and he hadn't really after, aside from some mild confusion about his own emotions, but it was all long worked out with Valerian since then.

Talian smiled a little bit, sincere enough in his effort to soothe any worries his friend may have. "It was good, though." And it had been. For what it was worth, when he stopped squirming he rather enjoyed it. Maybe that's why he didn't cry rape or try to guilt his friend over the matter. In the end, it hadn't turned out so badly. Maybe Talian had carried a little bit of the flight in his own blood as well.

Maybe he just didn't care anymore after J'ver.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, comfortable and oddly relaxed considering the topic at hand, though his face was so neutral that it may have come across as unusual. The healer just shrugged it all off.

"I do miss when the three of us used to spend time together," he mused, as if that were a natural change of topic.

"You don't want to, but you did." Erisi gave him a flat look, as if unimpressed by how wishy washy Talian was being over his feelings. The Healer had plenty of time to come to terms with what he wanted with physical companionship. He wouldn't have slept with Valerian to begin with if he hadn't wanted it. So, why couldn't he just express some conviction in his decision? Erisi couldn't tell if Talian liked being sexually active, or hated it. The Harper supposed that he really should feel some guilt over how Talian was turning out. He had no reason to suspect that there had been other influences. It wasn't like Erisi to think that anyone could be more the problem than he was in this particular area of interest.

"I'm not sure 'good' is quite the word you should use to describe it," Erisi continued, feeling a mixture of concern and impatience. He really did feel like he was missing something here, but not so much that he felt inclined to figure it out. It was just irritating him. Perhaps if he were a better human being, he would have made some inquiry. As it stood, he just continued a casual conversation with a friend who had been a casual bed warmer before Erisi Impressed.

"Me too, but now if we all hung out together, there'd be five of us instead of three. I'd still be the most attractive, though, so I guess it'll be acceptable." If no one was going to compliment Erisi, Erisi was sharding well just going to compliment himself. Some people got egos from the praise people gave them - Erisi got an ego from the praise he gave himself. Other people's praise was just the icing on top of a sweet roll. "But, you know, a get-together with just us three would be fun."

Maybe that tone was a little too suggestive.

Of course Erisi noted Talian's awkward state with their conversation, but clearly that wasn't going to stop him from continuing it in terrible ways.

Tal suddenly realized he wasn't making much sense. He paused and thought it over for a moment, his own emotions muddled and confused beneath his glassy surface. He certainly didn't mean to be sending Eri mixed signals yet again, and here we has anyhow!

He wanted to tell Eri. He wanted to tell him what had happened before his encounter with Val so things would make sense. But he couldn't imagine that Eri would care. Eri was, Talian realized, ultimately very selfish. Talian was thankful for the caring and good will he'd managed to extract from the weyrling greenrider, but he imagined it had it's limits. So no. His secret would stay with him. Eri had probably noticed the awkward indecision that Talian still felt over the whole thing, but undoubtedly would chalk it up to Tal's usual sheltered ways.

That was for the best.

Tal just laughed a little at the last comment, finally blushing just a little bit. He'd never considered something like that before. As much as Tal enjoyed his time with both of his friends, that just seemed...terrifying.  "I think  I'll pass on that, Eri," he said, shoving his problem aside for the time being.  Even though it lurked just below the surface, Eri was doing a good job keeping him distracted and smiling, even if his suggestions were mildly terrifying. Tal wasn't necessarily bothered by thoughts of the act itself (and that in and of itself was a problem), but he couldn't imagine how awkward it would be socially.

Poor Val.

Talian looked back at his empty plate and frowned. "I should probably go back to work," he said reluctantly. He looked at Eri almost pathetically. "I really am glad to see you, though. I missed you." t was sweet and sincere, but lacked it's classic sappiness. He didn't want to come across like he was flirting. Being over the crush helped.

"You're no fun," Erisi teased, and then let a withering sigh slip out between his lips. He slumped against the table, feigning a boredom he never really felt when he was hanging around with Talian.  "It would have made such a great comeback for me, you know. But, no one ever thinks about me anymore, anyways." The Green Weyrling had melodrama mastered, but of course he was overdoing it just to make sure that Talian realized he was kidding around. Knowing the Healer, Talian would have taken him far more seriously than Erisi intended. Erisi wouldn't press Talian too hard, but he'd be a liar if he said he was completely deterred from the idea.

Still, he had to wonder if he had made Talian too uncomfortable. The Healer was dismissing himself, and Erisi was sure that he had to have crossed a line at some point during their conversation. It was probably at the suggestion of a threesome. Ugh. No wonder he never kept friends - he seemed to be fairly good at chasing them all of. He offered Talian a small smile, his hand rising to push the hair back from his face so he could see the Healer properly. He didn't seem distressed, but one could never tell how Talian was feeling at a certain time.

After all, Erisi was sure that Talian was all right the day before he tried to kill himself.

"Mmm, yeah, you go have fun with that. I'll see you later." It wasn't nearly as sentimental as a good bye as Talian had presented... but Erisi was never very emotional.