04.Jan.20, 04:40 PM
Fuck this Touching and fuck every single one that came before it and would come after it. He knew it was a stupid idea to come and he’d been proven right. He didn’t need some unborn dragonet analysing him and finding every single so-called flaw and imperfect moment in his life. So what if his childhood wasn’t perfect? Who actually had a good one? The kids from Katila grew up in a fucking jungle and some didn’t even know who their parents were! Okay, so he didn’t know who his dad was either but what the fuck ever.
Fine, Kordiavis admitted to himself and only to himself since he had essentially stomped away from the clutch, it was true. He kept people at a distance, so what? It was better that way. His own mother couldn’t stand him most of the time so why risk some random person trying to wriggle into his life? Mylorah was damn good at wriggling—in more ways than one—and Sh’ran had been surprisingly easy to be around but he still didn’t share every single deep dark secret with them. Being alone was better, safer.
Maybe he was lonely once upon a time as a naïve kid that believed things would get better. He had Aldra with him most of the time when he wasn’t whisked away to do Heir-related things and sometimes he had Tazikel to get into trouble with, but then he was alone again when the charismatic blonde left on his ship once more. Knowing you were always alone made it easier to say good-bye when it had to happen. Not expecting much out of someone or something made it hurt less when you were proven right. He learned both lessons from that bitch who played him so perfectly. Don’t let anyone in and don’t expect them to be decent people that don’t want anything in return.
Maybe a dragon would fix that. Maybe he could finally let someone in. But the more Kordiavis thought about it, the more he distinctly disliked the idea of a dragon living in his head. How fucked up was he that he couldn’t even stomach the idea of letting his hypothetical dragon get close? Maybe after this Hatching he’d only attend them as a guest, but even that held the risk of Impression.
As he moved toward the stands, the Weyrlingmaster stopped him, questioning why he was wrapping after already, clearly worried that a Thallyath-level incident had happened. “I did my part in your inane ritual of touching at least one egg and feel my obligation has been met and my services are no longer required until the Hatching.” And with that, Kordiavis walked away and plunked his ass down on a bench several rows up… and away from everyone.
Fine, Kordiavis admitted to himself and only to himself since he had essentially stomped away from the clutch, it was true. He kept people at a distance, so what? It was better that way. His own mother couldn’t stand him most of the time so why risk some random person trying to wriggle into his life? Mylorah was damn good at wriggling—in more ways than one—and Sh’ran had been surprisingly easy to be around but he still didn’t share every single deep dark secret with them. Being alone was better, safer.
Maybe he was lonely once upon a time as a naïve kid that believed things would get better. He had Aldra with him most of the time when he wasn’t whisked away to do Heir-related things and sometimes he had Tazikel to get into trouble with, but then he was alone again when the charismatic blonde left on his ship once more. Knowing you were always alone made it easier to say good-bye when it had to happen. Not expecting much out of someone or something made it hurt less when you were proven right. He learned both lessons from that bitch who played him so perfectly. Don’t let anyone in and don’t expect them to be decent people that don’t want anything in return.
Maybe a dragon would fix that. Maybe he could finally let someone in. But the more Kordiavis thought about it, the more he distinctly disliked the idea of a dragon living in his head. How fucked up was he that he couldn’t even stomach the idea of letting his hypothetical dragon get close? Maybe after this Hatching he’d only attend them as a guest, but even that held the risk of Impression.
As he moved toward the stands, the Weyrlingmaster stopped him, questioning why he was wrapping after already, clearly worried that a Thallyath-level incident had happened. “I did my part in your inane ritual of touching at least one egg and feel my obligation has been met and my services are no longer required until the Hatching.” And with that, Kordiavis walked away and plunked his ass down on a bench several rows up… and away from everyone.