Loose Ends [B'jin] [M]

Talian made sure he cleaned the table well before taking a seat. It was quiet and still. Rather than return to his candidate quarters and risk discovery by his cavorting classmates, he decided to go somewhere that most closely resembled home; the healing hall. It was dark and silent there. He’d situated himself in his office, kept company only by a single glowbasket and a mug of hot klah hastily brewed in the kitchens.

His emotions had sent him wandering that night. Now, it was over. What a fitting final stop, surrounded by medical pamphlets and surgical tools!

He blew delicately on the klah, waiting for it to cool off just the slightest bit before taking his first sip. It tasted wonderful. Ah, how easy this would be. It was so easy that he could hardly believe that the first and most difficult step was already done, and done practically out of habit alone! He marveled at himself for a moment before turning his chair around to look out the window, the back of his chair leaned against his desk.

The stars were bright.  He let out a long sigh, allowing his muscles to relax and his legs to stretch out as he took another sip. There was no reason to hurry. He found his overactive mind oddly quelled. The treasonous part of his mind was satisfied, thrilled to see Talian finally dancing with the eyes in the dark. There was no turning back now.

Talian was a healer, though. He knew it wouldn’t come easy. Only foolish romantics thought this was an artistic or pleasant process.  He resolved to enjoy this little stretch of peace before the symptoms showed themselves. That would be the real test, and in spite of himself, he looked forward to it.

---

I'll be putting up an OPEN one with him as an aftermath thread. Oh boy!

It had taken her far too long to wake her rider; they had had the children over once more, which was not unusual. Larrikith had demanded a bath that afternoon, and been tended to by both rider and offspring. As a result, B'jin had been completely worn out by child and dragon alike when he finally toppled into his bed (only to be further assaulted by two tiny bodies claiming ridiculous amounts of space before he'd given up and collapsed on one of the bunks). Larrikith had had to fight the pure black depths of dreamless sleep to wake him up when Talian was sensed on the edges of her own sleepy mind. She had found it odd that the boy would visit so late, but had yet to see B'jin turn him away (even when he'd been remembering, and so she had set about waking him... and the boy had left!

Retracting her mind from B'jin's so she could focus on Talian more easily, Larrikith did what she had promised not to do - and brushed against the edges of the young healer's mind. The boy didn't know about it, for some reason B'jin wouldn't explain, but his stern disapproval of her invading the young man's mind had been seriously followed and obeyed since the morning of his remembering that Talian had helped him through. Larrikith would respect B'jin's wishes when the person his wishes were for did so good to him. The fact that Talian disliked her simply amused her, more than hurt her. She didn't care if the snotty nosed little brat didn't like her; he had nothing on that creep B'jin had bunked with for most of her life, and that alone was reason enough to tease the boy despite his disgust with her existence.

However, when Larrikith touched on the mind of the child, what she felt whispering over the edges was far from what she had expected to find. His mind was a mess of turbulent winds; the kind that you either fly well, or which break your wings and leave you to make an endless trip between. Larrikith felt her ichor chill within her very bones, and abandoning the young man's mind, she stood up swiftly and used her nose to carefully nudge the glass door open that separated herself from her rider's bedroom. B'jin! Wake! Urgency was thick in her tone, but still she had her work cut out for her as she roused B'jin to wakefulness, ignoring his grumbles about the late hour and why was she in the house?! She'd wake the children! Shutting up a harshly woken B'jin could take a long time, so Larrikith had decided to simply flood him with the emotions she had felt lingering around Talian. She hadn't expected B'jin to rock back on his heels before throwing himself at her as the emotions sunk in, arms tight around her nose. "Larri!" he gasped, clinging to her. "Why?"

Not I, Larrikith responded, oddly subdued by B'jin's response. Your healer brat! "What?" Shocked, and frightened, B'jin stared up at Larrikith's face with wide brown eyes. Barely a moment passed. "Where is he?" He came, then left! Larrikith's tone was chipped, picking up on the confusion and worry coming off of B'jin, and the lingering emotions Talian had been feeling. "Get someone here for the kids," he began, confused but not willing to leave the house until someone was there to watch the children; he could hardly leave them alone in the middle of the night! Amorandii's mother is on the way, she brings her blue. B'jin heaved a sigh of relief as he paced around the living area anxiously, listening intently for the sound of a blue landing outsdie - there it was! Rushing to the door, B'jin threw it open, even as the woman on the other side stood there, holding something up with a puzzled expression.

"Why do you have master's knots hanging off your door?" The question was barely passed the poor woman's lips before B'jin had snatched the item from her loose fingers, staring at it wide eyed.
"The children are in my bed. Breakfast is on the bench. Make yourself at home." Not even breathing between the words, the greenrider shoved his blue counterpart into his house and slammed the door shut before she could object, failing to see her wide-eyed shock at being so blindly shoved into somewhere she had never been allowed to even glimpse. B'jin was already off and running, the knots held tightly in his hands while his heart beat thunderously in his chest. Larri! Find him!

The green dragon, still in his house, had wiggled backwards in order to get into her own hut, before trotting outside, trying valiantly to update the blue as to what was going on, before she threw herself bodily into the air, for once beyond proud of her small size as she zoomed between the houses, her mind flung far as she sought to find the same tangled web of emotions that the young man had been giving off before he left her home. It didn't take ehr long to find it, as she arrowed in on the main portion of Katila, where the non-rider's were housed. She had expected him to be in the Barracks like the others, but the tangled string lead her to the Healer Hall.

Her eye appeared out of the depths of the darkness, the petite shape of her head filling the entire window as she stared in at the healer, sipping away at his hot drink in an office dimly lit, like it was something he did every night after making stray visits. Like he wasn't intent on hurting her loved one with every breath he took. Her eye, usually a calm colour spotlit by irony, sarcasm or biting wit, was instead whirling fast and furiously silvery-white, displaying her deep and fearful distress. This child, this boy, the one she had chosen, was going to hurt her B'jin, and there was nothing she could do about it. Larrikith's stress level was higher than mercury in a volcano, and the guilt was pummeling her small body.

Healers Hall! She sent to B'jin, before winking between from right there on the ground, vanishing from the window's view like a flashing mirage. She was wise enough to appear several lengths above the building's of Katila, and not at all far from B'jin. Dropping like a rock, she swooped over the huffing man and picked him up in her claws before winking between once more, to reappear above the Hall. Landing hazardously upon the ground, Larrikith released B'jin, who shoved his way through the healer doors, and through the Hall itself. Larrikith, her head once more at the window, peered in at Talian as B'jin finally found his office.

Despite his first reaction to throw the doors open, B'jin paused, and gulped down three huge breaths in an attempt to calm both himself and his pounding heart. His accomplishment of such a task was debatable as he carefully opened the door and slipped through the gap, closing it with a quiet click behind himself. He didn't move into the room; instead, his eyes sought out the figure of Talian, and he held up the hand holding the knots, letting them dangle, oblivious to the way his hair was tousled from sleep, his face shone with sweat turned icy from between, the pounding of his heart or the way his breath was still haggard as he gasped out a basic explanation;

"Larri woke me. She thinks you're going to hurt me."

Talian's normally sharp mind was becoming somwhat hazy. He wondered with academic curiosity if it was from his drink or simple fatigue. He looked down at the klah, swirling his cup a moment before he noticed the impact of footsteps in the hallway behind him. His lip curled in a distasteful sneer. Who would be up at this hour? There were no serious cases in the infirmary right now, no one who needed around-the-clock bedside assistance. Wasn't this hallway out of the way for late night wanderers?

He spun around in his chair as a figure shadowed the door. Tal thought he recognized the posture silhouetted in the dark, only just out of range for the glows, but he didn't know for sure until he heard B'jin's voice.

Talian's heart sank. B'jin wasn't supposed to be here! Reflexively, he took a long sip of his drink. He became aware of a presence behind him and turned to see Larrikith's prying eyes looking in from the window, obscuring his view of the stars.

No peace, then.

He couldn't bring himself to scowl. It figured that someone would come along and ruin things for him one more time, and his surface thoughts reflected as much. Of course, they also reflected a subtle fleck of relief - part of him was glad to see B'jin one last time, but he already dreaded the circumstances.

Emotions riled and confused, the healer collapsed in his chair and sighed. "I'm not going to hurt you, B'jin..." he said, having taken the statement all too literally. He frowned a moment later when he thought of the other implications.

Shards. Nervous, he took another drink.

"Are you okay?"

Larrikith didn't care about respect or promises, as she watched Talian with an intent that was rarely a part of her personality around the young healer. She was suspicious, she was worried and she was tempting anger as he seemed to just take it all in. He was feeling emotions that had caused her B'jin to crumple in their hut. He was up to something! He was going to cause B'jin harm, somehow - she did not know how, and B'jin's own emotions were equally confused - and she was furious at her inability to fortell what was going to happen. Wasn't she an intelligent dragon? Wasn't she B'jin's amazing Larrikith?! Her lips pulled back in a silent snarl of frustration as she brushed lightly over Talian's mind.

Liar! she hissed furiously to both humans, just after the boy spoke, picking up on his tangled emotions that had followed the statement. Her eyes were flashing with pin pricks of anger through her terror. By the door, B'jin was starting to shake as he became overwhelmed by Larrikith's emotions, his own confusion tipping the scales so he toppled into fear without any knowledge about what it was he was fearful of. All he knew for sure was that Larrikith was terrified for him, didn't understand why, but that Talian was the cause of it. B'jin's teeth were chattering as he lowered the arm holding Talian's knots to wrap them around himself. The young man's words were almost lost on B'jin, as he tried and failed to sooth Larrikith, the link between them running thick with shared emotions that instead of calming either of them, simply fed their fears and heightened the horror they didn't understand.

"N-no," he answered honestly, the word stuttered as he attempted to do too much at once; calm his breathing, calm his dragon, figure out what was going on, and control his own emotions, flooding through him like a tsunami; a never ending wave of confusion and unrest. Hugging himself, B'jin's wide, wild eyes settled on Talian though he refused to move from the door, as if by putting the distance of the room between himself and Talian he could better control whatever was going to happen. Or, perhaps, the better to flee when it became too much.

"You're t-terrifying my d-dragon," he said softly, stuttering heavily on the most important words in that small sentence. His eyes were wide, wild and flashing in the dim light of the glows. He didn't feel it necessary to explain the fact that Larrikith's emotions were affecting him strongly, as he stood there shaking from head to foot in the wake of his dragon's emotions he felt that was fairly obvious. What he didn't understand, was;

"Why?"

It took a long time for Talian to respond at all. He hated to see B'jin unsettled, of course, but there were other competing emotions in him as well, powerful and negative ones. Larrikith had bespoken him. In a rush of sudden disdain, he lifted his cup and took his first long drink. Hastening the process would silence her voice to him forever. He would never have to feel that acidic presence dragging through his mind again.

Ah, there was the flavor. It was sickly sweet going down and finished on a dry, bitter note. If it were a seasoning, he'd have added more cinnamon to cover it up. How odd, that his mind drifted about like this in such a dire situation. No Talian thought bitterly, it's subliminal. My mind doesn't want to confront the situation at hand, so it's wandering he reminded himself. His heart and breathing sped up, and he denounced himself for cowardice.

He closed his eyes for a long second, collecting himself as best he could. His hands were oddly steady and his mind relatively at ease, though B'jin's unexpected appearance was a functional disaster. It was a tragedy, too. Now B'jin would have to see. Tal had hoped to avoid a cruel parting memory, but with B'jin so distressed and so little time...

Shards. Talian wanted to be enraged, to give in to seflishness and resent B'jin for taking his last moments from him. In the back of his mind, though he knew there was no one else he'd rather spend them with. Just not like this.

He curled his hands around the mug and squeezed until his knuckles were white. "B'jin..." he said with dismay, rising to his feet and taking a couple hesitant steps in the man's direction. "You have to understand...I...can't do this anymore," he said, eyes widening with sudden, poignant pain.

"I don't blame you," he added hastily, voice shaking just a bit. He took a cautious sip. He knew he needed to continue the process, but he hadn't the gall to do it right in B'jin's face. B'jin, the first person to even value him for what he was, aside from his wonderful girlfriend of course. B'jin deserved better. "But you do realize what this place is to me, right?"

He took a long drink. His cup was about half empty now. "This is a prison. B'jin...My life was finally my own," he said, closing his eyes for a few moments in an effort to calm himself. "I had an office, a home, a fiance..maybe even a child on the way," he said, his tone sinking dismally low and polished with unusual detachment. He was so numb, he didn't even sound like he was talking about his own life.

"I haven't had an ounce of control over my own life since the day I was born, B'jin," he said.  "I went to school when I was six. My father chose everything from my classes to my craft itself. I had no friends, I...I had to sneak out just to see Fiora." Now his voice started to wobble, his composure crumbling. The wounds reopened and blood began to seep. "You think I'm a recluse now? That I have problems? You should have seen me when I started to journey..."

He wiped his eyes.

"I had finally broken free from it, though. I got better with people.  I got my promotion. The Masters' Committee finally acknowledged my hard work. I was free from Talerian. Everything was finally working. And then I wound up here," he said, raising his voice as bit as the last word. He lifted the cup again and had a small sip. He could feel his stomach starting to churn.

"Everything I'd spent my whole life working for...gone. Just like that. I'm at the bottom again...no rights and no future. I'm asked to start over, to rebuild my life while doing everything the Weyr requires; I'm told where to sleep, when to wake up, what work to do, when to eat, when to sleep...B'jin, I've lived my entire life under a dictated schedule. I can't take it!"

Silent tears finally streaked his face as he spoke, walking even closer to he could make out B'jin's features. A wave of grief and regret washed over the healer as he surveyed the damage he'd already done, but there was no turning back now, in more ways than one. His speech continued. "And now it's even worse," he whispered. "Now I'm told that I have to try to Impress a dragon...become a dragonrider so I really can't ever have my own life again. So the dragon can determine my new rank and profession, so I have to be a rider first and a healer second...the sharding thing will even determine who I sleep with." His voice quivered like the wings of a wounded dragon. "B'jin....I don't want that. I don't want to have to choose a dragon over my friends or my lovers or children...but don't you see? No matter what I do, my life is never going to be my own. Not now it isn't. Whether I Impress a dragon or not."

Thoughout this entire speech, Talian's voice remained weak and faint, his posture slumped and nonthreatening.He sighed and looked at his feet, suddenly spent. "...I don't blame you for it, B'jin...but I can't do it anymore. I've always lived my life for someone else, to suit someone else's design and under someone else's control.  It's like the whole thing has started over. I can't take it..." His voice trailed off dangerously. "It's pathetic, isn't it? twenty-four turns old and I still can't get a handle on my own life..."

[sup]I have no idea how much sense - if any - this makes. It's 1.30am![/sup]

---

B'jin was too busy fighting off the flood of emotions Larrikith was sending his way to notice the subtle play of emotions on Talian's face as the young man finally hit the flavourful level of his drink. Instead, B'jin was building mental walls, intent on blocking out the tsunami of emotions Larrikith was flooding him with. He had better control than this! Larrikith so rarely lost control of herself, however, that B'jin was more than momentarily overwhelmed by her shock and fear and had allowed it to bleed into his own. Talian's soft voice speaking his name helped, and B'jin slammed up the last of the walls with such ferocity that outside, Larrikith gave a squeal of pained surprise, hurt flashing in her eyes. In her distress, she mentally latched onto Talian, still feeding off the emotions he was shooting out, and the dregs still managed to find their way to B'jin.

B'jin's eyes opened slowly, blinking almost lazily as he re-established the boundaries between dragon and human. His hands lowered carefully from where they had, at some point, risen to grasp uselessly at his temples. Like many gestures, it was useless, but it helped the man focus even if he hadn't been aware of what he was doing at the time. Talian's knots still dangled from his fingers. A shiver traveled the man's body, and he once more wrapped his arms around himself tightly, whilst carefully altering the barriers between himself and his dragon. He felt so naked without her there, with him. Larrikith's presence swarmed him, and for a moment, he lost himself, and missed the beginning of Talian's explanation as the young healer walked towards him.

Pain, Larrikith whispered into B'jin's mind, an unspoken agreement having been reached. B'jin felt nothing of what Talian might be, but he did feel Larrikith's confusion reach out a hand to sweep him up into a wild dance. So much confusion! B'jin tore his eyes away from Larrikith's shining eyes on the other side of the window - how he wished they were outside with her! - to stare at Talian as the young master took a deep drink. Klah. That seemed like a great thing right about then. B'jin was chilled beyond his physical body for no reason he could discern. Only that something was deeply wrong.

B'jin watched Talian rant, and rave. He watched as tears escaped to fall down Talian's cheeks and he watched as the boy wiped them away. He listened to every word that was released, but he could find no pity. Pity would do no good, at any rate, but even so - as he watched the child he considered one of his own rant and rave about how unfair life had been to him, B'jin could barely control the urge to sneer and snap at him, to tell him to grow up, to get over it! Everyone had a rough life! Had he watched friends and family succumb to an illness no one could cure? Had he coaxed an exhausted dragon across a never ending ocean? Had he watched loved ones vanish forever between because they simply couldn't go on any longer? Had he fought against Nature itself in order to survive for three of the longest and most painful Turns of any 'Rider's life? Yes, he had to rebuild his life, but at least it came with a prebuilt home - he hadn't had to sweat blood and tears to build his house, only to watch it be swept away in a nasty storm. Had he ever been so scared he couldn't breath, for fear doing so would make the nightmares real? Did he wake up, night after night, soaked in sweat and broken because the nightmares were real? B'jin's mouth opened, perhaps to bring such things to voice;

Don't. Larrikith's tones, oddly soft and light, filtered into B'jin's brain with an affectionate warmth. His gaze turned to look at her, removing the heated, resentful brown from Talian to stare at his dragon. After a long, drawn out moment, as Talian ranted about Impressing - or not Impressing - and the implications it would have for him, B'jin turned his attention back to the healer, finding him much closer and almost within reach. The man took a deep breath himself, the air hitching in his throat on words he refused to speak, lest he truly do damage to whatever fragile strings connected himself to the boy he'd Searched all those months ago. Reaching out with gentle hands, B'jin mumbled a subtle rebuke, "there are stories worse than yours!" as he lightly took the mug of Klah from Talian's hands, and raised it to his lips.

At least B'jin was selfish, too.

The greenrider hadn't spoken, but Talian could tell just the same. He was smart, he was perceive, and he made a hobby out of discerning people's inner thoughts from looking in their eyes. He could see B'jin's indignation and frustration. He wished to respond angrily, but all he could manage was a heartbroken expression. It was quickly eclipsed by panic when B'jin took the mug.

"I'm well aware!" Talian said harshly as he snatched the mug back with uncharacteristic force, eyes closing in an effort to hide his fear. He felt a brief impulse to hurl the mug against the wall and smash it, ending this whole thing right now before a close call like that could happen again, but as he stood there and looked back at B'jin, he saw no reason to stop himself. "I suppose others are just stronger."

He knew the dragonriders led painful lives. They got to whine about it, didn't they? Hadn't he been supportive to B'jin in their previous encounter? Besides, what gave the dragonriders the right to spread their misery around?

Above all else, why was B'jin so hot and cold? One day he loved Tal, the next he was aggravated at everything that came out of the boy's mouth. Maybe they just didn't work together after all. He didn't need to be scolded, he needed to be reminded that he was loved. But he saw nothing. Nothing but another older man frustrated by his reluctance to conform to whatever he was expected to conform to. That broke the boy's heart.

He took another long gulp before walking back to his desk. He couldn't allow the man to harm himself, but the greenrider's words stung. The healer knew that dealing with him must have been trying. He had harsh ups and downs and unpredictable mood swings. But right now, he was in a dangerous place, edging ever closer to the edge.  B'jin wasn't trying to pull him back, he was pushing.

Talian still felt he had every right to be unhappy. He supposed B'jin had every right to be fed up with it too, though. Perhaps this really was the best. Talian didn't actually want B'jin to notice that something was horribly wrong, but how could he not? This wasn't just a bout of depression, this was an entirely new animal, and B'jin seemed completely blind to it, even spiteful. As surprised and abandoned as Talian felt, at least it meant B'jin wouldn't try to stop him.

He sipped his drink again and grimaced a bit as he felt his stomach starting to burn. He wanted to reach down and clutch his gut, but he restrained himself. He didn't want alert B'jin to what was going on. Talian prided himself on pain tolerance and sat there statuesque as he felt the fire starting to drift through his veins and roil in his gut. Shards, it shocked him that Larrikith didn't know already!

No, this was best. Talian seated himself again and let out a sigh. "Just go away. I didn't mean to bother you," he said, voice weak and completely emotionless. Even now he couldn't bring himself to actually be angry. He just wanted it to be over, and for B'jin not to be there to see it. Depression didn't know reason or order. Depression didn't care about fairness or selflessness or empathy. It just devoured. A kind word was likely all the boy needed to realize his error, but why would he want to save himself when the last words someone he loved said to him were cruel?

Shard it. He still loved B'jin, even though he felt completely unloved in return. He loved him too much to argue or defend himself, or even try to make his point again. If B'jin didn't care, he just didn't care. Had Tal finally pushed the greenrider away, or was that the depression talking? Maybe pushing him away was better...it would hurt less once it was over.

The corner of Tal's mouth twitched as he made the realization. That's what B'jin had meant by hurt. His expression softened and he frowned, he looked up at the window. He looked straight at Larrikith. He didn't know exactly how much the dragon knew about his thoughts or how well she could see into his mind, but still he tried. Make sure he knows I love him, okay? It's not his fault he asked, though he honestly expected her to do nothing of the sort. If anything, she'd scream at him. He had to try, though. He brought the cup to his lips again, but didn't drink.

Talian shuddered as he felt some discomfort in his throat. A metallic taste filled his mouth, but he suppressed the accompanying gag and swallowed. This was going to be ugly. He cast a desperate look at B'jin, wishing the greenrider would leave so he didn't have to see this. He wanted to tell B'jin to leave, but he didn't dare open his mouth. He gripped the arm of his chair tightly with his free hand, while the one holding his mug started to shake. It was already getting to be too much to hide.

"I was going to drink that!" B'jin grumbled irritably as Talian stole the mug back, an pout forming on his lips as Talian snapped at him and stalked back to his desk. He saw no reason to respond as he simply huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, more than a little irritated by Talian's attitude and not above displaying such. You're acting like a weyrling! Larrikith snapped suddenly, invading his mind like a raging tornado, she sent everything currently occupying it sprawling in every direction, demanding center stage. B'jin, furious, shoved back, before responding aloud with heated aggression, glaring at his life mate through the window behind Talian with an expression to burn Thread.

"He frightened the shards out of us -- so he could throw a tantrum?! I think I'm entitled to be pissed!" The man threw his arms around as he spoke, highly irritable at his dragon's apparent betrayal. Since when was he ever the only one pissed off by something that involved them both? Usually Larrikith was the one firing off all canons and he was running around like a headless wherry trying to reign her back in! YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE! Larrikith screeched, heedless of how her voice resonated against the inside of B'jin's mind with such force the man gasped and slapped both hands over his ears, as if that would somehow block her out; the knots slapped against his cheek, but he was staring with wide eyed horror at Larrikith, and didn't notice.

"Making what worse!" B'jin bellowed at his dragon, his voice wrought with confusion and pain, but fueled by anger. His hands were still clasped tightly over his ears, and he half expected to find them leaking blood after her screech, though he was pretty sure it wasn't possible. But it felt possible! Feel this! Larrikith hissed cruely, leeching emotions from Talian at that moment - hurt, betrayal, fear, pain - and the quiet knowing that it was all about to go away. B'jin reeled physically where he was standing, throwing out an arm to grab the wall while his huge eyed gaze was thrown to land on Talian, tears - unknown, unwanted, uncared - falling softly down his cheeks almost absently; not a river, but more than one.

"Talian?" B'jin whispered, confusion paramount though more emotions than he could name swam beyond. Talian's request for them to leave was answered by B'jin taking a wonky step forward, leaving the wall he had been leaning against without realising, while outside, Larrikith suddenly stat up, flaring her wings wide and throwing her head back, the high pitched, blood curdling keen of death ripping from her jaws. B'jin froze, his face losing whatever colour it had claimed until it looked sickly. His gaze was glued to Talian, though he hadn't made that connection yet; instead he was waiting fearfully, terrified, of whom from their small number had left them forever.

THE BOY! The shriek [abbr=To be completely devastated; to shock beyond all reason, etc.]knocked B'jin for six[/abbr], but it was the words that made his knees buckle, and he stumbled forward to land heavily on the desk, rather than fall upon the ground, staring at Talian with horror. "How!" he gasped, talking to Larrikith while never taking his eyes off of the boy he'd claimed. The drink! B'jin! Horror was in the dragon's voice, even as she continued to fill the air with that horrible, ear splitting tone. She was going to wake the whole Weyr! Already, B'jin could hear confusion echoing around the building, and fellow dragons joining the keen. Reaching across the desk, B'jin snatched the mug from Talian's grip and took several steps backwards, too wrapped up in his horror to be delighted that his legs held out. He raised the mug to his nose, never taking his gaze from Talian, and sniffed. He wasn't a doctor, or any such thing, and perhaps he was imagining the additional scent that swirled around in the remaining liquid.

"Tal!" Horror and heartbreak filled the simple syllable, as B'jin stood there, mug in one hand, and knots in the other. He had no idea what to do, and all he could hear was the Weyr telling him he was about to lose. That he already had. Dropping both to the floor, heedless as one smashed and the other tangled in the liquid, B'jin threw himself at the healer; landing heavily on his knees he wrapped both arms around him, holding him gently even as he pressed a light, delicate kiss to the boy's temple, muttering over and over under his breath, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." How could he have been so dense?

Talian heard B'jin's ranting, but he didn't comprehend it. He'd tuned out. trying his best not to think about B'jin's anger and imminent despair. Was it guilt? Most certainly. Tal loved B'jin, and it troubled him greatly to think that B'jin would have to see what was coming next. There wasn't anything he could do now, though. He slumped in his chair, disappointed but accepting of the fact that B'jin wasn't going to leave. As Ttalian struggled to swallow again, he knew his friend was about to get a gristly show.

Tantrum...

Entitled...

Making WHAT worse...

Talian felt a sharp pain in his stomach, like a piece of hot metal had been thrust into his belly. He cringed, eyes closed and face twisted in a grimace of pain. He was aware of B'jin doing something behind him - reeling against the wall? - and Larrikith moving about frantically outside.  Had they figured it out? Talian tried to focus on B'jin' words, but they slipped through his fingers like water. He just couldn't grasp at them. His mind was failing him, fading...numbed by the poison, or overridden by the pain?

"B'jin," he coughed as he gripped his stomach. He could feel the metallic taste flooding his mouth again. There was a sound outside, some sort of pitiful, unspeakably and inexplicably sorrowful keen. Was it coming from Larrikith? Talian opened his eyes and looked outside, hoping perhaps to see Larrikith, or maybe just a last glimpse of the stars. What was making that sound? What it it mean? More were joining in now...many more, echoing from all over Katila. They were going to wake everyone up!

"What does that sound mean?" he asked weakly, his voice unsteady thanks to the burning pain in his stomach. He knew it would be painful when he started. He gritted his teeth and snapped his head away, trying to conceal the bead of blood that had escaped his lips. He wiped it away with his sleeve. "I've n-"

Before he could speak, he felt B'jin rip[ the mug away.  Talian's eyes flew open in shock as B'jin's arms closed around him, as strong and warm as they ever were. The healer reflexively gripped the greenrider in return, confused by the sudden action. Then, the kiss...the words...He knew.

Talian bit his lip and crumpled in B'jin's arms. He should have been dismayed, but he didn't have the strength of mind or body to be so. In the end, this was exactly what he wanted. His doubts crumbled all at once, like rubble washed away by a sudden rainstorm. He could hear the confusion fade in B'jin's voice, replaced by gentle concern. Tal's body drew up as he squeezed the man tight. Already he felt like a fool; he knew B'jin was cranky. How could he ever have doubted the man's affection for him?

He started to speak to that effect, but all that came out was a sudden, coarse cough. He didn't have time to turn his head, and instantly he felt the moist patch left on B'jin's shirt. He didn't bother opening his eyes to check; he knew what it was. "I'm s-sorry, dad..." he sputtered, resisting the urge to gag as more blood gurgled up in his throat. "I..." he paused, frowning. B'jin didn't want him to apologize...but if he'd ever owed someone an apology, he did right now. "I'm...such an idiot..."

Cough, cough

B'jin leaned forward on his knees, rocking Talian gently against him as he muttered, barely hearing Talian's words as he mumbled softly, though he leaned back gently, brushing back sweaty hair from Talian's face before he used a thumb to gently wipe at the smear of blood left when Talian wiped at his mouth. He pressed his forehead to Talian's temple, murmuring barely above a whisper, "it's a death keen."

Outside, Larrikith went on with the terrible sound, seemingly without drawing breath. Her eyes skyward watched the sky and stars above, though linked closely, she saw through B'jin's eyes as the child he was so taken with fell apart from the inside out. She'd withdrawn from him, horrified by the intense pain that was coming off him in sheets, both mental and physical. She was used to pain; her own tolerance was magnificent, the result of twenty years bonded to a man who couldn't handle Numbweed. It didn't sound like much, perhaps, but she was pretty sure not many of the Pernese had had bones set without the use of the weed - they didn't do anything much medical without the use of the plant! She was used to mental pain, too. B'jin was a mess, inside, and she'd spent the better part of her life learning how to control what thoughts made it past the barriers he had built. She'd seen them all, of course, with her daft, light touch it wasn't hard to peer inside during the night while he was sleeping and his grip had loosened.

What she wasn't used to, was the bizarre combination Talian was feeling, or the effects it had on her when it didn't come from her bonded. She wasn't used to the odd emotions it stirred within her. There was no overwhelming desire to fix it, like she could with B'jin - to dive in and drive the thoughts away and rearrange his thought pattern so he could no longer think those thoughts that harmed him. But, as she realised he was dying, was going to die (Talian was thinking no thoughts that gave her any reason to believe his life would be capable of being saved) Larrikith did the only thing she could do - she keened. As she woke the Weyr, she could see people light up their glows as they appeared from their huts, and she could feel the mental callings of her draconic partners as they queried as to what was going on. She felt some become irritated, she felt the confusion of others. Gratefully, she heard many of them join her.

Dragon's didn't keen for just anyone, but they would join in if the starter felt that whom they sounded for was worthy. Larrikith didn't truly know if she felt Talian was worthy, but she knew her bonded did, and forevermore, that would be enough.

B'jin flinched visibly as Talian coughed blood onto his shirt, the motion converting into a sob as he shuddered at the feeling of blood cooling against his skin, the material making his skin crawl. Tears flowed, unashamed, as he leaned back, untangling himself from the young healer, brushing Talian's hair back once more. Another tender kiss was placed on Talian's temple, before B'jin carefully pulled Talian out of his seat, and into his lap. "Stupid, foolish boy," the greenrider muttered, heartbreak in the words as he rocked Talian, holding him gently but firmly.

"I love you," B'jin whispered, shaking one arm to bring the sleeve of his hastily thrown on shirt down, and using it to wipe carefully at Talian's lips, the material soaking up the blood... far too much blood. B'jin was past crying, as the tears fell, he seemed lost somewhere between mind-numbing shock and the quiet serenity of a situation he couldn't halt, he did his best to reassure Talian of one simple fact; he loved him.

A death keen?

Talian sighed, closing his eyes slowly as he listened to the thunderous sound. He heard their voices, breaking the perfect stillness of the night with such force and power. He'd imagined he would slip away in quiet and solitude, not something like this. While part of him was honored, part of him was also potently ashamed. The dragons didn't want him to go.

He let out a light groan as B'jin pulled him close. The younger man clutched to B'jin unashamedly, his defensiveness easily conquered now that B'jin knew the truth. Yes, this was exactly what Talian wanted. He thought he fancied the idea of dying alone in some isolated room in the hall, but he was no romantic. He'd seen young women before, girls who took poison rather than hanging or cutting themselves because they found it 'romantic'. It was a calm, quiet death that allowed them to just slip away unmarred. But Talian knew that wasn't the truth. Poison was painful and just as messy as anything else, and as he faced the onset of the symptoms, he was suddenly glad to be with someone he loved.

Someone he loved.

He looked miserably at B'jin, tears welling up in his eyes without falling. His heart skipped a beat (or did it flounder for life?) as he leaned close, wrapping both thin arms around B'jin and hanging on  tight. "I know you do. I love you, too," he rasped. He coughed again, unable to stop the blood from pouring out of his mouth, and let out a groan of pain as his guts twisted themselves yet again. It was getting worse, still in the beginning stages but already unbearable.

In that moment, he felt more loved than he ever had in his life. How amazing it was, that B'jin still cared for him after all the trouble he'd caused. How quickly the man's demeanor shifted when he realized what was really going on. Even Larrikith appeared to care in her own strange way, though perhaps it was just because the loss would hurt B'jin so. Touched by the display, Talian choked back his stubborn tears and crumpled against the greenrider.

Talian let out a whimper as he felt his insides twist, lit afire by the poison. He felt a heaving sensation in his chest and suddenly pitched to one side, narrowly avoiding vomiting all over B'jin.  His throat burned and his stomach screamed in agony. His blood pooled on the floor and he let out an involuntary groan and shudder. He could feel his foot starting to twitch, unsettled by the pain, and his heart begin to race.

He sighed and relaxed against B'jin as the first spasm ended. He curled close, comforted by the warm and love he felt. The sound outside, B'jin's caring touch....were it not for those things, Tal would have been willing to lie there and drift away. It was perfect, but as he laid there and felt the fire coursing through his veins, he realized it was wrong, too. Everything about it was wrong.

B'jin cared about him. There were others, too...What about Erisi? Valerian? A new kind of sickness brewed in the healer's gut as he considered them. He could already see the horror and heartbreak in B'jin's face. What would the others feel? How would Fiora feel if she knew he'd done this to himself?

His eyes flew open. "B'jin...I need water," he said with sudden, intense focus. "...And for you to help me walk. We need to go to the store room down the Hall....right now."

Tears blurred B'jin's vision, but only when he refrained from blinking for too long, the salty liquid quite happy to pour down his face without assistance. By blinking, however, it was as if he could some how keep his mind clear, and by so doing, manage to appear, marginally, as if he were in some kind of control. The reality of that was far from true, as he fought the harsh truth that he was losing a battle he had been too late to join. The greenrider hiccuped softly as Talian spoke, his words diced with blood, and again B'jin used his sodden sleeve to wipe it away, ignoring the fact that he was doing little at all to clean up the mess.

B'jin gave a soft squeak of fear as Talian whimpered and then seemed to try and throw himself out of B'jin's grip - which only tightened possessively - even as the boy leaned around him to puke his blood all over the floor. B'jin could feel it, warm and then cooling, as it brushed against his bare toes, before stilling into its pool, cooling and congealing on the cold floor. A shudder ran the man's spine, and he pulled Talian back to his chest, brushing the boy's hair back from his face and kissing his forehead, mumbling incoherently under his breath and wishing, fervently, there was something he could do.

Outside, Larrikith had moved away from the window, to stand before the Hall entrance, her wings flared and teeth bared as people tried to enter. Hissing and growling, she threw aside a young healer that attempted to pass her and enter the hall, sending them crashing into others and effectively causing the circle around her to widen. If the hall had another way in, no one was interested in using it at present. The green gave off her keening, in order to continue her barrage, snarling threateningly when people tried to pass her and swiping once more, sending an older woman careening through the air to land heavily on the ground a length away.

Her tail lashed behind her while eyes were wide and wild, spinning rapidly the colours of fear and frustration. Linked to B'jin, and feeling his horror and fear, made her angry; feeling his own frustration at being able to do nothing more than hold the dying boy fueled her own frustrations with the situation. The attempted army to get into the hall was her battlefield, and she would slaughter the lot of them, if it would help B'jin save the boy. The fact that both of them knew it wouldn't, was the only reason no one was dead. She hissed again, the sound ending in a high pitched shriek of pained frustration.

B'jin clung to Talian, as if his sheer determination to never let the boy go would somehow bring him through. When Talian sighed and relaxed against him, B'jin's entire body froze, blood turning to ice in sheer panic. He heard Larrikith's high pitched cry as she picked up on his heart rendering fear, before Talian shifted slightly and breath once more drew past B'jin's lips, and he tightened his arms around the boy for a moment, before his words registered. Water? Walk? Hah!

B'jin shifted his grip slightly, altering his arms to instead have one around the back of the young healer's shoulders and one under his knees, B'jin stood up in a fluid motion, though he slipped slightly when he shifted his foot, his leg jerking forward as he misplaced his weight and the blood that had curled around his toes caused him to lose balance. He righted himself quickly, hissing when he realised he'd pulled a muscle, and hugging Talian tightly to his chest, roughly shouldered his way out of the closed door and practically ran down the hall, a trail of bloody foot prints following with every step his right foot made.

"Water, water," he muttered, literally barging his way into the room Talian had spoken of, he glanced around. "Oh, come on!" Hissing between his teeth, still gripping the healer, B'jin made his way to the window and smashed his elbow through it, sending glass shards in every direction on the grass outside. If he managed to slice his arm, he was unaware of it. "Thank Faranth." Someone had at least had the sense to fill the outside barrel! Having no intention of letting Talian go, or putting him down, B'jin stood by the broken window and rocked his weight sideways, indicating his impatience and confusion, even as he questioned softly; "Now what?"

Talian wasn't sure if he'd ever felt such determination. He could hear Larrikith screaming outside. Something about it made his blood flow, not literally of course. That would be bad. He needed to stay calm and collected. If he got too excited, his heart would race and the poison would spread faster.

Fortunately, Talian worked well under pressure. It was a strong talent of his, though one that he'd rarely exhibited during his time at Katila. In spite of the roaring pain in his gut, he was certain he could do something about this if he put his mind to it. Nothing snapped someone out of a daze like this; Larrikith's boisterous farewell and B'jin's desperation and sheer panic.

No. Talian couldn't do this to him! "Thanks," he panted as he clung to the greenrider. It was for the best; he wasn't sure he would walk. Even so, his eyes were intense and bright, and the expression of stubborn determination on his face was almost alien.

He grunted painfully as they entered the store room, pausing to spit blood in the floor. He felt another heave coming on and quickly twisted himself away. There was more blood this time. His hands were starting to shake, his vision blurr. The poison was creeping through him.

Think

"I need a drink," he sputtered. He reached out to ease himself onto the table. "B'jin...look at the shelf to...my left. There a-are surplus herbs there...I need you to find s-something for me," he said, pausing in between words to cough and sputter blood. The sleeves of his shirt were covered now. "It's the bark of a tree...grey in color, should be listed under 'M'. I kn-know we have it, I catalogued it the other d-"

He stopped sharply and pitched forward, vomiting again. He was running out of anything in his stomach to expel, so it came painfully, cramping his stomach and burning his throat as it came up. Unconsciously, he let out a scream of pain. He inhaled sharply and steadied his voice before continuing. "I need you to grind it up for me...as much of it as you can."

B'jin was a talented dragonrider, and he felt he did particularly well in stressful situations in general. However, given the stressful nature of the situation he was currently in, he thought he was doing magnificent. He was a Harper, a singer and a player. He didn't do lyrics, because he had insane difficultly articulating his thoughts and generally found that words ruined the more delicious quality of music itself. It didn't stop his voice from being amazing, however, or his ability to sing the songs others wrote. It did, however, mean he wasn't a Healer! Healing was for people with an iron stomach - which he did not have! Healing was for people who knew plants or what to say in situations where nothing you said could do any good. For all B'jin's harpering skills, that had never really been one of them; his own sharp tongue was never welcome in situations where emotions were strung high!

He hissed as Talian tried to struggle out of his grip and onto the table, his arms tightening possessively for a moment before he allowed himself to release the younger man. Talian was not going anywhere! Helping the healer get as comfortable as he currently could on the table top, B'jin twitched irritably before spinning on his heel, and promptly losing his balance. That portion of his appendage still slick with blood, and he squealed with surprise even as he flailed, wildly attempting to recapturing his balance. A split second later, he was snorting indignantly at himself even as he threw open a cupboard and snatched out a cup. It was a precious second wasted! Returning to the smashed window, B'jin leaned out it to fill the cup, and promptly returned to shove it in Talian's shaking hands.

If he had of been positive pure water was what the boy currently needed, he probably would have shoved it down Talian's throat, too. As it was, he turned his attention to the next task, quickly shuffling through the herbs, quite glad he wasn't colour blind. "Grey, grey..." Muttering irritably to himself, B'jin flinched when Larrikith gave a high pitched shriek of fury, which was followed by shouting. He was going to be in so much trouble with D'ren! "Great Faranth I'll drop you between myself when this is over!" B'jin hissed to Larrikith, before suddenly being aware Talian would be more likely to mistake that as a dig at himself. Squeaking, he waved the tree bark in Talian's direction, eyes wide.

"Larri! Not you! Faranth she's going insane!" As suddenly as he'd brought the topic up, B'jin literally waved it aside, the bark being thrust towards Talian's face as he asked for more instructions; "What do I-" He cut off abruptly when Talian heaved up blood again, dancing backwards to avoid getting any more of the life giving liquid on the bottom of his feet; his legs already hurt from jerked muscles. A moment later he'd flung himself forward, clinging to Talian and brushing his hair back with gentle, fervent fingers as he murmured under his breath, trying to reassure the pain riddled young man. Outside, Larrikith gave a roar, and the sound of flesh against wood echoed up the hall. B'jin's horror filled gaze blanked out as Talian screamed, not hearing the sound as he linked minds with Larrikith. He tried to sooth the beast enough for her to stop throwing Weyrfolk all over the place, but she banished him from her mind with another shriek. The vocal display was followed swiftly with a physical, as she bat away another young woman, sending her flying. More human screeching; it was only a matter of time before Nirinath or Ronarth commanded her down, since she was obviously not going to listen to her rider! The Weyr would think he was the one dying! Or, with Larrikith's reputation, that he was dead already and she was going insane with the loss, instead of going between like every other damnedable dragon!

"Grind it?" Shaking his head, B'jin came back to Talian, face pinched with fear. Almost as much of it was caused by the impending doom he suddenly saw hanging over his head in the near future, as the fact that Talian was puking up more blood than B'jin knew he should - no one should be puking up blood! Ever! Hissing between his teeth, and releasing Talian, B'jin threw the bark on the bench top beside the healer, and started throwing cupboards open, muttering between clenched teeth as he searched for something to grind the ingredient with.

"Sharding healers, sharding hall, by Threadfall where-!" He hissed, frustrated before he gave a crow, finding something that looked like it would work for crushing bark. He swept it up and slammed it down on the table beside Talian, whom he gave a mocking stern glare. "No puking on it!" His voice broke half way through, the pitch rocketing. B'jin ignored it, as he roughly tipped the bark into the crushing bowl he'd dug up, and began to smash it up with over-eager jabs that were obvious displays of his frustration and anxiety.

After a few moments, he extended it towards Talian, raising his brows in an almost normal manner, he asked; "More? Less?" as if he could de-grind it! His eyes, however, were still feverishly bright with fear.

Talian closed his eyes tightly, trying to ignore Larrikith's screeching and B'jin's floundering as he focused on the problem. He banished his own emotions, trying to pretend he was taking care of a sick patient rather than himself. He would perform better if he wasn't personally invested, yes! He huffed lightly as he tried to manage the pain in his gut. He was lightheaded and his throat and abdomen ached, but those problems were of little concern; now, he could feel a tingling sensation in his limbs. It was spreading!

Think

If I was a patient...Think...

Gradually, his mental tone became mathematical.

Consumed four shoots of dried Tansy, slightly past-ripe with blooms already dead. Taken ground and mixed in klah.

I didn't brew the Tansy right into the Klah...that would risk contaminating someone else's drink later. I just added it after the cup was already poured. That means it's less potent, but I didn't want to risk hurting someone else. I took extra Tansy to make up for the weakness. I've already vomited all the fluid out of my stomach, so anything my body hadn't absorbed will already be gone...

I ate about an hour before starting, to help my body absorb the poison. That'll make it stronger. On the other hand, the plant would have been more potent if I'd harvested it earlier in the season...So all extraordinary modifiers cancel each other out. Accounting for my weight loss, I probably have 15 minutes, but I'll need to treat myself within 5. Shards!

Inducing vomiting won't help. I need to stop the internal bleeding before it kills me. Then I just have to worry about my heart...

He concentrated on keeping himself from vomiting as he watched B'jin grinding the bark. "That;'s enough. Here..." he said, reaching out with shaking hands to shovel the stuff into his water. It would better if the bark was ground finely and boiled, but there was no time for that. He needed it in his system now. He didn't even bother to mix much before taking a deep breath and throwing the cup of water back.

It was all he could do to avoid gagging. Thankfully, he possessed the iron stomach that B'jin did not. He groaned as he felt the liquid hit his stomach, agitating the roiling mess already present.

"Th-that should stop the bleeding..." he said as he let out another cough. "Now...I need something to protect m-my heart..before the poison gets there." Tansy wasn't a terribly strong poison, it had just been his best option. He doubted anything else would actually get to his heart first, but taking it now would hopefully be soon enough. "There are long, stiff green leaves...look!" he said, pointing to one section of one particular shelf. "I need those.."

He shivered again and suppressed the desire to gag. He could not vomit again! "And m-more water..." he added. He swallowed hard. "B'jin..." he said weakly, fear bubbling up in his voice. "I love you...I hope you can forgive me f-for this stupidity..." he said again, fearful it would be his last chance.

B'jin was staring at Talian over the top of his grinding as he watched the young man, his face pinched and fear grinding in his own guts as Talian's face relaxed and his breathing evened out, brown eyes widening in pale, drawn face as he tried to figure out if that were a good thing, or a further indication of impending doom. The man was shaking, but his hands were oddly steady as he bashed the bark into small pieces. B'jin jumped visibly, flinching unconsciously when Talian spoke. He'd been unprepared for the quiet words, despite asking for them.

B'jin's face was comical as he watched Talian toss back the liquid, an expression of utter distaste causing his lips to tighten and a grimace to form. He threw it off fast enough, however, as Talian fought off the urge to bring back all his hard crushing work and B'jin used gentle fingers to brush away Talian's hair once more, sweat soaked and tangled. B'jin almost laughed, to think what he himself must look like in those moments. Such thoughts were dismissed, however, as Talian spoke and B'jin stared at him in horror.

"Faranth, boy, what did you take?" B'jin demanded, his voice high pitched with sheer terror at what Talian was suggesting. He waved away his question with both hands, however, as he started in the direction of the shelving Talian had pointed to, but changed his mind half way there and instead grabbed a new cup and quickly filled it with water. It slopped over the side a little, filled to the brim as it was, when the hastily moving greenrider shoved it at Talian, and swiftly moved to the shelf he'd been instructed to search.

"Leaves, bark, by Threadfall I  hate sharding plants!" B'jin hissed, flicking aside some plants that were definitely not what he was after, before gasping and swearing vilely as he pulled his hand back and shook it, hissing between his teeth. "Numbweed! What in Faranths' name of every Gold's damnedable egg do you have dried numbweed in here for?!" Swearing again, B'jin shook the affected hand, mindful enough to not shove the stinging appendage in his mouth (he'd only had to do that once as a child!) while he grabbed the leaves Talian was after, and glared at the boy. The expression was heated more from fear and love than any negative emotion, but it was still a fairly intimidating drawing of eyebrows over eyes that sparkled with fear and tears.

"If you ever do anything like this again, by Faranth herself, I swear..!" B'jin shoved the leaves at Talian, not bothering to finish his threat as his voice broke half way through and crying became a distinct possibility; he could not lose him! Instead, the greenrider took a deep breath and kissed Talian's forehead, his gaze then shifting towards the window. "That dragon! Larrikith" He hissed her name forcefully, eyes going dull and blank as he stood before Talian, forcing his way into Larrikith's mind and snapping the links she still had, oddly, connected to the dying healer.

"Control yourself! NOW!" If Talian thought he'd ever heard B'jin angry before, it had nothing on the rage the man's voice contained then, as he brought his green under control. She was still guarding the entrance way, and still determined not to let anyone through. She did, however, change her tactics to use less physical force - not that it really mattered; no one was fighting the furious little dragon any more. "There's my baby girl," B'jin crooned, feeling Larrikith become herself once more, and his stance relaxed from the iron-stiff one he'd held up moments before. "There we go, sweetheart, my love. It's alright, baby girl, it's alright." He needed to be out there, comforting her, too, but the dragon rebutted such thought before B'jin could even comprehend the fact that he might leave Talian.

The boy? she whispered, and B'jin breathed a heady sigh of relief at her quiet tone, ignorant of the tears on his face. "Will be fine." B'jin didn't know if he was lying or not, and was grateful when Larrikith didn't press the issue. He heard her hiss warningly, and shriek a command to a blue; not bothered by what was going on outside any longer now he was sure his green wasn't going to kill anyone (else? that was a horrifying thought! If Larrikith had killed someone..!). His gaze refocused, shifting to bring the aforementioned healer into view, and he reached out with tender fingers to brush across the boy's cheek, "right?"

"Tansy," Talian replied hoarsely. He sputtered a bit before throwing the second cup of water back, drowning his body's acute desire to gag. "It's not particularly potent, so I took a whole lot of it...but..the shoots were wilted when I found it, so it's acting slowly..." he said.

He didn't flinch at B'jin's harsh words. This time, he easily recognized the fear and concern in B'jins' voice and eyes. "B'jin," he coughed, "If I ever try anything like this again, I fully expect you to. I would deserve it."

The boy managed a weak smile. It was a feeble attempt to reassure his friend (his father) that everything was going to be all right. As usual though, the healer's true feelings showed through. He was terrified.

He groaned again and frowned. "I can feel my stomach settling already...I d-don't think we're too late," he said with caution. He took the leaves and immediately started to chew on it with voracious urgency.  He needed to get it into his system as fast as possible. "I just have to h-hope the poison doesn't stop my heart..." he explained, voice shaking and weak.

He was briefly endeared as B'jin made his comments about Larrikith, but it did little to soothe Tal's fear. He couldn't believe it. Just twenty minutes before, he was looking forward to slipping into the dark forever. Now that he'd done it, he'd never wanted so badly to live. He sighed as he finished going through the leaves, chewing on them and sucking the fluid out rather than actually swallowing them. They were coarse and fibrous. They'd to a number on his shredded insides.

He let out another whimper as he felt a series of cramps run through his confused body. He curled up on the table and sputtered, producing nothing but a mouthful of bile and bloody water before he forced himself to start swallowing things back. "Shards, this hurts..." he whimpered, a couple errant tears squeezing out of his eyes. He reminded himself stoically that he'd done it to himself.

"B'jin," he rasped, "This is all we can do...please take me to a bed..." he said. He could feel something going on in his body...he just hoped it was enough.

B'jin had no idea what that was, and his blank expression as he blinked at Talian before shaking his head, putting it aside as unimportant at the moment. He'd quiz the kid about it later, when he wasn't trying to drown in his own blood or water he was guzzling like it was going out of fashion. B'jin's lips twitched, a frown trying to take control at Talian's sad excuse for a smile; instead, B'jin used years of practiced skills to light his face up with a cheerful grin that almost managed to shield the fear in his own eyes. "Of course we're not," B'jin said cheerfully, the false tone unrecognisable when compared to his usual easy going and upbeat take on life. Had he really gotten that good? B'jin was slightly alarmed by that even as he hovered protectively over Talian, fingers light and dancing over the boy's face and side as he rubbed down his back in slow, soothing strokes.

"I'd imagine so," B'jin murmured softly, voice soothing. It was the tone he used on his children when they woke from a nightmare, or were sick with a fever. The soft, warm, reassuring tone of someone who just knew everything was going to be alright and there was no choice but to believe, because surely the owner of such a reassured voice simply knew everything? The terror behind B'jin's eyes belied that truth, though sitting where he was, and with Talian curled up so, there was no one to call him out.

B'jin sighed softly, and stood up. Carefully, he lifted Talian as if he weighed nothing at all and cradled the traumatised youth to his chest. His first instinct was to rush to Larrikith, and have her take them safely to his own hut, where he could make sure nothing such as this ever happened to Talian again. Common knowledge, however, outweighed the simple and selfish desire: Talian was far better off in the Healer hall, and he would, at some stage, need to have Larrikith let someone through to do work healer magic. B'jin's lips pursed and his grip tightened for a moment, loath to even think of letting someone near his boy. Outside, Larrikith shrieked and flared her wings wide, standing up intimidatingly.

BE GONE, FILTHY WHERS! she screamed to the crowd in general, hissing with bared teeth as B'jin carefully took Talian out of the room they had been in, and made his way to the trauma portion of the Hall. There was no need to move the boy any more than would be necessary and if he got him there, then the stupid know it all Healers would have one less thing to snipe at the 'useless greenrider' for doing wrong! Shoving into a room with the back of his shoulder, and mindful of both Talian's head and feet, B'jin entered the room and found it neatly set up with two beds. He'd managed to find an empty one (where were the people in the Hall?) and he kicked the door shut with his foot and gently deposited Talian on the bed, doing his best to make sure the boy was comfortable. Climbing onto the narrow bed himself, B'jin stretched out beside Talian, one arm wriggling under Talian's head while the other draped over his side, running smooth circles on the boys back, the only thing B'jin could think to do to offer any comfort at all.

Talian felt himself getting bleary again as B'jin 's arms closed around him. The healer marveled distantly about how easily the dragonrider carried his lithe form, as if he were just a ratty, discarded doll. His head pounding and his body burning in agony, Tal let out a distressed choking cry and clutched the man's shirt, finally letting his pent up fear and regret boil to the surface. How could he have done such a thing to himself, to B'jin? His friends? What a waste it would have been. What a pathetic sharding waste.

Now, he was scared. It had been a long time since he felt such potent, primal fear. Death rarely visited his thoughts. Pain, yes. Neglect, yes.  But never death. He hadn't gone in to the process expecting a romantic, poetic end, however! He was no depressed hold girl with a penchant for harpers' tragedies. He instead faced his death with a mathematical slant, void of emotion and passion. It felt empty, like a logical part of a dull process deigned to end his pain. It was just a simple procedure, like stitching a wound or removing a growth.

Now that he'd seen it up close, he realized just what an emotional affair it could be.

He let himself sob softly as B'jin carried him through the hall. Somehow, miraculously, it was still dark and quiet. Larrikith must have kept them all away. The healer trembled a bit, struggling to suppress his pain and keep his eyes open, terrified that if he closed them, they wouldn't reopen. He certainly felt sick. His skin had become clammy with cold sweat and his hair and clothing were drenched with both sweat and blood. He wept softly, gripping B'jin tightly, silently exalting the man as his savior and the greatest thing to ever happen to him.

Before long, he was in bed. He groaned and arched his back in sharp discomfort as he settled, soon aware of B'jin's form resting beside him. He welcomed the hand under his head and the arm over his side. He rolled lovingly into the greenrider. There was nothing sexual about it, though in a less dire circumstance he might have worried it would look at that.  He shivered, his body readying for another convulsion. He could feel his heart racing, even though he was calm. Did that mean the poison had reached it? Was he about to have a heart attack and die?

"Thank you, B'jin. Thank you for everything," Tal gasped in a pained voice, once again fearful that it was his last chance. "I know it sounds crazy, but I'm glad all this happened...just so I could meet someone like you. I always wished I had a father."  Sappy? Yes. But the healer meant it with all of his heart.

He huddled against B'jin. He felt his consciousness waning, his vision cloudy and unreliable. Fear gripped him all at once, but there was nothing to do but lie there and accept it. He'd done it to himself, and were it not for B'jin, it would already be too late.  Maybe it still was. Unable to speak due to weakness and severe pain in his throat, he just rested and hoped.

Things continued like that for some time. For the next hour he shuddered and coughed, his head spun and his consciousness faded in and out. He sweated horribly and groaned miserably as his stomach continued to burn. At length, he finally fell still all at once. His shallow breaths continued, however, and in time even started to grow stronger. In spite of everything, he drifted off to sleep just as the sun started to rise.

He'd survived the night. If he was conscious, he'd have told B'jin to stop worrying; he was going to make it.

"Shh, shh," B'jin whispered, brushing Talian's hair back gently. The stench of sweat, blood and fear was rapidly filling the room and it was all B'jin could smell as he flared his nostrils, breathing out a gentle sigh as Talian spoke. He snuggled closer to the boy, careful to be gentle lest he knock him and somehow manage to make things worse (B'jin was pretty sure knocking Talian out of bed wouldn't be good!) as his fingers danced in a soothing pattern over the healer's back. B'jin would have had to be lost in flight lust to take anything Talian did as a sexual advance, and would likely freak out and make an expedition norther to murder Talerian if he felt that Talian expected things like that to be a part of a father-son relationship!

"Shh, love." B'jin murmured, kissing the clammy forehead and watching with anxious eyes as Talian gave in to the demands of his body. The greenrider didn't move, his own frame anxious and tense as he watched Talian through the hours. He was counting breaths one moment, shifting his hand to feel the raging beat of the boy's heart through the grimy material of his shirt the next, and clinging tightly to him the entire time, as if by so doing, he could prevent some terrible last breath from leaving the child. "Oh, Talian," B'jin sighed softly, before freezing inside and out as the healer stilled, ice in his veins as he waited for another breath to be taken. He relaxed as they continued, growing steadily stronger, and tears washed down B'jin's face as Larrikith gently probed her way into both minds.

His mind is at peace, she said softly, her voice as exhausted as B'jin felt emotionally, physically. There was a quiet moment, in which dragon and rider reassured one another, before B'jin passed out, body going lax beside Talian as his mind shut down. Outside, Larrikith gave in to the overwhelming relief that had come from her rider, and gave a bellow of triumph before she, too, toppled over in an ungainly heap, her mind blacking out. The crowd of people surrounding her seemed shell shocked by the turn of events, and it took a moment before anyone reacted.