Discussing Options [A'liran]

Two weeks.  Two weeks since Shanith had flown, only to be caught by Berruth.  She'd fought him all the way to the ground, submission to the early capture not being in her nature to give, even to a bronze.  Ravana had fought T'rel during the flight and during his taking of seconds.  When he'd taken thirds, she'd been too dazed with pain and shame to fight.

Two weeks she'd hidden from her friends.  Only T'lian had seen her and that had been because he knew how brutal T'rel was and refused to take 'I'm fine' as an answer.  The lecture about her do it yourself medical care had been gentler than his usual as he'd set her wrist and bound her ribs. 

She went to see Talian again two weeks after Shanith's rise.  She had wanted to wait to show herself in public till the bruising healed entirely, but hadn't been able to.  She had to confirm what hse already knew.  It was early, but she had suspected after her missed period, and knew when she'd thrown up twice at the scent of klah.  Now she needed T'lian to verify it.  But she knew...She only threw up at the scent of klah when she was pregnant.  It was sad that there was no way the baby could be B'run's.  That was her own damn fault.  This whole thing was, at the bottom of it.

She couldn't blame Shanith for sleeping through everything when the flight had exhausted her so.  Couldn't blame Stubborn for obeying the command to stay away.  Couldn't blame T'rel for dragonlust.  Flights were part of weyr life.  She needed to accept it and move on, really.  She knew that.  Knew that rough flights happened all the time and this...this was nothing more than a rough flight.  When her name was called she shook herself from her thoughts, offering T'lian a wry smile and some treats for Fellis.  "I need to...I..."  She took a breath then spat it out.  "Am I pregnant?"

When T'lian told her she was pregnant after consulting her records and testing something, she had nearly broken down into tears.  When she saw the look on his face, she held them back and hugged him gently instead, heading out to her dragon.  She walked home in dazed fugue, thinking all the while.  Pregnant.  With T'rel's baby.  She would never be sure how she got there incident free, later. 

A'liran was waiting on her porch.  She paused, then sighed to herself.  What did he need?  She'd heard his flight had gone rough, sent him some of her bruise balm and herbal teas to help as she often did when she heard a green rider (usually him) had a rough flight.  She never asked for thanks.  Like most males, A'liran had his pride and Ravana would respect it.  She wasn't even sure he knew it had been her, unless Stubborn had stayed around.  She seemed to be taking notice of male flitters lately.  Ravana wasn't sure if she wanted to figure out why.

She felt Shanith go to Astoreth and croon to her.  Unlike the other green, she bore battle wounds from her last flight.  Unlike her rider, she didn't care about the wounds she bore.  She didn't even remember why she'd gotten them, truly, a fact for which her rider thanked Faranth. 

Ravana busied herself making tea and preparing some refreshments for A'liran.  She carried them out to him nervously, her tension showing in every line of her body.  She'd set the tray down by him, taking her tea and leaving him a cold juice, crackers, cheese and a dried meat that was good with both.  She trembled so badly that her tea sloshed in her cup until she set it down on the table next to her favored swinging chair.  "Are you okay?"

A'liran liked to think of himself as the guardian of greenriders. He knew as well as anyone how difficult their lives could be, distracted not only by the passions of their dragons but by the prejudices of other riders. It was hard enough to be like him, a strong and pushy man with a lot of pride and not a lot of room to exercise it. He could only imagine how terrible it must have been for a woman. Maybe some riders would afford them some mercy or some chivalry, but the pessimistic greenrider was certain that just as many would treat them even worse.

When he heard about Ravana's rough flight, he stayed away. He was too ashamed of his own to dare stick his head above the sand. Today, however, he'd learned through Astoreth that Ravana had visited the healer. Concerned that there might be some sort of lasting complication and unwilling to forget the gift she'd sent him after his own bad flight, Ali decided to take the time to visit.

Ali tried to be friends with everyone, or at least everyone worth his time. Ravana was someone he both respected and saw eye to eye with on many issues as well, so he was particularly concerned. He frowned at her as soon as she opened the door, his eyes immediately drawn to her shaking hands.

"You okay?" he asked, seeing no reason to hide his intentions with gentleness or evasiveness.  There was some definite concern in his voice, and a creeping anger that suggested that he was awfully displeased with what he saw. If he found out that dirty, stinking bonrzerider had laid a hand on her...

Ravana curled up in her chair, tucking hair behind an ear.  She debated pointing out she'd asked A'liran first, then looked at him.  If she pressed he wouldn't tell her.  A'liran was a proud man.  She took a sip of her tea, blinking as Stubborn came from wherever she had been, laying a painted rock in Ravana's lap.

Ravana took it with a wavery smile, laying it on the table, blinking when the flit disappeared, only to come back with a shiny rock.  This time, Ravana hugged the flit, her soft chittering and nuzzles making her smile.    She spoke softly.  "Rough flight.  T'rel can never seem to keep Berruth from chasing Shanith when she rises and Olemuth wasn't fast enough."  She was trying to downplay it, but her hands still shook when she raised her cup to her lips.  She couldn't shake the shakes.

She looked to A'liran, then touched a healing bruise on his arm.  "Did the medicines help?"  She changed the subject quietly, letting her hand linger, knowing he would understand it was for comfort, not anything more.  She retracted after a moment and took a sip of her tea again, adding softly only part aware she was speaking, "Sometimes I wish I could tie all four of her feet to the ground, though I know that dragons need to Fly...I just...wish we didn't when they did."

Rough fight. A common complaint. Ali scowled a bit, snapping his arm back to keep it away from her prying touch, not because he didn't appreciate it but because he didn't want her to see how bad it was. The medicine had helped with the pain, but the bruising lingered. She'd wasted enough of her time tending to him, and at the moment he was far more focused on her than he was on himself.

"Rough flight, with T'rel?" he inquired impatiently, his eyes flashing with passionate disdain. He hated bronzeriders. B'run was the only decent one in the Weyr as far as Ali was concerned, and only because he didn't act much like a bronzerider. T'rel was just another monster, though. Ali suspected it enough without seeing proof of it right before his eyes. It didn't help that Ravana had a certain steadiness about her that was lacking right now. It made Ali twitch.

"Ravana? Do I need to go beat that guys ass?" he asked in a deadly serious tone, face wrinkled with disapproval. He knew it was a foolish question. Of course she wouldn't want that...no sane person would. T'rel was not just Ali's wingleader, but hers as well. It would be suicide, but Ali would do it anyway if he needed to. Maybe he just wanted the excuse, or may he wanted someone to talk him out of it before he flew into a rage and did it on his own inclinations. T'rewl should have been setting an example, not abusing his power!

When A'liran yanked away, Ravana made a note to keep her hands to herself, and found them full of firelizard anyways.  Ravana kept petting Stubborn, soothing the little gold, and by extension, herself.  Stubborn chittered at her softly, the greenrider tracing the mostly healed wound on her side pensively.  The gold gently nipped her, making Ravana pull her fingers from the area and return to stroking her head.  She was rewarded with chittery croon.

Ravana winced and nodded.  She knew she should hide it, but really, that Berruth had won was common knowledge.  She opened her mouth to make an excuse for the bronze, then shut it. 

She snorted at A'liran's offer and bit back a laugh that bordered on hysterical.  Settling down before A'liran could decide that she was laughing at him, she murmured, "T'ken offered the same."  She had talked him out of it, though that was harder than she'd expected. 

Ravana took a breath.  "While what you do with your fists is your own business, you're better than that, A'liran.  Violence is how T'rel solves things."  She flashed on T'ken then and how she'd adopted him, and looked down.

She couldn't keep this baby.  T'rel would know he was the sire, and she would never be able to keep it safe.  She couldn't handle another late term miscarriage or a still birth.  And another birth might kill her.  Last time, it had taken every ounce of fight the green rider had in her and all of the healer's skills to keep her and Berani alive.

And Berani still wasn't talking.  Ravana loved her.  She would love her even if she never ever talked, which the green rider was acknowledging could be a possibility.  But she knew that language difficulty came from her side of the family and that it could very easily happen again.

A fire lizard tongue on her cheek made her blink, and realize Stubborn was licking at tears.  Ravana had always taken the approach that if she knew she was pregnant she would not terminate her pregnancy. 

She would pull herself together, then lean back, eyes closed as she cursed T'rel to being attacked by a horde of flesh-eating firelizards and dragged kicking and screaming Between after for getting her pregnant with a baby she couldn't keep. You do realize you're speaking aloud.  I don't mind, and do admire your creativity, but you might give A'liran 'ideas'.

Hey,  A'liran. There was a long pause. What you do with your fists i your own business.

Ali shot an incredulous look in the direction of his dragon, an outrageous expression of anger clearly visible on his tired face. By the egg, Ast! Do you have any sense of tact whatsoever? he demanded. How did she even know what that term meant? Maybe she was picking up on his own subliminal immaturity. Some part of him had filed the line away to chuckle at at a later, less-serious time and the dragon just felt the need to throw it out there. Or maybe his dragon was just a pervert.

He received a bolt of indignant frustration from the green, but he could also sense a tremor of apology as well. Heh, pardon me...But you sounded like you needed cheering up she sneered in a half-apology. That was enough for Ali, but in a weird way, he appreciated her effort. He appreciated it even more when the green dragon's tone became much more serious and she quietly urged him to turn around.

The greenrider spun around to see Ravana quite obviously crying, her fire lizard sweetly trying to clear her face of tears. His heart skipped a beat. "Oh...Ravana?" he said with alarm, taking a step closer and reaching out, only to freeze in place when he realized that he was doing the very think he'd recoiled from her for only minutes ago.

Shards...what could he do? He swallowed hard and placed his hands awkwardly at his sides, looking down at his feet and sighing. "...Come on. Let's sit down and talk about it, okay?" he asked, his voice shaking not with pain, but with anger. He wanted to destroy that bronzerider...he wanted to destroy him more than anything else on  Pern at that moment.

Stubborn wriggled as Ravana ducked her licks, shifting to place a paw on the woman's cheek and keep licking.  Ravana finally reached up, wrapping her hands around the still small framed gold and tugged her away from her face.  She dug for and found a handkerchief, wiping her face of tears and firelizard spit. 

"Sorry.  I didn't mean to scare you."  Seeing and reading the look on his face and why he'd frozen in place, she reached out to touch his sleeve.  She withdrew quickly, wanting to soothe not anger him further. 

She curled up, Stubborn wriggling free to go and come back with a light blanket.  Ravana wrapped it around herself, looking at the gold.  "I'm fine."  The little queen simply looked up at her, chattered fiercely and hissed, then settled ehrself on A'liran's lap.  Ravana had the sudden feeling that if the fire lizard could have spoken words, the first amoung them would have been a variation on 'Liar'.

She debated what to say, then looked down.  "I don't blame him for the flight.  You can't control what your dragon is during a flight.  If we could, flights would be alot different."  She bit her lip.  "I try not to blame riders for what happens after.  My weyrlingmaster always said that humans take longer to come down from it all after flight but..."  She sighed.  "...I never believed it, not like I should have."

Realizing she was babbling, she shut up a long moment.  "I'm pregnant.  It's his.  I still haven't found the nerve to...It doesn't matter.  And I can't keep it.  But I don't know if I have the courage to do what must be done." 

Shanith spoke to her softly.  You do.  You always do.  Her dragon's faith hurt and Ravana curled in on herself wrapping arms around her knees and burying her face in them, trying to make sure that she wouldn't freakin' cry again.  She needed to tough this out, she didn't even know why she was talking to the person most likely to kill T'rel for what he'd done. 

"That's bull," Ali replied. He rested one hand on Stubborn in a sign of solidarity, trying to soothe the little beast. She was cute! Ali imagined Lump would arrive to try and court her soon enough, but for the time being the little Queen would get to enjoy her peace, as neither of Ali's bronzes were nowhere in sight. The scratched the little gold delicately, but his face continued to betray his vicious attitude towards the situation.

"That's utter wherry teeth, Ravana," he spat. "That's just what they say to get us to comply...You know, stop people from complaining or actually trying to fix it. They teach people that it's unavoidable." His voice bubbled with disdain. "The fact that it took place in a flight doesn't make it more okay than if it was any other time." There was a hint of grim resignation in his tone. He'd been insisting as much for turns, but no one listened. He wasn't even sure if he believed it himself. Flights were a good excuse for him tro attack his perceived attackers.  He had a reputation for being a violent partner himself, always justified because he was the greenrider. He played the self-defense card, but he sometimes had to wonder if he acted that way because Ast forced him, or if it was because he wanted to.

He narrowed his eyes at Ravana with deadly insistence. "..Pregnant? With T'rel's kid..?" he inquired warily. He pulled his hand away from Stubborn and curled it into a fist. He remained silent for a few long, lingering seconds. Well, at least she knew the solution. He could sense the grief in her, but that didn't make it any less necessary.

"If you can't, I'll be the one to take you," he said, his voice soft and utterly cold.

Stubborn chittered up at A'liran, tryign to soothe him.  She didn't know why hers was sad and the angry one was so much angrier.  She didn't know what she could do to soothe either.  When he pulled away from her, she shifted to brace both paws on his fist and nudge his fingers.  Her eyes whirling faster, she looked up at both him and her bonded.

Ravana nearly pointed out that the only one who came with more bruises than A'liran's flights than him was his flight winners, but decided that in this case, it would be kinder, and more polite, to be silent.  She took a breath, forcing her voice not to waver though tears still slipped unnoticed down her cheeks.  "I might take you up on that.  Shanith...well even an idiot like me knows you don't go between with an healing wounds if you can help it."

She looked at A'liran levelly.  "If you do take me...Can you stay quiet?  I don't give a shit about anyone else finding out but I would prefer T'ken not find out.  I don't want to add fuel to the battle between him and T'rel." 

She tried to keep things semicivil between the two men, particularly now that T'ken was grown.  She had seen enough to know a battle neither could win when she saw it.  Since Impressing Indrith, her boy had gained a 'screw the consequences' protective streak that frightened Ravana.  Not only from Indrith.  I seem to remember my bonded has no limits when she's protecting those she loves... 

Not me.  I failed to protect T'ken.  I should have stepped in much much sooner than I did.  That was her chief regret.  And how many times have you done stupid things to protect him since then?  You say yourself hatchlings learn from example.  Ravana blinked at her dragon. 

"I'd really rather blame Indrith for that protective streak."  Her dragon snorted, and Ravana got the distinct impression she was being laughed at.

Ali softened slightly as he felt the softness of a fire lizard's nose against his fingers. He looked down to see Stubborn, adorable with her tender, buttery hide and her dark blotches, nuzzling sweetly and confusedly against him. The greenrider let out a slow and soft sigh, pausing and lifting the hand to delicately stroke her. "Hey there, pretty lady," he said gently to the little beast. She looks worried. I wonder if fire lizards actually worry, or if it just looks that way to me... he mused.

Ravana's request was simple enough. Ali didn't react at first, instead peering down at the fire lizard. After a couple seconds of digestion, he looked back at the creature's bonded and offered her a slow, stoic nod. "Of course. I won't tell anyone," he promised. He adjusted his posture a little bit, perhaps to mask his mild discomfort at the topic. "...It's greenrider business and no one else's," he assured her.

He'd be damned if he told anyone and exposed the poor woman to any more shame and hardship than she'd already known. At least he never had to worry about this particular outcome of a bad flight. Being a greenrider sucked without having to deal with being a woman, too. Ali would never understand why the poor things were so shamed for their bond to a man's dragon. Shouldn't it have been a sign of fortitude, not of shame? That she could handle something that was so often thought of as a man's domain?

The world didn't make sense, not to Ali. He sometimes wondered if it ever would.

Stubborn perked and gently licked A'liran's fingers, the gold crooning to him and nuzzling gently at his fingers. 

She felt her bonded's sadness, knew the emotion wsa strangling her and wondered why Green Nuisance Sister wasn't helping.  The flitter was somewhat sure emotions weren't supposed to...She was distracted then by Aliran hitting a spot that itched slightly, the flitter pressing into the touch. 

Ravana looked to A'liran and searched for a way to cheer him up, though she felt anything but cheerful.  She looked to Astoreth, watching the green with troubled eyes.  "You eaten yet?  Stubborn's hungry and I should eat myself."  Food cheered everyone up, right?

Stubborn cheeped softly, confused.  She was hungry?  She hadn't known that.  She nonetheless cheeped in a fashion that was plainly begging, understanding that her bonded needed feelings to change now.  Right now.  She even took a test nibble of one of A'liran's fingers. 

Ravana looked down and away, watching Astoreth quietly.  "Ever wonder what would happen if green riders could work together better?"  She was shaking her head as she spoke.  She'd tried, long ago, to get together a group to work together to help each other through life at Katila but it had exploded when she'd joined T'rel's Outsiders.

What would have been if she'd only taken better care of her straps?  That was what haunted her at night.  Well one of the things.

A'liran sighed softly and ran his fingers through his short hair, worried expression refusing to soften even as he made an effort to smile. "Sorry, Ravana, but I think I need to be on my way," he said. He wanted to comfort her, he really did, but staying and eating her food after giving her such a dire piece of advice hardly seemed appropriate. The last thing he wanted to do was give someone the wrong idea, and in all honesty, the conversation had made him frightfully uncomfortable.

It would be better just to bow out, especially when he was so damn angry. He couldn't get the entire ordeal out of his head. Ravana's lack of detail didn't help, since now Ali was free to run wild through his own vivid imagination, painting his own version of the events. He was certain that if he sat around with her, he'd find himself tempted to bring it up again, and every time he bought it up he'd probably just get angrier. It was better to cut and run.

He looked over his shoulder and frowned. "...You take care, okay Ravana..?" he asked. As soon as he'd decided to leave, he felt an equal measure of reluctance. His mind was made up, though. He needed to go, before he could stew in his negativity and make it worse for both of them. "You know where I am if you need me, okay? We're all greenriders together, you know?" Man or woman, young or old...they were all greenriders, and they needed each other more than ever.

As he spun to walk away, his own eyes followed Ravana's, bringing his gaze to Astoreth. He smiled. "...We can, you know," he said. "...Work together, I mean. Just because some of us are sell-outs doesn't mean we all have to be." He took a couple steps. "I sure never will be."

@badgerstripes BlueDragon

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