Post Hatching Depression [Indivara]

It had been nine days since the double Hatching in which roughly thirty dragonets didn’t want him but one had wanted his twin. Nine days of moping around, his smile to show he was fine beginning to fade with each hour, and tears barely refraining from spilling at night when Ryvian realized he didn’t have his brother waiting for him to come to bed. They had shared a bed for most of their lives thanks to being young enough to do such a thing when everyone was reunited and their bedroom being small. After their parents died and they were asked to move into a smaller hut for a ‘proper’ family to have more space, they continued sharing a bed in the one bedroom tiny hut. It was comforting and held nightmares at bay.

He didn’t have that now. Ryvian did his best to drink himself into a stupor for most of his waking hours and even fell into a couple of other beds to help fill in the time and find some sort of comfort in the arms of someone. It had been fairly easy to do the first two days thanks to the Hatching gather and then the traditional UnImpressed party he had to throw the following night in order to show he still had his good sense of humour and was fine. It only worked so much, though, and that afternoon, he hadn’t even bothered to get out of bed. It was too bright out, too hot out, and the day held the chance he’d see Nyvian with his precious bronze dragonet. None of that seemed like a reason to leave the comfort of his somewhat cool and darkened bedroom with half of the bed far too obviously empty. That was fine. He didn’t need Nyvian beside him forever! They were twenty-two in a few months and far too old to still need to cling to each other’s hands or curl up against at night when a lover didn’t require all night attention.

He hadn’t seen much of Indivara since Hatching day either. She had been wonderful to him and Ryvian did his best to treat her amazingly in kind and held off on babbling his fears and new beliefs. She didn’t deserve that, and her constantly having to leave to feed her spawn with V’ler reminded Ryvian that he couldn’t rely on her to keep his mind from straying to horrible thoughts constantly. She needed her own time and some sleep as much as he did, and sleep he did a lot of. It was simply easier to deal with everything that way.

When he was sober and alone, like now, Ryvian did too much thinking. He had thought about Nyvian now known as N’vian, had thought about Indivara, and had thought about his chances of Impressing at another clutch. It was miserable work going through everything over and over without situations really changing. Perhaps that was why that day he hadn’t bothered to even show up for lunch or breakfast before that. Then again, he had been a bit hungover that morning so food wasn’t likely to happen even if he had been inclined to eat. Since his own food supply had been monitored more by Nyvian who then told him when to gather more things, Ryvian didn’t have much left to eat in the hut and would have to show up for a meal eventually. Later, he decided. When everyone had gone home for the night, he’d head over to the pantry and grab some fruits or dried meat to bring back.

Smiling and acting like he was thrilled for Nyvian was draining him and he couldn’t do it again that day. More sleep was needed first and then maybe he could try again tomorrow. Maybe.

Indivara had had a long week, herself, albeit for somewhat different reasons. After leaving Ryvian the day of the Hatching to go and find where her infant was, so she could feed her, the girl had found herself unintentionally avoiding the young man. She was not sure where she stood, and her overactive mind was not quite sure how to process everything that had happened. She did not want to pretend that none of it had happened, but nor did she wish to make more of it than it was. As a result, while she did not avoid Ryvian when she saw him during the first few days that followed, she did not actively seek him out, either. It was less awkward, that way.

Then, of course, Indivara had caught a stomach bug. It had not been anything major, but it had hit the girl hard and she was confined to a bed in the infirmary. Partly, it had been for her own health, but mostly it was so the healers cold make sure Varlea did not get sick and kick the bucket in the process; infant mortality rates were less than ideal, and Katila was certainly no haven for the little mites. Indivara had scoffed at that – this was her flesh and blood, after all, and nothing had killed her yet! Never mind V’ler’s added genetics – but she’d been too sick to actively fight them and besides feeding the child when required, Indivara had spent most of her time curled up miserably around a bucket. Puking was by far her least favourite past time.

She’d been allowed to return home the day before, and as per the usual, none of her friends had visited – Indivara didn’t like being sick, and she certainly didn’t appreciate her friends coming by to pat her on the head and tell her it would all be okay. She’d had more than enough of that during her pregnancy, she didn’t need more of it just because she had a stomach bug. Besides, they would only get themselves sick and while Indivara would have laughed at them for causing their own misery by visiting her while ill, she was not quite cruel enough to actually wish it upon them. Being sick sucked.

Feeding Varlea in the far-too-early hours, Indivara had toppled back into bed only to be woken up an hour or so later when Par’a had come tip toing into the hut, all her efforts to remain quiet betrayed by Grith’s excited babbling; to be fair, the dragon was trying to be quiet, which for Grith, said a lot. Indivara had peered up at the woman from her bed, watching silently as Varlea was gathered up and the woman retreated. Indivara waved at her lazily and went back to sleep for another few hours. She was woken by the combined need to pee and feed a baby, and Indivara had sighed as she decided to face the day. It had been a good day, too!

When she had dressed, literally in a short summer dress of soft blue material that had half-length belled sleeves that stopped just past her elbows, and a neckline that was cut high enough to hide her scars, but low enough to be appealing, Indivara had made her way out to face the day. The dress, which fell to just around mid-thigh, and was gathered at the waist with a darker blue belt, was a gift Kerrin had made her to wear. Since she had ended up in dresses for most of the third part of her pregnancy, apparently the green weyrling had decided she liked them. Indivara would admit that she did not quite hate them, but she was not prepared to say she liked them. The little shorts he had made her to wear under the dresses, that tied at the waist and at her legs to ‘hide what doesn’t need to be shared’ had amused Indivara no end. She found the little things hilarious, and wore them more so she could flick the skirt up and flash Kerrin than because she enjoyed the modesty they provided.

So dressed, the girl had opted to spend the morning with Kerrin (honorifics be damned), and his little green before darting off to feed Varlea. It was, however, the gossip she had been privy to while helping him bathe Ajaaskath, which was the cause of Indivara’s current mission. Apparently, Ryvian had been slowly becoming more and more of a recluse instead of more and more at ease with his brother’s Impression. Had she not been otherwise preoccupied with not dying for the past week, Indivara was quite sure she could have hit him over the head already and fixed the issue. As it was, the girl was in a particularly buoyant mood after dumping her daughter on Par’a once more, and was near skipping as she made her way to Ryvian’s hut.

Making it there, Indivara pushed the door open without knocking, unfazed by the closed curtains – it was the best way to help keep out the midday heat – though her expression scrunched up at the stale smell of the hut as she stepped inside and closed the door. The curtains probably had not been opened at all the past week, judging by the lazy, musty smell of a lived in but unaired hut. Her eyes narrowed, and she considered for a moment throwing open all the windows – in part to be a bitch, and in part because the air needed freshening. In the end, she decided to leave well enough alone. She’d just come back and open them all that evening, and if he didn’t get his lazy arse out of bed and close them before breakfast the next morning, well, then it would be his fault for boiling his brains out.

Indivara slipped quietly through the tiny hut, waving off Blood Sucker and Psh when they popped into existence around her head, and sending them off to annoy Tryst, wherever the little blue was. Indivara paused at the door, pushing it open lightly and frowning in the half-light that was given. It was not difficult to recognise the dead looking lump as Ryvian, and Indivara whispered across the room on soft-soled slippers. She didn’t think he knew she was there, and if he did, he hadn’t opted to acknowledge her. Indivara huffed, rather loudly, and climbed up onto the bed, and then onto Ryvian, perching in the middle of the sulking young man’s back.

With a truly wicked expression of devious delight, Indivara’s fingers dug into Ryvian’s sides, tickling just below his armpits. She was seated well enough to avoid startled kicks from his legs, though the girl was well aware she could be thrown across the bed when he reacted to the attack, she was prepared to deal with that! So long as he didn’t throw her onto the floor – then she’d have to hit him!

Indivara had been right in her assumption that Ryvian hadn’t heard her. It was only when the bed shifted under the weight of another human that the twin took a bit of notice, rousing from his ponderings as he tried to sleep again. His hopes lifted into thinking it was Nyvian returning to him but they were quickly shot down again when the mystery person crawled onto his back and went for tickling him. He screamed ineloquently at the attack that scared him half to death and started squirming under the assault even as the laughter came. It was a foreign sound to his ears since it was genuine and not something he had heard in nine days. Sure, he had laughed daily as he normally would but it was missing the soul and honesty to it. This time, it was real.

It also came from tickling in a spot that always sent him flailing with reaction and his attacker was bucked a few times before Ryvian found enough adrenaline to buck and roll, sending the light person to the empty side of the bed. He quickly brushed his hair from his face and blinked twice before squinting at the new form on the bed. “Di!” The nickname came out in a squeak that Ryvian quickly cleared his throat from, trying his best to pretend it was from the sleep or some such thing. He had hit puberty long ago; no reason for that octave to return!

It was also a good way to get back into the routine of pretending he was fine and smiled at her for a moment before grinning with the usual twinkle of lust for her in his eyes. “If I had known all I had to do was sleep in to get you into bed with me, I would have tried it a while ago.” He vividly remembered the time in the bathhouse with her and sometimes during his lower mood moments, he would return to that time to brighten up his life again. But even with that fun with Indivara, it still didn’t count as sex in the bed they were now lying on and his admittedly weak flirting still worked.

Indivara gave a wicked giggle at the very inelegant sound that left Ryvian’s mouth, the girl dissolving into almost as much laughter as the weyrbrat she was attacking before she was bucked across the bed. Laughing breathily, Indivara flopped onto her back and brushed her skirts down, turning sparkling blue eyes to peer at Ryvian through the lacklustre light in the room. “Indivara,” she corrected, flashing a feral grin at the squeaky tone.

“Hah!” Indivara’s response was a mocking laugh, and she gave Ryvian a superior look, though her face flushed crimson under the expression as she sat up fluidly and rearranged her skirt uncomfortably as she curled her legs under herself; she should have worn pants, but the visit hadn’t been planned! The girl had composed herself by the time she looked up from the task, and the smug look was back on her face. “You’ve been sleeping in for years,” Indivara pointed out, eyebrows rising as she met Ryvian’s eyes with determination.

“Kerrin said you haven’t been out much lately.” She studied his face, her expression carefully neutral. She knew she did not need to explain that if she was catching up on gossip with Kerrin, than she had been out of commission herself for a while. Par’a was Indivara’s other go-to source for information and updates, but with the woman taking Varlea; Indivara had not wanted to tempt her to give the child back by hanging around longer than necessary!

Indivara considered Ryvian for several long moments with quiet intensity, before inching across the bed to be closer to him, a frown taking over her eyebrows and drawing them together. It did not take a genius to figure out what the major upsetting factor in Ryvian’s life at present, but Indivara was not quite sure how to go about handling it. She pursed her lips for a few moments before speaking firmly. “You will Impress, you know. Not because Ny did, either. Because a dragon will want you.” Raising a hand, Indivara gave Ryvian a sharp jab in the centre of the chest with one small pointer-finger, expression serious.

The girl had her own doubts about Impression, mostly her own, but she knew her friend would definitely Impress one day soon – if only because Kerrin had, and if he could Impress, well, anyone could! Never mind all the Northern raised idiots running around with dragons attached at the hip and they didn’t even want one! It really was only a matter of time before Ryvian got his dragon, and if she had to poke his chest black and blue to make him stop sulking like a spoiled child, well, Indivara was prepared to do that. She would try being nice first, but she was not putting money on that working!

Ryvian grinned at being called out on his statement. He liked sleeping in! Mostly, that was due in part to not always getting to bed at what was considered a decent time but everyone knew not to expect him for morning assistance unless otherwise prearranged but that wasn’t done too regularly. Still, it was nice to see Indivara was still the same as she had been before the world started to fall apart on the first day of the turn. She’d always been good at casually brushing aside his advances and flirting and nothing had changed in that department.

The grin was short lived though, and replaced with a grimace when Impressing was brought up and he was jabbed in the chest. He had made a choice the day in the tub and while he hadn’t told her, Ryvian felt it had been the proper one. It was why he didn’t care that his precious Candidate robe was left on the floor without a second glance from him. “Oh, I forgot to tell you,” he said it as casually as if they had been talking about how boring class was or what was on the dinner menu as he rubbed at the poked area, “I’m not Standing anymore.” It wasn’t until he had said it aloud that Ryvian realized the implications behind his idea. Was that really what he wanted? True, dragons didn’t seem to want him but he still wanted one, right? Was the desire to avoid being crushed with disappointment stronger than the desire to bond?

Since dragons were currently seen as replacements and somewhat like an enemy, Ryvian couldn’t decide if he wanted to avoid having his own or if he needed one to fill the hole where Nyvian used to be. He always knew he relied on his brother too much and was a bit clingy, especially after their parents died but maybe it was time he grew up and moved on.

Eyebrows arched upwards at the casually started response, the girl immediately suspicious by the tone alone. Blue eyes narrowed and her lips pursed once more as her friend continued. Instead of immediately launching at him – which the flash of ‘fuck you’re a fucking idiot’ across her face said she barely avoided doing – Indivara rearranged her legs to cross them and rest her elbows on her knees. She was going to deck him in a minute, and was clearly trying not to. She already had one broken nose against her; she really could not afford to be removed from the next Hatching for breaking Ryvian’s!

Hard blue eyes studied her friend’s face for several more moments, before Indivara wove her fingers together over her lap. “And what, exactly, do you plan to do when I Impress?” A disgusted look stole over the girl’s face and she sneered at Ryvian. “Mope for the rest of your life? Kill yourself?” Indivara snorted, disgusted.

“Stop being so fucking pathetic.” True, Indivara had had times when she’d thrown tantrums after failing to Impress, even stating she hated dragons! But she would never give up on her chance to get one for herself, and was both disgusted and disappointed that Ryvian was giving up so easily. She could not even bring herself to hit him! He just was not worth it! It was only with great self-control that Indivara did not take that moment to stalk out of the hut and leave him to rot.

The outburst of anger was kind of expected considering how much they had all longed to Impress and would talk about all the details of it playing out. Still, a little support over his decision would have been nice but Ryvian knew he’d never get that over such a thing. He wasn’t even given a chance to counter her comment about when she Impressed! He wanted to point out he would mope a bit but only because he’d have to wait months before he could flirt with her again. It wasn’t like she ever gave in outside of the one time in a tension-filled tub but there was always the hint of hope that one day she would want him. If she Impressed, there wasn’t even the hope to keep him going so the flirting had to go entirely on hold.

Feeling as pathetic as he was accused of being, Ryvian rolled over onto his other side, so he faced away from the friend he couldn’t look at. She was judging him, and rightfully so. He judged himself constantly as well since the moment the last hatchling had waddled out of its shell and left with someone else. She wasn’t going to understand, no one could. Bonds existed on so many levels, Ryvian understood that, but none were like that of twins. Finally, with a deep shuddering intake of breath and a slow release seconds later, Ryvian finally gave voice to the true issue.

“He’s gone, Indivara. A dragon took him away from me. I’ve been replaced and he doesn’t need me anymore. I still need him, though.” Tears started to well up but he refused to let them fall, dashing them away with an index finger. “He was all I had.” He’d probably end up kicked out of the current hut as well. His parents died? Well, can’t stay in a family-sized hut anymore! His brother is now gone? Well, can’t stay in a large bed in a decent hut anymore! He’d probably be relegated to a closet in the Weyrfolk Hall if he was lucky. That seemed about right as to where they put rejected Candidates and orphans.

The girl watching as he rolled over to face away from her and Indivara chewed on her bottom lip as she listened with a remarkably calm expression as Ryvian spoke. She waited patiently to be sure he was finished speaking before she mulled over his words, considering them and in the process, allowing her furious outrage to build up. Then she exploded, her voice a venomous hiss.

“He’s not fucking gone, you fucking retard. He’s on the other side of the gather fucking square!” Indivara reached out, rocking onto her knees as she roughly grabbing Ryvian’s shoulder and hauled him onto his back forcefully so she could glare down at him furiously; the tears on his face were ignored, and given no sympathy. She sneered again, lip curling as she got right in his face. “He didn’t abandon you. You abandoned him.”

Shoving herself away from Ryvian viciously, Indivara almost toppled off the other side of the bed before regaining her balance and instead slipped off with much more dignity to stalk across the room. She didn’t want to abandon the idiot to his idiotic thoughts, but she needed to move or she was going to deck him into next turn. Stupid, stupid boy! “You’re a fucking idiot, do you know that?” The girl spun around, throwing her arms out to emphasise her point, and her disgust.

The words were supposed to sting; he knew they were. He wanted them to sting, to mean something to him again. They didn’t. Ryvian was moved around like a rag doll and laid where he was left as Indivara raged at him to the point where it looked like she was going to storm out and never be seen again. He wouldn’t have blamed her if that happened and was almost confused when she stayed to keep yelling at him.

That’s when he started laughing.

“I guess I am,” Ryvian gasped between the pathetic sound of laughter and sniffling from brief crying. He knew how he was acting and wasn’t all that fond of himself either. He also didn’t bother to point out how he wasn’t avoiding Nyvian because of being abandoned but because his brother was busy being a weyrling. Indivara would see it as a lie and excuse even though it was mostly true. He may have been feeling replaced and even jealous but Ryvian was still cheering his brother on and didn’t want to be a distraction.

“I think I’m having an identity crisis, Indivara,” once the laughter had faded Ryvian had reached an epiphany. Who was he now? He had always been Vian, either one twin or the other but it never mattered to anyone which one he was. Now, there were differences and people didn’t know him as Ryvian. “I’m not Vian… I’m the Vian that didn’t Impress. I’m… who am I, Di?” Nyvian had always been there beside him and now they were apart, on new life adventures. They would still meet again, he knew that, but it wasn’t the same. He felt empty and alone and didn’t know how to act without his brother to play off of. Of course none of that mattered with Indivara and Ryvian waited to hear once more that he was stupid and every other insult she could come up with in a matter of seconds before leaving.

Not wanting to see that happen, Ryvian’s gaze turned from his friend up to the ceiling. Maybe there was an answer up there if he looked hard enough.

Indivara’s fists planted firmly on her hips and she glared down at Ryvian as he laughed, tapping her foot in irritation at the sound. It wasn’t the right kind of laughter, not like the one when she had tickled him. This laughter struck Indivara as a sickness, not a happiness and frustration ran strong through the girl. Her foot tapping continued as he wiped his face and she gave a great huff of frustration.

“You’re still Ryvian you great fool!” Indivara stamped her foot for emphasis, stomping closer to the bed after she had done so and turned hard blue eyes on Ryvian, staring down at him without blinking. “Just because Nyvian isn’t buried up your arse doesn’t mean you aren’t you anymore!” She looked for a moment as if she was going to throttle him in order to get her point across, but settled for throwing her hands up with a wordless cry of frustration.

“Anyone that couldn’t tell you apart before now was just a fucking fool and isn’t worthy of being paid attention to!” Huffing, Indivara took in a deep breath and puffed it out grumpily. She had never understood how other people could not tell the twins apart, though it had been fun to play on. They had thought they had gotten her, proven she had been using some kind of ‘method’ to tell them apart and she had blown that up in their faces. They just weren’t that alike, and Indivara couldn’t comprehend how people thought they were!

Crossing her arms grumpily, Indivara sat heavily on the edge of the bed, turning around briefly to thump Ryvian on the thigh with one fist. Then she recrossed her arms and grumbled under her breath.

Ryvian quirked a brow and managed to grin at Indivara, showing a brief glimpse of his former self. If only she knew the way he was thinking about her comment involving Nyvian and an arse. He supposed some things were better left unsaid and while she wasn’t exactly counted as one, some things weren’t for the delicate ears of a lady either. So he let it slide and shook his head slowly to get the images to vanish. He didn’t need that distraction right then!

He really didn’t have anything to say about being told apart from his brother either. Indivara, D’hys, and a few others made it seem like it was natural to tell them apart as if they were two different people. Well, they were two different people but the face was the same and that seemed to be all that mattered to the majority of the population. Ryvian could see the differences between them and Indivara clearly did as well but everyone saw a sexy face, outgoing personality, and a love for fun and sex. What else did they need to know? They had figured out the important parts and everything else wasn’t needed.

While he loved attention on himself, Ryvian was starting to get tired of the current type. He wanted to be coddled but wasn’t getting it. Even if he was, the twin knew he’d still try to change the topic after growing sick of the pity he was already drowning in at his own hands. “You look tired, Di,” Ryvian had noticed earlier that she seemed pale with circles starting to show under her eyes. No doubt she was tired from being a mother but he had been through enough of her health issues in the past to know what she looked like after recovery and this was a familiar sight. It also explained some of her anger; not all of it since he was pissing her off nicely but she had some extra rage pent up that needed to be dealt out.

“Come nap with me if you don’t have to feed Varlea. I promise I’ll be good.” The promise was given with an attempt at a playful leer though it was also to cover that he wouldn’t whine anymore or upset her with his horrible thoughts and behaviour. It wasn’t like he really could anyway since he planned on sleeping for a few hours, not talking.

Indivara took a deep breath, and sighed it out in a long, drawn out breath. She rubbed a hand over her face before turning to look at Ryvian with an irritable snort. “Because you’re exhausting!” She ground out, the glare she levelled on the young man just daring him to twist her words and give her another reason to hit him… Not that he had not given her enough already, and Indivara supposed she could start hitting him now and it would not surprise him, but he was right. She was exhausted and hitting him was a waste of energy. Next week would be soon enough!

Her expression altered at his invitation, several emotions flickering over her features with their usual clarity. Suspicion was, of course, at the top of the list as blue eyes narrowed slightly while she watched him, unsure how much she trusted him to keep his word about being good. A flash of disappointment – she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted him to behave himself – but also irritation. In part, aimed at the previous disappointment, he was, after all, just talking and she did not need nor want him taking pity on her any more than she was willing to be one of those types. The fact that flight mothing was essentially a type of pity-sex in and of itself was blatantly ignored by the girl. She did not do pity sex!

Resignation was the expression that settled on her features, and she slumped where she was sitting. “Okay.” She paused for a moment before turning and shoving Ryvian to tempt him into moving across a bit, unwilling to crawl across him, and curled up against his side and the edge of the bed. “You have to stand with me.” Indivara’s voice was a soft murmur, more sulky than demanding. She was not allowed to stand at every clutch, so he’d only have to stand once every couple of turns! She’d never admit it, of course, but Indivara was somewhat intimidated by standing, after the last time she was on the Sands, and seeing the little bronze at the latest hatching go spastic. Indivara was not quite sure she had what it took not to freak out if one came in her direction. Sad, to be scared of the one colour she wanted.

Relief flooded through Ryvian as Indivara agreed and he willingly moved over for her. Concern for her well-being and the relief had even managed to make him forget he had inched his way over to what had always been viewed as Nyvian’s preferred side of the bed. He had been avoiding it, sleeping right on the edge like he often did when his brother filled the position but now it had another twin in it and Ryvian didn’t mind. The friend he was sharing the bed with made it all okay.

The sulky statement was a bit of an unexpected twist after all that had been said and Ryvian wasn’t sure what to say, afraid it would send them into an argument. He still wasn’t sure if he wanted to Stand ever again given all of his current issues he was working his way through but he also couldn’t deny Indivara this wish. He hadn’t been able to see her clearly during the last Hatching but knew the rampaging bronze at least made her tense and have flashbacks. He had been worried and remembering that night she was mauled so it made sense to believe the actual victim didn’t appreciate seeing it again.

He also couldn’t leave her on the Sands alone when they were the last two of their little group left to Impress. Northerners would pick on her and she’d fight back, losing her right to Stand again for who knew how long. The girls selected to try for gold would only annoy Indivara as well. He needed to be there to jump in front of angry bronzes that weren’t looking to Impress a spitfire of a girl, hold her back when she wanted to punch loud mouths, and run interference with some fun flirting when a gold hopeful got too chatty.

Besides, no matter what reasons he came up with, there would only ever be one answer that would work. Turning onto his side, this time to face her, a genuine smile finally showed itself once more and he reached for her hand to hold it lightly in the only compromise to his promise of behaving. “I’ll Stand with you because it’s you who is asking me.”

“I hate you,” Indivara grumbled, quite clearly not meaning the words that were given along with a pathetically dramatic pout and sulking voice; it was easier than saying ‘thank you’, and she did not really feel he deserved any thanks right that moment. He was so damned hard to stay angry at, though, and that pissed Indivara off. He had ruined her buoyant good mood, and had not even had the good taste to have a proper fight with her! Really, was it asking too much? She did not think so! Puffing out a pathetic sigh, Indivara cuddled closer, curling against Ryvian’s chest and tucking her head under his chin.

She wriggled, tugging the arm out from under herself and resting it between them as she got comfortable for a nice nap, at least until she was dragged off – again – to feed the squalling infant. She had been bullied and hounded into making sure she fed the little monster regularly, and had been told if she did not want the imp to drop dead, she would have to feed it for a minimum of three months. Indivara was counting down the days, pissed off that they were playing on her sickly childhood and the fact that she actually could be guilted into it, to keep the child attached to her. She was quite sure her mother was behind it all, trying to make her a ‘real girl’ or some bullshit.

Indivara’s nose wrinkled, and she pulled her head back, glaring up at Ryvian irritably once more. “When did you last bathe?” The sulking lunatic stank, and Indivara would not have been surprised if she had learned he had not returned to the bathing house since they left it (and the combination of her demand and that thought caused a flush to rise up slowly through her cheeks). She would have been shocked if he had bathed at all recently. Or eaten, though he had clearly been drinking. Her eyes narrowed. Indivara was a very clean person, bathing at least once a day – sometimes as many as three if she could get away with it – and it was something she took as a personal affront when someone did not display the same courtesy.

Moreover, baths were relaxing! And good for sadness. Of course, Indivara believed baths were good for everything, which was why she had spent far too much time in the water during her healing process, which had not helped the infections or scabs and had only intensified the scars she had been left with. Still, the girl eyed Ryvian irritably for a moment, weighing up the pros and cons or dragging him to the bathhouse again (this time tossing him in and walking out!). On the other hand, she could ignore the stink (which could have been worse, granted, but Indivara was obnoxious and considered most anything that was not ‘just out of the bath’ to be smelly), and have another bath before she went to find Varlea in a few hours’ time.

“You need to bathe more,” she grumbled at last, ducking her head back and cuddling close once more. She could put up with a stinky nap, in exchange for taking her own bath when she woke up. The lack of Ryvian looking like an unshaven bear was ignored by Indivara, who had decided he was coated in nine days of unwashed stink and forgotten that water was used for bathing, and drinking, two things she was of the clear opinion he hadn’t done at all recently – or had used sour Katilan wine for.

“I know.” Ryvian didn’t think Indivara really hated him given how much she had helped him in recent times but it was just easier to agree with her then make a big fuss out of it like he had sort of did in the bathhouse when he countered with liking her. Besides, he was fairly confident that was her own way of acknowledging what he said in a positive manner. If she truly hated him and was mad, he’d just be punched before she stormed away without a word. Just like Indivara could see the differences in the twins, Ryvian could read the girl fairly easily and used to rub Kerrin’s nose in that fact when he got into an argument with Indivara or was left wondering what he did wrong. His cluelessness was adorable.

A content sigh greeted Indivara shifting and making herself comfortable before she was suddenly trying to get away and insulting his hygiene. Typically, Ryvian could be as bad as his friend with having baths daily but it hadn’t seemed like top priority lately, especially since it was a long walk to the bathhouse. “Um… three days. Maybe three and half depending on what time it currently is.” It wasn’t nearly as bad as was assumed but still bad enough since he had been drinking alcohol for a large portion of that time and lying in bed in the day time heat. He’d have to drag his butt to a body of water soon if he wanted more cuddles from his friend though. Ryvian also didn’t want to admire his own stench and so far he hadn’t caught a whiff, though perhaps he had a cold of some sort or killed his senses from the booze.

“When you go feed the monster, I’ll go bathe. I promise,” he added in the promise to guarantee he’d go. He wasn’t like R’nd where that word was binding through thick and thin and he felt like he should be exiled if he broke it, but Ryvian cherished his brother and good friends and they deserved to be treated amazingly without lies and forgetfulness. If a bath was all she wanted out of him, he’d give it.

“You can join me afterwards, if you want.” Ryvian shifted just enough to drape his arm lightly over his friend and found another genuine smile to offer her. “I’ll make up my behaviour to you again as well.” Ryvian was leaning towards their bath sex being more borne of pity than any true desire for him but he’d take what he could get from the girl that seemed to like the chase so much. It was unlikely anything would happen again, in a bath or in the bed, which was why Ryvian didn’t try for it despite how easy it would have been to pull up her dress and make Indivara sigh with pleasure.

“You’re amazing, Di,” he whispered and shut his eyes before he could see the smugness or suspicion. He still wasn’t entirely convinced he was still needed by Nyvian, but Ryvian was starting to see some light again in terms of Standing and being himself. It was hard to think of himself as anyone other than one of the Vian twins but maybe he could find himself again after a bath. Maybe people would want to know more about him now that they could tell the brothers apart? It was something to hope for, just like he hoped Nyvian was doing well as a weyrling and they would have time together again soon. For now, he’d praise Indivara for her determination and stubbornness that kept her putting up with his moods. He owed her so much. It’d take a while to find the perfect gift of gratitude.

The look Indivara levelled slowly on Ryvian was flat, and dangerous, and completely at odds with the brilliant shade of crimson he had caused her face to flush with those words. She stared at him for several moments, mostly unblinking as she tried to figure out what angle he was playing, her mind clearly working overtime. It took a little while, but in the end, Indivara decided he was just talking, and she rolled her eyes, before she curled close once more. “I’m sure,” she drawled, voice dry.

“Of course I am,” Indivara replied lightly, content in her assumption that Ryvian was simply talking to keep her happy and didn’t actually mean the things he was saying. Pressing closer, and ignoring the heat of the afternoon, Indivara puffed out a gentle sigh. Another one of those baths would be unlikely to ever happen, of course, but she could still dream about it! Indivara smiled slightly against Ryvian’s chest as she let the nap claim her.

~~ Whee! Sleep! With no sex! The horror! ~~

Indivara woke slowly, in part from the low babbling in the back of her mind of Krypth who had learned as a young hatchling that bluntly awaking Indivara was very unwise – and partly from the ach in her breasts. Apparently, she had overslept. Indivara mumbled incoherently as she rolled over, her arm flopping over to land with a lazy slap across Ryvian’s midsection and the girl froze in surprise. Flashing blue eyes went wide as her head turned, wondering with whom she was in bed; she was still clothed. She knew that from the sticky discomfort of sleeping in the midday heat in ill-advised clothing.

Her eyebrows furrowed into a frown of confusion as she stared at Ryvian. “Ry?” What under Faranth’s great golden arse was she doing in his bed? At least he was still clothed, so she could save some dignity by not checking herself frantically; instead, she propped up on one elbow and stared at her friend, absently brushing her hand over tender boobs. She did not like this breastfeeding bullshit. The kid needed weaning. Six years ago.

“We overslept.” It was a statement, and one that Krypth answered quite happily. No kidding. Between you and V’ler, this kid has a serious set of lungs. Come and shut it up already. Indivara brushed her hair back from her face and studied her sleepy looking friend. “Apparently Varlea is giving Jada a headache.” She smirked. Why rush to cure that? She purposefully ignored the discomfort she was in; she’d put up with it, to torture Jada!

Ryvian was used to being gazed upon through confusion either due to the other person trying to figure out which twin he was or because someone didn’t remember dragging him to bed after so many cups of alcohol had made it a wonderful idea. He was used to it and it didn’t bother him, but it wasn’t the best way to wake up when it was on a friend’s face. Nothing was said, in part because Indivara had eventually figured it out to some degree but also because Ryvian had convinced himself she was confused because she was tired and was recovering from being sick. He probably didn’t quite look himself either so that could have been another factor.

“We did,” Ryvian finally replied, sticking to the topic at hand. He wanted to whine about getting up or tell Indivara to go on and feed the kid while he stayed in bed but he was pretty sure he promised he’d go bathe while she looked after her spawn. Indivara didn’t seem to be much of a fan for his current mood either so it was time to smile and not worry her about how he was doing. “I have a hot bath waiting for me to soak in, I believe.” There would also be a lot of scrubbing away nearly four days worth of grime but that didn’t sound nearly as relaxing and enticing as soaking in the water.

“Do you want me to walk with you to where Varlea is before finding that bath?” He wouldn’t offer to walk her since that sounded like he believed Indivara couldn’t take care of herself. It was all in the wording. Too bad he had to go and ruin his careful phrasing by teasing Indivara a little. “You can yell at me some more while we walk, especially since I’m about to point out how pretty that dress is and you should wear it more often.” He may have been pretty out of it earlier but his eyes still worked and Ryvian had caught sight of his tomboy friend looking absolutely adorable in a dress. No doubt it was Kerrin original and while their newly Impressed friend was talented, he also deserved to be teased endlessly for having such a knack at women’s clothing. On the other hand, Kerrin deserved the praise as well since dresses were easier to hike up out of the way in the heat of the moment.

Not that Indivara was ever going to give him such a chance again and Ryvian knew it.

"You do," Indivara agreed lightly, rubbing her face with one hand as a small smile twitched at the corner of her lips. As much as Indivara would have loved to claim magically fixing Ryvian in one easy afternoon, the girl wasn't quite so stupid as to believe it - at least not this time. The boy would take more work, and she knew she'd likely have to resort to hitting him more to get the point across that moping is not cool. But she'd let him get away with his quiet little lies, all the while he was doing what she wanted. Even if he was lying to himself, Indivara knew if you lied long enough, you would eventually believe your own lie. Generally, that was a bad thing, but since he was lying about being fine, Indivara was hoping enough lies and he really would be fine. Maybe.

Indivara paused slightly in consideration before nodding just barely. "If you wa-" the girl fell off as Ryvian took up talking once more, and her lips pursed into a flat line. The compliment about the dress caused Indivara to pause once more, considering her friend with great seriousness as she chewed on what he had said. As with the offer to walk with her, the compliment was also cleverly wondered and after a few moments Indivara nodded slightly. "It is." The fact that he hadn't tried to compliment her was all that saved him from her fist in the face. Indivara did not think she was pretty, and found such attempts from her friends to be insults. The only one who got away with it was R'nd, and only because Indivara was pretty sure he'd compliment a lump of wood if it would spread its legs for him (which it probably would. Bastard could get anything he wanted. From anything.).

"I may." It was a short statement, and colour flickered into life in Indivara's cheeks as the girl rolled over and off the bed, straightening said dress with flicks of her hands as she looked anywhere but at Ryvian, before turning to look at him. "C'mon, then." Indivara puffed out a soft sigh and offered her hand to Ryvian.

Ryvian threw back the sheets and took the proffered hand to help him out of bed. It had been a while since he had properly stood up and walked around for more than finding a drink or to relieve himself. The idea of walking to the bathhouse currently sounded like he was about to make the hike to the lake and back again but he didn’t want to disappoint Indivara. First, he needed clothes though! A quick glance down at himself showed that he was already in shorts which he blinked at in confusion. Sleeping attire wasn’t something he normally did and somewhere in his drunken haze of the days past, he must have stripped down and tossed on shorts when he was overheated. Strange, but he was glad since Indivara probably would have punched him if he had been naked.

“Shoes first,” Ryvian protested when Indivara tried to lead him out of the bedroom. He wasn’t going to bother with dressing but the ground would be too hot for his tender feet to handle. Boots were slipped on but not laced properly and for once Ryvian didn’t care about the awful fashion statement he was making. Having a bath and feeling human again were the important things.

As the door was opened, Ryvian lifted an arm to shield his eyes. How long had it been since he had seen daylight? He didn’t need to see Indivara to know she was rolling her eyes at him peeking around the limb, trying to adjust. When he finally had, his steps grew a bit steadier and Ryvian let out an oddly content sigh. The sunshine felt good on his skin and while his problems weren’t instantly fixed from the talk and the sun, his mood was currently elevated and Ryvian smiled.