Errors [Talian]

The Harper's eyes were red, though there were no visible or tell-tale signs of streaking down his cheeks. So, he wasn't crying, but he was putting in a good deal of effort not to. One could simply assume that he was tired, he certainly had gotten similar red eyes after having to sit through some of the Candidate classes. But, there was something about the expression on his face that hinted towards him being distressed over tired. His posture was horrible for someone who prided himself in being attractive, with shoulders hunched forward, head bowed to try and hide his face. His hair was undone to better mask the expression, the band he usually tied it back with wrapped around his wrist for the time being. The sash around his waist hung low, and was a vivid orange despite his down demeanor. Obviously, he had gone into the evening being far happier than he had ended up as.

He was walking down the hall that led to the Candidates Barracks. No one was awake at this hour, and if they were, they certainly weren't partying it up in their rooms. Erisi would have retired soon himself, and fully intended to do so now after his fight with I'shan. It was something he didn't want to dwell on, because it reminded him of how he had lost his temper and screwed himself over. Erisi had learned to expect the worse out of dragonriders, and so his name was likely to be dropped to the Weyrleader soon enough for his unruly behavior. It was an inevitably, so why should he allow his behavior to change around I'shan? Was he really going to let himself be subdued by the Searchrider? His pride wouldn't allow for him to cave so easily.

But, right now... he really felt like it. He felt like giving in, felt like saying 'Shard it' and letting the worst happen to him. The fight he had in him earlier this evening had been entirely drained. He would rebound, in time, but for now he felt like he was at another end to a chapter in his life. It was on a cliffhanger too - the worst kind, and he suspected that the next chapter would start unpleasantly. It certainly wouldn't be the final chapter, but if each chapter was a bad as the last few he had gone through, he wanted this story to take an abrupt turn in a different direction.

The journeyman Harper sighed, stopping just a few rooms short of his own to lean back against the wall. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to fight back the torrent of emotions that he was experiencing. He really... wasn't doing a good job at it either. "Shard it, ugh." How could be possibly be expected to persevere after all he had gone through?

For Talian, it was another fitful night.

He was fortunate. He had some friends in his class now, which couldn't be said about his old healer classes back at home. B'jin cared for him like a father. Some of his classmates had become increasingly close friends. That was working out better for him now. A whole season since his arrival at Katila, he was gradually moving Fiora down from her pedestal. He missed her every day and wished bitterly to hear her voice one more time, but as the days dragged on, he knew that wasn't going to happen.

He had to stop comparing everyone to her. She was gone, and no one else would ever be like her. Letting go wasn't easy, though. She'd been the only friend he ever had before arriving at Katila, as well as the only person he'd ever loved. That feeling wasn't limited to romantic love, either. His mother was too distant and submissive, quite willing to let Talerian ruin their childrens' lives. The girls were denied education and married off young, while Talian himself was pushed to greedy excesses when it came to his education. It was like living in a cage.

Talerian merited no comment.  Talian preferred not to think about him.

Now, though...Now he fond himself drawn closer and closer to his classmates. He wasn't sure how, but he was connecting with some of them. It was almost frightening. Talian liked routine and security, and just as he'd attained it at home, it was wrenched from him.  Now, the socialization in a new environment was proving overwhelming to him. He pitched violently between depressed moods and cautious optimism, like a ship tossed on the sea. There was pressure to meet people, pressure to have sex...it was too much.

One thing was certain, though. The idea of losing those people terrified him. He needed them, and he wanted them to need him. They'd given him so much...

Now, as he lay awake late that night, he got a chance to give something back. He sat up and listened, certain he'd heard Erisi's voice in the hallway. He stood and approached the door cautiously. "...Erisi? Shards...are you all right?"

It didn't take Tal long to lock in on  Erisi's red eyes.

Erisi stared at Talian for a few stunned seconds. He hadn't expected anyone to be awake at this time of night, let alone Talian, who he imagined went to bed as soon as it was dark and woke up at the crack of dawn. Erisi hadn't been aware that he was closer to Talian's room than his own, but to his credit these rooms all looked the same. Needless to say, he was mildly stunned to see Talian poke his head out of the room next to him. For a moment, he had no idea how to react. He was the type of person who hated being vulnerable, and even more than that, hated letting people see how vulnerable he was. It was a sign of weakness in a place where weakness meant converting to the Weyr's lifestyle.

He realized how he must have looked, and true to his nature he immediately set about trying to look as if nothing was wrong. He ran a slender hand over his face as if to rub the redness out of his eyes. Likely, the action only made the look worse. Erisi was in the process of tying his hair back out of his face when he finally gave Talian's question an answer. There was no telling how long he had let it hang in the air as he nervously fixed his appearance and adjusted to Talian's sudden appearance. Really, he had expected to be able to make it back to his room so he could continue to look as miserable as he wanted to be in peace. Perhaps it was his fault for lingering in the hallway, but he had to take a breath to calm the horrible flow of emotions in his head.

"Y-Yeah." That didn't even sound convincing when he heard it himself. Sucking in another breath, he glanced away from Talian to relieve the pressured feeling the man's inquiry had laid on him. It wasn't really Talian's fault for caring, but Erisi was usually entirely closed off when it came to personal matters. He could lay down a heavy front through anger and one sharding good bickering voice, but that had always been the surface emotion to his own issues. In that moment, he wasn't even sure Talian was a close enough friend for him to feel comfortable opening up to. "I just..."

Shard it. He was really terrible about opening up. It was clear that he was trying to a degree to say what was wrong, but he kept chickening out. His hands would go back to his face to block off any reply, even when the action only made it more apparent that something was up with the young Harper. "In a little bit. I'll be fine in a little while." So, he definitely wasn't fine now, but at least he was promising to be eventually.

Talian was unconvinced.

After his own numerous little mini-breakdowns (as well as one major one in the dining hall with B'jin), Talian knew well what the other young man was going through. Nothing directly proved that Erisi's pain was captivity-related, but Talian assumed it was. Everyone'e angst stemmed from that unpleasant reality. No matter how much the candidates mingled, talked, and tried to support each other, nothing changed the fact that their lives were regimented day and night, their futures dictated by voices from above. Talian certainly felt it, and while he was one of the one to more readily show it, he knew the others felt it as well.

Erisi was no different. The young man displayed anger as his primary emotion, but Talian saw right through him. His face fell at Erisi's weak response, as if his heart broke to hear his spirited friend so without hope.

Talian hesitated. He wanted badly to invite Erisi inside and comfort him, but he wanted to avoid those mixed  messages he'd been accused of broadcasting before. He decided it was worth the risk, so long as he offered an explanation.

He opened the door wide and nodded into his room. "Hey...You're welcome to come in and talk about it, if that would help?" he said in a near-whisper, almost meek. He was more than willing to be an open ear for Erisi, though he wasn't sure if he expected his proud friend to take him up on the offer. At least he could try.

Erisi stared at the door that had been opened for him, and it was unclear whether he was taken aback by the gesture or... simply did not want to do it. A part of him didn't. This was his problem, and he wasn't about to unload it onto someone whom he had only newly considered a friend. He knew he should trust Talian by now - the other man had certainly trusted him enough to open up to him. The fact remained, however, that he was a decidedly closed off individual. He could be warm and inviting when he wanted to, naturally, but he wasn't too keen on talking about 'feelings' and his family. There was far more depth to Erisi than he would ever let on, and he liked it that way. The only people he had been open to was his friends back home, and well, he knew how that went. He was not separated from them by more dragonlengths than he could count. It made being open seem hardly worth the effort.

The silence dragged on for a few moments longer, and it seemed like Erisi was going to turn Talian down at this rate. His gaze flickered away from the door, and finally he sighed, massaging his eyelids firmly with two fingers. He wasn't sure if he just wanted to talk about it or if he decided that it was finally time that he put faith in someone again, but he decided to take Talian up on his offer. He didn't say 'sure', or even nod his head to indicate he had heard Talian. Instead, he simply pushed himself away from the wall and walked through the opened door.

He decided to sit himself down on Talian's bed, because if he didn't sit down he would start pacing, and he really didn't want to give off the frantic mindset he was in. Erisi still wasn't sure how much this would help him, since his fate was pretty much sealed from the moment he struck I'shan. But, he decided that maybe it was time to take a chance on Talian. A small chance, but a chance nonetheless. "I... ran into the man the Searched me." There was a lot that Talian could take from that sentence. Naturally, it would be upsetting for someone like Erisi to run into the person that was the very definition of everything that had caused him grief. But, that wasn't enough to account for how terrible Erisi looked now. In fact, it was probably easier to believe he just had a bad run in with a bed partner.

Then again, Erisi really didn't get emotional over those instances either.

Erisi's gloomy mood was so obvious and intense, it was literally heartbreaking. Tal watched with misgivings as Erisi moved into his room without a word. The healer looked up and down the hall once before following.

"Eri," he said, not realizing at the time that he'd spoken his nickname for Erisi aloud. He noticed the man had seated himself on the bed, but he made no fuss about it. He did wonder why, though. Was Erisi tired?

No, more likely anxious.

Tal seated himself beside his friend and frowned at the news. That one sentence, so short and simple, had endlessly complex implications. Talian didn't know many of the search riders by face, but he knew they names.The candidated whispered their names as they traded stories. There was B'jin, the intimidator with his vicious green. K'ren, with his midnight-dark blue, swooped in from nowhere and snatched the victim by force. And then there was I'shan, the pretty boy who used drugs. Surely there were more as well, but these were the names Talian heard more frequently.

He cautiously reached out and set a thin hand on Erisi's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said softly. Erisi hated B'jin on principle, so Talian could only imagine how much he hated his own searchrider. The encounter was probably inevitable, but Talian remembered how he nearly panicked the first time he saw B'jin after joining Katila proper.

He wanted badly to ask how it went, but he didn't. If Erisi wanted to talk, he could. Talian just set his concerned eyes on the other man and waited, silently reassuring and just a little worried.

The nickname was one his friends had given him back in the North, and he responded to it naturally. Talian had Erisi's eyes on him for a few seconds before that gaze flickered away. The fact that he couldn't even hold Talian's gaze spoke enough for how unsettled Erisi was feeling. Erisi could be calm, Erisi could definitely be angry, but he was very rarely in a gloomy mood like this. Meeting up with his Searchrider hadn't induced a sort of panic in Erisi, but rather a whole other sort of emotions. Anger had been one of the more predominant ones, and the one he had used to guide himself through the uncomfortable encounter. He had pushed it too far, though, and Erisi knew that. He didn't like the position he had ended up in because of his anger. He felt perfectly justified for his emotions, but he really wished things hadn't ended up the way they had.

The words 'I'm sorry' weren't exactly comforting, but neither were they unwelcome. The gesture of Talian's hand on his shoulder received a similar response, which could be unsettling. It simply looked as if Erisi did not care in that moment what Talian did, he didn't care for the comfort his friend was trying to give him. He knew that he was doomed, and there really was no comforting that sort of feeling. Talian really didn't have a clue how sorry he should be feeling for Erisi, and Erisi was honestly still struggling with telling Talian the depths of the issue. He sighed again, which was one too many times for one evening. It was a sound that Talian was likely going to get used to quickly.

"We argued," he started. It wasn't surprising. Shells, it was probably inevitable. Erisi was an outspoken individual, and fairly verbally aggressive when he wanted to. Talian should have expected Erisi to argue with I'shan at the very least. "I didn't even want to run into him. I've been avoiding him on purpose, but it was bound to happen sooner or later. He pissed me off, like, really pissed me off." There was a minimal amount of flow to his thoughts, likely from some Harper storytelling ability that had been engraved onto his mind. He knew how to tell a story, but he was distraught enough that he couldn't tell it well. Talian wasn't getting the information of where this happened, or what was said in there argument. He was just told that an argument had happened.

"When I say pissed off, I mean he really knew how to push me over the edge. I punched him. In the face. He'll probably tell D'ren soon, and if he doesn't he's made it clear that he'll hold it against me. I behave in a way he doesn't enjoy, then he'll tell D'ren. I'm so sharding screwed either way! I'll get put back on that miserable excuse of an island. If I'm lucky, I won't get so bad a punishment as Volfetti got for trying to run away. But, I'm not holding my hopes up." It was actually... more than Erisi had intended to share. He only wanted to say the bare minimum, because revealing what he had done was uncomfortable enough for him already. Erisi shifted anxiously on the bed, bowing his head to hide from Talian the extent of his dread.

He listened to the conversation with a heavy expression, his sympathy bleeding through no matter what he did to contain it. He'd buried his hatchet with B'jin, but he remembered that feeling of dread and anger that came with facing his abductor for the first time. He recalled vividly what he'd wanted to say to B'jin, but didn't have the spine. He could only imagine that Erisi did, though. And this I'shan didn't sound like he'd helped matters. B'jin was genuinely caring, though it took some time for Talian to accept that. He bore no ill will towards the greenrider, but if B'jin had mocked him or done whatever this I'shan must have done, he wouldn't have been forgiving.

The news was bad. Talian gritted his teeth and tightened his grip subtly, turning it into a full on one-armed hug. He wasn't sure what to say. This could be the end for  Erisi, he realized. If the Weyrleader was hard on him? Would Erisi ind up back on the island for the rest of his life? Or would it be worse? So far these dragonriders seemed inclined to chores and imprisonment as forms of punishment, but the young man was certain they could do worse.

He tried to think what he would do. Would he try to reason with the rider? Would he have gone to the Weyrleader first? No. He needed to be honest with himself.  He wouldn't have wound up in the situation to begin with. He would have just crumbled.  He submitted to B'jin's intrusions quickly enough, and in spite of all his pining for his home, he'd given up on freedom just as quickly.

Erisi shouldn't have punched the rider. But Talian still admired the guts it took.

"Erisi," he said, leaning against the other man and sighing. "This isn't good," he said. He wasn't sure what to say. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

While it had seemed that before he was hardly receptive to Talian's comfort, just perceptively so, he leaned into the one-armed embrace. It was probably the most comfort he would take out of human contact, excluding his usual route for comforting himself. It wasn't so bad, the hug, but later Erisi would likely feel embarrassed for even accepting the gesture. It was obvious that he wasn't the sort of person to lean on others for support. He carried himself through each day, he was his own support. That method of thinking was the most reliable in keeping himself from getting hurt, especially in an environment like the one Katila fostered.

"I know it's not good," he hissed, his anger getting the better of him for a few seconds. Talian pointing out the obvious only proved to aggravate him, and it took him a little bit to calm himself back down. Erisi shook his head, trying to curb his anger so he really didn't bite Talian's head off just for caring. "Sorry," he muttered. "There isn't anything you can do. I pretty much screwed myself over the moment I let my anger get the better of me. I'shan will tell D'ren eventually, and I think that is what upsetting me the most. I don't know when it'll happen, but it will. He'll probably give me enough time to conjure up my own punishments and freak myself out over them." Actually, that seemed to be what Erisi was doing now, psyching himself out over the punishment that was bound to come.

"I hate, hate, that he's practically claimed control of me through this. I hate that I let it happen. I sharding hate a lot of things right now, actually." He was frustrated, panicked, disappointed, aggravated, and aggrieved. It was a flurry of emotions that he usually didn't have to cope with all at once. Talian was leaning into him even more now, and as Erisi unleashed his range of emotions, he felt inclined to lean back into his friend. Later he probably would feel foolish about relying on Talian this way, but right now it was better than trying to deal with it on his own.

The healer cringed from Erisi's snapping response. He hated that he'd brushed such a raw nerve, but he couldn't really be surprised. "I'm sorry," he offered pathetically, his voice shallow and apologetic. Still, he didn't let go.  He instead clutched tighter, his eyes sinking shut. He heard the apology, but much like the actual hiss itself, it rolled off of him rather quickly.

"I hate it, too," he said after a long pause. He was touched when he felt Erisi lean back into him, compelling him to wrap both arms around the and squeeze him tightly. He didn't know what condolences to offer. The dragonriders had them all by the balls, that much he knew. None of them could really do anything about it. Talian dismally believed that there was no choice for them but to give in. But how did he say that to Erisi?

No, he wasn't going to say that to Erisi. How could he do that? How could he look at his friend and, in his moment of hardship, tell him that he was wrong? Not even necessarily wrong, just hopeless? Erisi needed encouragement. Talian knew they were trapped, and he knew Erisi knew as well..but for now, Talian needed to pretend that wasn't the case.

"I wish I was brave enough to say something to one of them," he said at length. He remembered his argument with B'jin in the dining hall, in which he decided it best to never question the dragonriders. Even arguing with them led down a bad road.

Erisi couldn't recall a time in his life where he had been hugged like this, except for when he was a child. It wasn't a necessarily bad gesture. The embrace just wasn't something Erisi was accustomed to, and in a way, he really did not know how to respond to it. The Harper didn't bother to try and pull out of Talian's arms, mostly because they now did provide a small form of comfort for him, even if he did nothing else but accept the embrace for what it was. Trying to cheer himself up, he mused over the fact that this was probably one of the ways that Talian gave off really mixed signals. It amused him for a few seconds until reality came crashing back down onto his shoulders.

Every limb felt heavy, every breath was more difficult to take than he had remembered them being. Perhaps he was just more aware of himself in that moment. His own distress had taken him aback, had forced him to look at himself, and while he could see no faults... it made him more aware. "I think they'll just stick me back on their island, so I likely won't see you, or Valerian for that matter, for a sevenday or so." He was expecting the worst, and to him that island was the last place he wanted to be. It was filled with bad memories, not to mention an unrelenting sun in the summertime. His stay on that island would naturally be expected to be long, Erisi had always been the stubborn sort, and if he was going to be punished, he was going to be an entire asshole about it. It was in his nature, after all.

"It's not talking that's the problem. It's... getting ahead of yourself. He laughed at me, and I hate that, it's sharding belittling and I've never really put up with it. So I lashed out when I really... knew it was better not to. I'm not sorry about striking him, I'm sorry that there are consequences to it." Erisi really wouldn't take back the punch. It had landed him in this horrible situation, but I'shan had deserved every ounce of force in that blow (luckily, Erisi couldn't punch hard, but he had also been exceptionally angry at the time being). "I figure they tolerate us whining, but actual action is so far out of the question that I am definitely ruined when it gets back to the Weyrleader that I haven't been behaving."

The Weyrleader would likely stand by the side of his cock-sucking Bluerider. Dragonriders sticking together and all that good crap. Whatever reasoning, whatever explanation Erisi could give in his own defense would amount to nothing in D'ren's eyes. He'd already been warned once, and he had likely just ruined his second chance.

Talian remembered his time at the island. It was lonely, though much of that loneliness was self-imposed. He didn't want the consoling voices of his fellow captives, nor did he want to hear their complaints and fears. It was depressing.  Now, as he sat in his bed with his arms around his friend, he reflected on just how helpless they really where.

"There's nothing we can do, Eri," he said with a lethargic, dispirited sigh. "They're going to keep us locked up here until we die. Even if we don't Impress, we're never going to go home. They'll just keep doing this sort of thing to us...keeping us under control however they need," he said. His tone was grim. He cast his eyes down and relaxed as he leaned against his friend. He;d accepted that fact almost as soon as he arrived, his position only reinforced by his unpleasant run-in with  Larrikith. This really was it, as far as he was concerned.

He was certain that Erisi saw the writing on the wall, too.

"I...I really don't think I could bear to see you get yourself hurt any more," he said tentatively, unsure of a safe way to say what he was trying to say. He didn't blame Erisi for striking the rider. It was obviously not the right thing to do, but Tal knew he would have done it just as quickly if he had the temperament. "I wasn't even allowed to ask questions, Eri. Now that I'm off the sands, I'm not even sure what's going to happen to me in the long run. But...we're done. They've got us now." His voice was weighty, but not even sad at this point...just empty.

"You're tougher than I am. I...I don't have near the guts that you do."

He didn't want to hear that. Erisi did not want to be told that there was nothing they could do but relent and give into this Weyr's desires. Erisi was a fighter by nature, and just giving up like Talian was suggesting went against it. The Harper had no desire to be trapped in this Weyr for the rest of his life, nor had he any desire to be initiated into the dragonrider ranks. It was probably the easiest path, to give up and give in. It'd save Erisi a lot of pain if he would just do that, but he hated the idea of it. He hated the thought that giving in would only bring more satisfaction to their captors. That's what he really could only conceivably call them. They stopped being the honorable dragonriders of legend a long time ago, from the moment they stole their first Candidate out of foolish desperation.

Erisi sighed, the strength seeping from his shoulders, his gaze downcast to the sheets of Talian's bed. This wasn't at all how he wanted his evening to go. He never wanted to run into I'shan, and he never wanted to need the comfort of somebody else, or hear that everything was hopeless. All he wanted was to drink, perhaps to escape the thoughts in his head that Talian had been voicing for him. He shifted on the bed, carelessly leaning his head against Talian's shoulder. He had already given in to Talian's first tentative attempts to comfort him, and since he had screwed himself over in that department, he saw no harm in screwing himself over for more for that temporary comfort. Erisi was going to regret being what he considered clingy towards Talian this evening.

Talian was speaking grim words, and those words were working their terrible magic on Erisi, briefly dragging him down into a state more of grief than distress. "And I can't bear to stand by and let them walk over me. I can't just... give up." He knew it was the better option, and maybe he'd even be happier if he just gave in. But, he refused to, he had enough backbone to make up for Talian's lack of it.

"If we Impressed, if I even want to be dragged onto those wretched sands. When our dragons grow up, couldn't we just... leave? Couldn't we fly home? Between home?" It was a last-ditch effort to get himself out of a situation he truly disliked.

Talian regretted speaking those words already. They were true, though, and Talian had a thing for the direct truth. He also had a thing for wallowing in melancholy, and if this situation didn't breed it, he didn't know what did. He wanted nothing more than to curl up, fall asleep, and wake up back home. He knew early on that wasn't going to happen, so why did he keep longing for it? Everyone told him to pick up and move on, but it wasn't so easy. It wasn't easy!

Even strong people like Erisi were being torn down, torn down until nothing remained but rubble.

"I know, Eri," he said consolingly, his gentle voice quivering with unsettled sorrow. He clutched tightly to Eri, as if holding him close would somehow make it okay for both of them. "I know it's wrong, and I know it's weak of me to talk like that." He paused to think about what a defeatist he was. He crumbled before B'jin and the rest of the dragonriders, knowing in the long run it did nothing to save him. He admitted only with reservations that in some ways, his life had improved. He had Erisi, and his other friends..Lymsleia and Valerian, not to mention B'jin, who was far better than his father would ever be.  But he had no control, just like always. He was tired of the cycle.

"I...I'm afraid the Queen dragon would stop us," he said sadly. He hated to shoot down Erisi's desperate plan, but Talian had little imagination, and what he did have was cruelly repressed. He'd given up completely.

He loved Erisi's company, though. He often wanted to cry like this to B'jin but what else could he say to the poor greenrider? All it would do was make them both feel worse. In this case, he could share the experience with someone else on his own level. They were just toys for the dragonriders, he feared. It was quite literally over. What would he do without Erisi?

How could he justify making it worse for the poor man?

He fell silent, as if sensing he was doing more harm than good, and leaned over to give Erisi a light kiss on the cheek.

Erisi didn't necessarily believe Talian to be weak, since perhaps giving in was the better option for them. Erisi just had a terrible habit of doing the things that weren't technically good for him. He refused to let himself be subdued by Katila Weyr. If there was a way to persevere and not belong to this place, Erisi was one of those people that would find it. There was a determination in him that Talian didn't possess. Maybe it was the differences in their crafts. Talian knew limitations, because limitations lied within facts. Erisi saw no limitations - if he had the will to do something, he would certainly try and do it. He was raised with a free mind, and that wasn't something that was going to be changed just because someone wanted it to.

"Would she? Would she attack her own children, hurt them, just to keep them trapped? Would they really risk dragons fighting just so they could reign in two individuals? I could Impress, and since you can't Stand, I could get us out of here. It's better than not trying anything, right?" He knew that Katila wanted no information of their existence leaking out, and that it was improbable to fathom an escape on dragon's wing. But, if Erisi thought there was a chance in such a course of action, he would take it. If he could get himself and Talian out of here, back home where they belonged, he would do it. Vindictively, it was probable that he'd spread word about Katila Weyr and what desperate actions they had taken. The main goal was freedom, though, and he would focus on that. It was an idea, a better one than the ones he had come up with.

By now Erisi would have moved out of the embrace, but as much as he had needed it, he could sense that Talian needed it just as much. So, he didn't fight against Talian's tight arms, allowing the man to cling to him, and allowing himself likewise to absorb the comfort the gesture brought. A few moments of miserable silence passed, and then he felt Talian's lips press softly to his cheek. He knew what the gesture was, an apologetic one. But, there was part of him that would have preferred a kiss to his lips - something to distract himself from his woes. With Talian, that was out of the question, even if it was tempting. Instead, all he could do was turn his cheek into the soft kiss, and accept it for what it was.

"I really don't do kisses on the cheek," he finally spoke up again, a playful tone lining the words. It was a half-hearted attempt to cheer them up, even if part of it was true. He really didn't usually take kisses on the cheek. Such a gesture outside of the bedroom was a little too intimate for his comfort level.

That plan would never work. Talian knew that dragons followed the Queen without question. They could not disobey. If he and Erisi made a dash for the north, they'd be stopped before they made it off the ground. He didn't voice his concerns though, as he was certain that Erisi knew it was crazy, too.  He just sighed, shaking his head slowly and resting his chin on Erisi's shoulders for those few long, miserable seconds.

"I miss my home, too. I'm not even sure why," he sighed at length. He wanted to laugh at Erisi's comment about kisses on the cheek, but he couldn't muster it. His face was frozen in his usual frown. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he said gently. He leaned closer, resting his forehead against Erisi's cheek. He was content with their quiet companionship, each man undoubtedly stewing in nervous anticipation of his future. Erisi obviously had it worse. There was no telling what the Weyrleader had in store for him. It must have been like awaiting execution.

Talian was silent for a long while. He expected he'd feel awkward after such a gesture, but his usual naive nervousness hadn't showed itself. Grief may have outweighed it. He was happy that Erisi was accepting his attempt at comfort, but he knew he was failing. After a couple minutes of careful though, he adjusted his position and repeated his previous action, this time brushing his lips a bit closer to Erisi's chin. "I...don't know. Maybe we should think about something else..." he said weakly.

"I didn't mean it like that..." he answered softly. He had intended it as a joke, something to cheer them up, but he didn't even have to look up at Talian's face to know the joke hadn't registered. His friend hadn't even made the effort to chuckle, which betrayed how deeply both of their moods had sunken. There was comfort, though, in having Talian so close, in having the man's forehead against his cheek, arms wrapped tight around him. It was a luxury he had never really afforded himself before, having comfort from a friend. He was the type of individual that liked to stand strong on his own. There were rare occasions where someone would find Erisi even needing the comfort of others - and well, no one could technically see him right now to know that sometimes he needed it.

The need to pull away and reclaim his position of independence had drained out of him in those silent moments. His weight grew heavier into Talian, mouth immobile so he could think in peace about the mistake he had made, and what would come out of that mistake. Erisi's attention would have been difficult to claim by anything less than the strange (for Talian) gesture against his chin. He knew that feeling, the soft touch of lips against his skin. It was something Erisi usually immediately responded to, but he hesitated. This was Talian, the action and the name of his friend didn't quite line up. Talian had made it clear that he was not even comfortable with kissi --

Oh.

Talian's words echoed softly in his mind, and he was in no position to resist. He likely couldn't even if he had tried. His head turned subtly, lips nothing but a teasing, brief brush against Talian's own. It was as if he was gauging the man's reaction before taking his bait. The next brush was more confident, more alike the Erisi Talian was familiar with. "I would like that," came a soft reply, and then he kissed Talian.

He hesitated for a brief moment, not because he doubted his decision, but because he wasn't sure what to do. He trembled as he felt Erisi's posture shift, his body suddenly drawn closer to the healer. He nodded slowly as he felt a lump form in his throat. "I..sort of owe you one," he said in his gentle voice. He leaned in to accept Erisi's second kiss. His heart fluttered. He'd felt that sensation once before, not too long ago, though it felt like turns had gone by. Something was different this time, though.

His eyes grew misty with tears, but he wiped them away before they could fall. He hated Katila. He hated the dragonriders for their terrible crimes. He empathized with everything his poor friend protested. There really was no escape, though...no hope, aside from clinging to each other and their fellow candidates and hoping to the stars that things would get better. Talian leaned closer, pressing his lips against Erisi's neck and allowing his eyes to close. He thought about what B'jin had said. He needed to loosen up, in more ways than one. He needed to make friends and learn how to relax. B'jin, obviouslyt remorseful for the wrongs he'd done against Talian, wanted to see the healer adapt.

Now, as Talian considered the greenrider's words, he found ironic and somewhat macabre humor in how this very act of escapism was probably going to be the final nail in his coffin. He'd given up on ever being free again. Now he was giving in to the dragonriders' ways...all in an effort to get away from them for a while.

He slid backwards, relutantly and daintily peeling himself away from his friend, and sank to his knees on the floor.

DUN DUN DUUUUN

A while later...

They were sitting on the floor, with Talian's arms coiled about Erisi's back, and Erisi's own arms wound around Talian's neck. The gesture was one of mutual comfort, though Erisi imagined that Talian needed it far more than he ever would. There was a small thought in his brain that if he let Talian out of the embrace, the man would panic. The Healer's boundaries had been stretched thin, and Erisi wasn't sure whether they would snap back into place or realign themselves to accommodate the sudden shift.  What they had done wasn't much in the scheme of things, but for Talian it was a huge jump. At least he was with someone who was more experienced, but Erisi was notoriously terrible at being comforting. It was hard for the Harper to open up enough to show he cared.

Somehow he was managing that right now. "Talian," he spoke his friend's name, trying to coax a response out of the attractive man. Erisi had every right to be worried - he was sure that Talian had been pushing himself throughout their act. There was little evidence that Talian had enjoyed himself and had wanted in return. That meant, at least, this sort of thing was unlikely to happen again if Talian hadn't liked it. He should count himself lucky, but in reality Erisi knew that this had probably been too much. "Hey," he leaned forward - they were close enough already, so it wasn't much more than a subtle move - and kissed Talian gently.

Usually, Erisi would have moved on from the union by this point. But, Talian was first and foremost a friend, and Erisi was displaying an unusual amount of care when it came to Talian. He really didn't like romantic relationships, and again there was concern that Talian would get the wrong impression. In that case, Erisi would have done so much more harm than good that even he would be ashamed of himself. Erisi's disinclination to get romantically involved with anyone, though, could be brought up at a later time. Right now, he had to make sure that Talian got through whatever battle he could be having in his head.

It was his duty as a friend, and well, as a temporary lover to do so.

Talian leaned into the kiss and sighed wearily, clutching tightly to his friend's back and burying his face in the man's neck. He wasn't exactly upset. The act hadn't been painful or particularly unpleasant, just incredibly foreign. The intimacy and vulnerability it produced were alien and uncomfortable to the young man, albeit somehow pleasant. It left him curious what it would be like to go all-in, so to speak.

"Thank you," he said softly. It was unclear what exactly he was thanking Erisi for, though it was most likely the gestures of comfort and caring he was receiving. "I...hope you feel a bit better."

He squeezed tightly and shuddered before trying to wiggle away. "Lets...lets get out of the floor," he offered. How silly it was, for both of them to kneel on the floor and cling to each other like this. At least Talian knew that his friend was willing to equalize himself, so to speak. By joining him on the floor, Erisi betrayed how much he actually cared.

Talian managed a weak smile and stood up, crawling onto the bed and heaving another sigh. "...I was worried," he confessed. 'Ever since that...that last incident, I've been thinking about it. I guess if you're about to get in so much trouble, I was worried that maybe I wouldn't get another chance to see," he confessed in a faint, shallow voice. That was the logical reasoning behind his actions, selfish though they sounded, but the slight quiver in his throat and his soft eyes continued speaking. He was worried about his friend, and well...he didn't know what else to do to help.

It was crazy what people did when caught up in the moment.

Erisi had replaced one distress for another, so to speak. While he had completely forgotten about his fight with I'shan, he had potentially created a new problem in the process. Talian still looked okay, so maybe he really didn't have that much to worry about. He could hope that Talian had been ready for what they had done, but Erisi suspected it had been a spur of the moment act. They had both been weak, had both needed comfort, and physical intimacy had been the answer. It was clear, though, that Erisi had enjoyed himself much more than Talian. That was another thing he should probably worry about, but he was trying to tackle all the new issues one at a time.

"And I need my pants..." he murmured as he unwound his arms from around Talian's neck. He picked the pants up off of the floor and shoved them on. His sash was tied back around his waist with a little more care to its placement, though it really wouldn't matter when he eventually went to bed later that night. With his clothing back in place, he situated himself back onto Talian's bed, laying back against the headboard and observing his friend with a more steady gaze. He was sated, and his mind a little more calm after Talian burnt out his energy.

"That makes sense." It did - Erisi didn't know all who Talian hung out with, but he was the obvious choice to go to for experimenting. It helped that Talian and himself had clicked, their friendship was unusual but true. It was a miracle that Erisi had the patience for Talian, and likewise it was a miracle that Talian had the patience for the irritable Harper. "It's all right, I imagine I'll come back eventually. It'd be stupid for them to punish me so much that I can't be of use to them, since that's the whole reason they Searched me." It was only touching the very tip of the issue, though. There had been multiple reasons for their sudden union.

"And," he anxiously licked his lips, "if you need to do... something like that again, it's okay to come to me. You won't have to worry about blundering with anybody else in it." The offer alone was uncomfortable for Erisi - it wasn't that he disliked what they had done, rather Erisi wasn't fond of repeat adventures with anyone. He didn't like to risk fostering a relationship, he wasn't emotionally willing to be in an actual relationship. So, offering himself as someone that Talian could go to was pressing at his own boundaries. It was the least he could do, and he imagined that it would make things easier for Talian.

He was happy to have Erisi laying close to him, if only for the implied moral support. He didn't feel as bad as he'd expected, though there was a hollowness about him, s if some part of him was just a little bit ashamed. In an effort to stave it off, he inched closer to Erisi. "I have a tendency to assume the worst," he explained as he curled up beside the man. After what had just happened, he hardly thought it wrong. He'd done the only thing hew knew to lift his friend's spirit and asked nothing in return. No one else was watching, so why not? He rarely allowed himself to act of such desires, especially since he wasn't wild about being touched to begin with.

Just this once. Funny, that cuddling would be the thing he had reservations over!

He yawned lightly and rested beside Erisi, trying to dismiss his worries and relax. He could tell that Eri's next offer didn't come easily. "I'm not asking you to do anything for me," the healer said honestly. "You've done more than enough for me." He didn't know why the cynical harper seemed to care for him so much when he cared for so few others, but he wasn't going to complain. "I...well, there are no strings attached. If you want, tomorrow we can...pretend like none of this ever happened."

Tal imagined that his willingness to make this a one-time thing might seem strange to Erisi. It made sense to Talian, though. He liked his space and continued to be tormented by his situation. It was nice to have someone to cry with, but even this gesture of affection was borderline uncomfortable. Most of all, though, was Fiora. He'd accepted that she was long gone, but he felt like he needed to mourn her for a while longer before committing to anything. It was sixteen turns wasted. He wouldn't wait sixteen turns for another, but he wasn't going to forget just yet.

"So do I, but I feel a little better now..." So he was trying to be hopeful. Erisi really didn't want to dwell on his own impending doom. That would come when it came, and there was no reason for him to get worked up over it already. In a few days it would probably hit him again, and he'd panic for a little while about the repercussions for his actions. That too would eventually pass, and maybe that fear wouldn't rise up again. Maybe he'd get lucky and not see I'shan's face, the one thing that probably would remind him of his predicament. Erisi was, to his core, a strong-willed individual. It would take a lot to keep him down for good, and he wasn't about to give I'shan the pleasure of doing that so easily. His composure was slowly returning, and tomorrow it was likely that he wouldn't wake up looking like an absolute mess.

Cuddling was definitely not Erisi's forte, but he was willing to give it a shot when Talian curled up beside him. Casually he draped an arm around Talian, fingers lightly pressing into the clothes on his friend's back. "You've done something for me, though, and if it's more comfortable for you... I would be inclined." He figured he could word that better, in a way that didn't make it seem like he was offering himself up as a slab of meat for Talian to play around with. "I mean, I would enjoy it with you. It actually would only benefit me as well." He glanced down into Talian's face, wondering if that was what the man really wanted. Talian seemed to be the clingy type.

It was the type Erisi hated, but he was willing to work with it in Talian's case. Erisi had to wonder that if acting as if nothing happened would... hurt Talian in some way. His friend was looking at things very logically, which had never been the problem for Talian. It was the emotional side of things that Erisi wasn't sure if Talian was neglecting or taking care of. "I don't mind, either way. Pretending like it didn't happen seems pointless, so it's up to you. I'll go with whatever you decide, since in the end, I think it's you that is really effected by this." Erisi didn't want Talian to get the impression that he was using him and then throwing him away after getting off once.

It was very like Erisi to actually do that, but that wasn't his desire this time.

"I'm glad," Talian sighed. There was one small victory that evening. He listened carefully to the rest of Erisi's words and wondered what exactly was going through the harper's mind. He seemed inconsistent in his desires, or perhaps just amazingly indifferent or even accommodating. Talian liked it on some level, though part of him wondered if he was being a bother.

He reminded himself of how impatient Erisi was with anyone he deemed a bother. So far, Talian was probably safe.

He sighed a second time and snuggled closer. "I'm not sure what's wrong with me," he confessed. Such contact had always made him uncomfortable, but today was just too emotionally charged. Sometimes, feelings of close companionship were surprisingly pleasant. He was pleasantly surprised. He looked up at Erisi and managed a faint, almost playful little smile. "I've really been acting insane the past few weeks," he confessed. He'd bucked violently between high and low and wrestled with all manner of confusing emotions. "...But please...I'm not sure what you're really trying to say to me, but please don't feel like you pressured me. That was...my crazy idea," he said. He leaned in close and gave Erisi a timid but warm kiss on the lips. He was more experimenting with closeness than anything else, bit he found that brand of companionship distantly appealing...the sort of thing he could probably learn to enjoy in good time.

Cuddling, while not Erisi's strong suit, wasn't too bad. He felt that in a small way, he needed the physical contact of another human being right now. Of course, he'd gotten plenty of that before, but this was different. There was no actual demand in just laying on a bed with someone else. Erisi could be close, and that was good enough for him. He didn't even mind having Talian curled up against his side. If it were anyone else, or even if it was a different day, Erisi probably wouldn't be so tolerant of it. He'd make up some sort of excuse a few minutes after someone snuggled up to him, and they likely wouldn't see his face for another sevenday. He hated the idea of fostering some sort of romantic relationship. Perhaps he was comfortable with Talian because he knew Talian was well aware of his habits, and his disinclination to like anybody that much.

"Nothing's wrong with you. It's this place," Erisi replied reasonably. He imagined that if Talian weren't here, he'd be much happier back at home. With a little snort, Erisi tucked some of his hair behind his ear, an amused smile flickering briefly across his face. "It's great to know that I decided to befriend the insane Talian, rather than the normal one." There was an exaggerated roll of his blue eyes, though he squeezed Talian's shoulder to let the man know that he was just joking around. Sometimes he expected those mild jokes to go right over his friend's head.

"Ah, I don't think I'm really sure what I'm saying either. I guess I'm saying that I'm available, if you want to, and that I'm available because I want to be." Erisi wasn't sure that he hadn't pressed Talian in some way. He had gotten caught up in the moment, and couldn't properly dissuade Talian if he had wanted to. He wasn't supposed to take advantage of one of his very few friends like that... but, it had happened. He really couldn't take it back now, and he certainly didn't genuinely want to. The kiss pressed to his lips was a pleasant surprise, and with a soft hum, he provided Talian with a confident kiss in return.

Erisi really was very accommodating, after all.