Sweet Music [Valerian]

As his shirt hit him in the face unexpectedly, Valerian nearly dry heaved. Did B’jin not think about where that thing had just been? It was quickly removed and left to rest on his stomach where both hands took to playing with the material anyway. He really had no idea how he was supposed to feel, act, or what to say. He was usually quiet with his fellow losers, taking their ribbing as background noise while dressing but that was only when he came to and they were still there. He had been left alone as often as not as well. In a way, he would have liked that now, wishing B’jin had woken first and left silently. It was awkward and traumatising and as much as he tried to act normally, it was something he wasn’t going to shake off for a while.

Especially when compared to S’kef.

He gave a horrified look to B’jin and his stomach churned at the realisation that he was worse than the hated violent brownrider. The quick inspection he gave B’jin before showed nothing serious and while neither of them wanted it, it was still considered consensual because of their dragons being in control and wanting it. But he was still more traumatising than S’kef. The apologetic smile and genuine words that followed didn’t do much to help the weyrling that was tumbling down memory lane and what he did to Talian after a flight. He wasn’t a good flight partner. He wasn’t! Yet, regardless of their current situation Valerian didn’t want to unload on B’jin; the greenrider didn’t need that baggage.

“I won’t,” he settled on saying in a flat and soft tone, fully committed to the idea of never letting Veeth chase Larrikith again. He never wanted to let it happen in the first place! Veeth was still the stronger-willed between them but Valerian decided he was going to dedicate a lot of free time to mind exercises and learning to ground Veeth during Larrikith’s flights. R’nd might even be willing to tutor him though Valerian questioned the bluerider’s abilities to control Ayyonth. Still, that was better than nothing and could be used as something to build on.

With shirt in hand, Valerian shakily got to his feet and stumbled back out to the beach. Upon seeing the dragons, he glared but it didn’t last long. He only wanted to go to the bathhouse and soak in a tub with the door to the room barred and barricaded for hours. Partially to scrub B’jin off of him but more to just reflect on things and try to banish the memory of waking up naked beside an equally naked B’jin. That really was something he didn’t want to live with!

It was almost funny how B’jin was his first win. The green pair was the first genuine interaction he had had and while Larrikith did think playing with him meant she could playfully drown him, it had been fun. Even the evil green dragon playing with the images of B’jin on a fur rug by a fire that still made him cringe had been fun in its own way. That was why he almost smiled then. B’jin was his first dragonrider friend, the first man he really thought about sexually before blanching and wishing he hadn’t, and now he was the first flight win.

Valerian really did want to smile or to congratulate Veeth but he found he couldn’t. It was still a bit too much to take in all at once.