Nice Knowing You [Valerian]

Talian's thin frame shook uncontrollably as he made his way to Valerian's hut.  It had been a long night, one of the longest in Talian's young life. The healer's face was pallid and his entire body was covered in sweat and smudged blood, much of it was his own. His hair was matted, his eyes were wide and haunted, and his left shoulder slumped uncomfortably with the weight of his injury. It was nothing life-threatening, but certainly uncomfortable, and his shirt was ruined.

He hugged himself, trying to steady his hands as he approached the door. The sun had been up for an hour or so now; just long enough for Talian to fall asleep, only to be roused by a colleague telling him about the unfortunate appearance of his name in the bulletin.

He knew it was true, but it hadn't quite sunk in yet. He was being accused to trying to murder the Weyrleader? Talian was smart, and he knew that the charges would fall flat once someone pointed out that he was the one who'd saved the man's life, at least on a temporary basis. It was up to the others now, but at least after last night's events, Tal had more faith in them than he would normally be inclined to.

He swallowed hard as he knocked on the door. As much as Talian hated to bother Val, he needed someone. B'jin was close to the Weyrleader and was undoubtedly having his own troubles. He didn't need his son's public humiliation and wounded shoulder to add to the pile. Tal hung his head, arms wrapping tightly around the leather bag containing his first aid supplies.

Inside, an excited trilling sound echoed against the door. A moment later, Fellis appeared. The tiny creature had spent the night miserably curling next to Veeth, longing for Daddy's safe return. Oh, the horror! Daddy was sweaty and covered in blood, and he looked so very haggard and sad! Fellis landed on Tal's shoulder and started frantically licking his face, hoping to cheer him up. Talian couldn't help but give a small smile in reply, but the gentle scratch he offered the creature was much less enthusiastic than usual.

When the door open, Talian somehow found a smile. "...Val," he said, his entire body relaxing at the sight of his friend. "I...I...Can I come in?"

He moved forward instinctively.

Despite all the chaos of the day before, Valerian found that once he was able to shut off his brain and sleep, he sleep without interruption. At least, anyway, until someone knocked on his door and set his winged roommates into a whole new level of chaos. Veeth naturally had to stay outside but the firelizards had alternated between sleeping curled up with him and coming inside to curl up with Valerian. It was something the weyrling had been growing used to, waking in the morning to feel two little bodies pressed against him, but it was odd having Fellis there with him as well. The visitor spent most of his time with Veeth who was having fun playing big brother to all the flits and liked having the distraction to keep his mind away from Ronarth and the pain the poor bronze had to be in.

But with that knock, Vex and Quill took to chirping at him to get up while Veeth woke last, wondering what all the commotion was about for a visitor. He tried to chastise the firelizards but they were having none of it as Fellis vanished and the other two finally managed to get Valerian out of bed. The Harper, dressed in pants and an oddly normal t-shirt – Valerian’s fashion tastes didn’t extend to sleepwear – stumbled his way to the front door, opening it as he yawned. With blurry eyes, he made out the shape of Talian, which explained where Fellis went as the little guy was spotted as a blue blur on a shoulder, and Valerian wondered why his friend was there and so early. Shouldn’t he be tending to D’ren? The question didn’t receive a voice as Talian spoke up first, asking to come in and then taking a step forward.

It was a good thing Valerian liked the man and instinctively followed the action by stepping back and making a clear path to inside. If they hadn’t been friends and Talian hadn’t been on the list of a few names allowed to come and go as they pleased, there likely would have been some complaints or a barrier of Valerian in the way. As it was, the door was closed behind Talian when he made his way fully inside and Valerian blinked several times to try and clear up his vision enough to take in the condition of his friend. “You look like crap,” he said after the evaluation was done. It was easy to see what Talian had spent his night doing instead of sleeping. He didn’t need to ask if the efforts were successful though; the dragons hadn’t keened. D’ren had to be okay.

“But why aren’t you off bathing or sleeping?” Talian was good at looking after patients but Valerian had learned long ago that the Healer wasn’t the best at tending to his own needs.

Tal ambled inside and slowly turned, an exhausted smile crossing his face as Val's comment. "I feel like crap," Talian replied, stretching his left arm stiffly and grimacing as he felt his wound burn. He set his bag on the edge of the nearest table before slowly unbuttoning the front of his shirt, slowly gathering his thoughts to explain as he began to peel it off.

He grimaced as the damp cloth peeled away from his shoulder. The falling debris had created jagged set of puncture wounds, swollen and dirty but not particularly deep. Some of them would need stitching together, but it wouldn't be a big deal. For now, it was more important to get the dirt out of them. The wound ached and the bruises were already gruesomely dark, but it looked worse than it was. Blood had oozed out slowly over the course of a few hours, but it was hardly so bad as his bloody shirt would have suggested.

"The Weyrleader is alive," Talian said as he pulled a soft rag from his bag. He also removed a flask of redwort solution. He knew he'd rest better once he got the wound cleaned up.

"He's been poisoned," Talian said, frowning. He hated the man, but no one deserved that! "With Tansy. The same shit I used." His voice lacked emotion as he mentioned the incident. He frowned a little as he went to work on his wound, not expecting any help but appreciating the companionship.

"He lived the night, but I can't promise he'll live more than a few days..." His soft eyes suddenly sharpened as he looked towards his friend. "...The Weyrwoman sent a letter forbidding me from working on him." Fellis cheeped sadly as he sensed his bonded's sudden anger. The fire lizard began to lovingly groom the young man's hair, trying to settle him. The gesture seemed to soften the weary healer before he could get too riled. He lifted one hand to stroke the fire lizard before he went back to work on his shoulder. Once cleaned, he would bandage it. The rest could wait.

Talian sighed and started to pack his things away. "...There's a notice out in the gather square announcing my dismissal and mentioning the fact that I used Tansy to try to kill myself a turn ago.  I'm worried I'm going to get blamed for this, Val..." he said softly, voice trailing off in resignation and some sort of dour confidence. They could blame him for it all they wanted, but if he was the murderer, he was also a fool; after all, he'd only just saved the man's life, supposedly a few hours after trying to kill him!

It was stupid and Talian doubted it would stick, but it remained deeply hurtful He huffed once, then tuned around. His shoulder was wrapped now, and while he was still tired and had a few stray smudges of blood on him, he was holding up well. He always seemed calmest at times like these.

He smiled slowly, then took a step closer. "...Thanks for letitng me in, Val. I hated to wake you up, but I couldn't stand the idea of going home by myself right now. B'jin is surely busy, and well...you're my best friend. The best friend I've ever had," he clarified, distancing himself as much as he could from the girl he'd once pined over.

He  blushed as he remembered the birthday incident and how he'd awkwardly fled. He'd been humiliated at the time, but in hindsight he knew it was the best thing that could have happened. Val, with all his quiet integrity, had saved them from making a huge mistake. Val had quite obviously wanted it, and had for some time, but he'd put his own desires aside to look out for Talian.

How many people did that?

It had been a couple months now, but Talian had been thinking about it. He'd spoken with Val a few times, mostly to ask for help regarding Fellis, but he'd always avoided the topic. Despite all the running away, though, he still found there was no one he'd rather be with.

"...Val?" he asked, eyes widening with curiosity and seemingly misplaced hope as he took another step closer. This was no time for cheeriness, but Talian was genuinely happy to be there. This was a safe haven, far away from the troubles that had finally spread even to his new home.

Shards, though, what was Talian trying to say? He let out an awkward laugh and looped his arms around the man, squeezing him close without any sign of fear. They had been afraid of each other for far too long. "Love you to death, Val. Don't know what I'd do without you." There was a curious lack of the boy's general stuttering as he spoke. He held the harper close for a few more moments before planting a kiss on his cheek and peeling away. His familiar, awkward side reappeared in the form of a bright blush.

Talian confirmed Valerian’s belief that D’ren was still alive but in the same breath pointed out it was only just and there was a chance the man would still die. It was a bit disconcerting to hear what had happened to the man and memories of the night Talian was dying and the confrontation the following day when he was finally able to get in and see what had happened stirred to the forefront of his mind. It was understandable how Talian was now a suspect since he would best know the properties and results of Tansy but at the same time, it was utterly ridiculous to think the Healer was involved. He would be the first person suspected when Tansy was noted and that didn’t make for a very good murderer. Talian was also the one who realised it and helped to save D’ren’s life. Why waste the efforts? They couldn’t possibly believe that was all a cover for the attack of D’ren’s life, right? Sometimes people really disappointed Valerian.

He was probably a bad friend for not offering to help but Talian was the Healer and Valerian was, well, he was a Harper that got a bit queasy at the sight of blood. Talian would understand and it seemed he did since he didn’t ask for assistance and the Healer voice never came out to give him orders. “People are idiots and that was a bit uncalled for by mentioning what you used and that you tried to kill yourself. Not everyone within Katila knew you had done that,” he was certain the rumours had made it around the weyr a few times but there had never been official confirmation and while Larrikith had set off the dragons in a death keen, it wasn’t anyone else’s business. “You won’t be blamed though, Talian. You’ll likely just have to ride out a few days of glares and questioning glances before they realise it as well.”

Valerian wasn’t quite sure what to say to the confession of being a best friend. He counted both Talian and Erisi – even B’jin – as close friends and before Impressing he would have said the same for Jada and Allendris but those two were now busy with new responsibilities and training that came with their shiny dragons. He still pestered both when he could but not nearly enough time was spent with them as there once had been in the short time they had been brought together before standing on the hot Sands. Talian though, earned a small smile for his frankness and putting trust into him. He never really had friends before Katila though Jada’s brother had been one in the early days of Harper Hall. Trusting people enough to let them in like he had done with his current little group wasn’t something the blue weyrling was known for but he was glad he had opened up and warmed up to those he had. It may have seemed like he was always helping them but they all helped him in their own ways as well.

But the bold hug and new confession threw Valerian right off kilter. Was that an actual love confession? They had both made mention at the awkward birthday gathering that they liked each other more than they should if they were simply friends but neither had spoken about it since. No, that couldn’t be a true note of love; it was likely more something said casually amongst friends that were comfortable with each other and wanted to acknowledge exactly how important the other person was to them. Yes, that was easier to compute for the man that very rarely had emotions that swung too far one way or the other. Unfortunately, Talian was moving faster than Valerian’s mind and the Harper didn’t have a chance to return the hug before a kiss was given to his cheek and his friend was pulling away with an adorable blush.

“I do seem to keep everyone in line, don’t I?” Valerian grinned, lightly teasing the situation since he wasn’t sure what to actually say. He hated when the rare times cropped up that he was left speechless or put into a situation he didn’t know how to handle. This one really wasn’t too bad but he was unsure of the ground they were standing on and didn’t like taking a misstep. “Anyway, I’m glad I let you in as well. I worried last night when I realised where you were and Ronarth was tearing the building down. So it’s good to see you in mostly one piece and now I can make sure you stay that way with some sleep.” He gave a small wave of a hand to his bedroom, indicating he was more than willing to offer up his bed for his friend to use for a while.

'Uncalled for' barely scratched the surface, but Talian was far too exhausted to make a big deal out of it now. He was sleepy and weak, and Valerian's passing assurances were enough to quell his fears for now. Valerian was right, and the very same thoughts had passed through Talian's mind several times. He knew he was right, but it was nice to hear it from someone else's mouth.

The healed folded his hands in front of him, squeezing his own fingers to keep them from wriggling. He felt his face heating up even more as Valerian offered his room. "I appreciate it," Talian said softly. Fellis cheeped in support, his whirling eyes flashing with gratitude for the gesture which he didn't entirely understand, but knew meant a lot for his bonded. Talian reached up to stroke the creature's soft hide before slowly turning towards the room.

He kicked his shoes off and hesitated. His clothing was sweaty and bloodied, not exactly something he needed to rub through Val's covers. He looked back to his friend, vaguely embarrassed, and smiled. "...excuse me," he said, slipping his pants off and standing in just his undergarments. He figured he should probably be embarrassed or feel exposed, but once he banished his fear, he found it bothered him very little.

"...I would like for us to hang out again soon, Val," the healer said modestly, bright eyes seeking out his friend's as a smile crossed his face again. "I'm sorry it's been so...few and far between, I guess. I should have known better than to ever be afraid of you." Fellis gave off a small chirp of approval. He liked Val. Val was nice and calm and gave excellent pets.

"Well," Tal said suddenly, realizing awkwardly how bad that may have sounded. "Not that I was ever afraid of you, like I thought you would intentionally harm me!" he assured Val suddenly, spinning in place and throwing his hands up defensively. "You're..." Shards, what could he say now? He was stupid! Stupid stupid!

He looked away suddenly and folded his hands behind his back. "....I don't want us to avoid each other anymore, Val. I'm sorry I let my fears get the better of me, but I think I'm...a stronger person now. I hope we can spend some time together soon." Was he laying it on too thick? Being too sappy? Oh shards! Fellis let out a croon of nervousness and licked Daddy's cheek, trying to calm him. Tal responded by quickly bundling the little creature up and holding him close.

Tal swallowed the knot in his throat and smiled again. "I'm going to get some rest. Thank you so much, Val."

He crept into the room and quickly slipped into bed, pulling the covers over his head to hide. He left the door open. Fellis quickly burrowed under the covers alongside him and pressed his little body close, trying to assure Daddy that he'd done nothing wrong. Tal agreed, but that didn't mean he wouldn't worry. 

“I’d like that as well,” Valerian barely managed to get a reply in before apologies came for fearing him and then an explanation to make that sentence make a bit more sense. He let Talian ramble on, believing that would help more than interrupting or even trying to explain that he understood as well. A lot had happened and his actions, despite Talian insisting they were done by flight lust and not truly Valerian, were deplorable and took away a lot of time with one friend and changed how others viewed him. It was a bit sad and irritating that some people saw his actions as a good thing or proper; after all, he was a bluerider in need and Talian was a warm body. Valerian wasn’t fond of that mentality and still couldn’t forgive himself for getting caught up enough in lust to forget himself and use someone like that.

A nod was given as acknowledgement of the thanks he was given. Talian was doing that a lot lately and while Valerian did appreciate when his amazingness was recognised, it didn’t have to be pointed out in so many different ways by the same person. “Sleep as long as you need, Tal.” When Talian seemed safely tucked under the blankets with Fellis keeping the Healer company, Valerian grabbed the small blanket he liked to wrap around his shoulders on cooler evenings when he worked at his writings for extended periods of time. He was still tired and while he had a suspicion Talian wouldn’t oppose him, Valerian opted to avoid the bed for now and curled up on the couch instead, smoothing the blanket over himself as he did so.

Quill and Vex were quick to appear, bickering with each other as they landed on Valerian’s torso. “Quiet, the both of you,” he whispered, bopping them lightly on the head with a couple of fingers to help silence them. Soon enough they listened and Valerian rolled onto his side with the firelizards making themselves comfortable on the couch, pressed up against him.

Valerian hadn’t exactly been keeping track of the time, having decided it was a good day to stay in and only make sure he made it out at some point for a meal, but he let Talian sleep as much as he needed. After his own nap upon the couch, the weyrling had spent his time mostly at his little desk, like he often did. He rotated between reading older things he had written, mostly those chronicling his stay at Katila and working on finishing one of the two pieces B’jin had noticed remained untouched. It wasn’t the one the greenrider had wanted to see finished, but Valerian would still get to that one eventually. He had yet to find the right frame of mind once again to finish it.

Eventually he heard movement in the bedroom that didn’t sound simply like someone rolling over or a firelizard playing. Talian’s enjoyment of klah was well-known and Valerian got up to start making a couple of mugs. He was in need of some himself but hadn’t wanted to risk waking his friend early with the tantalizing aroma and had put off tossing some together.

Fellis knew that smell. The little blue appeared, huddled timidly among Valerian's kitchen effects, his little jeweled eyes fixed with interest on the brewing klah. Fellis cheeped, as if daintily asking permission before crawling out of his hiding place. The timid beast rather liked Valerian, who was much calmer and more soothing than most humans, and whom Daddy liked so very much! Fallis approached hopefully, nostrils quivering at the scent. Oh, Daddy would love it!

A moment later, Talian emerged from the other room. In lieu of putting his own ratty clothes back on, he's borrowed a robe he'd found in Valerian's room. It was a little bit embarrassing, since it meant he'd gone through some of his gentle friend's things, but he managed to enter the kitchen with little more than a mild blush to show for it.

"I hope you don't mind. I figured it was better than roaming your house in my underwear," Talian said with a gentle laugh. He held his arm up and whistled, inviting Fellis to return to him. The fire lizard quickly obliged, fluttering to the healer's forearm and landing with a playful chitter. Tal lifted one hand to stoke them, then looked back to his harper friend.

"That smells delicious," Talian said. He took a few steps closer. He knew it was approaching noon, and that the new 'Weyrleader' was supposed to be giving a speech soon. Tal wondered offhandedly if Val would be going. Talian hoped not, as he had decided not to himself. He knew what awaited him, and frankly, he was much happier right where he was.

He reached out and pulled his friend into an unannounced hug. "Thanks for letting me rest. I feel much better," the healer said happily. He yawned and took a step back, giving his friend room to continue his work.

"I'm not going to go to the gather square," Talian said after a moment. "You're right. I don't think anything will come of it, and I have always had a bad habit of leiitng the bad things in my life ruin the good things. I think I'd much rather sit here and have some klah. What do you say?"

Shards, it felt good to blow the real world off for a change. The healer smirked joyfully, almost as if he was doing something naughty or daring.

Valerian had stopped briefly to greet Fellis with a little petting when the shy blue came out from behind one of the few items he had within the kitchen. Since he didn’t cook much and preferred to just go to the Dining Hall when hunger took over, the kitchen suffered when it came to bartering for household items. Perhaps one day he’d get around to it but it seemed unlikely given his eating habits and routine he’d fallen into.

When Talian announced his presence with an odd statement, Valerian turned and smirked at his lightly blushing friend in his bathrobe. “I don’t mind. It doesn’t see too much use.” He had been given it shortly after moving from the Isle to the weyr proper by a well-meaning Katilan who likely thought he was a shy and prudish Holder boy. Valerian supposed that had been partially true at the time but he was also a Harper and open to the rules and lifestyles of each place he journeyed to and a weyr was no different. The robe was barely worn for the trips to the bathhouse and the only time the Harper could recall donning it within his hut was during one of B’jin’s unexpected-yet-expected revenge visits. He liked teasing the greenrider but even B’jin deserved a break and didn’t need to see the weyrling in his undergarments.

“I figured we would both be in need of,” Valerian’s words halted as he was suddenly embraced. Given it was Talian and all the strange encounters they had had since the first one when Valerian went to get patched up after his first hunting attempt, it shouldn’t have surprised him; yet it did. He had never been one for an abundance of physical contact though since coming to Katila Jada had done her best to fix that with hugs and cuddling when their dragons were tiny. Valerian was more comfortable with it every time a hug was given but it was still always just unexpected enough despite patterns to give him brief pause. Arms slowly lifted to return the gesture, however, as he wasn’t opposed to it and certainly didn’t want to upset his friend that had been through too much yet again in a short amount of time.

The klah explanation was forgotten though finishing the making of the drink was not as Valerian turned back to the task while Talian spoke the expected words but in a tone that was far happier than anticipated. “I’m glad it helped. I’m not the Healer in the room but even I know rest is a great assistant to many types of ailments.” A small smile was given over his shoulder as Valerian set up the only two mugs he owned before going for the pot of heated caffeine.

The confession was heard but Valerian didn’t give a response until both mugs were filled and one was being passed to his guest. As a Harper that enjoyed writing and had been pushed to help rewrite the histories as he read them and help clean up the incoming pieces of news, Valerian had wanted to go to the announcement. Since the day of his kidnapping, every major moment of Katila – along with adding history he gathered from the Survivors and their own records – and what Impressing had been like had been logged. It was always better to have information firsthand since something could be overlooked but in this case, he doubted S’kef would say too much and likely would have new posters put up with whatever he decreed that afternoon. Besides, Talian needed a friend and as odd as it was for the man known for indifference, Valerian had a hard time leaving the sides of his friends in need.

“That sounds like a good way to spend the afternoon.” A smile accompanied the agreement that staying in was the better option and Valerian nodded toward and then headed for the living room area where the only furniture made for sitting was kept in the form of the couch and his desk chair. No point in standing around drinking klah when they could be comfortable!

Talian was happy to receive the hug. He often forgot that others were not as physically inclined as he was, and therefore had a hard time telling when his hugs were and were not appropriate. No amount of trauma had managed to break him of of his liking for them. If anything, after the rougher incidents in his life, he'd longed for closeness rt those he trusted even more.

He smiled, then moved silently into the living room. He didn't know Valerian had been planning to attend the event, and even expected he wouldn't much care due to the harper's general indifference, but he saw no reason to doubt Val's words as the pair moved towards the couch. Talian seated himself lightly, perching overly-formally on the edge of the cushion as Fellis relocated to his lap. The creature chirped softly, his title body humming with contentment.

"You're too kind to me," Talian said as he sipped his klah. It was so warm and nice, just what he needed after the stressful night before. He relaxed in his seat as he felt the warmth spread into his belly. "You know, I think I might be addicted to this stuff," Talian said with mild amusement. He almost always had a mug of klah on his desk or in his hand these days, and it had been the medium for many of his more memorable escapades....Thymus and Tansy in particular. Wow, how long ago it all felt, like it had happened to someone else!

Okay, time for normal-person talk. Normal, well-adjusted, not-crazy-person talk. There was no reason to be overly-worried about messing up and upset his friend, right? Right! You can do this. Talian cleared his throat and let out one of his tell-tale nervous laughs. "I'm sorry I acted weird earlier, Val. I just-" Wait, he was apologizing. What the hell? Talian frowned suddenly, perplexed by his own ineptitude. He subconsciously shifted a little bit closer to Valerian.

"Well, I do have one thing to apologize for, I guess," Tal said, shifting gears quickly as he looked down to Fellis. "I'm sorry for being so standoffish to Veeth. I know it hurts his feelings, but I guess I just wasn't ready. Can you tell him for me?" He'd have done it himself, but he had no idea if Veeth could hear him or if the dragon was even awake. Tal held Fellis closer, unconsciously demonstrating what exactly had come along to change his tune so much. "I know he's important to you, and it's not like I can pretend that you aren't a dragonrider...or even should pretend that..." he said, flushing a little.

He scooted a little closer. "What's it like, Val?"

Talian really had to learn to stop apologising, especially when there wasn’t a need for it. Valerian barely spoke those words since he did and said what he wanted and didn’t think he should ever feel guilty for it so it was likely more a difference in ethics and ways of living that had the Harper ready to slap a hand over his friend’s mouth with every utterance. But when the apology came in regards to Veeth, Valerian actually looked up from his mug of klah and gave a slight nod of acknowledgement and appreciation. “I will. He’ll be happy to hear it as well so you better be prepared to hear all about it.” His precious blue had decided to go see who else was awake earlier when Talian came by but had since returned and was currently having a nap in the sun. While it was probably worth waking Veeth up for, Valerian decided to let him sleep. He’d beg for them to go outside so they could all sit and talk for hours and it was still up in the air if Talian was ready for that step.

Again, it was odd to hear someone say he was a dragonrider. It had really bothered him early on that B’jin called him that and saw him as a bluerider. He was Valerian! Sure, he was bonded to a blue dragon but that was only a part of who he was, not his entire existence. B’jin was a Harper with an amazing voice that also taught but he was also a father, not-in-love with R’nd and bonded to a green dragon. So why couldn’t he still be seen as Valerian, Harper, indifferent with a sharp tongue, and rider of blue Veeth? He didn’t challenge Talian’s words though, not when, in the end, they were true.

Talian wasn’t the only one that had to get used to Valerian being a dragonrider.

“It’s…” How did he explain it? He asked B’jin the same thing once but Valerian was having a harder time finding the words, as backwards as that was. “You have a small sample of what it’s like with Fellis. Amplify that by a million. Veeth is a part of me, completes me I guess, but he’s not my everything either. We still function independently, which was something I bugged B’jin about.” It didn’t seem possible to have a dragon living in your head but still have your own friends and lives but once he had Veeth, Valerian understood everything B’jin and Larrikith had told him over their question and answer sessions.

“Honestly, Tal?” For only a split second did it occur to Valerian that he should lie or at least tone down the answer he wanted to give. His friend wanted to understand but not necessarily become a supporter of dragons or Katila and praising either of them because he loved Veeth and was thankful for the chance at making a boyhood dream reality might not sit well. Still, Valerian wasn’t one to mince words and said what he felt, as he always did, “I was a little worried before the hatching but it’s amazing. You don’t expect it but it feels so natural and you really do wonder how you managed without that other half for so long.” That was borderline cheesy. He had to lay off writing the romance.

Talian smiled slowly. "It's strange to think about," he said, letting the words linger in the air for a moment before explaining exactly what he meant. "When you Impressed, I was so afraid that you'd change. Most of the dragonriders I'd met seemed like monsters to me. I wasn't even trustful of B'jin yet, at least not like I should have been. I was so afraid that Veeth would make you into a monster, too..." He paused, frowning subtly as he thought back on those difficult, fragile times. "But  I was also afraid that my own fear would ruin everything."

"It's like you changed, but you didn't. I can easily believe everything you've said." He ran his fingers along Fellis' back, caressing the adorable creature as he purred. Talian smiled. "I know you love Veeth, though. And I know he didn't do anything to harm you. It's a good thing for me to think about..."

Once again, he subconsciously inched closer. "It's something good to hold on to. I've been nervous about the hatching, but I don't..." What words was he searching for? "I guess I don't feel like running away anymore? After everything that's happened, I don't know." Perhaps it was Talian's turn to be cheesy. He laughed a little before continuing. "It's like this place has done everything it could think of to destroy me, and it hasn't yet. I don't think it can, Val."

He looked towards his harper friend and smiled. "...I hope you're right. Maybe it will be a good thing," he said. It was the most positive thing he'd said or thought for a long time, and it seemed to visibly relax him. He smiled down at Fellis before speaking again.

"I like it when you're sappy, Val.  You're the sweetest person I've ever met."

Out of everything Talian said, it was being called sappy that stood out the most. Of course he was happy to hear the Healer was adjusting a bit more to their new environment, at least enough to want to continue living and try to be happy with his life once more. Of course he was also glad to hear that Talian didn’t think he had really changed and that the man knew Veeth would never do anything even remotely close to being called harming him. But none of that really needed to be further commented on. They understood each other’s position on the subject and cleared up a lot of misunderstandings and hesitations that had cropped up between them since the night of the Hatching and again that day after the accursed flight of J’ver’s.

Commenting on the sappy comment was another matter, though.

“I’m not sappy or all that sweet,” Valerian countered, ever so wittily. He supposed he kind of was given what he could write and the way Veeth even encouraged him to show that side more regularly, but Valerian liked his snarky side being visible instead. It wasn’t really a shield to guard his feelings but just something that came far more easily and quickly as well as allowing him to speak truthfully without any sugar-coating. How annoying would he be if he spoke with flowery terms all of the time and carefully disguised his insults? But, as with writing, there was always a time for a different narrative to shine and there wasn’t anything wrong with that. “All right, fine. I guess I can be but only when the situation calls for it.” Only a few people within his already small handful of close friends at Katila could lay claim to glimpsing that and somehow Talian had been the one to see it the most.

As he glanced over at his friend to see his reaction, Valerian was finally aware of how close Talian was now sitting. He hadn’t noticed the shifting closer either, having been absorbed in the conversation or enjoying his klah. He wasn’t sure how to take that. Likely, Talian didn’t realise he was another scoot or two away from being in his lap but Valerian wondered if he should get up and avoid that outcome or to stop worrying. Memories of the night at Erisi’s sprang up, reminding the Harper of what he said, though did Talian remember? It wasn’t really something he wanted to ask in case it was far too awkward and there was a high chance of sending his friend running if asked about still wanting him with a sober mind.

Deciding he’d start to act like R’nd and B’jin if he continued to think about every little thing more than was required, Valerian took another sip of klah and went for showing more of his softer side by quietly placing his hand over Talian’s, though he kept his gaze on his mug. “I like hearing you be so energetic and optimistic. It’s comforting.” Mostly because he wouldn’t have to worry nearly as much about Talian – though it would likely always be there.

Val's retort brought a smile to Talian's face. He nodded slowly, trying his best not to chuckle, and glanced sideways at his friend. "I think you are," Talian said gently, his smile only widening when Val admitted it himself within a few more moments. "I'm glad today called for it, then. You always know just what to say to make me feel better, you know that?"

Oh, shards! He'd gotten close, and judging by Valerian's hesitation, he'd noticed the closeness as well! He snapped his head away, eyes widening subtly as he wondered if he was treading a line. Much like Valerian, he feared worrying too much over everything else, but in the new few moments he slowly realized that nothing was going to happen. Val was quiet and collected, neither intimidated nor flustered, and...what was that warmth on Talian's hand?

Talian's heart skipped a beat and he not-so-instinctively scooted closer, pressing his side against the harper and gradually letting his chin rest on the man's shoulder. Tal sighed softly in response to the words, nodding slowly before allowing himself to skittishly but happily lean against his friend. "Thank you," was all he said at first, thinking for a long moment about how hard it had always been for him to be happy, and not just at Katila.

He wasn't sure if anyone had ever congratulated him on managing it before. It almost roused a sense of grim humor in the healer, but instead he laughed. It was not the strained, nervous laugh he often exhibited, either. It was soft and easily lost, but very real.

He squeezed Val's hand. "Thank you," he repeated.

Without thinking, he turned and pressed his lips onto Valerian's neck. It was a loving gesture, not exactly sexual but certainly suggestive. He lingered for only a moment before he felt his face heating up dangerously. He rested his chin on the harper's shoulder once more, hardly able to believe he'd managed something so bold without making a fool of himself, and grinned.

Valerian didn’t quite know what to do with the kiss to his neck. It was something he didn’t particularly associate to Talian – at least not while the Healer was sober. He had been plenty bold after a little alcohol and seemed right at home in the lap he had made into a chair but now was something different. There was a hint of there being a chance for something more behind the way lips pressed to his neck but the vibe around them suggested Talian wasn’t going to push for it and Valerian was willing to bet he could turn to his friend and see his face taking on a nice hue of crimson.

What was he supposed to do now?

It was different with Erisi since the green weyrling had been the one to initiate sexual interactions between them and since then their easy-going friendship and their understanding of what sex was between them had made it easy enough for either of them to make the first move. With Talian, Valerian didn’t know what was acceptable. He felt it had been a huge risk to simply place his hand on his friend’s so he certainly didn’t know the limits and he blamed himself for that. It was because of the little crush he seemed to have developed on first Allendris to a lesser degree and now on Talian which had started with all of their personal talks of the past and trying to help the Healer that was so in need of someone understanding him or being there for him. That was all well and good but to have opened his big mouth during the birthday celebration and tell Talian there was an attraction there had made things awkward in a new way that the horrible flight incident couldn’t touch.

“Talian, what I said before… I meant it,” Valerian spoke in his usual mellow tones and looked down at his mug, making no movement to pull away. He really wasn’t one to doubt himself and while he could read a situation fairly well when he wanted to, the Harper also wasn’t one to monitor what he said and preferred to just say what was on his mind. So he did, referencing back to the night he said he wanted his friend but they had to be sober and both want it. Whether or not that was what this moment was leading to didn’t matter but he wanted the reminder out there given Talian was being so bold and oddly enough Valerian preferred to have a bit of a guideline in such situations. Besides, past events made it hard for Valerian to be the one to make a first moves with this friend as he never wanted to force himself on someone again.

Talian rested easily against his friend, relaxed and wholly trusting. He and Valerian had been through a lot together. While the healer had a lifelong tendency to linger on the negatives in his life, Valerian was in a special position. Talian was willing to look past the rough twists and turns, focusing instead on the wonderful moments of tenderness and acceptance he'd shared with the harper. There had been rough patches for sure. There had been moments of terrible awkwardness and even fear, but as Talian leaned there against his dear friend, all of those past grievances melted away without so much as a whimper.

"I meant it, too," the healer relied, voice smooth and serene as he shifted his tawny gaze sideways. His soft smile widened. He hesitated for only a second before lifting his slender hands and placing them behind the harper's neck, shifting himself close. He looked into his friend's eyes, as he always did when talking to people, and let out the happiest sigh.

"I don't even remember exactly what I said to you that night," Talian muttered gently. "I know I was drunk. But it didn't make me say things I didn't mean..it made me brave enough to say them. After what happened, I've always been worried that I would frighten you away with my sharding...fragility." He shrugged helplessly and allowed his smile to spread.

"I really do have a problem of letting bad things get in the way of good things. I don't want to anymore, though..." His voice started to shake a bit as he delved into increasingly emotional territory, his confidence not exactly faltering, but his fears certainly catching up. He let out a nervous laugh and buried his face against Valerian without warning.

"I'm talking too much," Talian said, voice muffled by his friend's neck. He was quiet for a long moment as he calmed down. He cling tightly to Valerian, soothed by the man's mere presence and bathing in the happiness of his friend's confession. "I feel the same way," he added at length, calm once more and almost...hopeful?

"I really do." He peeled away and let his face linger close to Valerian's.

Do it. Don't be a coward.

He leaned in and let his lips brush across Val's. It was one of the bravest things he'd ever done, and he didn't regret it for a moment.

Valerian nearly pointed out that it was hard to mean what you said when you couldn’t remember saying it. He understood the theory that alcohol made you braver and you spoke your mind so it wasn’t truly a question of meaning what was said but if Talian couldn’t remember it, did it really count still? He left it alone, however, since it wasn’t really an important point in the conversation given the Healer continued talking and trying to explain himself. He had been forgiven for forcing himself on Talian as well as confessed to that night but he was more or less receiving the same words now, thus proving his friend did mean what was said. It was a roundabout way of thinking but Valerian had to admit, if only to himself, that he was still a bit groggy and in unusual territory that he lacked a lot of experience in. Not even reading could help him through every life lesson.

Despite his enjoyment of silence, Valerian was glad for Talian’s babbling since it made it less obvious that the Harper had stopped talking. He didn’t know what to say thanks to his mind going in circles and his indecision on how to proceed. However, when Talian showed his courage yet again by giving a soft kiss, Valerian figured there wasn’t a need to hold back or play coy or any of that nonsense that so many people thought belonged in a healthy relationship. Honesty had always been his friend, whether people wanted to hear it or not. Setting his mug down on the arm of the couch since it required the least amount of movement though that was only to prepare for the larger amount of movement he was about to give into.

Twisting around in his seat, Valerian moved to capture Talian for another, proper, kiss by placing a hand on the back of his friend’s head. He was probably supposed to say something to verify he heard everything the Healer had said or that he still agreed with him but it seemed kind of redundant by that point. Valerian had stated first he meant the confession – that Talian probably didn’t remember in detail, he thought belatedly – but returning a kiss seemed like an equally good way to express himself. The fact that Talian had given the first kiss eased a lot of tension Valerian had been carried for months since the green flight and now he didn’t feel like he was one of the controlling, dominating, asshole blueriders that even B’jin seemed to align him with sometimes. He liked to think he understood the colourism, abuse, and hatred between the riders but Valerian had one turn compared to those with over twenty turns of being bonded and mistreated. If B’jin was wary about every colour above him, there had to be a lot of bad experiences in his friend’s life.

But B’jin wasn’t there – thankfully! Talian, however, was and Valerian dedicated his attention to him by making sure it wasn’t a distracted or lacklustre kiss. No need in further ruining their friendship again by messing this up as well!

Talian didn't mind Valerian's silence. In those moments, as the healer sank against his friend and surrendered himself to a long, slow kiss with the man he'd grown so attached to in spite of so much, Talian couldn't believe his good luck. It was one of those rare (but increasingly common) moments where everything would be all right. He sighed against Valerian, sharing and kiss and clutching hotly to Valerian's arms, palms sweating with the nerves it had taken to make the move. Talian didn't know what the future held for them, and no longer cared what the past held. All that mattered was the present.

"I lo-..." he paused, catching the word and laughing nervously. "I...know that's a big thing to say. But what I guess I'm saying is, it's been a really long time since I've felt this way about anyone." He spoke, of course, about Fiora. She was so long gone, however, that he didn't bother to linger long enough to speak her name. This wasn't about her. She was gone, but if nothing else, his time with her taught him what it felt like to love someone. He imagined she would have wanted him to, as well.

It had been so long! Talian smiled bashfully and leaned in, sweetly pressing the tip of his nose against Valerian's and letting out a soft, much more playful laugh, dangerously close to a giggle. "It's scary, Val..." Talian said, turning his eyes downward as he rested his head against his friend's shoulder once more. "I've always hated it here, but every now and then I remember that...that if I wasn't here, I'd never have met you." B'jin either, but Tal had learned the hard way with Erisi that bringing your father figure up during a supposedly sexy encounter was not the way to do things.

Talian pulled away from Val's shoulder, letting the sappy talk die as he leaned in for another kiss. He was brave enough to stay in for the real thing without being held this time, though he loved the feel of the bluerider's arms around him. He melted into Valerian for a few long moments before sliding out of his lap and into the floor.

"Val..." he said softly, looking up sweetly at the bluerider as he sat on his knees in the floor. There was a faint, ambitious gleam in his eyes, something unlike he'd shown his friend before. He wasn't even sure if he'd ever shown himself. Without any of his usual logic or method, he reached for ward to lightly undo Valerian's belt.

"I can't wait anymore," Talian murmured, sounding nearly entranced.

500!

Valerian was clever and he felt he picked up on situations and emotions rather well even if he didn’t always acknowledge them or care about them when he spoke his mind. Right then, however, he wasn’t sure if he was picking up on the right words or what it all meant. Was this a love confession? As Talian went on, it was obvious his current feelings were being compared to what he had for Fiora but who could say if that had been love, infatuation, or simply a crush? They were both young and didn’t have much to compare to and while Valerian knew he liked Talian as more than a friend he liked to spend time with, were his feelings on the same level as B’jin and R’nd? One thing was for certain, that oddball pair living in their delusions were onto something with being oblivious to emotions and Valerian figured he didn’t need to analyze anything else right then.

Not that he really could when he was pulled in for another kiss, one he let his friend lead. It was strange to have Talian being so straightforward with his feelings and nabbing kisses but Valerian was okay with keeping up and letting it happen. He could lead or follow and right then he was very much okay with following. Too much had happened before between them and they were going to move at Talian’s preferred speed.

A speed that seemed to be a bit faster than Valerian had been expecting! With Talian on his knees before him, the Harper blinked and stared at the hands that were moving for his belt. He didn’t stop them, wasn’t sure he should since he knew he wanted it and it looked like Talian did as well. Were they really doing this though? Was it the right time after the night Talian had been through with saving D’ren and Valerian dealing with Veeth being upset? Maybe it was the perfect time because of those reasons. They had finally connected and found comfort within each other and seemed to be willing to understand each other and the sexual tension that had been mounting around them for a while.

Valerian knew he wasn’t using Talian for a quickie and the way Talian spoke it was obvious the feeling was mutual and exploring this new level in their relationship was okay. “Go ahead, Tal,” Valerian finally found his voice and whispered his encouragement even as he removed his shirt and returned his lusty gaze to Talian.

Talian had dreamed of being this close to Valerian. He smiled appreciatively at his friend, eyes glinting with pleased desire. "Thank you," Talian purred, fingers working quickly and deftly to remove the belt and unto the buttons at the top of his friend's waistband. Fellis inched aside, eyes whirling an alarmed yellow as he watched his bonded sink forward and do something new. The fire lizard was anxious at first, but as he realized the extent of the joy his bonded felt, those yellow eyes flushed blue.

***sexytiems***


Shards, did his shoulder hurt. It was absolutely worth it.

Talian opened his eyes and smiled at Val. The healer was nestled on the couch, robe and underwear laying neatly on the floor close by. Fellis was curled up on top of them, watching his bonded's new antics with curious interest and valiantly protecting the clothes. Daddy needed someone to watch them while he was otherwise engaged, plus they were warm and smelled like Fellis' two favorite people!

"Thank you," Talian whispered to Val. He wasn't sure where he and Val would stand after this, but he didn't regret taking that chance. It was like the smooth, consensual encounter had washed away the bad flight. It was what Talian had guiltily dreamed of after the night they went stargazing together. It was amazing. He slowly sat up, his usual modesty discarded, unnecessary when he was as comfortable with his partner as he was with Valerian. Of course, that didn't stop him from blushing.

Talian's long hair was matted from sweat and exertion and his shoulder throbbed, but it wasn't important. He didn't mind the smell of sweat or the taste of salt, and he didn't mind the slight heat that permeated the room. He leaned into the harper, arms wrapping gently around him, and set his head on his shoulder just as he had earlier. "Thank you so much," Tal whispered, repeating himself without thinking. "I wish we'd done that so much sooner. I don't regret a second of it."

Valerian didn’t regret it either but he wasn’t up to the task of thanking his friend for it. In fact, that seemed a bit odd to do though it was almost natural coming from Talian’s mouth. Actually, it was preferred. His friend seemed to apologise for everything practically every time he opened his mouth and it was a nice change of pace to hear a new phrase. “Nothing to thank me for, Talian, and no wishes to dwell on. A few months may have been wasted but it’s not turns or a lifetime. This may have happened because of the waiting and been made all the more… special.” All right, so maybe he was going to veer down the path of sappiness after all. Talian said he liked that side but Valerian still didn’t want to make it a habit.

A chirp from his desk showed Vex and Quill had joined them at some point while the men were wrapped up in each other. Given the way the two blues sat close together and nuzzled gently, they were feeding off of Valerian’s good mood. He smiled at them; grateful they didn’t interrupt or cause a scene. They had yet to do such a thing but given the way Vex didn’t like anyone, it was always a possibility he would get jealous and try to scare off anyone Valerian got too close to. Valerian was slightly amused at how easily he adjusted to having Veeth always mentally with him and now the two firelizards that seemed to be voyeurs in the making.

Something else that was probably seen as odd was the way Valerian could handle being intimate during sex but was a bit awkward at the cuddling. He wasn’t really opposed to it nor did it freak him out but he just didn’t have the experience and wasn’t sure what to do or if he was doing anything right. It was a bit frustrating to not be good at something but if he was judged poorly for it, then he was judged poorly. Opinions rarely penetrated his walls and Valerian didn’t overly care how he was perceived – unless it was a condemning character trait that just didn’t match with who he actually was. So he went for it, shifting enough to make himself comfortable as he wrapped his arms lightly around Talian who seemed far better at this sort of thing. It was a simple hug, if it was even a proper hug, but it was an attempt at one all the same.

Talian was perfectly happy with what he was given.  He'd never known Val to be overly-cuddly, but just being allowed to sit next to him and maybe hold hands would have been enough. When his sweet friend made a move to lightly hold him, it filled the spent healer with delight. He leaned over and pressed his nose against Valerian's neck, nuzzling him softly before peeling away and simply letting his chin rest. Content in their loose embrace, Talian let out a lazy sigh.

"I agree," he said, still unable to warn the warm blush off his face. "I've been sort of shy about it, I suppose," he said. A lot had happened, and for a while the young man hesitant to even think about having consensual sex with someone. It no longer seemed special or intriguing like it was supposed to. All it did was bring up bad memories. That didn't stop his emotional attachments from flourishing, though. If anything, it meant that this was even more special now. All of those months of skittish trepidation were washed away and replaced with what was possibly the most special intimate encounter Talian had ever experienced.

"I'm really glad it was with you, Val. I can't think of anyone who would have made it more special. It feels good to not be afraid anymore..." He smiled and relaxed against his friend. The fire lizards' antics were a pleasant backdrop, but Talian shared Val's keen observation on the voyeurism of their little pets. Fellis had been entirely delighted by the act, and not unlike a little Veeth, Tal almost felt like he was encouraging him to do it again.

"I...would like to do this again sometime, Val," Talian said bashfully. He reminded himself not to apologize; after what had just happened, Talian figured Val liked his forwardness. His eyes drifted to Fellis, who abandoned the pile of clothes in favor of settling on the very edge of the table with Vex and Quill, crooning softly as if asking to join them. Fellis wanted to cuddle with someone, too!