Hello loves! While I haven't been writing, I have been working on updating some issues that have been hanging around on the layout! The Character change box is now at the bottom of the page, beside the up/down arrows! Green and Gold dragon flight dates have been shifted to the bottom of the page, where the (useless!) discord widget was located. Where the dragon flights were in the header, is now replaced by a Monthly Event box! This will be updated at the start of each month, with a fun mini-event you can take part in, if you want to! Thistle!
03.Feb.14, 05:35 PM
It was becoming increasingly clear that he had no idea what he was doing or what he was supposed to say in such times. Apologising for loving B’jin before realising it was mutual had been a mistake and thanking the greenrider for having mutual feelings had only ended up making him feel horrible thanks to the reply. He could understand it wasn’t a choice and that such things came naturally on their own time but it stung to hear it all the same. B’jin hadn’t wanted to love him. R’nd couldn’t fully blame him for that but he still had an ego that bruised and it wasn’t pleased to hear that there was someone out there that hadn’t noticed him and didn’t want his affection and love as easily as others. He knew he was a contradiction when it came to such topics; wanting people to fawn all over him but fearing the day when they truly fell for him. Now, he was stinging from the fact that it sounded like B’jin could be classified as annoyed by the fact that he fell in love.
A laugh was close to bursting free when B’jin so casually said they would one day not love each other anymore and part. It would likely happen and it would be his fault since he had always feared commitment and hurting his partner emotionally if he got too attached. One day B’jin would wake up and wonder why he was with a bluerider that had slept with everyone in the past and had very little redeeming qualities or skills. In the end, R’nd knew he was nothing more than a fisherman and he wasn’t even the best at that despite his sea-crafting minor holder father’s efforts. His reading and writing had suffered thanks to being Searched young and living in exile and Katila after that. He wasn’t a singer, couldn’t cook, and could have killed B’jin with the amount of fellis he gave the man once because he didn’t know better. Why would anyone want to stay with him?
He felt like such a fool for confessing to what he feared. Why would he think what he had with B’jin would ever last? Why would he think B’jin would want it to? Why did he think B’jin would understand and simply hug him with silent reassurance? He never revealed too much of himself; only a few people even knew his birthday. He was just supposed to be the friendly pretty face that everyone got along with and slept with. Fears, dreams, desires; they weren’t supposed to factor into anything. People were happy with not seeing a deeper side and R’nd had been happy to supply the shallow end since it kept him safe from getting hurt. He had figured out early on that B’jin was the exception to the rule and had enjoyed their lazy games of questions and ‘what if’ scenarios as they lounged in bed together but now he felt like he had revealed too much and B’jin now held his weakness and could use it at any time.
The butterfly kisses were almost missed as R’nd stared into nothingness as he fought with his emotions yet again. He had ruined everything while trying to save it. The breath over his ear managed to make the hairs on his neck stand up but also drew his attention back to B’jin with a shiver. He was so lost and had no idea how to explain that he was or why. It was probably best not to anyway given the mess his confessions had already put him in. At least now he knew he had grounds for his fear and wouldn’t be surprised when he woke up one day to find B’jin gone.
R’nd, stop it.
I’m not doing any- Ayyonth wasn’t having the excuses and cut R’nd off before he could really get started. His stupid human would ruin what he had found with B’jin if he wasn’t careful and he had no desire to let that happen. R’nd was happy and growing as a person and a dragonrider in his time with B’jin and Ayyonth was rather comfortable and happy with Larrikith as well.
You’re withdrawing into yourself again. You made no mistakes in sharing your fears. You trust B’jin and now you know you love him as well. You’re supposed to talk with him and open up. Quit holding back because you think you will end up with a broken heart again or you’ll break his. You’re both big boys and if you actually listen instead of simply hearing his words, you’ll catch everything that isn’t said in clear words as well.
R’nd was about to deny the accusations and prepare for an argument with Ayyonth but instead winced when N’mall was suddenly brought up and the confession that B’jin loved him for so long was like a punch to an already sore stomach. It was so easy to forget about that relationship and that he followed it, despite the length of time between N’mall and his appearance in the greenrider’s life thanks to a flight victory and a sudden bout of courage that had him approach B’jin one afternoon. Everyone knew the rumours of the break up but R’nd had never asked for details. Like with other things, he had learned B’jin’s boundaries and which topics were off limits to him.
At some point during his misery, his hand had slipped away from B’jin’s cheek. It lifted to rest there again but R’nd froze and let it drift back down to his lover’s waist. He had always been so careful when it came to his hands going near B’jin’s face since early on when the greenrider would constantly flinch and prepare to be hit. They had both adjusted and light stroking of blonde hair or a caress to a cheek were able to be given when he didn’t catch the man off guard. Now that he was back to being self-conscious about everything he did combined with the story that was being told, he couldn’t dare lift his hand. Besides, in that short moment he had tried, R’nd caught how shaky it was and knew B’jin didn’t need to see how physically rattled he was over everything.
“I’m not N’mall,” R’nd finally managed to say something, finding that statement the easiest thing to point out when B’jin verified he knew the bluerider would never hurt him or the children. It was a simple task to separate the story from everything else they were talking about, making it its own topic and not at all tied to his fear of being left alone with shattered heart and emotions because one day B’jin would fall out of love with him. In the back of his mind, he knew he had said that to B’jin before as well, but most of that incident had been purposely blocked out given how much it shook him up later on when he had recalled everything else that had been said that night.
It took a moment to realise that B’jin was referring to loving him when he spoke again about not imagining anything else to make him stop. Taking Ayyonth’s latest lecture to heart, R’nd latched onto that thought and combined it once more with the previously said things. B’jin had loved a horrible man that abused him and finally ended it when the children were involved but he knew R’nd only raised his fists in order to defend them. B’jin wasn’t being cold about loving him and one day not; it was simply that he had loved before and knew it was possible for it to come to an end. He was simply being practical and cautious; like R’nd had been. They were on the same page still but life experiences made them read everything differently.
“I promise to always protect you and your children from the monsters, love. If I ever turn into one, please drop me between.” He would hate himself if he ever turned into such a man and would likely send himself on the trip before B’jin could.
Finally, a smile slowly appeared once more and R’nd placed a lingering kiss on B’jin’s forehead and let out a long sigh of relief as he softly guided B’jin close again for a warm hug that had him dropping his head on the greenrider’s shoulder. His gaze landed on N’mor and the adorable bronze dragonet beside him and R’nd straightened up again to carefully examine B’jin’s face for the telling signs of fatigue. “You haven’t rested yet, have you?” He wasn’t one to talk though; R’nd hadn’t slowed down that day until he entered the room and found the chair.
“Rest, love. Even if it’s only for a little while. I’ll watch over you and Indamor.”
A laugh was close to bursting free when B’jin so casually said they would one day not love each other anymore and part. It would likely happen and it would be his fault since he had always feared commitment and hurting his partner emotionally if he got too attached. One day B’jin would wake up and wonder why he was with a bluerider that had slept with everyone in the past and had very little redeeming qualities or skills. In the end, R’nd knew he was nothing more than a fisherman and he wasn’t even the best at that despite his sea-crafting minor holder father’s efforts. His reading and writing had suffered thanks to being Searched young and living in exile and Katila after that. He wasn’t a singer, couldn’t cook, and could have killed B’jin with the amount of fellis he gave the man once because he didn’t know better. Why would anyone want to stay with him?
He felt like such a fool for confessing to what he feared. Why would he think what he had with B’jin would ever last? Why would he think B’jin would want it to? Why did he think B’jin would understand and simply hug him with silent reassurance? He never revealed too much of himself; only a few people even knew his birthday. He was just supposed to be the friendly pretty face that everyone got along with and slept with. Fears, dreams, desires; they weren’t supposed to factor into anything. People were happy with not seeing a deeper side and R’nd had been happy to supply the shallow end since it kept him safe from getting hurt. He had figured out early on that B’jin was the exception to the rule and had enjoyed their lazy games of questions and ‘what if’ scenarios as they lounged in bed together but now he felt like he had revealed too much and B’jin now held his weakness and could use it at any time.
The butterfly kisses were almost missed as R’nd stared into nothingness as he fought with his emotions yet again. He had ruined everything while trying to save it. The breath over his ear managed to make the hairs on his neck stand up but also drew his attention back to B’jin with a shiver. He was so lost and had no idea how to explain that he was or why. It was probably best not to anyway given the mess his confessions had already put him in. At least now he knew he had grounds for his fear and wouldn’t be surprised when he woke up one day to find B’jin gone.
I’m not doing any- Ayyonth wasn’t having the excuses and cut R’nd off before he could really get started. His stupid human would ruin what he had found with B’jin if he wasn’t careful and he had no desire to let that happen. R’nd was happy and growing as a person and a dragonrider in his time with B’jin and Ayyonth was rather comfortable and happy with Larrikith as well.
R’nd was about to deny the accusations and prepare for an argument with Ayyonth but instead winced when N’mall was suddenly brought up and the confession that B’jin loved him for so long was like a punch to an already sore stomach. It was so easy to forget about that relationship and that he followed it, despite the length of time between N’mall and his appearance in the greenrider’s life thanks to a flight victory and a sudden bout of courage that had him approach B’jin one afternoon. Everyone knew the rumours of the break up but R’nd had never asked for details. Like with other things, he had learned B’jin’s boundaries and which topics were off limits to him.
At some point during his misery, his hand had slipped away from B’jin’s cheek. It lifted to rest there again but R’nd froze and let it drift back down to his lover’s waist. He had always been so careful when it came to his hands going near B’jin’s face since early on when the greenrider would constantly flinch and prepare to be hit. They had both adjusted and light stroking of blonde hair or a caress to a cheek were able to be given when he didn’t catch the man off guard. Now that he was back to being self-conscious about everything he did combined with the story that was being told, he couldn’t dare lift his hand. Besides, in that short moment he had tried, R’nd caught how shaky it was and knew B’jin didn’t need to see how physically rattled he was over everything.
“I’m not N’mall,” R’nd finally managed to say something, finding that statement the easiest thing to point out when B’jin verified he knew the bluerider would never hurt him or the children. It was a simple task to separate the story from everything else they were talking about, making it its own topic and not at all tied to his fear of being left alone with shattered heart and emotions because one day B’jin would fall out of love with him. In the back of his mind, he knew he had said that to B’jin before as well, but most of that incident had been purposely blocked out given how much it shook him up later on when he had recalled everything else that had been said that night.
It took a moment to realise that B’jin was referring to loving him when he spoke again about not imagining anything else to make him stop. Taking Ayyonth’s latest lecture to heart, R’nd latched onto that thought and combined it once more with the previously said things. B’jin had loved a horrible man that abused him and finally ended it when the children were involved but he knew R’nd only raised his fists in order to defend them. B’jin wasn’t being cold about loving him and one day not; it was simply that he had loved before and knew it was possible for it to come to an end. He was simply being practical and cautious; like R’nd had been. They were on the same page still but life experiences made them read everything differently.
“I promise to always protect you and your children from the monsters, love. If I ever turn into one, please drop me between.” He would hate himself if he ever turned into such a man and would likely send himself on the trip before B’jin could.
Finally, a smile slowly appeared once more and R’nd placed a lingering kiss on B’jin’s forehead and let out a long sigh of relief as he softly guided B’jin close again for a warm hug that had him dropping his head on the greenrider’s shoulder. His gaze landed on N’mor and the adorable bronze dragonet beside him and R’nd straightened up again to carefully examine B’jin’s face for the telling signs of fatigue. “You haven’t rested yet, have you?” He wasn’t one to talk though; R’nd hadn’t slowed down that day until he entered the room and found the chair.
“Rest, love. Even if it’s only for a little while. I’ll watch over you and Indamor.”
