Mourning the Past [R'nd]

The greenrider didn't so much as flinch when R'nd spoke his name quietly, an arm slipping around his waist; B'jin was lost in the accusing stares of the past, his sister a hovering accusation as he trudged along, lost in his own little world. The kiss to his temple had brown eyes lifting a moment later to meet grey, dark and unreadable, but the greenrider curled closer against his lover's side and didn't object as the man guided them to his own hut, feet placed one before the other in a mindless continuation, the action needing no thought.

The walk seemed to last forever, and in the same breath, no time at all. B'jin was silent the entire way, and if R'nd said anything to him, the greenrider didn't hear it. The door was gazed at with a dull expression, watching in silence as his lover opened it, allowed them both entry, and closed it gently behind them. B'jin waited until the wine bottles were placed on a table top, before stepping into R'nd's space. A gentle kiss was placed on his lover's lips, while nimble fingers loosed his shirt and carefully removed it. Light touches traced over the bluerider's chest, needy and desperate, but inviting rather than dominating; he didn't want to be in control, he just needed to make his intent clear.

B'jin had been twitchy, reluctant and uninterested in anything but being held for the past two weeks, in part due to the damage that had been inflicted upon him by the brownrider that had won his dragon's last flight, and in part because he couldn't let go of the memories and the things S'kef had said, and done, to him. Scalding baths had become a part of his daily routine, sometimes as many as three, once Talian had been convinced he wouldn't drown himself in the process. He couldn't rinse off the dirty feeling, and wasn't willing to - in his mind - contaminate his lover. What if he somehow made R'nd into a monster like he had S'kef and N'mall? The greenrider couldn't bare the thought, so he had played up the injuries, and actually been thankful for his allergy to numbweed.

But now... B'jin kissed R'nd desperately, needing the reassurance of that they were alive, they were well, that the man before him wasn't about to vanish into an oblivion of between where he would never get him back from. The greenrider's touch changed subtly as the whirlwind of emotions brought with it a conscious realisation and understanding that the bluerider he was pressed against meant so much more to him than he was allowed to. B'jin was drunk on emotions, an empty stomach and a glass of wine, but he wasn't stupid. He recognized the emotion for what it was, and it made his blood run cold, even as he welcomed it with a wave of guilt. If R'nd noticed anything different, B'jin took a subconscious reassurance in blaming it on the recent traumas.

~ sexy times ~

The new found knowledge was kept carefully to himself, wrapped in a blanket of guilt as he cuddled sadly against his lover, comfortable in the younger man's bed and fearfully wondering how much longer he would be welcomed in it. Not long, if he wasn't careful. Gentle fingers traced over the flat expanse of R'nd's stomach, swirling around the man's belly button and tracing down the side of his waist, upwards to come to a rest lightly over his heart. Sad brown eyes lifted to meet grey, and B'jin shifted to kiss him lightly.

'Thank you' and 'I'm sorry' warred for the honour of pouring from his tongue first, but B'jin smothered both of them; he didn't think they were really necessary, though he fought the desire to say them none the less. "I'm the eldest," he whispered, dropping his gaze from R'nd's face to watch the soft movement of his fingers over his friend's chest. "I was five when my brother was born, but we never really got along." B'jin's voice was dry, a soft murmur "as a child, I was jealous of him - taking away mother's attention, and all? As we grew, he became jealous of my talents, and that Mother and Father were saving with so much dedication to get me into Harper Hall. My family were just peasants, though S'kef would never believe that." The brownrider thought he'd been born with the silver spoon in his mouth, and one in each hand to boot. B'jin shook his head, darkly amused, but his gaze was far away, and his voice a low murmur. Where once mentioning S'kef's name would have held an undertone of fear, now it was murmured with no more emotion than any other random rider.

"Andeleen followed a couple of turns later, and we got along much better; she was sweet and delicate and beautiful." Everything B'jin believed a proper female should be, though his voice didn't quite say as much, there was loving approval in it. "Moramanda was born the same turn I was finally shipped off to Harper Hall. I was only ten, but the Journeyman passing through Lemos had heard me singing. We lived further out of town, but Mother had taken me in to get some supplies for the family we worked for, she was really heavy with Moramanda at the time. I remember wondering how she managed the walk. They spoke, and before anyone knew it I was being packed off on a wagon headed towards the Hall."

The greenrider paused, sighing softly and letting his lover take in what had been said, giving him a chance to object if he wasn't interested in a rather extended history lesson on the greenrider tangled with him. There were few people B'jin took to speaking with, and he knew the reason he'd kept R'nd in the dark so long was a fear of frightening the bluerider away. Having already broken the one rule the young man lived by (don't get attached!) B'jin figured he had very little to lose by sharing.