Mourning the Past [R'nd]

R’nd smiled gently, eyes twinkling with obvious interest and delight over the way B’jin spoke about Harper Hall. He knew it had been a question that bordered on asking too much even with the current sharing mood since B’jin loved his life as a Harper and didn’t love Impressing Larrikith nearly as much. But he was glad it had been answered and even more so with the emotion put into the tales. R’nd chuckled at the image of a young Benjinamor lost in the halls trying to find his classes and wondered how often it was due to the sprawling size of the Hall or B’jin’s wandering attention leading him astray. Oh, how R’nd wished he could even just fly over the various Halls and see their greatness for himself! Maybe one day he would finally be allowed to go North with a collection party and he could sneak a glance. Ayyonth was five now; there wasn’t a risk of either of them like there would have been in their weyrling days.

“My father was teaching me about sailing and fishing,” and wouldn’t he be surprised at how much had actually sunk into Orwind’s pretty little head and helped keep him alive for several turns and help provide for a community now? “So I never really had true classmates, just my brother and some of the sons of father’s friends that were my friends. But I imagine even if you were always the first one in class they would still find reasons to dislike you and I question every single one of their sanity.” In answer to the kiss he had received to his nose, R’nd lightly bopped his index finger against B’jin’s and smiled. He was actually nervous he had said too much or something wrong but the way B’jin seemed to be unfocused, he was willing to bet the man hadn’t heard any of that and R’nd was grateful.

The teasing kiss he finally got in response worked just as anticipated as R’nd tried to sit up to trail after the mouth that was leaving his. He finally gave up with a laugh and leaned back against his pillow once more. B’jin could be so cruel to him! At the mentioning of the plague, R’nd bit his lower lip, wondering if they were going to jump right into that mostly taboo topic but was visibly relieved when B’jin steered them into a story that had them both chuckling, the exile once again forgotten for the time being. “I wish I could have heard that squeaking given the wonderful voice you have now. The shock the masters must have had…” He had heard tales from some of the other Harpers at Katila, though most were retellings of it happening to someone else – or so they said – so it was fun hearing a recount of it happening directly to the teller. “I’m glad it happened though since you had time to master your artistic skills.” Kerrin rolled his eyes when he saw the first drawing up in his living room and again when a few more were added, saying something about crushes making good guys do disgusting things, but R’nd truly did appreciate the art and the time put into each piece; the amount of B’jin that went into every stroke.

R’nd finally stopped adding commentary when Nemall was mentioned. As much as he loved weyr gossip, he had made a point to not overhear anything about B’jin. Perhaps that was his silly crush when he was young and naïve but he didn’t want anything to taint the image of the man he had created from their brief interactions. What he had heard about the break up, as little as it was, was something he never fully shook off but R’nd wasn’t stupid enough to ask for details of anyone. Now that the mysterious man was appearing in the stories, R’nd wasn’t sure if he was anxious to hear about him or if he wanted to cut B’jin off at the pass and distract him from such topics. In the end, he decided Nemall was a part of B’jin’s past and he shaped the man curled up with him into what he was that day, be it good or bad.

Still, he was again relieved when pretty young girls turned into the momentary focus and R’nd certainly didn’t miss the look B’jin had when he mentioned the Lady Telgar. No judgement was made, no comment either. R’nd knew if he had been there, he would have become intimate with the Lady as well. That was just who he was. He liked physical contact and liked making everyone feel important. Sex seemed to be an extremely enjoyable way of showing that.

S’kef.

He knew that part of the story of was coming when Telgar was mentioned, still, R’nd didn’t want to hear it. He knew enough and didn’t want to put B’jin through those memories again; if the man ever stopped tormenting himself with them to begin with. A move was made to stop him from talking as R’nd brushed the stubborn locks of hair off of the greenrider’s face but B’jin was just as stubborn and caught up in his retelling that he continued on. R’nd didn’t try to cut him off verbally, finally deciding that perhaps sharing was therapeutic and would help release the demons of the past and help his lover in some way. He truly hated that brownrider and everything he had done. How many other lives had he tampered with? How many broken bones and spirits were credited to S’kef?

The mumbled confession about that being the worst turn of B’jin’s life prompted arms to wrap around B’jin to hug him tightly. When finally they loosened, one hand rested lightly at the small of his lover’s back while the other drew nonsensical patterns along the back marred by a whip that S’kef had enjoyed wielding. The scars didn’t bother R’nd, not even Indivara’s facial scarring did, but the pure pleasure he had seen in the brownrider’s eyes as he tore away the flesh did. The man was sadistic and while he seemed the sort to have everything calculated; he was still unpredictable and hard to read. Since that day when S’kef threatened his troublemaking friends, R’nd had kept a closer eye on them all.

“I know the worst turn of your life, but what’s the best one?” It was another borderline dangerous question but R’nd was willing to take the chance and was getting good at thinking on his feet to counteract his stupidity and make it seem like he was only kidding or pretend it was never asked as he went into distraction mode. Which, the current question was a distraction as well. R’nd didn’t want B’jin to draw in on himself and shut down the world around him while he got caught up in the misery of the past. There had to be something good that happened, right?