Hello loves! While I haven't been writing, I have been working on updating some issues that have been hanging around on the layout! The Character change box is now at the bottom of the page, beside the up/down arrows! Green and Gold dragon flight dates have been shifted to the bottom of the page, where the (useless!) discord widget was located. Where the dragon flights were in the header, is now replaced by a Monthly Event box! This will be updated at the start of each month, with a fun mini-event you can take part in, if you want to! Thistle!
03.Oct.12, 08:34 AM
Tal felt himself blushing at B'jin's explanation of the stories. The healer had no idea what to make of that. He knew B'jin's kids looked up to him, but Tal wasn't very good big brother material. He barely even knew his sisters back home, in spite of spending so many turns living with them! He didn't dislike B'jin's kids, but he had no idea how to be a big brother, or even if his status as a big brother was real or deserved. Tal just flushed awkwardly, trying hard not to think about it too much. "I will consider it when she's a little older, I guess. I don't like the idea of teaching here." He didn't need to explain why. "But at least it would be an excuse not to teach any others, and I half expect to be forced into it."
He spoke with total resignation, so overwhelming that he sounded like it was just a fact of life. He was a prisoner, and would be forced to do all sorts of things that he didn't want. That was it. There was no misery in his voice, no annoyance, no indignation...just fact. It was eerily similar to the tone he'd used when speaking of his run-in with Valerian.
It shifted to a more thoughtful tone afterwards. "If anyone deserves it, it's one of your kids. I guess I can make up for not being able to look after the little one with Fiora." Not his little one. The little one. It would never be his.
He shrugged. "Assuming she actually wants to. It's pretty disgusting, being a healer...I've been covered in every awful thing you can imagine," he said, smiling just a little bit. "But if she can handle playing in the mud and skinning her knee, she should be fine." The idea still obviously made Talian uncomfortable, but there was asoftness there, a willingness to bend for someone he cared about. Talian didn't like bending for people, but B'jin was a special case.
The topic of dragons was less well-received. His eyes narrowed at B'jin's words concerning hatchings. It's unjust that you should be forced to stand
"Just me, or anyone?" Talian asked, tone descending into distant iciness. "If it's unjust, why did you search? Knowing that everyone would be forced?"
There was a definite note of accusation there, but it didn't linger for long. Talian wasn't very good at being angry. He'd always opted for sadness instead, and his months of anger had been beaten out of him by J'ver. Talian didn't have it in him to hate, and in spite of all the trouble B'jin had caused him, the man was also the single most positive influence Talian had in his life...now for sure, and perhaps ever. Only Fiora rivaled him, and Talian found these days that he intentionally shut her out of his mind. It was like he'd made a mental attempt to murder her, to banish her from his mind and heart like she'd never existed. It was the only way; otherwise, he'd love her forever.
Tal's eyes bored into B'jin a moment, lids listlessly half-open, like he didn't even have the energy to make a more strenuous accusation. The moment of coldness was over in a flash, but the brief hardness of his features was unmistakable. He exhaled slowly, a transparent effort to calm himself down and shut it away.
"Don't answer," he said softly. "It doesn't actually matter, and I think it better if I don't know," he said. He felt foolish for saying anything. He covered his discomfort with a smile. He could have been dramatic and reminded B'jin of how bad he'd be on any dragon, but he instead chose to interpret the 'blue or bronze' comment as a twisted compliment.
"...Don't worry about that," he said. "If any dragonet comes near me, I will kick it as hard as I can." He crossed his arms stubbornly. He was deadly serious, but the comment also functioned as a morbid joke. A serious frown crossed his face and he nodded, as if confirming his intentions to himself. He liked to think he'd kill the sharding thing if he could, but he doubted he had the guts. It wasn't that he was shy of blood, but he'd come to begrudgingly accept dragons as more than mere animals. Stomping one until it stopped moving hardly seemed acceptable anymore, but he could still determine without an hesitation that actually Impressing one terrified him.
"I don't want to be trapped forever, B'jin," he said slowly, once again using his dead tone. It wasn't much use to fantasize about fending off dragonets when he knew in his heart that when and if the time came, he would just cower. "But that's how it is for me, isn't it? It's never my decision; always someone else's," he muttered, soulless and mathematical. It didn't matter anymore. Stubborn Talian had given up on choosing his own direction in life.
He slowly turned his head towards the greenrider. "...I don't feel any better about it now than I did a turn ago, Dad...and I still think about it," he confessed. He paused for a moment, tryiong to think of how to say the words floating through his mind. "I want you to believe me when I say that in spite of everything, I'm still glad I'm here." He spoke delicately,as if he feared the consequences of speaking his mind on the subject. He let his eyes sink closed and sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just really heavy on my mind tonight. I'm glad you found me, B'jin. I gave up that day, and it was stupid."
He'd still given up, but in a much different way. There was a blend of weakness and strength present in him now. He had given up, and he was bonded to that decision, committed to surviving this entire ordeal at any cost. He was past weeping for himself and trying to pretend like he would ever have any control over his own life. His ambition was dead. His will to live was strong. J'ver hadn't killed him and he hadn't killed himself. Any dragonet that came near him didn't stand a chance. Nothing could kill him now, and in a strange and small way, he was quietly proud of himself. The Talian that cowered from his father and took medicine to dull the pain of his old life could never, ever have survived what the new Talian had endured.
"I remember promising you that I would be all right," Tal mused lightly. He smiled, this time more sincere. "...Did I keep my promise, Dad? In your eyes, I mean."
He spoke with total resignation, so overwhelming that he sounded like it was just a fact of life. He was a prisoner, and would be forced to do all sorts of things that he didn't want. That was it. There was no misery in his voice, no annoyance, no indignation...just fact. It was eerily similar to the tone he'd used when speaking of his run-in with Valerian.
It shifted to a more thoughtful tone afterwards. "If anyone deserves it, it's one of your kids. I guess I can make up for not being able to look after the little one with Fiora." Not his little one. The little one. It would never be his.
He shrugged. "Assuming she actually wants to. It's pretty disgusting, being a healer...I've been covered in every awful thing you can imagine," he said, smiling just a little bit. "But if she can handle playing in the mud and skinning her knee, she should be fine." The idea still obviously made Talian uncomfortable, but there was asoftness there, a willingness to bend for someone he cared about. Talian didn't like bending for people, but B'jin was a special case.
The topic of dragons was less well-received. His eyes narrowed at B'jin's words concerning hatchings. It's unjust that you should be forced to stand
"Just me, or anyone?" Talian asked, tone descending into distant iciness. "If it's unjust, why did you search? Knowing that everyone would be forced?"
There was a definite note of accusation there, but it didn't linger for long. Talian wasn't very good at being angry. He'd always opted for sadness instead, and his months of anger had been beaten out of him by J'ver. Talian didn't have it in him to hate, and in spite of all the trouble B'jin had caused him, the man was also the single most positive influence Talian had in his life...now for sure, and perhaps ever. Only Fiora rivaled him, and Talian found these days that he intentionally shut her out of his mind. It was like he'd made a mental attempt to murder her, to banish her from his mind and heart like she'd never existed. It was the only way; otherwise, he'd love her forever.
Tal's eyes bored into B'jin a moment, lids listlessly half-open, like he didn't even have the energy to make a more strenuous accusation. The moment of coldness was over in a flash, but the brief hardness of his features was unmistakable. He exhaled slowly, a transparent effort to calm himself down and shut it away.
"Don't answer," he said softly. "It doesn't actually matter, and I think it better if I don't know," he said. He felt foolish for saying anything. He covered his discomfort with a smile. He could have been dramatic and reminded B'jin of how bad he'd be on any dragon, but he instead chose to interpret the 'blue or bronze' comment as a twisted compliment.
"...Don't worry about that," he said. "If any dragonet comes near me, I will kick it as hard as I can." He crossed his arms stubbornly. He was deadly serious, but the comment also functioned as a morbid joke. A serious frown crossed his face and he nodded, as if confirming his intentions to himself. He liked to think he'd kill the sharding thing if he could, but he doubted he had the guts. It wasn't that he was shy of blood, but he'd come to begrudgingly accept dragons as more than mere animals. Stomping one until it stopped moving hardly seemed acceptable anymore, but he could still determine without an hesitation that actually Impressing one terrified him.
"I don't want to be trapped forever, B'jin," he said slowly, once again using his dead tone. It wasn't much use to fantasize about fending off dragonets when he knew in his heart that when and if the time came, he would just cower. "But that's how it is for me, isn't it? It's never my decision; always someone else's," he muttered, soulless and mathematical. It didn't matter anymore. Stubborn Talian had given up on choosing his own direction in life.
He slowly turned his head towards the greenrider. "...I don't feel any better about it now than I did a turn ago, Dad...and I still think about it," he confessed. He paused for a moment, tryiong to think of how to say the words floating through his mind. "I want you to believe me when I say that in spite of everything, I'm still glad I'm here." He spoke delicately,as if he feared the consequences of speaking his mind on the subject. He let his eyes sink closed and sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just really heavy on my mind tonight. I'm glad you found me, B'jin. I gave up that day, and it was stupid."
He'd still given up, but in a much different way. There was a blend of weakness and strength present in him now. He had given up, and he was bonded to that decision, committed to surviving this entire ordeal at any cost. He was past weeping for himself and trying to pretend like he would ever have any control over his own life. His ambition was dead. His will to live was strong. J'ver hadn't killed him and he hadn't killed himself. Any dragonet that came near him didn't stand a chance. Nothing could kill him now, and in a strange and small way, he was quietly proud of himself. The Talian that cowered from his father and took medicine to dull the pain of his old life could never, ever have survived what the new Talian had endured.
"I remember promising you that I would be all right," Tal mused lightly. He smiled, this time more sincere. "...Did I keep my promise, Dad? In your eyes, I mean."
