Hello loves! While I haven't been writing, I have been working on updating some issues that have been hanging around on the layout! The Character change box is now at the bottom of the page, beside the up/down arrows! Green and Gold dragon flight dates have been shifted to the bottom of the page, where the (useless!) discord widget was located. Where the dragon flights were in the header, is now replaced by a Monthly Event box! This will be updated at the start of each month, with a fun mini-event you can take part in, if you want to! Thistle!
09.Sep.13, 05:27 AM
I'shan stood there quietly, his expression stony and tired. He missed N'gelt, in spite of everything. The brownrider had really known how to make him feel special, at leas when he was invested. I'shan wasn't sure what had gone wrong. Had N'gelt just gotten tired of him? Did he never regain his feeling of worth after their first breakup? I'shan wasn't sure, but those were the two scenarios that dueled in his head most often. He knew N'gelt suffered much guilt concerning him, feelings of worthlessness and uselessness. N'gelt never did seem to feel like he was good enough after that first time. I'shan could relate. Even though he knew that was likely the cause, he couldn't quite shake that feeling that he was the problem.
The bluerider smiled weakly at the pair before him, his expression hollow and dreary. Still, he couldn't bring himself to cry. "..It's okay," he said eventually. His tone was pitiful, but it lacked the whining urgency that one might expect, especially considering the bluerider's selfish and showy habits. He rubbed his eyes for a moment and leaned into R'nd's kiss, only to paw helplessly at him a moment later when he peeled away.
I'shan felt a painful pang in the pit of his stomach. This was his own fault, he reminded himself. How had he not seen it sooner?
Maybe it was for the best, though. R'nd offer of finding someone didn't inspire much joy in the little bluerider, who felt legitimately lonely in that moment. He flopped in his seat and sighed. "Nah...thanks, though. It's stupid."
He felt like a little child, declaring something stupid just because he couldn't have it. He didn't know what it was he really wanted, though, so why bother? He didn't think he wanted N'gelt anymore, and he knew he couldn't have R'nd, at least not completely. He didn't want anyone else he knew, either.
All he really had these days was Ilveriath, the fire lizards, and Isharyn. Were he clever, he might have noticed the curious similarity to his mother, scorned and left all alone, only to conclude that she didn't actually need anyone. It would have been a lie, just like it was when his mother told herself that very same thing turns ago. He didn't like to think about her, though. When he thought about her as an adult, he started to see just how unhappy and terrible she was.
Ultimately, he forced himself to perk up. "R'nd is right, you know!" he said, a wide smile washing over his face. At least right now, he had some good friends. That always helped. "...I'll be fine, and it's no one's fault or anything.." Except mine. Or his. Or ours. Ugh.
He twitched.
"I really am sorry about earlier, though.." His face fell a little, his mood and expressions shifting as often as ever. "I shouldn't have lost it like that. I really...ought to be over it by now."
He pouted a bit. "Now then...there is something else to attend to. Um, R'nd...I need to tell you about something." He considered bouncing off to actually show R'nd the paper, but he held off on that. He sort of wanted to keep it. Nothing sad or desperate about that...
The bluerider smiled weakly at the pair before him, his expression hollow and dreary. Still, he couldn't bring himself to cry. "..It's okay," he said eventually. His tone was pitiful, but it lacked the whining urgency that one might expect, especially considering the bluerider's selfish and showy habits. He rubbed his eyes for a moment and leaned into R'nd's kiss, only to paw helplessly at him a moment later when he peeled away.
I'shan felt a painful pang in the pit of his stomach. This was his own fault, he reminded himself. How had he not seen it sooner?
Maybe it was for the best, though. R'nd offer of finding someone didn't inspire much joy in the little bluerider, who felt legitimately lonely in that moment. He flopped in his seat and sighed. "Nah...thanks, though. It's stupid."
He felt like a little child, declaring something stupid just because he couldn't have it. He didn't know what it was he really wanted, though, so why bother? He didn't think he wanted N'gelt anymore, and he knew he couldn't have R'nd, at least not completely. He didn't want anyone else he knew, either.
All he really had these days was Ilveriath, the fire lizards, and Isharyn. Were he clever, he might have noticed the curious similarity to his mother, scorned and left all alone, only to conclude that she didn't actually need anyone. It would have been a lie, just like it was when his mother told herself that very same thing turns ago. He didn't like to think about her, though. When he thought about her as an adult, he started to see just how unhappy and terrible she was.
Ultimately, he forced himself to perk up. "R'nd is right, you know!" he said, a wide smile washing over his face. At least right now, he had some good friends. That always helped. "...I'll be fine, and it's no one's fault or anything.." Except mine. Or his. Or ours. Ugh.
He twitched.
"I really am sorry about earlier, though.." His face fell a little, his mood and expressions shifting as often as ever. "I shouldn't have lost it like that. I really...ought to be over it by now."
He pouted a bit. "Now then...there is something else to attend to. Um, R'nd...I need to tell you about something." He considered bouncing off to actually show R'nd the paper, but he held off on that. He sort of wanted to keep it. Nothing sad or desperate about that...
