11.Sep.12, 05:07 AM
I'shan paused, staring blankly back at Sanderon as he processed the words that had just been spoken to him. A lot of people had insinuated that N'gelt didn't treat him 'right' or that their union got off to a violent start, but no one had ever taken that step before. It's not like it wasn't something I'shan knew already, though. He was just an expert at lying to himself.
He frowned, thinking hard on that first encounter. He remembered the way he wriggled and squirmed, demanding to know the name of the brownrider suddenly facing him.
He remembered stirring later and rolling over to face the man. You raped me, he'd pointed out, like it was no big deal.
He offered Sanderon a lopsided smile. "That's the messed up thing around the weyr," he said. "That's...just how flights work sometimes. It's like being drunk. Sometimes you don't even really remember. And I guess I would be just as much at fault because I didn't really say 'no'." It was an embarrassing subject, but I'shan was often embarrassingly candid about personal details. He was more at ease now, though he reflected a bit of sadness.
"I could tell he wasn't going to let me go even if I did, and I was wrapped up in the flight, so I let it happen. That was my fault. But he was good to me, and didn't kick me out on my ass or beat me up like..." He frowned a bit as he thought of that horrible, wildcat green he'd caught that one time, the one that gave him the fat lip and black eye. His expression was comical.
"It's just dragonrider drama I guess. Ilv wouldn't have put me through it if I couldn't take it. They never do." He looked up, eyes shining with gratitude. "...Thanks for asking about me, though. I don't know who tipped you off, but 'Gelt would never hurt me. I guess it does sort of look weird from the other end, though. He's quiet and grumpy and never really around anymore since he got that job, and he can be...demanding towards me..."
He winced modestly. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't recall ever saying 'no'. Suddenly, he felt very vulnerable indeed. "Heh...my friends all hate him. He broke up with me for dancing with someone else at the hatching feast last turn, and we both got all depressed. He avoided me when I tried to talk to him, then finally Ilv went to try and talk to him. It was pretty bad..I wandered over there and his dragon shoved me in the door. Knocked me down once, then just kept pushing. Bruised me all up, but I know he didn't mean to. He's just big."
He laughed, crisp and fond. He really did love N'gelt, and while that showed, a great deal of consideration and awareness did as well. He'd never thought of his relationship in that light. N'gelt's control over him wasn't that complete, was it?
Was it?
He swallowed hard. "...Thanks again. You know, I know everyone thinks and worries about it, but not even my best friend has actually said anything TO me. I think he's afraid of 'Gelt finding out. I know he thinks about it though, and hints about it...So, thank you for being the first one to actually say something. I'm fine, though. I really am."
Ilveriath sighed deeply. You are already helping. For one so friendly, he is always alone.
He frowned, thinking hard on that first encounter. He remembered the way he wriggled and squirmed, demanding to know the name of the brownrider suddenly facing him.
He remembered stirring later and rolling over to face the man. You raped me, he'd pointed out, like it was no big deal.
He offered Sanderon a lopsided smile. "That's the messed up thing around the weyr," he said. "That's...just how flights work sometimes. It's like being drunk. Sometimes you don't even really remember. And I guess I would be just as much at fault because I didn't really say 'no'." It was an embarrassing subject, but I'shan was often embarrassingly candid about personal details. He was more at ease now, though he reflected a bit of sadness.
"I could tell he wasn't going to let me go even if I did, and I was wrapped up in the flight, so I let it happen. That was my fault. But he was good to me, and didn't kick me out on my ass or beat me up like..." He frowned a bit as he thought of that horrible, wildcat green he'd caught that one time, the one that gave him the fat lip and black eye. His expression was comical.
"It's just dragonrider drama I guess. Ilv wouldn't have put me through it if I couldn't take it. They never do." He looked up, eyes shining with gratitude. "...Thanks for asking about me, though. I don't know who tipped you off, but 'Gelt would never hurt me. I guess it does sort of look weird from the other end, though. He's quiet and grumpy and never really around anymore since he got that job, and he can be...demanding towards me..."
He winced modestly. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't recall ever saying 'no'. Suddenly, he felt very vulnerable indeed. "Heh...my friends all hate him. He broke up with me for dancing with someone else at the hatching feast last turn, and we both got all depressed. He avoided me when I tried to talk to him, then finally Ilv went to try and talk to him. It was pretty bad..I wandered over there and his dragon shoved me in the door. Knocked me down once, then just kept pushing. Bruised me all up, but I know he didn't mean to. He's just big."
He laughed, crisp and fond. He really did love N'gelt, and while that showed, a great deal of consideration and awareness did as well. He'd never thought of his relationship in that light. N'gelt's control over him wasn't that complete, was it?
Was it?
He swallowed hard. "...Thanks again. You know, I know everyone thinks and worries about it, but not even my best friend has actually said anything TO me. I think he's afraid of 'Gelt finding out. I know he thinks about it though, and hints about it...So, thank you for being the first one to actually say something. I'm fine, though. I really am."
Ilveriath sighed deeply. You are already helping. For one so friendly, he is always alone.