04.Sep.12, 04:32 AM
Talian listened quietly as his friend spoke. Valerian was always so quiet and indifferent. If he even had true opinions on a given matter, or had anything resembling strong feelings for someone else, he never seemed to show it. He'd even been relatively unruffled by the suicide, though a few of Val's casually spoken lines made Tal wonder if it was all just an act. Valerian must have had emotion in him, or his songs wouldn't be so very lovely.
The healer hung his head. "You're right. You are one of them," he said, sounding wholly defeated. "I've been trying to tell myself for a long time that you and Eri would never change, but I was wrong. I...I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to feel it." He paused, as he frequently did during his little rants. "It sucked, seeing you two move on into weyrling lessons while I was stuck in an infirmary bed. I didn't want a dragon, but I almost thought it would be worth it just if it meant you two wouldn't forget about me."
He laughed pathetically. "You know, I've been deemed unsuitable. It wouldn't matter if I wanted one now. But now I realize how bad it really is to be trapped here for the rest of my life and not have a dragon. At least then, I wouldn't be at the sharding bottom. I'm sure it will happen again, Val...I'm sure of it. And I can't even sharding lock myself in my office to escape it." It took a lot of scrubbing to get J'ver out of his floors.
He shook his head. He didn't feel better, though he desperately wished he did. He didn't feel better about any of it. He rubbed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. Val's comment about the stargazing expedition seemed to soften his mood, if only a little. "Oh, Val..." he said, looking sadly at his friend, eyes wide and pleading. "I wanted to the first time..."
The healer hung his head. "You're right. You are one of them," he said, sounding wholly defeated. "I've been trying to tell myself for a long time that you and Eri would never change, but I was wrong. I...I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to feel it." He paused, as he frequently did during his little rants. "It sucked, seeing you two move on into weyrling lessons while I was stuck in an infirmary bed. I didn't want a dragon, but I almost thought it would be worth it just if it meant you two wouldn't forget about me."
He laughed pathetically. "You know, I've been deemed unsuitable. It wouldn't matter if I wanted one now. But now I realize how bad it really is to be trapped here for the rest of my life and not have a dragon. At least then, I wouldn't be at the sharding bottom. I'm sure it will happen again, Val...I'm sure of it. And I can't even sharding lock myself in my office to escape it." It took a lot of scrubbing to get J'ver out of his floors.
He shook his head. He didn't feel better, though he desperately wished he did. He didn't feel better about any of it. He rubbed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. Val's comment about the stargazing expedition seemed to soften his mood, if only a little. "Oh, Val..." he said, looking sadly at his friend, eyes wide and pleading. "I wanted to the first time..."