It's the Thought that Counts...

Talian's eyes shifted skeptically among the wine bottles he'd selected, all lined up like criminals on his office desk. They were the best he'd managed to locate during his past week of searching. It was a difficult task, filled with variables and abstract considerations; Erisi didn't like overly sweet wine, but dryer was was better served with food. Valerian's tastes were unknown. Certain wine tasted better with or without food, or after a certain length of aging, or when aged in certain types of barrels. It was a science all to itself, and a science that Talian was infuriatingly poorly versed in. How could he be sure his choices were optimal?!

That didn't even touch on the social implications. Neither Erisi nor Valerian had actually told Talian that their birthdays were approaching, but Tal had learned them both through casual conversation. Would the others be offended by a surprise, or would they enjoy it? Would they feel like their privacy had been encroached upon?

The healer frowned. Oh shards...it was even more complicated. Erisi and Valerian were his best friends, but recent events had pulled them apart. Talian had been cruelly unwilling to socialize with either of their dragons, something that he knew and feared could ultimately drive a wedge between him and his friends. The situation with Valerian was even more awkward though...for much worse reasons. But they were his friends. He had to try, at least?

Talian had left a note on Valerian's door, inviting him to arrive at Erisi's hut at sundown. The healer nervously packed the bottles into his bag, carefully wrapping each one, before departing. If he walked at a brisk pace, he should arrive just a little bit early...

Talian knocked. 'Eri?" he called out nervously. His palms were already sweating, and he wasn't even sure why! When the door opened, Talian looked at his feet bashfully and shoved the bag at the greenrider.

"Erisi? Happy birthday."

He's here. Charath didn't sound very interested in who it was, though she was kind enough to supply Erisi with a mental picture of Talian. It momentarily surprised him that Talian was going out of his way to come to his hut. Usually Talian was busy, or Erisi was busy, and they happened to meet on those rare occasions where neither of them had to do anything. Their friendship had been startling pushed towards convenience more than anything else. It was only to be expected after Erisi Impressed and... well, Talian hadn't even been allowed to stand.

He did care about Talian, but it was just so difficult to find time to spend with him. Of course, that could be considered Erisi's own fault, since he seemed to have plenty of time to hop into bed with other dragonriders and Weyrfolk.

His blue eyes glanced around his hut, making sure that everything was in some sort of order. He was not necessarily a messy individual, but he likewise could not be bothered to make sure his home was spotless. Rather, it was in an acceptable state. The only truly clean part of the hut was his own room, and that was because he liked to have his clothes organized and his bed made. Besides, he imagined when he finally did invite guests over, the only room that needed to be clean was his own.

The Weyrling pushed himself out of the chair he was seated in and opened the front door for Talian. He was dressed nice as always. The only thing he seemed to really care about was his own appearance. It was superficial, but Eri really did enjoy looking nice. It made him feel good. He arched a brow at his nervous friend, wondering briefly what was up with the Healer. Then he glanced down to the bag held out towards him.

Then back to Talian.

"Oh," was his first reply when Talian wished him a happy birthday. He was genuinely... surprised that Talian knew his birthday was coming up soon. It was a little embarrassing, but regardless a slender smile appeared on his face. "Thanks. I don't think... I told you, did I? How'd you know?" He stepped back out of the doorway, gesturing for Talian to come inside with him.

He observed the contents in the bag greedily, humming his pleasure at the gift. "What kind of wine is this?"

A gentle smile crossed the healer's face. He inched inside and carefully wiggled free of his jacket before having a look around the hut. It was admittedly quite nice. All of the riders had nice housing, much nicer than the small room that Tal had back at the healer hall. He liked his little room, though. It was small and comfortable, and more importantly, well out of the way of everyone else. Talian was left alone while huddled in his little room, and that was all that mattered.

He did like Eri's new place, though. Tal was too polite to seat himself without an offer, though he suspected Eri wouldn't really mind. "You mentioned it in passing once," Tal explained. "You didn't give the exact date, but your comment suggested it would be in month 8," he added. "I don't know the exact date, but...I knew it was coming up." He smiled a little bit. He'd never shared his own birthday with anyone but B'jin. That didn't mean he didn't pay attention to others', though.


"I have invited Valerian as well," Talian added. "He also has a birthday coming up, and I...I missed seeing you both. I thought it might be nice." He flushed dramatically. He'd once had a crush on both of the men he planned on spending the evening with, though his feelings had since moved on in search of greener pastures. Eri was a fool's choice as far as romance went, and Valerian was a work in progress at the very least, considering what had happened.

Shards, so much had happened since the old days. The old days? Had it really been so long since they were three nervous stolens huddling together? Tal was the only one huddling any more, though even he was at least able to walk through the Weyr without dragging his feet these days. But even so, it had been so long it was sharding depressing.

At least Eri seemed happy for his brithday present, though. "They're just an assortment of the best I could find," Tal explained. "I tried to keep everyone's tastes in mind..."

"Huh, leave it to you to pick up on something like that." Erisi was mildly impressed that Talian seemed to care enough about him to remember his birthday. He hadn't actually flat out told anyone that his birthday was coming up, mostly because it did not occur to him to. The Green Weyrling had hardly realized that his birthday was coming up. It'd been a little over a turn since he had Impressed Charath, and it was hard for him to realize that so much time had already passed. He could still remember his green as an impish dragonet, terrorizing the kitchenfolk with her games, embarrassing him so much that he pretended not to be bonded to her. Now she was huge in comparison to when she had first hatched, and he was a turn older.

"I had completely forgotten about it myself. I'll have to treat myself to something nice." It would probably be a good lay with a stranger, or a nice new sash since his collection was becoming a little... overused. He could also use a good pair of boots, and he was sure he could win some off of somebody. Erisi could be perfectly charming when he wanted to be, or to be more specific... when he wanted something.

Erisi shot Talian a curious look when the Healer mentioned that Valerian had been invited along. After a few seconds, he asked his friend cautiously, "...He's the only other person you invited, right?" Erisi was fond of crashing parties, and less fond of being in the center of them. There were too many idiots for him to deal with. Having Valerian over would be nice, though. They saw each other often enough, being in the same Weyrling classes. But, there was hardly time outside of lessons that they got to genuinely hang out, and the few times they did have a chance to Erisi always liked to turn it to a more intimate direction.

He trusted that Valerian wasn't stupid enough to fall for him, so he was fairly comfortable with fooling around with the Blue Weyrling. Erisi was a little more cautious around Talian, though he supposed it was silly to be now. Talian had seemed to... grow up a little more, change. It was disturbing at times, but Erisi could mostly cast it to the side, dismiss it as a natural change. "Good, though. Believe it or not, we don't get much opportunity to hang out even when we're in the same lessons."

Erisi disappeared into the kitchen area, quickly retrieving three glasses, since he expected Valerian's lazy ass to show up at any time. He uncorked one of the wine bottles, and poured a glass for himself and his friend. "I love wine, so undeniably whatever you got is good." He brought the glass to his lips, taking an experimental sip. "It's good. Try it!" he urged the more timid Healer.

When Valerian had returned home from a quick errand to find the note on his door, he wasn’t sure what to make of it. He tried to act normal around Erisi and Talian when he had a chance to see either of them but what he had done to Talian was always looming over him and he was certain that Erisi either knew because their friend told him or it was just obvious in the way the blue weyrling behaved now. Still, was it wise to meet them both at the same time? Why was Talian even inviting him to Erisi’s? A slight fear that something was wrong with his fellow Harper crept up on Valerian but he quickly shoved it away. There wasn’t a chance he’d miss noticing Erisi acting oddly, was there? It had to be another reason, perhaps something as simple as getting together to hang out, like they once used to. That could be nice.

If he knew Talian’s definition of ‘sundown’ anyway. Did he mean when the sun was on the horizon or as soon as it had vanished for the night? Valerian figured he’d wait until it was dark just in case and if he showed up late, then he showed up late. It would likely make Talian panic that he had been stood up but he didn’t want to get there early and not even have Erisi there. This night was going to be interesting if he couldn’t even figure out why they were gathering and who would be there.

Some time was spent around his extremely sparse hut before finally tidying himself up for the meet up. He didn’t dress up but wore his usual attire in his own slightly off beat style, ran fingers through dark wavy locks of hair and shrugged at his reflection in the tiny mirror he owned. He looked like he always did, which Valerian thought wasn’t a bad thing since he felt he was easy on the eyes but how did Talian view him since that lost flight and abuse of friendship?

Sighing, Valerian stepped outside and Veeth approached to nuzzle him. “You shouldn’t come,” he started but his clever and kind blue cut him off with a nod of his head. I know. Both Talian and Charath wouldn’t like me lingering around. It’s okay! Veeth quickly added when Valerian started to form a protest and explain why both acted as they did but the little dragon already knew and was still willing to let it be for now. I think I’ll go visit some friends as well. Slightly worried about who the friends would be since Larrikith never had trouble tempting Veeth into a little mischief, Valerian patted his dragon and they went their separate ways.

The walk to Erisi’s wasn’t long and it was nice in the cool weather. He’d have to start taking evening walks again with how calming and refreshing they were. By the time he had reached the door of the hut, Valerian had shrugged off the worries of earlier and knocked before letting himself in. The knock was enough warning for anything private to come to a quick end before he slipped inside. “Hey,” he greeted quietly and casually, doing his best to keep up his usual calm and indifferent demeanour now that Talian was in sight. They were still friends, though the relationship had changed somewhat, so there wasn’t any reason to continue stressing and tensing around the Healer.

"Of course I invited no one else," Talian said in simple reply, shrugging his thin shoulders. He finally took a seat, folding himself up neatly on the couch to his left. Tal's posture had suffered recently. It was a combination of exhaustion and late nights huddled over his desk. Rather than sitting with his usual perfect poise, the young healer puled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, resting his chin lazily on top and shrugging once more. "I have no other friends."

It was a simple explanation, but true enough. Tal had no other friends, obviously not counting his father B'jin, and those he did have were not exactly questionable, but certainly unusual choices. Erisi was callous and cruel, while Talian's encounter with Valerian would have been enough to end many friendships. Talian was not comfortable yet, but he'd takan steps to avoid that exact situation. He valued Valerian's friendship, even in hard times. It would all be all right, eventually...

Ah! Tal's head snapped to the door, where he saw his friend for the first time since their awkward last encounter. Val had apologized, and Talian had shared his secret. Eri still didn't know the secret, though. Talian was afraid to tell anyone else. He was even more afraid that Eri wouldn't care.

That would be the ultimate kick in the gut.

In spite of his sudden concerns, Talian found a smile for Valerian. Things had been easier on Tal for the last couple of months. He'd found a project to busy himself with and his relationship with B'jin had improved. The healer even seemed genuinely happy much of the time, though his lack of enthusiasm for the Weyr itself was still evident. The young man's opinion on the situation hadn't changed, but he was much better equipped to handle it these days. Everything seemed a little easier. Was it, or was he just tougher?

"Hello, Valerian," Tal said. "I'm glad you could make it. Happy birthday."

"Good," Erisi sighed with relief. Personally, he didn't believe that having a few friends only was a bad thing. Maybe for someone like Talian, having more people around was comforting. However, Erisi saw more value in liking just a few people. Most tended to irritate him before he got around to even learning their names. It was a surprise that Erisi had managed to earn and keep the few friends that he had. To him, most people just phased in and out of his life. Unsurprisingly, this was the way Erisi preferred. That he had Talian and Valerian to call friends was a miracle. "You don't need that many friends, just a few good people to hang around with from time to time," he answered lightly, not really reassuring Talian but providing the Healer with a different point of view.

When Talian didn't take the offered glass of wine, Erisi decided to let it slide. He wasn't going to goad his friend into drinking with him, even if he suspected that it would only take a little pressure. Talian, he believed, was a little more weak-willed than the average individual. Erisi had pressured him before into doing things that he was aggravatingly uncertain about. Shells, sometimes Erisi questioned if Talian would have fooled around with him at all if he hadn't took their first few encounters as an opportunity to hit on the man. He supposed he should have felt guilty, but recalling their past encounters, Erisi regarded them without any guilt.

"Oh, yeah," Erisi greeted Valerian as the other Harper walked through the front door of his hut. He didn't seem the least bit bothered that Valerian hadn't knocked. Talian had given him a little warning that their friend was coming, and well, Valerian was certainly welcome over at any given time. Valerian lived on relatively the same wavelength as Erisi - they were two peas in a pod, except that Valerian was far more relaxed and Erisi was far more uptight.  "Your birthday is around this time too, isn't it? Come, we'll have a toast or something.

Actually, no, we won't. That's stupid and I feel like having a drink." And if Talian wouldn't drink with him, he'd extend the invitation to Valerian. He gestured for his friend to take a seat in the living room, and then fell back into the spot next to Talian. The Green Weyrling was relaxed, and maybe his happiness to have his friends over showed.

The smile Talian gave him helped relax Valerian that little bit more that was needed in order to enjoy what had turned into a surprise party. It was indeed a surprise since he hadn’t been aware that either of his friends knew when it was but with everything going on in his life lately, he could have been the one to tell them at some point and actually forgotten he had. Veeth would be to blame if it wasn’t obvious that Talian was the one who arranged everything. “Thanks and yeah, it’s in a few days.” No need to question how it was known or why it was being acknowledged; even he had learned some things didn’t need a reason or logic behind it.

Despite believing Talian was still a friend thanks to his gesture of a birthday surprise, Valerian was still cautious and after accepting the glass, chose the chair that was closer to Erisi than to the Healer. An extra person between them wouldn’t hurt! He still raised his glass in a mock toast of not having a toast before Valerian began sipping on the wine. He wasn’t a huge drinker, preferring to take his time on the drink or two he allowed himself at gatherings or when Erisi visited before Impressing and wanted someone to share the bottle with. Since Impressing Veeth, Valerian couldn’t remember when he drank, finding it not something he missed. He’d have to be careful that evening or he’d end up drunk before he realised it thanks to being out of habit.

Not being one for casual small talk, Valerian suddenly realised he wasn’t sure what to say to fill in the silence. There were two other men in the room that were perfectly capable of it – if they were anyone else. Erisi loved to talk but even he could fall silent at times and Talian was, well, Talian. Still, he wasn’t sure what should be said and went with the first thing that came to mind, “I’m glad we found time to meet up like this again. It’s been a while. I missed it,” he was almost uncertain in that confession but as the words were said, he knew them to be true. A lot had happened and changed since that night on the Sands and it seemed like such simpler times back then with three friends trying to figure things out together getting together regularly.

A longer swig of wine was taken to mask his frown.

Talian didn't know that silence could be so loud.

He fixed himself a glass of wine and seated himself again, looking pointedly at his knees in between sips. He couldn't help but notice the distance Valerian put between them. Would Eri notice? If he did, would he assume it was just awkwardness created by the flight-snatching event that all three of them were all too aware of?

Tal wasn't the ball of nerved he'd once been, but he still frowned. Conversation! Valerian had started a conversation. Tal would need to add something to it as well, right?

What could he add?

"B'jin told me that I'm well enough to stand next time a dragon clutches," he spat out. "The Weyrleader has required it." It was the most recent development in his life that he felt was worth talking about, and these were the only people he felt the need to tell it to. It didn't occur to him until after he'd spoken that it was both an oddly timed comment and a little bit depressing for a supposedly joyous celebration.  Well, to Talian it was. The others had probably been fully corrupted by this point and wished Impression on him.

He frowned again, this time at himself. Shards, he was bad at small talk! The young man took a very sudden, very long drink of his wine.

Okay, okay...Something more appropriate this time! Don't fuck up.

"I think I discovered another new species of plant."

Shards!

Suddenly, he needed another glass. He quickly poured one before huddling rather self-consciously in his seat. His tawny eyes shot to Erisi, then to Valerian. "So..." the healer rasped preciously. "How...are you two? I-"  He cleared his throat. "I agree with Valerian. It's been far too long." His dignified tone couldn't save him from blushing.

The atmosphere as almost awkward, and Erisi couldn't quite figure out why. He was on fairly good terms with both men, and he wasn't quite dwelling on the fact that they apparently got it on during a flight. It was something Erisi would have dismissed himself if he'd been in Talian or Valerian's position. It was with them, so what would have been the big deal? So, Erisi had no clue why there was suddenly silence hanging over their heads. His gaze shifted slowly from one man to the other, waiting to see who would cave first and break the ice. Why wasn't Erisi just doing it himself?

Well, because they were the ones trying to suddenly make things awkward. Erisi would leave it up to them to straighten things up. The Weyrling wasn't truly keen on touching base with whatever emotions were floating around. He'd let his friends sort that out in their own time. Erisi was determined to have fun tonight, and he certainly wasn't going to let a pair of quiet friends stop him. Valerian finally did manage to speak up, but it was with such a droll topic that Erisi simply took a sip out of his glass of wine in response.

Yeaaaaahhhh.

At least Talian came up with something that Erisi could respond to without sounding stupidly reminiscent. "Want me and Charath to stash you away during the next Hatching? We can stash you in my closet." He paused, and a coy smile darted across his face. "I can join you in the closet." If the two were so determined on being boring, Erisi was going to spice things up. He doubted he'd get much more out of Talian than a blush, but even a blush was worth it at this point. Besides, flirting was something familiar. At the very least it should get the two to loosen up before they both drowned themselves in wine. He was pretty sure Talian was going to be heavily intoxicated within the hour.

"I've had lessons upon lessons upon lessons and upon lessons," he answered with a dramatic roll of his eyes. He couldn't wait until he graduated, so he could finally be done with learning. He had already put in his time as a Harper, and now he was working just as hard as a Weyrling. "And rendezvous. Soooo many now that I actually can." Blue eyes glanced back to Valerian, who had picked the lesser of two evils by sitting closer to him, but evidently not that much by the coy look he sent his friend. He'd already fooled around with Valerian a few times, and Valerian was one of the few people he trusted not to get stupid about it, so he felt very comfortable going to the other Harper to satisfy a few urges.

Okay, a lot of urges.

Valerian frowned when Talian told them he was being made to Stand at the next Hatching. It was hard to process fairly since he had always loved dragons and before they were believed to be extinct and he found his calling as a Harper, he was like any other little boy and dreamed of being a dragonrider. Now, with his first time Standing, he had Impressed and he couldn't believe he had been so lucky and couldn't imagine how he had lived so long without Veeth with him. Yet, on the other hand, Valerian knew how badly Katila had affected Talian and how his friend didn't like dragons. It bothered Veeth to have someone that didn't want to be near him but they tried to respect Talian as best as they could whenever they could. Naturally, the flight didn't help and likely increased the hatred Talian had for dragons and what they did to people. He was pretty sure he didn't want Talian to Impress since it could end badly but at the same time, the sense of feeling complete and knowing someone was always there for you was nice. It was possible it could help Talian find some new level of peace though being a Healer was clearly where the man's heart laid, especially when he mentioned the plant discovery. Valerian smiled at the moment of excitement Talian let slip and was then glad Erisi spoke up first in his usual casual and teasing manner since he found himself at an odd loss for finding something to say.

Sometimes silence was golden. Or, he'd find Talian again another time and they could talk about it properly.

A roll of the eyes was let loose as Erisi once again went on about having a rendez-vous as frequently as he could once lessons were done with forever. It was good to see some people didn't change and while most would like Erisi to do exactly that given how sour his fellow Harper could be, Valerian liked him as is and smirked in response. It wasn't like it was a horrible thing to have the green weyrling's interest and now that their dragons were fine with the wandering attention onto other people, Valerian had to admit that spending time with Erisi in bed had been nice. Then again, it was always nice knowing who you were going to end up tangled in the sheets with. Flights, at least losing them given Veeth's current record, were definitely something to get used to. "Sometimes a rendez-vous can be nice." He chanced a glance at Talian and tried to smile but it came out more sad than anything else. Because he couldn't control his desires, he had ruined his chance with the Healer he had befriended and started to take a stronger interest in.

Having friends and emotions kind of sucked sometimes.

Sometimes a rendez-vous can be nice

Talian smiled back, just as nervously. "Haha! Y-you're right about that, Val!" Talian said abruptly, pulling his wine to his lips again and taking another long drink. He was already quite fuzzy, having paid little attention to his alcohol consumption since his arrival.

He loved his friends and wished dearly that things could go back to the way they once were. Talian missed the connections he'd felt to them early on, before they Impressed an became dragonriders, before Talian's misplaced crush on Eri, and before that horrible flight. That comment, though...that comment and that look were more than Talian could bear.

Tal didn't handle change well. He never had. Even small changes, like rearrangements of his desk or shifts in his schedule, were upsetting to him. This was more than he could handle. How long had it been now, months? Months. Tal couldn't even bother to put an exact count on it. It had been months...Months without one of his best friends, whom Tal had come so close to! Tal didn't know the depths of Valerian's interest in him, but he knew his own.

He remembered the warm feelings the harper gave him the last time they'd gone stargazing together. Talian wasn't sure if his feelings were anything more than a passing crush, but the flight had destroyed them. Talian remembered them, though, and he wanted nothing more than for things to be better. The awkwardness was killing him. The lonliness was killing him. He couldn't stand it!

The healer rose to his feet, wobbling awkwardly as he took a step towards Valerian. Tal pointed at him. "...It's NOT your fault, you know?!" he asked, his words slurring just a little before he pitched forward and threw his arms around the man. Eri was temporarily forgotten, not because he meant any less, but because Talian and Erisi at least had an understanding regarding the long period of dullness and lonliness. Eri hadn't done anything to Tal. There had been no misunderstanding. There wasn't anything to fix, either.

Tal threw his arms around Valerian and squeezed tightly. "Not your fault," he repeated before drunkenly pressing his lips to Valerian's.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, WHAT!?

Since when did Talian ever come onto someone? What in Faranth's name prompted the sudden kiss between his friends? WHY WAS HE NOT THE ONE KISSING VALERIAN? Here he was, hitting on his friend pretty evidently and Talian comes out of nowhere to swoop in and steal his objective! It was his birthday, he was supposed to be making out with Valerian, not Talian. Erisi was far more scandalized than upset, because well... it was just a little too far out there for Erisi to actually accept as an insult to his person. He couldn't actually picture Talian in a sexual situation -

Wait, scratch that. Now he definitely could. The Weyrling still had no idea what brought up this sudden desire in Talian, but he wasn't sure that it mattered right now. Erisi was not here to watch a drunken slobfest! Erisi was here to be a part of it. That was HIS Valerian! He was supposed to be naked with the man right now.

Whoa, wait, scratch that. Where did 'his Valerian' come from? Okay, so he hated sharing, and hated the idea of sitting back and watching the two make out. Sure, Valerian seemed just a little too surprised to respond to the kiss right now, but it was inevitable. If Valerian caved to him, he'd certainly cave to Talian. Erisi couldn't just sit back and watch this moment pass him by. He was a little miffed that Talian was trying to steal Valerian from him in HIS hut, on HIS birthday. Well, he was just going to change that right now.

Not that he'd chase Talian off. No, he had several ideas. First, though, it was necessary to stake some claim on Valerian. He was feeling in the mood, and he knew that the right attention would strip Valerian's will to say 'no' away. Erisi was sure that if Valerian wanted to, he'd tell him to back off. Erisi was also sure that Valerian would want to. He acted quickly, before Valerian truly got a chance to voice his feelings on Talian kissing him. He came up beside the Healer, and while Talian was busy kissing Valerian's lip to prove whatever point he was trying to make, Erisi's mouth was suddenly on Valerian's neck. He sucked on Valerian's skin, determined to make a mark there as he slipped a hand up under his friend's shirt. Fingers traced over a sharp hip. If he got Valerian in the mood, then it'd be fairly easy to encourage Talian's own, albeit rare, mood. So, he set himself on the Blue Weyrling with that intention, the hand on Valerian's hip lowering into his lap.

His friend would know that Erisi wanted a good fuck now, and if prior experience was anything to go on, Valerian would give him one. His free arm then snaked around Talian's waist, determined to keep the Healer there with them until he was finished convincing Valerian what a good idea sex was!

Valerian suddenly wondered if he had been hit on the head when Talian came over to him and everything that happened next was a dream. That certainly made more sense than Talian coming over to kiss him! He sat there stunned, completely unsure about what to do or if it was some sort of trick. He most certainly wanted to kiss back but it would be wrong, so very wrong! That view point was hard to maintain when Erisi, naturally, started to feel left out and invited himself to join in, lavishing attention to his neck. Fingers curled and dug into the arms of the chair he had claimed and a soft muffled moan was given. He was definitely in trouble when it became clear Erisi was on a mission and a hand started roaming under his shirt.

So he did what any sane man would do in his situation; he tilted his head for Erisi to nibble easier and dove in to the kiss with the other friend he had developed an attraction to. Valerian had no idea how he kept landing in these situations but he was glad he did. Talian insisted it wasn’t his fault and he was offering kisses now, so everything truly was fine now, right? It was okay to touch the Healer and to show him that he may have been used before but there were feelings for him and Valerian wanted to act on them if he was allowed to. It was as his hand buried itself in Talian’s hair and his tongue danced against another, that Valerian realised he really was getting into the odd set up and was well on his way to wanting more than kissing and touching. He knew Erisi would agree with him since it seemed to be the intent of the green weyrling to get him riled up, but Talian was another matter.

Reluctantly, Valerian broke the kiss, panting and flushed, as he stared at Talian with a look of desire and fear. He had never believed himself to the sort to push himself on anyone but he had done it once with Talian and never wanted to repeat that no matter how hard he was getting thanks to the combined efforts of his friends. “I want you, Talian. Forgive me but I want you as much as I want Erisi right now. All of us. Tonight.” He placed a hand over Erisi’s wandering one, trying to get the man to stop distracting him while he made sure he didn’t mess up with Talian again. “But only if you want this; want me.” The kiss was nice and the conviction behind the words was great but Valerian wasn’t going to make another move until he knew for certain that it was wanted.

Never again did he want to be the cause of any sort of distress for either of his friends surrounding him right then.

Talian wasn't quite sure what he was doing. The young man had been on the road to habitual drunkenness when he was attacked by J'ver, but after the incident he was inclined to blame himself and the booze for the whole affair. His habit had diminished, and so had his tolerance. Now, dangerously intoxicated and dangerously confused, he found himself sinking into a more-passionate-than-intended kiss and settling more fully into Valerian's lap. Talian wasn't even quite sure why he'd kissed the man to begin with, but now it seemed like he couldn't get up?

Oh! Eri was holding him! How nice!

Talian settled into Val's lap and leaned into the bluerider's shoulder as he spoke. "I know you didn't mean to!" Talian said pitifully, trying to keep his tearful voice low to avoid frightening Eri away. Erisi never had taken well to tears, and Talian had hit the point where he no longer liked being caught crying.

The healer leaned forward, putting his mouth beside Val's ear. "....I wanted you for a long time, Val," he said, voice shaking. He clutched nervously onto the weyrling's arm.
"But I was scared. I'm still scared." And he was, but that didn't mean he didn't want to. He was confused, though. Confused and drunk. He felt like there was too much unresolved passion to ignore this moment that had crept up on him so. In his initial fear and shock, Talian might have recoiled and run away...but Eri had grabbed him, was holding him in place! Tal wiggled and found himself unable to move...or was it unwilling?

Well, the pair had him now, and they obviously wanted him. What harm could come of it? And would they be angry with him if he said no? It was just sex. Sex had no emotional meaning to the poor healer any more, but pleasing his friends meant more to him than anything else in the world. After a few long moments of indecision, he sank forward and lightly brushed his lips across the other side of Val's neck while allowing one of his hands to wander and clutch at Erisi's sash. Talian was confused, and part of him suspected that what he was doing was a mistake, but another part of him screamed that it was everything he'd ever wanted.

...I wanted you for a long time, Val. But I was scared. I'm still scared.

Valerian felt the oddest sensation in his chest. It was like his heart had dropped into his stomach but he didn't feel it rise again. He assumed it did, with it still in one piece, and it continued to beat as well as it had been before Talian spoke since he was fairly confident he was still breathing and that soft moan that his ears caught was his own, brought on by Erisi's wandering hand. Talian had answered the question posed to him to give them permission to proceed but now Valerian wasn't sure he could. All he could think about was how he was taking advantage of his friend again, somehow using the man and abusing his trust. It was still honestly surprising there was any trust left after what he had done during that green flight.

No matter how worked up he was and no matter how much his friends were throwing themselves into the act, Valerian knew he couldn't do this. No, that wasn't true; he could do it but the guilt that was already forming would eat him alive and he'd never be able to look Talian in the face or be in a room with the man again. He wanted to run and escape the madness that had clearly consumed them all but he had a Healer in his lap and a Harper's hand traversing his skin so there wasn't anything to do but sit there and feel as trapped as he was. He should say something, but what did he say? How should he say it?

"Talian..." the name came out in a broken whisper that conveyed far too much sadness and not enough lust given everything happening around him. Erisi already knew he was wanted and while his ego might be bruised at what was about to happen, Valerian knew he would quickly get over it and there would be make-up sex later on to prove he was still desired. But Talian... his quiet and sensitive friend wouldn't understand, Valerian was certain. It wouldn't matter if he went through with the group sex or not; he was damned either way. Should he just go for it, enjoy himself, and likely never have that friendship again or stop now and hope what remained of the friendship survived this turmoil? Either way, the feelings they seemed to have developed for each other but didn't realise until too late would have to be forgotten.

"Stop, please, both of you. We can't do this. You're drunk, Talian, and I won't take advantage of you again." He really despised how he had to say 'again' and cursed that flight. Green Rilaleeyth was apaprently the sweetest dragon one would ever meet but she was bonded to J'ver and somehow it seemed fitting that it was his flight that Valerian lost control during and raped one of his friends. "I think I've liked you and wanted you for longer than when I finally realised I did but I ruined that and tarnished our friendship and this isn't right. Sober... truly consensual..." He had a way with words, whether he was shredding someone apart for their faults or writing beautiful songs but Valerian didn't have any words left now. He was afraid. He hadn't been afraid when he woke up on Candidate Isle, he was close to being sick and was a bit frightened when Hoth attacked Indivara at the Hatching, but the idea of raping his friend a second time and losing that friendship he had once smacked Talian upside the head about when he was close to throwing it away with his suicide attempt... that was something the blue weyrling feared far more than he ever thought he was capable of.

Vivid forest green eyes were wide with that fear as Valerian did nothing more but sit there. His hands had returned to the arm rest of the chair and made no move to throw off his friends or encourage them. He wondered if they would continue to press on anyway and in a way, Valerian felt it was fitting and would likely let it happen. He had hurt Talian enough that day and likely had again with his current words. The Healer had more than enough rights to lash out at him in return. And Erisi... the Harper was likely disgusted by all the pitiful emotions in his hut and Valerian would be shocked if he didn't end up getting his ass kicked out along with all the sappy feelings. But he couldn't help it. It wasn't like he wanted all of these emotions, he just didn't know how to deal with them after breezing through life without making much of a connection with anyone anywhere.

Katila Weyr had corrupted him and Valerian, Junior Journeyman Harper and rider of blue Veeth, had suddenly had a handful of people he cared about and didn't want to see hurt and especially didn't want to be the continuing cause of the pain.

This could not be happening.

First sappy words were being passed between Harper and Healer, which was a gross distraction from what was the ultimate goal between them all. Erisi didn't like investing so much emotion into an act as simple as getting it on. Something obviously was going on between Talian and Valerian, but Erisi simply did not want to know the details of it. It sounded like they were in some twisted love affair, and he did not want to dip his hands into that. There was something about a deep emotional attachment that was completely offputting to Erisi. He shied away from the topic, whether by diverting conversation or showing the disgust he felt for it on his face. He had little actual experience with the emotion, so he couldn't tell what exactly was going on between his friends. He just knew that it was something fragile, and he didn't want to dip his toes into that. He'd end up breaking it or something, and then he'd be out two friends and could not be bothered to make more.

Secondly, Valerian was telling him to stop. Telling him to stop. Valerian never turned him away, always gave him a little something even if it meant cutting out early. Never once had Valerian pushed him away, and Erisi felt a great deal of comfort in the thought that his friend wouldn't. And now Valerian was pulling this shit on him and he was not happy. His friend had been moaning seconds before, and now was calling it quits entirely. If Erisi wanted to, he could press on anyways... but he respected Valerian. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," he hissed and quickly pulled away from his two friends.

His attitude was flaring up, and Erisi wasn't quite so sensitive to the fragile emotions being displayed by both Talian and Valerian. "If you didn't want to, say from the fucking beginning instead of leading us on." Leading him on. Talian would likely respond more pitifully, but Erisi plowed through with anger. He turned away from the two and stomped across the room, taking a seat in one of his chairs, arms folded against his chest and head completely turned away from Talian and Valerian. It didn't make sense to him, since Valerian had looked so eager, Talian had been eager.

He should be naked right now, not pouting in a chair because things weren't going his way. Erisi would forgive his friend, naturally, it'd just take some convincing to do. A whole lot of naked convincing to make up for this disappointment.

Talian was overwhelmed. He cringed, eyes widening as Valerian spoke his name. It was so soft, so broken, and so sad. It froze Talian's blood in his veins.

He was being told to stop?

The healer recoiled, startled and confused by the demand. Val was telling him to stop? Tal's shoulders slumped and he slithered backwards, bewildered and utterly submissive to the demand. His head swirled and his vision become spotty at the sudden motion. Drunk? He was drunk? What was Val saying about...consentual...

Talian's eyes widened as he latched on to his harper friend's words. Valerian liked him? Wanted him? And had for a long time?

Talian felt his stomach churn. He liked Valerian, too. He wanted him too. He'd always assumed that Valerian didn't want him, though. Who would? Tal was nervous, quiet, dull, unhappy, and with so many emotional problems and hang-ups...How could anyone so calm and carefree as Val have any sort of real interest?

He felt his throat tightening again. "Val?" he whimpered, screaming at himself to keep his emotions under control as he took another wobbly step backwards. No! He'd fallen to pieces more than enough times in front of his gentle friend. Valerian had been there for him through so much, and unlike most of the people Talian chose as friends, Valerian had never truly hurt him.

Yes, there was the flight incident, but did that really matter? It hurt and it was difficult to deal with, but wasn't an intentional act of cruelty on Valerian's part. Shards, if anything Talian was even more fascinated with the man since then. He could remember laying next to Valerian under the starts that night, so thankful for his friends kind words and gentle presence. Talian could recall how badly he'd wanted Val that night, but had been too cautious and too self-conscious to ask. He was afraid, just like he was afraid of everything else. Was that why the flight change things so much? Was it what Talian wanted all along?

Even when he got what he wanted, it seemed like he was rarely read for it.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and pressed his back to the door. "I like you too, Val..." he whispered emphatically, unable to get any of his other thoughts out. His eyes cut to Eri, who was obviously angry for what had happened. Suddenly frightened that he would be blamed, Talian fumbled for the doorknob behind him. "I...I really do...I...I really l-like you..." he stammered, drunk and only half-controlled, before he managed to open it.

He slipped outside and shut the door quietly. Then, he ran home.

He didn’t move as Erisi stormed to the other side of the room as angry as predicted, nor did he move when Talian jumped from his lap and away from him. Valerian knew he would upset and hurt the Healer whether he let them continue or told him to stop but he felt this was the better option. As he saw the hurt in eyes that were always so sad and heard the stammered confession, it was harder to believe it was the right decision. When Talian finally made it out of the hut and likely back to his own safe haven, Valerian allowed himself a moment of self-pity by lifting hands to his face and leaning forward so elbows rested on his knees. He sat there quietly staring at his thighs as hands slid into his hair to find rest and act as a cradle for his head that swirled with too many thoughts.

Going after Talian wouldn’t help anything. Erisi would end up even angrier and Talian would freak out that he was in trouble and it would only push the timid friend further away. They both needed time to think, though Valerian had been doing enough that to last him for the rest of the turn. He had realised he might have a crush on Talian and that there was some sort of weird vibe between them before that flight but it was ruined when he forced himself on his friend. Guilt had never been something Valerian knew firsthand until that day and now he felt like he lived with it daily. Even now when Talian said it hadn’t been his fault, it didn’t ease any of the guilt. He still felt like anger was needed; not avoidance or forgiveness. If Talian would have only been made then, when they talked about, even now, Valerian thought maybe he could come to some sort of terms. It was odd, he knew that; he should have been grateful that he had been forgiven and no blame laid at his feet but… he was angry. That wasn’t like him! He hurt Talian! He finally slept with Talian and it had been forced, not something enjoyable for them both!

Like always when it came to that subject and the anger and guilt he had over it, Valerian kept it all safely hidden away. Erisi didn’t need to know all of that and he wouldn’t want to anyway. The sassy Harper wouldn’t want to brood over all the emotions tossed out into the open either. So Valerian forced himself to not linger on the confession and how their feelings oddly aligned despite everything and finally straightened up to sit back in the chair again.

A glass of wine was spotted and Valerian didn’t care who it had belonged to since he had kissed both men that he had been sharing it with, and swallowed all of its contents. He still didn’t plan on getting drunk himself but that quick shot of sweet wine was needed to steady his nerves after everything that had happened and what could possibly come if Erisi went too far into the drama queen routine. Silently getting to his feet, the empty glass was set back down and Valerian strolled over to Erisi. A moment later and he was straddling his friend’s lap with his arms hooking around Erisi’s neck. “You wouldn’t want to share anyway,” he pointed out simply, forgoing any explanations or openings for talking.

Erisi would still be in the mood and put out that such drama that didn’t focus on him had happened and Valerian had easily learned early on what it took to distract the green weyrling and put him back in pleasant spirits. It wasn’t exactly a hardship since Valerian had to admit he was still aroused just thinking about both of his friends’ hands on his body and even with Talian upset at him, the friend he leaned in to kiss was much easier to handle and mend his ego. Talian would need time and space, which Valerian would give him. They would cross paths again when it was right and go from there.

He expected Talian to react poorly to Valerian's rejection. While Erisi responded with anger, Talian would respond with grief. However, while he suspected Talian would take it poorly, he had no idea how badly the Healer would respond. Their friend left in a hurry after mumbling out some weird... partial love confession? That word alone was disturbing to the Weyrling, though his shock at Talian's departure overrode how gross he felt over his friends' sappy confessions. This was something he wouldn't want to touch on the future. Talian and Valerian were going to have to figure out what was going on with each other themselves. If it turned into some... relationship, Erisi was just going to have to do his best not to roll his eyes at them.

Oh Faranth what if they started acting lovey around him. He'd puke and have to quickly end the friendship. Valerian wasn't the type to be all lovey dovey, but that certainly wasn't beyond Talian. If he wasn't angry enough already, that thought process was going to make him more irritable. He was just barely above trying to sabotage his friends' budding odd romance. Actually, that was a fairly tempting idea... No. He was just going to let them do their thing and he was going to sit in this sharding chair and be as mad as he sharding well pleased.

Okay, so, maybe he was going to sit in his chair, but he wasn't going to sit alone. His eyes had been following Valerian's movements from grabbing the glass of wine to striding over to him. A lap full of Valerian seemed to soothe him subtly. He kept up the appearance of being grumpy, scowling at the Weyrling who was wrapping his arms around him. He still almost expected Valerian to bring up what had just happened, but was relieved when Valerian's mind seemed to be on other things, easy things, stuff that Erisi did not have to think about.

He could have said a few things to snipe at Valerian just then, but withheld. His hands unfolded from his chest, and instead lowered to rest on his friend's hips. His smile was sly as his mind pushed what had happened to the back of his thoughts. Valerian wasn't wrong in his assumption that Erisi was interested. He had wanted his friends in that moment, and his desire for Valerian was apparently neverending. They were such a good match in bed.

Erisi leaned into the kiss, sharing that gesture of physical intimacy before pulling his lips away. "Why share something that I can have all to myself?" he purred, and then he accepted Valerian's presence as he always would.