Hindsight [R'nd, Talian] [M]

Fear had been a predominate emotion of the second half of the day; oh, the morning had been well enough. He'd spent it in the classroom teaching, and then chatting vaguely with R'nd over lunch. That was when things had begun to go down hill, and not because of R'nd's conversation skills. B'jin didn't spend much time with or around Jada. In the beginning, it was because he had been the one to uproot her from her life, and that wasn't really something many of the Searched (and stolen) young men and women were happy to forgive their Searchrider for. B'jin could understand that, and had never made any push to get to know the young woman. They were cordial when they met up, and worked well enough together while she had still been teaching in the Hall. Then, of course, the girl had Impressed to little miss Krypth, and well, the difference in station alongside their history didn't invite a friendship; had the girl Impressed green, or even blue, the man was sure he'd have put in more effort to get to know her. After all, green's ought to stick together, and blues were potential bedmates, whether they wanted to be or not.

And Jada, or rather, Krypth, was the reason B'jin's day took a nose dive. Now, the greenrider didn't have any issues what so ever with Ayyonth giving chase to a Weyrling gold; after all, it was probably one of the few times the small-scaled blue would be likely to win such a wonderful prize (though B'jin wasn't sure how well a blue sired clutch would sit with the Weyr) and he fully supported the hilarity that would result in R'nd waking up with Jada (and he was still voting his favourite bluerider Fly with Par'a. Because. Par'a!) though he had some inkling on R'nd's hesitation on that situation. Something about Jada being disinterested or something; apparently his friend's ego was as tender as it was large, and the Harper planned to, at some stage, play the role of disinterest just to see what reaction it would spark in his lover. He was almost positive it would result in R'nd's pouting. And B'jin did so enjoy cheering the bluerider up when eh got pouty. It was fun in the most devious sense of the word.

That wasn't the issue, though. What had caused B'jin more than a little surprise and mild anxiety had been the way R'nd transformed when Ayyonth had gotten a hold of him; the way his face changed, the way his stance changed, the whole way in which R'nd change. R'nd was sweet, and playful and sometimes unsure. The man that walked away from him was not the R'nd B'jin knew, and it had left him staring after the bluerider with wide eyes. Then Par'a had slapped a hand on his shoulder, frightening the great golden Faranth out of him, and cheerfully informed him (as she was wont to do) that that was precisely the look the pretty bluerider levelled on B'jin whenever Larrikith flew, and Ayyonth gave chase. B'jin's blood had turned to ice, and he'd fled the scene.

He just... he couldn't! R'nd wasn't one of those! He wasn't a, a - monster! He was sweet, and charming and kind and gentle..! B'jin had dashed through the Weyr, fleeing the Gather Square and the dance of dragons above it, sparkling in the sky. He'd dashed along the paths between the huts, beseeching Larrikith to inform him of who won the flight even as he came to a skidding, puffing stop by the door of his hut and flung himself inside, the door slamming behind him and the lock being thrown. One simply didn't live near vicious stalkers like S'kef, or jealous past mates like Nemall, or sneaking snakes like J'ver and not have a heavy lock on the door. The portrait of D'ren stared back at him, and with what was half-hiss, half-whimper, B'jin tore it down and flung it across the room... it floated softly to the ground at his feet, and Weyrleader once more peering up at him, as if mocking. B'jin kicked the picture, sending it scatting across the floor to glide under the coffee table in the living area, where the beautifully sketched face could stare at the bottom of the table.

Trembling, B'jin simply stood by the door, waiting and breathing harshly, trying to calm himself from a fear he couldn't particularly articulate. Neither his mind nor his body would settle, however, and the greenrider took trembling steps across the main room toward the kitchen, angling for the cupboard in which he had a stockpile of alcohol, intent on drinking enough to calm him, maybe enough to wipe himself out. Did he have any relaxant drugs? He couldn't think, his brain was fuzzy, and even as he reached up to take a bottle from the top shelf (well out of reach of the children) when he felt Larrikith brush against his mind in concern as she landed on the roof. Her emotions were tinged with amusement, apparently finding Krypth's flight the greatest form of amusement since her last attempt to cause mayhem. B'jin opened the bottle, and as he was debating on whether to bother finding a glass, Larrikith informed him that Krypth had just gorged herself and that there were half the Weyr's blues streaking to the sky after her.

B'jin guzzled half the bottle. He hadn't meant to, but a gorging queen wasn't much promise for a large clutch; one that wasn't even a turn old yet? And then Jada was a virgin (worse kept secret amongst the greenriders, that was - and probably the entire weyr)... and then he saw that expression on R'nd's face and B'jin chocked on the wine he was swallowing, coughing it up and dry reaching into the sink he stood beside, coughing and gasping as he tried to clear it away from his mind, try to think clearly, try to forget - then he was told quite seriously that Veeth had run out of steam, that Ayyonth was still - Oh! Tyrrisath caught Krypth! Larrikith gave a bugle of congratulations, while B'jin, shocked, stood without breathing, staring into the sink in horror.

Tyrrisath, the great brown monster. Tyrrisath, that beast belonging to S'kef. They had caught Krypth? The shaking started then, the greenrider trembling so badly the wine bottle slipped from his grasp, and landing badly at his feet, it smashed. Red wine splashed in every direction, shards of glass scattering over the kitchen floorboards. B'jin gripped the sink with both hands, knuckles going white, blood draining from his face and he leaned over, reaching heavily before his lunch was brought up, alongside what little wine he'd managed to swallow before Larrikith's announcement. His stomach was alive with writhing, twisting, slimy snakes of guilt, rearing their ugly heads and striking at his very soul. Choking, sobbing and reaching, B'jin clawed for reality, coughing as his stomach realised it was empty, though his body fought viciously to bring up more, indignant that there was nothing left.

Shaking, trembling, terrified, the venom from the striking snakes of guilt within his stomach flooded through him, reminding him of how it was all his fault that the young woman was now at the mercy of one of the most threadscored sons of bitches to ever walk the surface of Pern; his fault! B'jin's breath hitched, forming a broken sob as he stumbled across the kitchen, trekking footprints of wine as he went. It was his fault, all his fault! He was the one who ripped the poor child from her life, he was the one that had shoved her into Candidate classes. It was he who's pushed her onto the Sands, he who had celebrated when she'd Impressed to the new hope for Pern, the radiant little gold Krypth. Him. Him. Him. All him. Tears coursed down the man's face, and he shoved his shirt sleeve over his face with unknowingly, brushing them away, only to have them replaced by more a moment later.

His fault! B'jin snarled suddenly, through the tears and the half strangled sob, and lashed out, kicking a dining chair across the room, it hit the back of the cough and bounced off, skittering across the floor. Frustrated, angry, and so guilty, B'jin took it out on his hut, flinging precious Northern trinkets across the room so they smashed into walls, kicking things that wouldn't break his toes, tearing down images he's put so much time and effort into creating, he tore through the hut like a whirlwind of fury and guilt. Then, barely ten minutes later, the greenrider collapsed in the far corner, breaking down completely.

The man was a mess. His eyes were a harsh, hot crimson, swollen and puffy, the lashes thick with tears. Cheeks flushed, nose red, the greenrider's face was streaked with salty water, despite his best efforts to deny them both existence and continued appearance on his face with the sopping sleeves of his shirt. His breath came in harsh, choking sobs as the requirement to breathe fought against the primal need to cry. The generally solid man was trembling like a leaf in a storm, his body wracked with guilt, so, so very much guilt and fear; but mostly, guilt. If only he had never agreed to Search. If only he had never agreed to bring in those Larri chose. If only. If only. IF ONLY..!

B'jin gave an agonised half-cry, half-scream into his knees, head pressed down while his arms were wrapped over the top of his head the greenrider rocking slightly where he sat, pressed against the wall.

Talian was no fool. He was familiar enough with the Weyr, its faces, and its dragons to know what the flight meant.

Jada was a sweet girl. Like so many victims of Katila, she deserved better. Unlike most, however, it had turned out well for her in the end. Mostly. She loved her dragonet and seemed to be well on her way to something resembling power, but there was a lot to consider in the meantime.

Talian knew just how important the flight was. He listened to it nervously from his room, trying to ignore the powerful urges meddling with his mind. The healer had been his usual quiet self since all the recent incidents, though it was a calmer, more stoic quiet these days. He glowered and plugged his ears, trying to ignore the raging cries of the dragons and ignore his own stirring desires.

Eventually, it passed. The healer emerged from his hiding place to hear the news, and what he heard was not good.

S'kef? Evil brownrider S'kef? B'jin's tormentor? J'ver's puppetmaster?

The man responsible for causing so much pain to both himself and B'jin?

This was bad news for Jada, and maybe even bad news for everyone. Tal frowned and decided to make his way to B'jin's hut, just to see how the man was faring.

"Not well, I'm guessing?" Tal asked himself aloud as he tugged on the barred door. B'jin had locked himself in? And was that crashing he heard? Or what? Maybe some sobbing?

Tal hoped he was making it up. He took a second to look over the front of the hut before thinking of an alternative route. The young healer wasn't totally over his aversion to the dragon, but he'd become accepting at the very least, perhaps even curious. He could still remember brushing her nose that day before their expedition to the forest. What a strange, lovely little moment that had been.

Tal crept over to Larrikith's room and crept inside.

"Larrikith? Can I come see B'jin? I'm worried about him."

“No!” R’nd called out, infectively of course, when he had a moment of clarity as he returned to his own vision and saw S’kef claim Jada. It wasn’t that he lost that bothered the bluerider; it was the fact that S’kef won. Anyone else in that chase would have been acceptable if it couldn’t be him, but not S’kef. The man was brutal, uncaring, and did nothing that wouldn’t benefit himself in some way. He wanted to stop the brownrider despite the monster he rode already having claimed Krypth, though Ayyonth whispered it was a sneaky way to win as the little gold was dashing after the little blue that was falling behind.

Confused by his loss and S’kef’s win that Jada was already starting to enjoy, R’nd did nothing more but stand there in the girl’s bedroom, wishing he could break up their union. He never got a chance to figure out what to do and if it would work as a fellow bluerider with more sense than he currently had entered the room and pulled him out, slamming the door shut behind them. If the man lectured him, R’nd didn’t hear it. He was too caught up in the emotions of the failed flight. They always left him out of sorts for a while after but this one more so than usual.

As he staggered down the hall, pushing aside his fellow losers that were intent on finding someone else to claim in order to satisfy the needs their dragons brought out, R’nd tried to come to terms with all that had happened in such a short time since enjoying a nice meal with B’jin. He had allowed Ayyonth to overpower him and give chase to Krypth when R’nd had no interest in doing so. Sure, sleeping with a goldrider, especially her maiden flight, would be something that would be talked about for turns to come since they were nothing more than a lowly bluepair and blues did not fly gold, or even consider it an option. But Jada hadn’t shown much interest in him when he chanced a kiss sometime ago. R’nd wasn’t naïve enough to think flights always worked out wonderfully and you never bedded someone that hated you but he still didn’t want to have her wake beside him with terror or disgust in her pretty amber eyes. His ego was huge and led R’nd to believe that everyone wanted him but when he actually found someone that didn’t, that ego was easily bruised and he made sure not to push the person further. He didn’t like having people hate him and wouldn’t risk a stable enough friendship for sex.

The mere fact that they had been so close to winning, blowing by browns and bronzes alike, was amazing and made R’nd slightly smile as he stepped outside into the bright sun and sweltering heat. Ayyonth landed before him seconds later and while R’nd wanted to chastise the blue for chasing, he instead wobbled over to wrap his arms around Ayyonth’s neck to hug the dragon. “Well done, Ayyonth. Everyone will know you’re not one to be messed with or taken for weak.” His blue deserved the praise, had certainly earned it with the wonderful flying he had displayed. No matter his feelings on the flight, R’nd made sure Ayyonth always knew he was proud of the dragon’s conduct.

You’re hurt, Ayyonth brushed his nose against R’nd’s left shoulder to get his attention to the right area but made sure to avoid the actual wound. Frowning, R’nd saw the four lines scratched across his upper arm and that some had lightly bled. He didn’t remember the attack but given the narrow location Jada had led them through, it wasn’t surprising that someone lashed out as they tried to advance on the girl. “It doesn’t look too bad. I’ll tend to it later.” He gave a reassuring pat to the blue nose and moved around to climb up onto Ayyonth’s back. Once he was situated, the frown returned as R’nd spotted a wound on his dragon. “Seems you’re in no better shape. Get us home and I’ll look after you.”

Ayyonth could tell R’nd was still a bit out of it despite the concern he was showing. That was part of his human’s charm. It didn’t matter what his own state of being was so long as those he cared about were fine and safe. If he took them home now, R’nd would stumble about finding the necessary items and completely ignore his own needs in the process. It doesn’t hurt too badly. I’ll be fine until you can look at it later. We’ll find B’jin first. R’nd hadn’t said anything yet but Ayyonth wasn’t stupid or oblivious to stray thoughts. R’nd was in his uncomfortable and confused place he sometimes fell into after a strange flight and loss and lately it was Larrikith’s rider that helped ease any fears and relax R’nd once more. So much like R’nd, Ayyonth was willing to put his own injury aside until R’nd was looked after. It was a wonder they got anything done sometimes.

After both insisted they were fine a few more times, R’nd gave in to the wonderful idea of finding B’jin and they headed to the Dining Hall where he had last seen the greenrider. The table they had been eating at was found empty save for their forgotten dishes and someone confirmed that B’jin had taken off soon after R’nd had. It made sense; most people tried to flee public and populated areas during a gold flight to avoid awkward moments. Figuring B’jin would return to the safety of his own hut, R’nd mounted Ayyonth once more and moved on to the next destination.

R’nd was relieved when Ayyonth informed him that Larrikith was home and therefore it made sense that B’jin would be as well. Once on the ground once more, R’nd made his way for the front door as Ayyonth inched his way toward Larrikith’s room. They were both feeling hesitant; dragon knowing Larrikith would be upset at him chasing another, while the rider worried what would be thought of him for trying and then failing, as was only natural, in a gold’s flight.

There was only a moment’s debate with himself as R’nd approached the door. B’jin was okay with him letting himself in though R’nd was usually still cautious about doing so with unexpected visits. Still, this time, in his mind, counted as an expected visit since B’jin couldn’t have believed Ayyonth would beat bronzes, or a brown as it turned out, in such a race. Slowly, R’nd reached for the handle and turned it, only to be denied as it didn’t give way. He frowned and tried turning it in the opposite direction and found himself still barred from entry. It shouldn’t have been surprising given the craziness golds could bring out in the weyr at large. It was best to keep doors and windows closed and locked as best as one could if they didn’t want the excitement to reach them.

You know there’s the door in Larrikith’s room. I’m sure you could get in there. R’nd could hear Ayyonth’s laughter in his voice and he shot his dragon a quick glare before waving him off to cuddle with his pretty green friend. “No.” He sounded far more sulky than intended with that one simple word which almost made R’nd smile. Instead he explained his reluctance, “that door could be blocked off as well or Larrikith might eat me for our extracurricular activities today.” He didn’t truly believe the latter but it served its purpose of keeping Ayyonth amused as the blue sauntered over to see the female dragon in question.

Still pouting as his mind wasn’t entirely clear yet and he only wanted to hide away with B’jin for a while, R’nd knocked on the door. He couldn’t leave it with just that and softly called out to verify who was there in case Larrikith wasn’t in a mood to help, “B’jin? It’s R’nd. The flight is over. I… wanted to see you.” It was clear he had lost, which was good since R’nd wasn’t fond of admitting to it if he didn’t have to and quickly changed the sentence into something far more pleasant.

Sweet Larrikith, Ayyonth greeted his companion quietly, almost carefully as he still worried about her reaction. R’nd hadn’t been in any shape to keep certain memories blocked during or after the flight and Larrikith’s reaction to chasing Grith had stood out quite nicely. May I come in?

Larrikith was, as far as dragons went, incredibly intelligent. Exactly how much of that was her own brain power, and how much was drawn from her bonded's own mind, was completely debatable and probably would never be answered easily if at all. Regardless, despite her ability to forget almost any and everything within a few days, the little green dragon was still remarkably clever. That particular fact, however, didn't mean she knew or understood everything that went on around her. Like, for example, why the majority of the Weyr's human population was in shock, and anger as the form of brown Tyrrisath tangled neatly with the growing golden body of Krypth. She supposed, of course, that browns really weren't meant to be flying gold dragons, but Larrikith knew via B'jin that her own sire had been a brown, so well. Hello!? Most epic green ever, sired by a brown. Humans were so dramatic!

Not the least of which was her own lifemate, whom she could feel withdrawing into that Place, in which she had no say, that spot in his mind where she could not wander. Larrikith couldn't remember a time when she'd ever been allowed behind that particular door. It was where B'jin kept all those parts of himself that disagreed with Larrikith, or that he felt would disagree with her. The little green dragon knew that much, both in the way she knew the sun would rise each morning and through B'jin. What she didn't know, and probably never would understand, was that such a thing wasn't true in all bonded scenarios. Probably, her own bond with B'jin would be strange to more dragons than it would be similar to.

But it was the strange, barely-there bond that allowed her rider within the hut to have a complete fit, while outside, Larrikith was sitting quite calmly on the roof of their hut, watching the weyr run around like a headless wherry and freak out about the results of the flight; Larrikith could only imagine how many people had lost some hard earned marks, favours or ended up in debt with the results. So early, gorging, and now caught by a brown that few people liked (not that she could ever iron out why they disliked him. Tyrrisath had his days, she supposed, where he was a right arrogant punk, but he wasn't always that bad. B'jin's opinion of S'kef was usually kept in The Place, but he wasn't always good at hiding his fear and loathing of the man. Larrikith didn't understand why he feared and hated the man (they seemed to enjoy the games they played) but she'd long since given up on trying to understand the reactions that That Place sparked in B'jin.

As if to compliment her strange bond to her lifemate, Larrikith felt an increasing protective streak for the young Master Healer Talian. The boy's reluctance to have anything to do with her, especially in the beginning, had confused and even hurt the little green dragon who hadn't understood why. The only comfort B'jin could offer was that she was the reason the boy was living a life he didn't want. Well, okay, but so was everyone else that she'd brought in and they weren't being obnoxious little shits about it! B'jin had pointed out that they didn't have Larrikith's puffed up attitude up their nose twenty-four seven, and calling Talian names was hardly going to win him over. That had resulted in a huffy little dragon that had gone flying by herself for the remainder of the day.

Regardless, and despite (or perhaps to spite) Talian's reluctance to endurance the friendship Larrikith obviously desired from the young human, the dragon kept close tabs on the boy, perhaps to more of a degree than even her own bonded was aware. This resulted in Larrikith being remarkably aware of what Talian was up to, whom he was with, and what he was feeling. She wasn't entirely sure the boy was aware of the pseudo bond she had created for them, as she didn't often mirror her own emotions onto him or speak to him. But she was there, listening and watching. She didn't act on the things she heard, or the things she felt, because Larrikith was aware enough of Talian's disinterest and disdain in dragonkind (and herself especially, though she still hadn't routed out the reasoning for why he hated her) to be wary of him figuring out how to wall her out like B'jin had. Of course, she had bonded to B'jin with those walls fully intact; Talian was not like that at all, and she didn't fancy triggering such a response from him. So, she kept to herself the things she gathered from him. She wasn't sure why, but it was important.

It was for that reason that Larrikith was made immediately aware of the way Talian's thoughts arrowed in on B'jin; she hadn't been paying too much attention to the child, focused more on the Weyr at large, but when she felt the connection in thought patterns to worry about B'jin, Larrikith turned her attention upon him and turned her head in his vague direction. Shortly there after, Talian appeared and Larrikith watched him approach with curiosity. She was not unaware of the wild tantrum B'jin was throwing in the hut under her feet, but she was being unconsciously blocked by her lifemate, and could pick up only the vague air of despair; mostly, her link to B'jin was an empty blur as he blocked everything from her. Larrikith shudder as she slithered over the roof, and then followed along the edge of the roof, watching with growing amusement as the young Healer peeped inside.

Talian, Larrikith's voice was grave, but the underlying amusement indicated it was only grave so she could playfully mock the healer. When have I ever stopped you? The amusement was truly present now, and her head tilted as she leaned over the ledge to peer in the top of the door way and down at Talian. The question was both legitimate and rhetorical, as Larrikith was pretty sure she'd never denied Talian admittance to see B'jin, and didn't think she ever would. He's throwing a tantrum, she warned, her voice mildly disdainful (tantrums were for children, not grown men!) but she mostly seemed amused by the outcome of the day and not at all worried about B'jin; why would she be, when she wasn't invited to the party?

The green dragon's attention wavered from the young man inching into her room to be taken up by the form of Ayyonth landing, and her head rose some, tilting slightly as she watched the bluepair interact, amusement rolling off her in sheets. While B'jin appears to quite enjoy the taste of you, I'm rather afraid you aren't on my particular menu. Larrikith quipped happily, watching with further amusement as R'nd knocked on the door. He won't answer, you know. He's throwing a tantrum. It took about five seconds after she'd said that to realise R'nd would probably take it the wrong way. Nothing to do with you, she added, fluttering her wings and jumping down to land on the ground near her own doorway. One jewelled eye peered in to see what Talian was up to, and though she included him in her little speeches, her voice was for R'nd; she didn't bother including B'jin or letting him know he had visitors. You should go inside, too. Her attention then switched cheerfully to Ayyonth, ignoring the two humans; she was sure they'd settle B'jin down eventually and she'd be there when he was ready to make sense.

You better not, Larrikith replied, her voice thick with laughter. Talian just went in there, and he may just die of heart failure if you prance in behind him. Leaning forward herself, Larrikith nuzzled affectionately at Ayyonth's shoulder, eyes narrowing when she noticed his wound. Creeping closer to him, she snuffled tentatively around the area, wary of the younger dragon jerking away. She paused for a moment, pressing closer against the other dragon, and cautiously set about cleaning his wound.

A tantrum? Talian lifted a brow and stepped inside. He paused for a moment, acknowledging Larrikith's presence on the roof and extending some form of mental greeting before heading inside. He didn't think Larrikith could actually hear him, but he knew she somehow picked up on his thoughts sometimes. It was worth the passing effort. 

A tantrum? That was worrisome.

Talian slipped into the main chamber of the hut and looked around. Shards! What a mess. What had happened in here?

Tal's immediate instinct was that someone had attacked the poor greenrider. The muffled cries echoing through the hut seemed to support that theory, but who could have done it? Tal frowned, immediately drenched in worry, and and started his search.

"B'jin? B'jin, are you okay?" he called out. The delicate healer picked his way through the demolished hut and eventually into the back, where he located his father figure in the midst of a huge crying fit. Tal's heart broke.

"B'jin?" he asked hastily, running to the man's side and kneeling in the floor beside him. "Are you okay? Did someone hurt you?"

No signs of a struggle on B'jin's person.No wounds. The healer frowned yet again. "...Dad, what happened in here?"

“I’m okay with that order of who finds me delicious,” R’nd was startled by the sudden voice of Larrikith in his mind and glanced up to find her watching them. He didn’t mind her speaking to him but he had been so wrapped up in the goldflight results and his own conflicted emotions, he simply hadn’t expected anything other than Ayyonth’s familiar deep tone. Yet as Larrikith continued speaking, he started to wonder if he really wanted to know what was going on if that was the answer he would be given. In the short span of time before Larrikith realised her error and explained why B’jin was having a tantrum, R’nd had managed to come up with several scenarios that all revolved around how horrible a person he clearly was. He hadn’t thought it would bother B’jin so much to see his bluerider lover chase and nearly win a gold, or perhaps it was how suddenly and quickly he had abandoned B’jin during the flightlust, ending their fun conversation over a meal. It was horrible how quickly his mind worked against him but he sighed aloud when Larrikith did clarify as much as she could.

“Should I really go in, though?” If the door was locked and he hadn’t be sought out, didn’t that mean B’jin didn’t want to see him? He couldn’t tell if Talian had been invited over or if the Healer just had a sixth sense when it came to B’jin in crisis but either way, someone was there, and it was someone that brought B’jin comfort. “Talian’s there. He will help B’jin. I’m not really much help.” He actually felt he made some things worse when it came to the older rider, and that was when his head was on straight and not fighting off the remnants of flightlust! With a groan, R’nd leaned his forehead against the door and hoped no one decided to open it now.

Leave him. He’ll go in soon; he just needs to pout and sulk a bit more before deciding it’s a good idea. Ayyonth spoke only to Larrikith though he still stayed closely linked to R’nd to keep an eye on his wavering moods. He was such a handful after flights he lost and didn’t even want to be in to begin with.

As Larrikith joined him on the ground and warned about Talian, Ayyonth chuckled and didn’t continue heading into the room he thought would be nice to curl up in with the tiny green as their riders spent time together. That certainly wouldn’t help anyone if I sent the boy running away, frightened. He was about to nuzzle her in return when Larrikith inched closer to him in an odd and careful manner. He froze, confused at first, but realised she had seen the wound taken during the chase. He was ready to flee, slightly worried it would remind the green that had to be distracted by her rider that he had entered another flight that wasn’t hers. Instead, he felt her soft tongue tend to the injury and Ayyonth crooned, touched by how sweet the gesture was. He nuzzled her gently as he let her continue on, making only a quiet noting that R’nd had finally done something more than hold the door up with his head.

R’nd knew he wouldn’t be any help standing outside and never going in but there was a chance that he was needed, which only going in would solve. Whether he was needed or not would only be confirmed if he stopped sulking at a locked door and went around to the one that was open. Ignoring the dragons, he did just that, following behind the path Talian had taken. He came around into the main room in time to hear Talian trying to get answers out of B’jin and grey eyes went wide as he looked around the room.

He felt like he had been slapped with an open palm and then had a bucket of cold water tossed in his face as his mind took a sharp turn from befuddled to clarity. “B’jin,” his friend’s name was barely a whisper as R’nd forgot all of his worries and only saw someone he cared for in need. He was beside the two men in an instant and started to reach for a hand to hold but stopped. Talian was a Healer and if there was anything physically wrong with B’jin, then he’d need the space to work. Then again, it was one hand and Talian had the rest of the body to look over as R’nd couldn’t stand seeing his friend cry and gently placed his hand on B’jin’s. “You can take your time in telling us, love. Just let Talian know if you’re hurt so he can help you.”

The greenrider was far away and completely unaware of the world surrounding him. He was cut off from Larrikith by his own subconscious; as a result he was unaware of her welcoming Talian as the young healer entered his home, just as he was unaware of the appearance of Ayyonth and R'nd; he didn't hear the knocks upon the door over the pounding of his blood in his ears, over his sobbing and fretful memories. He was unaware of the boy as he searched the hut for him, or of his being found: at least until the close proximity of Talian caused the tiny hairs on the back of B'jin's neck to rise, and his head jerked up, appearing from under his arms, which had been folded over the top of them.

Wide, startled brown eyes stared up at Talian, fear flashing visibly through them even as B'jin pulled away viciously before he realised who it was; slowly he relaxed visibly, eyebrows drawing together in worry. "T-tal?" He choked on the boy's name, drawing back slightly from the frown on the young Master's face even as the greenrider battled for dignity, taking great gasping breaths as he tried to settle his breathing. A task he might well have succeeded in, save that his eye caught moment on the other side of the room, and when he turned his head to see who it was, B'jin saw R'nd.

There was relief, first, a warmth flashing out from his belly as he saw the concern on his lover's face and it shone out on B'jin's face for a handful of seconds, the greenrider's body further relaxing visibly where he sat against the wall near Talian. Then R'nd began to move towards him, and as the younger rider's features seemed to twist and change before his eyes, B'jin drew back with a scrabble of feet - accidentally giving Talian a solid shove - as R'nd dashed toward him with that look on his face. What relief had moments ago been rolling off B'jin at the appearance of his friend and the recognition of Talian was lost under a sudden tidal wave of primal panic.

A terrified half-sob, half-whimper escaped his throat as R'nd gently took his hand, the greenrider pressed back into the corner of the hut. Tears came cascading down B'jin's cheeks as he sat trembling, too scared to move, terrified that if he did the past he was living in would once more become a reality. His eyes were huge, hazy, and defiled with memories decades ago as he stared up at the bluerider, barely conscious of the fact that it was someone he trusted kneeling before him. There was a part of him that knew he was safe, that R'nd would never hurt him, that Talian was there...

But there was a bigger part that had him hyperventilating, his breath whistling as he sucked it in between his teeth too fast, so that a sudden sob catching in his throat caused him to cough and choke suddenly. His hand jerked from R'nd's so he could use his arm to shield his mouth, eyes scrunching shut. It lasted only a moment before B'jin raised his head slowly and the greenrider's hand shot out, snatching R'nd by the wrist, fingers curling tightly as he lifted his eyes to meet R'nd's gaze, anticipating that the younger rider's response would be to flee. "Sorry," his voice came out hoarse, but the word was a plea, eyes staring up at R'nd begging him not to leave. He held that gaze for what felt like an eternity, and only when he was sure he wouldn't be abandoned, did B'jin's turn his gaze upon Talian, and he watched him sadly for a moment, apologetic for the shove. Apologetic for everything.

"Sorry." Another hoarsely spoken word, and B'jin used his free hand to rake back through his hair, a response to stress he hadn't exhibited until the length started to kick in; he wasn't even aware he did it, as often as not. Somehow, B'jin had managed to hear the questions asked of him, but he had no idea how to answer them; some of them he wouldn't - couldn't! - answer. His gaze flickered to what he could see of the hut, and a shameful flush crept up his cheeks even as he withdrew slightly into a tighter ball, ashamed of letting himself make such a mess in a fit of emotion. "I..." how to explain? The timidity crept back, the expectation for some form of physical retaliation on part of his friends not quite unnoticeable. "Stress?" He asked meekly, the word far more question than it would ever be an answer and his expression clearly anticipating a waspish remark in response.

The whimpering. The sobbing. The tears. The look. B’jin still feared him. R’nd felt suddenly cold and there was the oddest sensation in his chest. It was almost like his heart had dropped to his stomach but not before it was squeezed in a vice. What had he done to make B’jin so afraid of him? What was his lover keeping from him, tucked so carefully behind the walls everyone knew the greenrider lived behind? For a moment, R’nd turned selfish with his own fears of a friend despising him creeping up on him, adding to the anguish as he watched B’jin tremble and cower before him instead of take comfort from him.

He must have hurt B’jin, perhaps even said something horrible as he lost himself to the flightlust over a gold he hadn’t even wanted to chase. How could he fix what was broken when he had no idea where to begin? When B’jin released his hand, the decision was made for him. He wasn’t wanted here and his leaving was the best way to help B’jin. As R’nd tried to scramble away, to give B’jin the space he needed without letting the greenrider see the pain in his eyes, he softly whispered, for himself as much as B’jin and Talian who must have thought him to be utterly horrible after all, “I would never hurt you. I lo--” whatever else he was going to say was cut off and forgotten as his hand was grabbed, anchoring him in place.

R’nd slowly turned back to stare at the hand holding his. He did that a lot when they were alone, curled up in bed. The contact was nice, something that had become habit since tending to the wounds after the lashing. It was… comforting. Eyes wild with fear slowly softened as they slowly lifted to look at B’jin and found the man staring at him. He couldn’t look away, not when he saw the same desperation he felt. “No, love, I’m sorry.” He was sorry he tried to flee, sorry he scared B’jin, and sorry he wasn’t ever going to be able to give B’jin the peace and comfort he so clearly needed. He’d just have to settle with being a friend awkwardly fumbling along beside people that did know what to do.

The excuse that it was simply stress didn’t sit well with R’nd, in fact he didn’t believe it at all. He wasn’t about to say that though, knowing he wouldn’t get the truth. B’jin hid a lot about himself from him but R’nd was fine with that. He liked the man he was able to get to know and had fun with him. It was only in times like this where the bluerider wished he knew more. Perhaps Talian had been taken in as a confidante since he had become an adopted son. “I’d recommend plenty of time in bed to help with that,” R’nd tried to tease lightly to show he was fine and B’jin didn’t have to add him to the list of anything else upsetting him, “but Talian is the Healer, so I’ll leave the advice to him.”

R’nd gave B’jin’s hand a squeeze to avoid pulling the man to him for a hug. He didn’t want to spook B’jin again but wanted to show he wouldn’t go anywhere and that everything was fine on his end, even if it wasn’t and he was still worried for his friend and a little shaken himself, “why don’t I try out my housekeeping skills and clean up a bit while Talian gives out that advice for de-stressing?”

This was bad.

Talian was torn between his professional and his sentimental side as he looked over the greenrider, so lubriciously traumatized by problems that he refused to share. The healer had no time to speak before R'nd approached and B'jin pushed him aside. Talian watched, not taking offense though he was deeply confused, as B'jin failed to take comfort even in the man that everyone knew was in love with him.

Talian frowned. This was bad.

"It's okay," he said lightly. He perched delicately on his knees, watching with scrutiny as B'jin made his lame little excuse.

Stress? No kidding.

"B'jin," Tal said after clearing his throat. He rose to his feet and took a step towards B'jin, but he restrained himself. B'jin obviously didn't want to be touched, even by R'nd. He surely wouldn't want Talian touching him.

"Dad," Tal edited himself, leaning close but still keeping his hands to himself. "You're safe now, okay? And we both love you."

He gave R'nd an uncomfortable glance, then nodded in agreeance to his idea. As much as Talian disliked dragonriders, now wasn't the time. His rage had run it's course for the most part, and R'nd was undoubtedly helping at least a little bit.

"B'jin, you're hyperventilating. You need to take deep breaths...Count with me, okay?" He wasn't sure if B'jn would listen, but it was worth a try. "Inhale deep and then exhale, then count to five and repeat, okay? I'll do it with you. You'll feel better!"

Inhale.

Exhale.

"One...two...three...four...five."

Inhale.

Exhale.

B'jin adjusted his grip gently, changing from a tight clasp on R'nd's wrist to weaving their fingers together. He held their hands loosely, brushing his thumb lightly over the back of R'nd's hand as he tried diligently to obey Talian's order, fighting to take back control of his breathing. It was a lot more difficult than the boy made it seem, and B'jin lost count when R'nd offered to clean up, eyes widening dramatically and his grip tightened on the hand he held. 'Don't you dare' was all but spoken as B'jin lost what progress he'd made in calming his breathing. The greenrider wasn't sure whether he was more afraid R'nd would hurt himself cleaning up shards of glass (he'd tossed several expensive glass baubles throughout his tantrum) or that his friend might be using it as an excuse to flee the hut. Either way, he wasn't letting go.

Only when he was sure, once more, that R'nd wasn't going to leave him, did B'jin refocus on the breathing process Talian was trying to get him to do, eyes closing with an increasingly worried frown as thoughts of passing out, choking and/or somehow managing to die penetrated his mind, causing Larrikith to startle from where she was tending to Ayyonth and brush lightly against B'jin's mind. Oh, relax, she snapped with exasperated amusement, not bothering to censor herself from his companions, or her own. It's just breathing. It's really not that difficult. See? That's better. Now, would you stop being so dramatic? You're frightening your friends. Not-quite withdrawing from the group of humans, Larrikith returned to her examination of Ayyonth's wound.

B'jin finally managed a deep breath, holding it for a moment before sighing it out. As he did so, the greenrider leaned back into the wall, his legs unfolding to stretch out before him. His eyes were still closed even as B'jin lifted his free hand, and offered it tentatively to Talian, waiting until he felt the young Healer's hand in his own. His fingers twitched nervously where they were woven between R'nd's, a shudder rippling viciously through B'jin's body. His voice was soft, when he started speaking, a low murmur and rich with emotion. He spoke as if of a story, starting gently by introducing a young Harper, full of himself and intent on his rapid march to Mastery. He spoke softly of an invitation, which was specific enough to include the Journeyman's name upon it, alongside his Masters. It invited the pair to the Hatching - a clutch sired by a brown, and well sized, it had also brought in Telgar's first brown Weyrleader, something not unheard of, but still had caused some drama.

B'jin paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts before continuing, the gap just enough for his companions to swallow what he'd spoken of already, but not quite long enough for them to interrupt him. If they did, he knew he wouldn't continue. An ironic smile touched his lips, and with his eyes still closed so he wouldn't need to see the expressions on his friends' faces, B'jin continued. The brownrider that picked them up was good looking, as far as riders went, not that the young Harpers thoughts would go down that lane, of course. He was far too much the proper little Holdling. Only greenriders fucked men, and of course, that was always the dragon's fault. No one screwed their own gender for the fun of it! (B'jin's fingers tightened briefly around the fingers of his companions, his smile flickering again. How naive he had been!) His voice carried the whisper of his wry amusement as he picked up his line of narration once more.

He was young, barely out of Weyrlinghood. But proud of his task, as he greeted his charges. The Harper had been arrogant, and dismissive. His Master had been a little better, but they took the young rider's appointment to be an insult. A weyrling brown? Really! Their dismissive attitude hadn't gone down well (not that the young Harper cared) though the dragonrider bit his tongue and carried on appropriately. He took them to Telgar, where they were informed the dragonrider would be their tour guide. Neither young men were impressed, while the Master requested a companion of his own. A smart move that got him a cheerful blurider.

The two young men spent a great deal of that week fighting, quite avidly, which only levelled off after a... confrontation. The Harper trailed after his Master thereafter, sulking because no one would believe his side of things. (A shudder ran through B'jin, and his eyes flickered open for a moment, gaze flashing past his friends and scanning the room. Shaking himself, B'jin closed his eyes once more and returned to his quietly spoken story. "The Harper Impressed a green and, well..." You hated me. Larrikith's voice was matter of fact, and held no accusation. B'jin didn't even pause; "yes."

He twisted slightly, to brush at an itch on his cheek with one shoulder, before continuing, "the brownrider thought it was the most amazing thing ever. Of course, considering the Holder bred crap I'd been giving the greenriders for the week prior, it was a pretty natural response." So much arrogance bottled up in one tubby body. B'jin wondered mildly how he'd actually managed to survive. "I was not very popular, though my own opinion of myself would have one believe otherwise." He shook his head, eyes opening though he was careful not to meet the gaze of either of his friends. "I was convinced she'd ruined my life. Tied me down in a place, with people, I didn't want to be. I refused to give her name for the Records, and she refused to speak to anyone else. They had to use one of the golds to wrangle it out of her. I would scold her when she woke me early, and refused to oil her as often as not. There are scars, on her, from being neglected. She went through thicktail more than her entire class combined in an attempt to eat more - after all, I ate all the time, so too then should she. (It would later become a desire to boost her growth) She was so annoying! She followed me everywhere and would not shut up. She'd taken my life from me - my home, my rank, my future. The only positive point she offered me, at that time, was her rapid dismissal of Emerelle." B'jin grimaced, "she was very insistent that I marry her. I was very insistently dodging her."

He very carefully avoided mentioning Bendilam, as he had so carefully skirted other portions of his tail. It was obvious that he was dropping something out, but he pressed on regardless. His lover and his son had been very careful to never push for details; he knew they wouldn't push for more than he was giving them now. Without realising it, he dropped back into his third person narrative.

"The little green flew in her maiden flight, the following turn. She was young, but she wasn't the first in her class to take to the skies. The class had been taught what to look for in their green fellows, 'proddy' symptoms; being unusually moody, or so such. The first couple that took off were easy to spot, and the class was confident they knew what to look for. The Harper was arrogant, though, and always moody. If his green made him proddy, no one noticed." A stark difference, to the B'jin of present, he thought mildly; everyone knew when he was proddy these days. "The pair had a very questionable bond, and as good as the Harper was at blocking his dragon (something he remains exceedingly good at; you might note the little green has not been distressed all day) there was little he could do to get out of that."

B'jin paused again, before taking in a great shuddering breath, trembling slightly. "It was not fun, in so many ways... The b-brownrider caught us, l-like he c-caught Jad-da today!" Finally reaching his limit, B'jin burst into tears. As if to back up his story, Larrikith simply nuzzled Ayyonth's shoulder once more and sat back on her haunches, please with her work.

R’nd sat silent and still as B’jin started his story. He picked up easily enough that it wasn’t about someone else but B’jin’s own story told in a format comfortable to the Harper. He grew a bit uneasy the more the story unfolded despite already knowing a very bare bones version but it was only when the real reason for the breakdown and terror in those beautiful but haunted brown eyes came to light that R’nd reacted.

“I should have hit S’kef harder and a lot more that night,” R’nd growled lowly, fist clenched in anger as it rested on his thigh. But the anger quickly vanished and his free hand unclenched. B’jin was terrified and upset, which mattered so much more than vengeance right then. Even still, as R’nd scooted closer, making sure to never loosen his hold on the hand clinging to his so desperately, he couldn’t help but apologise for the way the flight ended, as if he was the one to control the outcome and handpicked S’kef as the winner. “Ayyonth was so close. I didn’t want to chase and my hesitation affected Ayyonth and he lost a bit of his lead, losing our chance to win, even if we’re only blue.” The vision of S’kef and Jada uniting in pure bliss haunted R’nd, just as he had been powerless to pull them apart, but R’nd wasn’t about to add more than he already had to B’jin’s torment.

His mind shifted, going back over all of the details that were said and ones that had been overlooked in B’jin’s story. Very carefully he guided B’jin to lean in against him to offer some sort of comfort as well as a way to hide the tears that fell freely in case the older rider felt the need to be ashamed of that natural and understandable reaction.

R’nd himself was close to laughing. Certainly not at B’jin’s pain! In truth, it did relate to the memories he shared but it was the bluerider’s own preconceived notions that suddenly seemed hilarious. He was so young and foolish. They had stumbled upon a conversation once where he had stated how very glad he was that B’jin Impressed because it led to them being together. It had been meant as flirting, even as proof of his silly belief that everything happened for a reason but R’nd had felt B’jin shutting down when the brief explanation came that he hadn’t wanted the life of a dragonrider but to be a Master Harper. R’nd had accepted that, understood well thanks to being a Candidate in Katila with several Northerners that weren’t there willingly, that not everyone loved dragons or saw the life as a chance to start over because they didn’t like the life they were born into. So he had changed the direction of the conversation, leaving it at that.

Yet, he still held onto his original stance formed so long ago that B’jin was the perfect example of a dragonrider. It was something R’nd didn’t think he’d ever share and wasn’t sure why he was doing so now yet he spoke softly as he tried to explain that nothing in B’jin’s past that had just been shared would scare him off. “After the call to reunite, I saw you one day. Everything about you caught my eye. Your physique, your smile, your interaction with your dragon, your dedication to building a hut. Even the first time Larrikith took to the skies at Katila, I watched her fly so gracefully and was convinced you two were the perfect example of what a dragon and her rider should be. It encouraged me more than any of the time spent in isolation that I had chosen properly with coming South with the dragons and hoped I would be among those worthy enough to help them thrive once again.”

He paused, now wondering why he was sharing something that he didn’t think even Kerrin knew all the details of, something that possibly was out of place in such a moment. Suddenly remembering Talian was there with them, R’nd glanced at the Healer, and was tempted to use him as an excuse to fall silent again but he had started a tale of his own and every story needed an ending.

“I had heard rumours about the way you Impressed but it never changed my belief that you were a true dragonrider, perhaps it strengthened it since Larrikith was destined for you and wouldn’t give up, but it was only recently when you told me yourself that I realised things hadn’t gone so smoothly. Now… I fully understand. I understand a lot, actually.” He wasn’t going to call B’jin out on his hatred, or at least fear, of brownriders; there wasn’t a need. The pieces fell together neatly for R’nd as he thought back to the way his friend behaved around N’gelt and it was clear S’kef had done a number on him so long ago that it warped his perception of all men that had bonded to brown dragons. Then again, R’nd wasn’t overly fond of a lot of them either since they had a superiority complex and liked to pick on greens and blues.

“But the thing I most understand is that all of that shaped you into the man I’ve become friends with and care about.” R’nd returned to gazing down at their entwined fingers. He didn’t know what else do. There was a desire to draw B’jin tight against him in a hug and not let go until the man was done with the tears and knew he was safe but R’nd didn’t want to upset the hold B’jin had on Talian either. The Healer may not have liked him or trusted him, but R’nd knew the importance Talian held in B’jin’s eyes and he wasn’t about to do anything to disrupt their bond.

“You’re safe now, here with me, with us,” R’nd included Talian, not wanting to make the Healer feel like he wasn’t needed or wanted. “I won’t let any harm befall you, love.” He didn’t know what else to say but could feel there would be protests about the flight and the fear for his nightmares coming to life for the young gold weyrling so R’nd tried his best in soothing that as well. “As for Jada… I don’t like it either and I had to be dragged out of the room before I did something incredibly stupid. But, in the end, it’s a flight. Even if one of the weyrlings won, she’d still come out sore and bruised. We just have to hope that being a woman and a goldrider will temper some of his …enthusiasm.”

Outside, Ayyonth kept a close watch on R’nd and the emotions he was going through. It was impressive at how oblivious his rider truly was. He was drowning in one key emotion and had been in the process of confessing it without even realising what he was doing but was able to shove it aside and ignore that foreign sensation for a handful of other feelings. But it didn’t matter if R’nd knew or not since he was happy when with B’jin and focused on keeping a friend safe. Ayyonth loved that about R’nd and that fierce loyalty to those he let get close had been a strong factor in guiding him to the outwardly confident but inwardly nervous Candidate.

Now, though he seemed a bit confused, R’nd was doing well on his own and Ayyonth focused on the green that was intent on seeing to his injury. It’s not so bad. R’nd is a horrible Healer but he does well tending to me, which I know he’ll do after he takes care of B’jin and before he remembers his own injury. He only half-heartedly tried to discourage Larrikith from cleaning his wound as she worked until she finally sat back, looking very pleased with herself. Larrikith earned a nuzzle and a lick to her snout showing how much he appreciated her care all the same.

Talian felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

He withered slowly as B'jin told his story, each part falling into place with the healer's previous knowledge like so many puzzle pieces. It all made a lot of sense. In fact, much of it had crossed Talian's mind in the past, but never long enough for him to grasp or seriously entertain it. He didn't doubt his own intellect. He doubted his right to speculate, and his own capacity to keep his mouth shut if he actually managed to piece the story together.

Now, he knew. He knew, and practically every bit of it was familiar. His stomach churned and his throat tightened as he made the effortless, heartbreaking comparison between himself and his adopted father.

No wonder B'jin had started to care for him so much. They were the same thing. Did B'jin see Talian as a second chance? Or something to save from the same eventual fate? Was is sympathy? Empathy?

Inevitability?

Talian also felt the slightest sting of disappointment. B'jin really did know how all the wrongs he'd brought upon innocent northerners felt. Talian could still remember being infuriated with the greenrider when he insisted on how wonderful the Weyr was and how being searched was a good thing. Had that all been an act of denial? B'jin knew, he knew! He had no excuse to defend any part of it.

But at the same time, Talian had no desire to cause him any more pain. Therefore, in spite of the painful tug, he kept his mouth shut. Perhaps he would ask one day, not accusingly, but for the sake of closure. B'jin had done too much for him to persecute him now. The healer let his own grievances slide away unanswered and looked sadly back at his father figure, eyes wide and moist with regret, sadness, and understanding.

They both knew how it felt.  Every scrap of it.

Talian watched quietly as R'nd slid in to comfort the greenrider, something he wanted very badly to do, but didn't think was his place. As much as B'jin loved the man, their relationship was different. Talian shrank away, fragile and nervous. He tuned out R'nd's soothing words and focused on his own response. There was so much to say, so many things that needed to be pointed out. There were so many wrongs they'd both felt, so much pain they both shared...

When R'nd finally trailed off, Tal's eyes nervously slid over to B'jin once more. Unwilling and unable to speak, the little healer took a few nervous steps in and threw his arms around the greenrider in a reassuring hug. Words wouldn't do, would they? Talian never knew what to say in delicate situations like this.  He could remember all those times when  B'jin tired and failed to console him with words, but in the end there was only one thing that ever truly made him feel loved. And so Talian expressed love in the best way he knew how; he  hugged the man, trying his best not to cry in mourning and even a bit of self-pity.

"I love you," was all he managed, and barely.

---

WHOA what a bad tag. I am so sorry >>

B'jin's eyes flashed up, watching the anger flash through R'nd with trepidation. No longer afraid the bluerider would hurt him, but visibly worried he would get himself into trouble. The brownrider in question was not worth it, never worth it, and B'jin watched sadly as R'nd tried to justify his loss. The fact that there was nothing to justify was left unsaid, as B'jin shifted slightly to curl against his lover, wiping his eyes and nuzzling close even as he tried to pull himself together. His breathing was uneven and raspy, interrupted by hiccups.

"N-not your f-fault," B'jin stammered, curling closer but still retaining a gentle but firm grip on Talian's hand. He didn't want either of them feeling as if they didn't belong, and he certainly wouldn't accept either of them leaving. B'jin needed them, with a desperation that was almost frightening. He wasn't sure if it was just that moment, or in general, and chose not to analyse it for fear of what the answer would be.

The greenrider's tear stained cheeks coloured, the flush rising as warmth gradated through him. He wasn't quite sure what to make of the admittance, and like so many things, was afraid that by analysing it he would look too deeply into some obscure meaning that wasn't there. He'd never been aware of R'nd's apparent interest (if it were that) and he must have hidden it well because he'd never heard Nemall say anything about the younger man, either. And Nemall was nothing, if not jealous. B'jin gave a shiver and pressed closer to R'nd, wondering if he should warn the younger man to keep that particular tidbit to himself; if Nemall heard it, B'jin was sure he'd twist it around to blame everything on the young bluerider (and all blues in general).

Glancing up, though, B'jin could see the slight hesitation before R'nd continued, and realised it was something that was not said often - probably never previously said at all - and the chances of it leaving the room were slim. Talian was nothing if not an ear to between for information and B'jin had no plans to ever get R'nd into the kind of scrap he'd caused at the New Turnover party. Guilt for that boiled through his stomach and the greenrider leaned up, placing a gentle kiss on R'nd's jaw line, just below his ear.

There were words that couldn't be said, weren't allowed to be said, weren't a part of the deal, lingering somewhere in the back of his throat, making it tight as B'jin fought the impulse to use words that wouldn't be accepted to tell the bluerider how much he appreciated him, and all R'nd had done for him. Instead, B'jin just kissed R'nd gently on the neck and turned his gaze upon Talian when he heard the young man shuffle. When had their hands unclasped?

B'jin, curled securely against R'nd and with one arm looped lightly around his lover's waist, accepted Talian's flung hug with gentleness. His free arm wrapped around the boy he'd claimed as his own even as he pressed a light kiss to the top of the young Healer's head, shifting slightly so he could tug Talian into his lap without having the young man sprawl onto R'nd. "I know, Tal. I love you, too." B'jin shivered softly, breathing out a gentle sigh. It felt strange, to say that so close to R'nd... Was that normal? The greenrider knew he wasn't embarrassed about telling his kid he loved him, and so confusion lingered in the back of his mind, but, like so many other things, B'jin opted to ignore it. It was just another oddity at a time he didn't need it. Right now, he was warm and secure. With Talian curled up in his lap, B'jin lolled his head back against R'nd's shoulder and smiled softly up at the bluerider before closing his eyes and breathing a soft sigh; he was pretty sure he looked horrific, but he felt better! Relieved, lighter.

"Thank you," for coming, for asking, for listening, for hearing, for staying. So many things the greenrider was genuinely thankful for, and so incapable of saying it any other way. At least to the pair at once. Maybe he'd steal Talian away again for another picnic - where the kid could relax and enjoy the shapes in the cloud (all the while confused by the simple game). B'jin's eyes flickered open, staring up at R'nd placidly. A sudden idea of how he could show R'nd his appreciation forming carefully. His brown eyed gaze was both gentle and calculating, but held no hint that R'nd should worry about what was going on behind it.

B'jin's hand trailed gently over Talian's back in a soothing manner, lazy gaze shifting back to the boy.

Outside, Larrikith head butted Ayyonth's unharmed shoulder in frustration before sharing with the younger dragon what she'd just learned from B'jin, her voice flat and dry. Humans!

---

[sup]>_> I think I got most of that in order of sequence :|[/sup]

R’nd was at a loss at what to say; something he wished he was minutes earlier. What had possessed him to share that carefully guarded secret? It wasn’t like it had helped anything at all other than to show he could share something from his past that was kept hidden from everyone else. He felt like an idiot and naturally he had to make a fool of himself in front of B’jin. Talian having heard his confession and horrible way of handling B’jin’s truths wasn’t helping the bluerider any either. The Healer already hated him so this would be just one more reason to add to the list.

He likely would have continued with his self-loathing but R’nd caught the words ‘I love you’ and he snapped back to reality and the man that said them. R’nd almost laughed, and was extremely glad that he didn’t, when he realised the sentiment was said to Talian, B’jin’s adopted son and someone that certainly had earned and deserved such affection. It was also then when the bluerider realised he had turned inwards and started selfishly pitying himself for failing when B’jin needed comforting instead of continuing to focus on the man R’nd wanted to shelter from any such pain ever again.

He wondered how much of his fumbling he could blame on his mental state from losing the flight. He wasn’t always the cleverest so soon after stumbling away from the flight without giving in to the easy satisfaction that came with grabbing another loser.

“You never need to thank me for being here when you need me.” R’nd wasn’t oblivious to the fact that he had originally gone to B’jin’s hut to sulk and find comfort from a friend but once he had seen B’jin on the floor, he believed the action was done to lead him to the greenrider and help him. Whether he had actually helped or not was debatable but B’jin seemed calmer and a bit more relaxed regardless and R’nd was grateful for it as he brushed back lengthening locks and kissed the man’s temple.

His own relief was soon rattled when brown eyes looked up at him with that look he was beginning to recognise. B’jin was plotting something and R’nd was close to believing he would soon be out another shirt. He’d worry about that later – and be sure to take an inventory of his wardrobe soon – and simply smiled softly as he held B’jin close while trying not to disturb Talian.

Ayyonth chuckled at the images and Larrikith’s exasperation with their humans that were lucky to see past their own noses. In truth, he was still most amused by R’nd almost confessing his feelings but not even realising that he was and forgot as soon as he was distracted. One day! For now, the dragons would just continue enjoying their floundering.

He stole Larrikith’s move then and gave her a light headbutt to the shoulder and then pointed to her little room. Come lie down and relax, my dear Larrikith. All is well within and I will survive my wound you tended so nicely.

Tal knew what it felt like to be lifted from despair by the people you love. He couldn't count the times he'd found himself crying to  B'jin late at night, lamenting over his lost life and family. It hurt. It still hurt and always would. B'jin was the one who made it bearable, who reminded him that he still had a reason to get up in the morning. Talian had grown stronger, but he wouldn't have lasted long enough to grow if B'jin hadn't protected him all those nights. It felt so good to feel that protective touch.

Now, as the healer lay gently in his adoptive father's arms, he knew how good it felt to give back. He squeezed B'jin, silently assuring him that he would always be there. Tal had said this sort of thing time and time again, but B'jin never seemed to notice or comment.  Now, Talian knew for sure that he was heard. Funny that it came without him even having to speak.

Eventually, Talian peeled away. He could sense how anxious R'nd was to have B'jin to himself, but Tal wasn't going to give him that luxury just yet. "Dad," he said softly, reaching out with on supportive hand to pat the man's shoulder. "Would you like some klah, or anything?" Wait, that was a stimulant. Bad idea. "Or some milk? Something to help settle your nerves? I could also go back a-..."

He paused, then laughed at his own stupidity. It was a sweet, bright laugh. The kind of laugh he rarely produced even back in the best of days back home at Fort. Perhaps it was relief, perhaps it was the sheer overload of love he felt in that moment. Perhaps it was joy at being useful to the man who'd done so much for him. For some reason, though, he just couldn't restrain himself from having a good laugh at his own silliness.

"I guess I shouldn't be offering you drugs, huh Dad?" he asked, giggling. He dove in for another fast hug.

"But if I don't," B'jin murmured softly, almost thoughtfully as he tilted his head to better see R'nd without upsetting the delicate hold he had on Talian. "You might never know I appreciate it." He tossed R'nd a lazy wink, well aware that the bluerider had had different trails of thoughts before he'd entered the hut, and the younger man's ability to pull himself together after losing the flight and coddle to B'jin's tantrum wasn't dismissed by the greenrider. He was more than a little ashamed of himself for getting so worked up, and embarrassed by the state his friends had found him in. But his soul warmed at the way they'd risen to the challenge that was B'jin and come to him with comfort and affection. What more could he ask? What more could he want?

The greenrider's arms tightened momentarily around Talian as the young Healer pulled away from him, B'jin's gaze shifting from the lazy stare he'd been aiming contently at the ceiling to peer at Talian curiously, a small, crooked smile pulling up one corner of his lips at Talian's soft voice, and widening slightly at the corrective offering of drink. B'jin's eyes sparkled and he shifted against R'nd as Talian collapsed back against him for a hug, still giggling.

"I've made it this long without them," he teased, giving Talian a teasing poke to the boy's side and grunting when he got an automatic elbow in the stomach for his efforts. "And if you walk out that door," now his voice was full of sugar, but his eyes were bright and coy, "I'd advise you take a long time coming back..." B'jin's light grip on Talian remained, letting the young man know he had no intention of kicking him out, even if he was anxious himself to drag his pretty bluerider into the bedroom. In the mean time, however, B'jin decided that Talian had a particularly delightful laugh, one that he definitely needed to hear more of. Right now.

"You should laugh more," he said placidly, shifting against R'nd slightly as he spoke, giving the bluerider a lick on the cheek with a quiet little cackle, the same moment he used to topple Talian out of his lap. With a wicked little snort, B'jiin scrambled away from R'nd and after his son on hands and knees, attacking Talian with tickling fingers down his sides and thankful most of the sharply broken things were on the other side of the house. B'jin tossed R'nd a mischievous smirk as he carefully did his best to keep Talian incapacitated so as to avoid a return attack.

Larrikith nuzzled Ayyonth's eye ridge before nudging him to lead the way, pressing against the blue affectionately as she got herself wrapped up in the content emotions the three men inside the house were giving off in waves. Talian and R'nd might not be the most compatible combination, but she was very proud of them and they way they came together to help her silly human.

I  love you, she whispered gently to all three of them, a gentle brush decorated in affection. Then she left them to their game, focusing on Ayyonth. I hear you've taken a liking to hides that glitter, Larrikith's voice was sweet as pie, and dancing with mischief. You'll like my new oil. she'd been bugging B'jin on a near daily basis to make her some of the glitter-filled oil that Grith had been wearing at the New Year gather, and had finally managed to get him to comply - he had put up a fight, insisting the shards of whatever it was that made the oil sparkle wouldn't be good for her hide. She didn't care; it was a hell of a lot better than paint and she wanted to sparkle!

Talian listened to B'jin's coy little response and puzzled over it for a moment. Initially, he overthought the quip and missed the implications, resulting in a blank stare. Then, as he looked between B'jin and R'nd, the truth suddenly dawned on him. The healer's face immediately boiled to a hot shade of red.

"Oh! Well," Talian said, inhaling sharply as he tried to compose himself without either crying or dying. Tal wasn't intimidated by sex like he once had been, but an implication like that was still a red flag. No blood relation or not, B'jin was his dad! And R'nd was...a dragonrider. That was not something Tal wanted to think about.

As Talian looked back at them, eyes wide with embarrassment. Was that B'jin's hint that he leave, or just a joke?! Tal swallowed and tried to prepare a response. "Well, that still doesn't tell me if I should leave or n-!" He grunted roughly as B'jin suddenly pitched him to the floor. Tal twisted around and squeaked, confused by the sudden mood shift. Why be surprised, though? This was B'jin, the Lord of Mood Swings.

Before Talian could do anything at all, least of all figure out what exactly was going on, he felt unexpected contact. The healer's heart skipped a beat as he felt fingers closing in on him, uninvited and unwanted. He squealed again, this time with much greater urgency, and started pawing wildly at the floor in a sudden attempt at escape. He flailed, he wriggled, his heart pounded, and..he laughed?

He forcibly wrenched himself away and flopped onto his back, facing his attacker with wide eyes. It wasn't the greenrider he'd imagined, but instead it was the one he should have inspected. Talian shuddered once and heaved a deep sigh of relief, his face heating up even more as he realized he'd just made a scene over nothing. B'jin would never hurt him! You stupid idiot!

That didn't fix the fact that he was being tickled. With a burst of nervous laughter, he retaliated. He dug his bony little fingers into B'jin's side and did his best to fend the greenrider off using his own weapon. "B'jin! No!" the healer squeaked. "I can't take it! No no no!" He laughed, and after a few more seconds, he cried. The tears were spawned by a variety of emotions, but at least for once, they weren't all negative.