16.Oct.18, 09:20 PM
He was already halfway to sleep as R’dal talked, humming vaguely at the comment about pictures in the stars. F’drel vaguely wondered what sort of bizarre shapes the bluerider saw in them before R’dal’s next statement brought him back to being awake. Fuck, why did R’dal have to bring D’hys up, F’drel just wanted to sleep and not think about blueriders.
Not that F’drel spent much time when he was properly awake thinking about D’hys either, but he was particularly adverse to it at the moment. He didn’t have any idea what to say to R’dal, either. There was a desire to defend his choices but also make clear that he didn’t actually like D’hys much, if at all. The whole situation with D’hys was very ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t,’ and F’drel knew he was walking a very, very fine line. It had been working out alright for him so far, he supposed, and the new rules sounded like they had definite benefits for him, but it was about getting something without giving up too much, not — what, enjoyment? That was why most people had sex, right? Faranth, his life was fucked up. And he still hadn’t said anything to R’dal, and he felt like he had to say something, or it would be weird. Er, weirder than it already was. But he had no idea how to explain any of it without saying too much. His brain was too out of it to figure this out and it would probably be better if he just pretended to be asleep. But part of him, the part that he usually smothered when he was more put together, felt R’dal deserved an answer.
“Don’t be. He’s an awful pillow,” F’drel ultimately said. Which was true, though part of that was due to D’hys not generally allowing himself to be used as a pillow. Not that F’drel cared — snuggling with D’hys sounded too much like snuggling with a tunnel snake — but he’d gotten used to how clingy R’dal was that it stood out more than usual. And to his great surprise, F’drel actually kind of liked how cuddly R’dal could be, though his use of the bluerider as a pillow right then was the first time he’d properly initiated any cuddling himself. He may regret this later, come to think of it, but F’drel didn’t really care at the moment. He was comfortable, R’dal was warm and soft, and he wasn’t watching and waiting for F’drel to slip up and reveal something that could be used against him. “You’re still my favorite bluerider,” F’drel admitted drowsily, not really processing the words as he started slipping into sleep again.
Not that F’drel spent much time when he was properly awake thinking about D’hys either, but he was particularly adverse to it at the moment. He didn’t have any idea what to say to R’dal, either. There was a desire to defend his choices but also make clear that he didn’t actually like D’hys much, if at all. The whole situation with D’hys was very ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t,’ and F’drel knew he was walking a very, very fine line. It had been working out alright for him so far, he supposed, and the new rules sounded like they had definite benefits for him, but it was about getting something without giving up too much, not — what, enjoyment? That was why most people had sex, right? Faranth, his life was fucked up. And he still hadn’t said anything to R’dal, and he felt like he had to say something, or it would be weird. Er, weirder than it already was. But he had no idea how to explain any of it without saying too much. His brain was too out of it to figure this out and it would probably be better if he just pretended to be asleep. But part of him, the part that he usually smothered when he was more put together, felt R’dal deserved an answer.
“Don’t be. He’s an awful pillow,” F’drel ultimately said. Which was true, though part of that was due to D’hys not generally allowing himself to be used as a pillow. Not that F’drel cared — snuggling with D’hys sounded too much like snuggling with a tunnel snake — but he’d gotten used to how clingy R’dal was that it stood out more than usual. And to his great surprise, F’drel actually kind of liked how cuddly R’dal could be, though his use of the bluerider as a pillow right then was the first time he’d properly initiated any cuddling himself. He may regret this later, come to think of it, but F’drel didn’t really care at the moment. He was comfortable, R’dal was warm and soft, and he wasn’t watching and waiting for F’drel to slip up and reveal something that could be used against him. “You’re still my favorite bluerider,” F’drel admitted drowsily, not really processing the words as he started slipping into sleep again.