21.Mar.18, 12:31 AM
Indivara slowly uncurled at V’ler’s casual question, her expression morphing from fear to confusion and then into irritation. He apparently was neither angry nor kicking her out, which was a relief. However, that allowed Indivara to feel a whole other scale of emotions as she watched V’ler continue to stuff his face as he talked. Indivara, who hadn’t been able to do more than pick at her food all morning, was absolutely livid at his apparent complete lack of concern about anything – what they’d done, what she’d said, what he had apparently felt (or not felt!) and he was still eating?! Scowling, Indivara untucked her legs and kicked V’ler as hard as she could in the shin.
“Would you stop?!” She demanded, waving a hand at the food, her voice slightly higher than normal with the touch of a hysterical air. She wasn’t coping with her own thoughts or emotions and his Val-ness wasn’t helping. Why did he have to be so fucking stoic all the time?! Did he even know how to emote?! Which wasn’t fair, because she remembered his expressions when they were in C’dhin’s bed and she’d seen him emotional before. But that only made her angrier because why wasn’t he showing any fucking emotions now?!
She couldn’t read him, and that fed her worries once more; was he saying the things he was because he actually meant them, or was he picking his battle and letting her win this one? She didn’t want to win because that meant someone was losing and ad much as Indivara loved winning she knew enough about herself and life to know that wasn’t the type of relationship she wanted to invest in. If it was, she would have hooked up with some simpering greenrider, not found herself absolutely infatuated with one of the very few people she considered not only a friend but her equal in wit and snark and attitude. He made life fun and she loved their games as much as their easy companionable silences.
“What do you want?!” She finally demanded, almost begging as she stared up at him, but the fierce expression on her face and the fire in her eyes dared him to be coy or mock her. She wouldn’t let him dodge and she wanted flat facts, no interpretable words that wouldn’t keep things on the same page for them both. She could live with whatever he wanted, so long as he didn’t try to cop out by giving her what she wanted, if he didn’t want it too. She’d rather pine for him, than have him when he didn’t care for her like she wanted. Needed?
“Would you stop?!” She demanded, waving a hand at the food, her voice slightly higher than normal with the touch of a hysterical air. She wasn’t coping with her own thoughts or emotions and his Val-ness wasn’t helping. Why did he have to be so fucking stoic all the time?! Did he even know how to emote?! Which wasn’t fair, because she remembered his expressions when they were in C’dhin’s bed and she’d seen him emotional before. But that only made her angrier because why wasn’t he showing any fucking emotions now?!
She couldn’t read him, and that fed her worries once more; was he saying the things he was because he actually meant them, or was he picking his battle and letting her win this one? She didn’t want to win because that meant someone was losing and ad much as Indivara loved winning she knew enough about herself and life to know that wasn’t the type of relationship she wanted to invest in. If it was, she would have hooked up with some simpering greenrider, not found herself absolutely infatuated with one of the very few people she considered not only a friend but her equal in wit and snark and attitude. He made life fun and she loved their games as much as their easy companionable silences.
“What do you want?!” She finally demanded, almost begging as she stared up at him, but the fierce expression on her face and the fire in her eyes dared him to be coy or mock her. She wouldn’t let him dodge and she wanted flat facts, no interpretable words that wouldn’t keep things on the same page for them both. She could live with whatever he wanted, so long as he didn’t try to cop out by giving her what she wanted, if he didn’t want it too. She’d rather pine for him, than have him when he didn’t care for her like she wanted. Needed?