Hello loves! While I haven't been writing, I have been working on updating some issues that have been hanging around on the layout! The Character change box is now at the bottom of the page, beside the up/down arrows! Green and Gold dragon flight dates have been shifted to the bottom of the page, where the (useless!) discord widget was located. Where the dragon flights were in the header, is now replaced by a Monthly Event box! This will be updated at the start of each month, with a fun mini-event you can take part in, if you want to! Thistle!
26.Apr.21, 11:12 AM
ooc: T'ryn decided at some point over the last five years (when the last note was written here) that he doesn't like keeping written record of his thoughts since he has a lot of nosy siblings and friends that would somehow find the entries and possibly tease him. So he's taken to writing down his thoughts and worries and then either immediately or a few days later burn the page. He mostly writes now in the hopes that doing so will make the thoughts go away or at least stop eating at him so much. It has yet to work.
742.04.15
I know everyone teases about how I worry too much or plan too far ahead and live in my head too much but I might be starting to believe it now. Heck, I even believe the ones that say I have turned my guilt into a kink.
I worry that I'm hovering too much to make sure Zanny is safe. The killer has clearly targeted her... maybe me but the pattern seems to be more goldriders than bronzeriders.
I've been so useless. She's only been safe because I ate the muffin and we were lucky the second time with the flower. I can't get that image of Par'a dying out of my head and how useless I was there as well. Maybe she would still be alive if I was a healer or maybe if I had sniffed the flower instead or had even noticed the damned thing and removed it because of how suspicious it was. I feel like her death is my fault and everyone that ever loved or even knew Par'a in passing knows it and blames me as well. It's my fault we lost such a wonderful and caring woman.
I also can't stop thinking about how I normally would have made Cazan eat the muffin because she never remembers to eat when she's lost in a project. But the pregnancy has been rough on her and eating even rougher. So I didn't push. But I could have and she would have eaten it to humour me. She could be the one with the headaches, exhaustion, shortness of breath, and tremors. Or worse.
And now I worry she's going to start to hate me because I don't want her out of my sight. Malvayth says I'm being silly and I guess she would know best. But I'll just have to risk Zanny's ire until the killer is caught and everyone is safe once more.
I guess I could learn to live with her hating me if it meant she was still alive.
742.04.24
N'mall and D'ser were behind all of this? Are brownriders still that angry over losing some of their ranks and privileges? I can't believe they would turn to murder... it just doesn't make sense. How does that prove brownriders are to be trusted and are responsible?
I heard some people say they were removing those that would strongly oppose their move for more power and that some of the goldriders were in on it as well. It's true some goldriders weren't targeted or some were and either avoided it because of their mates or had lighter symptoms than others but it just doesn't sit right with me.
I know I should be relieved that the murderers are no more and everyone is safe once more but from what I heard of the note left behind, it doesn't sound like they were the only ones. I wonder who has the letter now and if I can look at it. I need to know the exact wording so I can maybe rest easier and know for certain that Zanny is safe.
Why can't I be normal and just accept things for what they are? Why do I need to doubt and question and over-analyse everything?
742.04.15
I know everyone teases about how I worry too much or plan too far ahead and live in my head too much but I might be starting to believe it now. Heck, I even believe the ones that say I have turned my guilt into a kink.
I worry that I'm hovering too much to make sure Zanny is safe. The killer has clearly targeted her... maybe me but the pattern seems to be more goldriders than bronzeriders.
I've been so useless. She's only been safe because I ate the muffin and we were lucky the second time with the flower. I can't get that image of Par'a dying out of my head and how useless I was there as well. Maybe she would still be alive if I was a healer or maybe if I had sniffed the flower instead or had even noticed the damned thing and removed it because of how suspicious it was. I feel like her death is my fault and everyone that ever loved or even knew Par'a in passing knows it and blames me as well. It's my fault we lost such a wonderful and caring woman.
I also can't stop thinking about how I normally would have made Cazan eat the muffin because she never remembers to eat when she's lost in a project. But the pregnancy has been rough on her and eating even rougher. So I didn't push. But I could have and she would have eaten it to humour me. She could be the one with the headaches, exhaustion, shortness of breath, and tremors. Or worse.
And now I worry she's going to start to hate me because I don't want her out of my sight. Malvayth says I'm being silly and I guess she would know best. But I'll just have to risk Zanny's ire until the killer is caught and everyone is safe once more.
I guess I could learn to live with her hating me if it meant she was still alive.
742.04.24
N'mall and D'ser were behind all of this? Are brownriders still that angry over losing some of their ranks and privileges? I can't believe they would turn to murder... it just doesn't make sense. How does that prove brownriders are to be trusted and are responsible?
I heard some people say they were removing those that would strongly oppose their move for more power and that some of the goldriders were in on it as well. It's true some goldriders weren't targeted or some were and either avoided it because of their mates or had lighter symptoms than others but it just doesn't sit right with me.
I know I should be relieved that the murderers are no more and everyone is safe once more but from what I heard of the note left behind, it doesn't sound like they were the only ones. I wonder who has the letter now and if I can look at it. I need to know the exact wording so I can maybe rest easier and know for certain that Zanny is safe.
Why can't I be normal and just accept things for what they are? Why do I need to doubt and question and over-analyse everything?
