Confessions of a Confused Heart [B'jin]

“Valerian really wrote this?” R’nd questioned as he finished reading the poem he had found in the pile of unmarked quizzes. At first he thought it had been the greenrider’s work but B’jin was quick to point out who the true author was and they settled in on the couch to enjoy a glass of wine together while R’nd read it over. It was odd that the blue weyrling would leave his precious work unguarded and in someone else’s care but R’nd supposed Valerian had enough trust in B’jin and likely knew a nosy bluerider would end up reading it and another poem left with it as well. Given how lovey-dovey the one piece was, R’nd had a sneaking suspicion that having them both read it was the entire point in leaving the poems behind instead of inviting B’jin to his hut or taking the papers back with him. It was also odd to envision that kid as being a romantic soul but whether he put his inked words to practice was something R’nd couldn’t actually verify himself and was quite content in keeping that record. “You should convince him to make his work public. He’s good.”

He set the papers aside and shifted a bit to accommodate the cuddly greenrider at his side to lightly hold him close. It was strange how much he enjoyed these quiet moments that normally happened in bed before or after far more passionate activities but lately spread out into the living room or even on the Sands during a Hatching. R’nd didn’t mind public displays of affection and even with their initial painting encounter, the bluerider had been careful to keep it to a minimum but B’jin didn’t seem to mind hand-holding and cuddling at various times. Still, intimacy hadn’t been one of the things R’nd had been known for. Sure, he could make his lover feel like the only person in the world with the attention he showered upon them for the night, sevenday, or even month they managed to keep him for but R’nd had always been careful not to get too attached. Getting attached meant he could be hurt far more easily when they left him first. He didn’t like people hating him and he didn’t like being alone so sleeping around and being easy to approach for anything had been the ideal game plan.

And then B’jin finally factored into his life.

When he thought about numbers, R’nd realised he had held a crush on the greenrider for nearly half of his life which was downright scary and would have been deemed as impossible by everyone who knew him and his flighty ways. Just like they wouldn’t believe it unless they saw it that they had been together-yet-not for over a turn. Yet, it happened and as much as he ignored deeper feelings, he couldn’t deny the crush was still there and stronger than ever. It was amazing how B’jin worked his way so easily through all of the carefully placed defences and left R’nd slowly opening up about his past he never thought anyone would actually care to know about or his silly little hopes for the future like becoming a Searchrider – though that topic was always a touchy one with his friends that were Searchers given the methods needed for Katila. 

One other thing B’jin had managed to do without even trying or likely knowing he had succeeded was gain so much of R’nd’s attention and trust that the bluerider had slowly stopped seeing other people to the point where the only bed he hopped into was B’jin’s – until one specific night with I’shan changed that. R’nd didn’t begrudge B’jin for weaving such magic on him and while there had been times where his old ways sparked to life and he itched to see what he was missing by not ‘mingling’ with everyone like he used to, he had managed to ignore them and find himself enjoying the greenrider’s company more and more.

But I’shan…

I’shan was a close friend of R’nd’s and was even something akin to a mentor after Impressing Ayyonth. They had a lot of wild adventures together but even with the countless times they flirted with each other, I’shan never took it seriously and nothing came of it – until that night they made up after drifting apart because of N’gelt. The sexual tension was still there and I’shan had finally felt it and it couldn’t be ignored. After that, they met up for more secret encounters though R’nd suffered quite a bit of guilt from it. He had even made out with Erisi and been close to going too far for his guilt to handle before Valerian showed up. That was likely why the bratty weyrling had left such a romantic poem for them to find. A reminder of what R’nd was throwing away if he wasn’t careful. Like he needed Valerian’s fancy written words and silent glances to tell him that!

The guilt reached a climax when he heard about the lashing I’shan received because of their kitchen sex. He was drowning in guilt the night he found out but fear had kept him from saying anything to his sweet greenrider that deserved so much better. R’nd had told him that after the mess with accidentally Impressing Rell. He wasn’t good enough for B’jin and wasn’t what he was believed to be and would never live up to expectations yet they had still made up and it had been wonderful. Beyond wonderful. The guilt and self-doubt had vanished easily that night and it had been properly ignored for quite some time until right then after reading a sappy poem and cuddling with the man R’nd was afraid of hurting and losing.

B’jin truly did deserve better but he deserved the reason as well.

R’nd finished off his glass of wine and set it down so he could wrap both arms around B’jin and kiss the crown of his head. He really couldn’t get beyond how much he loved this and how… right they seemed to fit together both in the physical sense but in every way like how the silence around them was comfortable and they were usually on the same page. Maybe he didn’t need to tell B’jin anything. They had been living perfectly well with all of his secrets hidden away, right? They could stay right where they were and never bother B’jin in the least. Even before Ayyonth stirred to correct that way of thinking, R’nd saw the holes in that logic. His friend would be hurt even more if he heard it from someone else and it was only fair to confess.

After more wine.

He knew B’jin had only planned for a short visit since he had been on his way to Valerian’s to return the poems and get the Harper to mark the quizzes, but a little more wine would be okay, right? B’jin seemed eager for reasons to get away from the Barracks for a while though he’d likely change his mind after he heard what R’nd wanted to say. “I’ll refill our glasses,” he spoke softly and detangled himself from B’jin. The glasses were grabbed and R’nd meandered over to his kitchen where the bottle had been left. He was glad he did so instead of bringing it to the living room with him like he normally would. It offered him a chance to try to shake the sudden antsy feeling he had and to remove himself from the comfortable hold. He didn’t want to drop his bad news while they were cuddling. That would likely only make it extra awkward.

A moment later a glass was being offered back to B’jin but R’nd stayed on his feet and paced around his hut. He had several pieces of B’jin’s art hanging around the main room with the original painting of Larrikith and kids crawling on her hanging in a prominent area. That had been an amazing day even if it was the reason D’ren ordered B’jin’s lashing. He smiled sadly at the art, convinced he wouldn’t have such a moment again before turning to face B’jin with a deep breath. “I have a confession. Two, actually, I think.”

Written while dosed with NyQuil. Hope it makes some sort of sense!

“Mmhm,” B’jin murmured, curled up cosily against R’nd and watching the liquid swirl in his wine glass as he twisted the stem. He wasn’t really paying all that much attention to much of anything, simply enjoying the casual companionship with his lover and a quiet moment to himself. He had forgotten how much of a handful weyrlinghood was, never mind being responsible for eleven of them. On top of that, B’jin was pretty sure most of his class had forgotten everything he taught them in candidacy in preparation for sharing their brain with a dragonet. It was a massive headache and it was making his brain bleed. Moments like this, where he could slump against his lover comfortably and forget about them for a few breaths were treasured. Larrikith was on watcher duty, curled up comfortably close to the Weyrling Barracks and ready to assist in any way needed. “I’m trying,” B’jin hummed softly, “he promised me a song for his graduation.” He’d be damned if that wasn’t around the corner. Another six months, and they’d be fully fledged and S’kef (or someone, at any rate) would be working them into the wings.

B’jin hummed happily as R’nd adjusted to hold him close, the greenrider finishing his glass of wine and curling against the bluerider contentedly. B’jin had always been an affectionate person, and while he was cautious during his years of Journeying not to let anyone get attached to him, he’d always been relaxed about hugs. When he’d settled into his relationship with N’mall, it had become more apparent, the greenrider often seen with arms linked of hands held. The man had only been publically affectionate, for the majority of their relationship, and as a result B’jin’s modesty was completely at peace with public displays, so long as they didn’t go past hand holding or chaste kisses. It hadn’t really taken the greenrider by surprise when he’d realised R’nd wasn’t really into such things as hugging or kissing or holding hands unless it lead to the bedroom, or directly followed it.

But the gentle bluerider was sweet, and B’jin enjoyed his company, and it was with a deep but subtle pride B’jin claimed moments like lazy couch cuddling with wine and one another’s company without the air of promised sex hanging over them. He knew the bluerider didn’t give them away easily, and considered it a great treat that he would bestow such moments on B’jin. The greenrider didn’t think that it might be an indicator of R’nd’s hidden and deeper feelings for him; rather he felt the bluerider enjoyed the easy companionship as much as he did, simply because it was an enjoyable way to spend time together. It didn’t occur to B’jin that the lazy company they shared was fuel for the gossip fire, though had he known, he likely would laugh it off. Talian was just as clingy with cuddles and leaning against him as he was with R’nd, and no one thought they slept together! (If they did, B’jin did not want to know about it!)

B’jin curled quietly against R’nd, more asleep than awake in the beautiful quiet that was a lack of weyrlings, dragonets, firelizards, children and obnoxious opinion givers. B’jin was almost positive by the time his group came around to graduation he would have forgotten what silence was, were it not for moments like the one he was blissfully wrapped up in where he could just forget. Oblivious as ever, B’jin hummed a soft question as R’nd struggled out of the embrace and strode into the kitchen, the greenrider blinking blearily. He’d probably had too much wine already, if he were more asleep than awake in that short space of time! That, coupled with the lack of sleep he generally got as dragonets and distressed weyrlings were at him every moment of day and night. B’jin scrubbed his face as R’nd returned.

He took the wine glass quietly when it was offered, the sleepiness falling away as he took in the anxious pacing of R’nd, a frown furrowing his eyebrows while brown eyes studied the younger man carefully. Lips parted as he was about to ask if R’nd was okay, when the bluerider beat him to the punch and B’jin blinked. His frown deepened as he gazed up at R’nd, lips pursing thoughtfully as he considered the bluerider before him carefully. Whatever was on his mind was obviously (now he was aware of it) causing R’nd some distress, and after a moment, B’jin nodded slowly. “Okay,” the word was spoken as slowly as the nod that had preceded it, but B’jin’s expression remained cautiously concerned.

B’jin was going to hate him. R’nd knew that without a doubt and while he also knew he wasn’t good enough for the greenrider, the fear of watching B’jin run out the door and never look back terrified his tongue into remaining still. They had been apart for six days and seven hours before over a firelizard and that had been torture. Could he really exist without B’jin in his life again? The man was fun, funny, and soothing. They had things in common yet so much they didn’t as well but they made it work and everything blended together nicely. R’nd was going to ruin it all with his confessions but he also knew he had ruined it all by simply doing what he had to begin with. As much as his guilt was punishing him, R’nd knew he needed proper punishment that would only come in the form of B’jin yelling at him and storming out of his life.

“You’re,” going to hate me, R’nd finished the sentence in his mind, too afraid to give the greenrider any ideas on how to react to the news. Maybe there was a chance it would all work out! R’nd had to hold onto that belief though he couldn’t quite explain to himself why it was so important to keep this friend beyond his usual need to have everyone happy and smiling at him. As R’nd took a long drink from his glass that ended up downing half the contents, he realised he was stalling again and it was about time he just spilled already. Waiting was only making it hurt more and would make everything worse. “Do you remember how shocked and upset I was that Shel had been lashed for the kitchen fire? I… I was the other person with him that he was protecting by not naming me.” R’nd’s voice lowered with the confession as he stared down at the floor; too ashamed to look B’jin in the eye.

“We weren’t looking for snacks either. We… he invited me to meet him there to talk about how he was going to try harder with N’gelt but we ended up having sex on the table and when someone tried to come in, we fled but I’shan knocked over the candle.” His fear was kicking in and R’nd started speaking faster, babbling the details as he went. A frantic gaze finally lifted to B’jin as R’nd continued his confessions, knowing if he stopped then he wouldn’t finish and while B’jin had probably heard enough, he needed to know everything before damning the bluerider forever.

“That wasn’t the first time I’ve slept with Shel. In the last few months we’ve met up in secret behind N’gelt’s back and behind yours. I’ve wanted to sleep with him since I started to spend time with him in my weyrling days but he was never interested so when he confessed to having it now, I was weak and took it. I’m so sorry, B’jin. I didn’t mean to cheat on you, not even once but I went and did so multiple times with Shel. I’m sorry I’ve slept with someone else, B’jin, I really am. I don’t deserve your pity or forgiveness though. I understand.” And he did understand. When he was with someone regardless of the short time, R’nd dedicated himself to that person. He had the casual lovers that were rotated through but when he was in the mood to pamper and focus on one person, that’s exactly what he did. He didn’t look at anyone else outside of flight lust, yet there he was confessing to sleeping with his best friend behind B’jin’s back. The entire weyr thought they were mated as well which only made his crime all the more heinous.

How strange; his hands were shaking. R’nd stared at them in disbelief for a moment before slowly setting the glass down as he didn’t fancy the idea of wearing the wine. He didn’t know what else to say, having confessed to his crimes but finding it hard to defend himself further than he had. All he had left to do was wait for the hatred to flow and to lose B’jin.

Whatever was upsetting R’nd, was doing a really good job of distressing the bluerider, and for his part, that only made B’jin more anxious. What could possibly have upset the man that much? Had something happened to Ayyonth that he hadn’t picked up on? B’jin’s eyes widened slightly at the thought of that, for what kind of Weyrlingmaster would he make, if he couldn’t even pick up on something being wrong with his lover’s dragon? The little ones would be much more insistent on ‘not bothering’ anyone, too. Larrikith’s gentle brush reassured her rider that nothing was wrong with Ayyonth, and B’jin’s anxious mind automatically leapt to Rell. He hadn’t seen the little blue thing in a while! What if he was dead or had been hurt or –

B’jin’s brown eyes snapped to R’nd as his lover guzzled half the glass of wine, B’jin’s still untouched where he held it lightly between his fingers. B’jin’s expression altered, a frown reclaiming his features as he nodded slightly; he remembered R’nd being upset about that. It hadn’t surprised B’jin overly much, as he knew the bluerider was very insistent on helping his friends and always being there for them. The announcement that R’nd had been assisting with the trouble causing, however, caused B’jin’s lips to twitch marginally. Of course R’nd had been part of that adventure. Who else would I’shan drag on in, and then refuse to tattle on? B’jin shook his head slightly, more than prepared to tell R’nd that if he felt bad about I’shan taking all the blame (which was I’shan’s fault, at any rate. What good does coming forward after he’s been punished for both do?) he should be talking to I’shan, not him. Was this a test run?

More information followed, and the snort of laughter was unintentional; B’jin pursed his lips against the desire to offer up a more realistic laugh. Only I’shan would turn an act designed to stop sleeping around into an excuse to sleep around. Brown eyes sparkled with amusement for a moment, before B’jin realised just how distressed R’nd still was. Eyelashes fluttered as he blinked, confusion washing over him, followed by worry. Why was R’nd still upset? Had he been hurt? B’jin’s frown deepened. He couldn’t recall any injuries on the bluerider’s body in recent times; no burn marks or bruises or… Oh. B’jin blinked, his face contorting to an expression of obvious confusion as he shook his head, trying to dispel the emotion but failing miserably.

Following R’nd’s move, B’jin set his own wineglass down, brushing his hand over his face and back through his hair. His posture a combination of confusion and deep thought, B’jin studied the floor for a few moments. After a few breaths, he leaned back, resting against the back of the couch and peering up at R’nd placidly. “I never imagined I had you to myself, R’nd,” he said, voice gentle, as lips curved into a small smile. “I knew what you were like when we first got involved, and – ” B’jin paused, gaze dropping as he eyed his glass of wine for a moment, tempted to toss the contents back. In the end, he decided against it, before lifting his gaze to meet R’nd’s solidly. “It’s a part of what makes you who you are, and I love you. Besides,” he added, attempting to drown the bomb, “Shel can be far too convincing.” While I’shan hadn’t managed more than stolen kisses, B’jin wasn’t unaware that the man could probably talk anyone he seriously wanted out of their clothes. Hussy bluerider! Add in years of R’nd wanting him and finally getting an opening? B’jin would have been shocked if he’d missed it. The greenriders amused smile said as much.

Was B’jin laughing? That wasn’t a reaction R’nd had planned on. In fact, all of his scenarios revolved around yelling, crying, and a silent empty room. This wasn’t at all what he expected. Did B’jin even believe him? It was hard to say though he supposed the situation in which he was almost caught up in with I’shan in the kitchen would have made for an interesting tale and something he may have even bragged about if circumstances were different. He tried to smile, starting to see the humour B’jin clearly saw but also because his lover was possibly still his lover with the way he didn’t even leave his seat but then the counter-confessions came and R’nd tilted his head quizzically at B’jin. “You’ve had me all to yourself for quite some time, B’jin.” R’nd wasn’t ashamed of his reputation and never hid how he bed-hopped so it wasn’t surprising to be called out on it nor did it bother him. It was surprising, however, that B’jin always assumed he was sharing his lover with other people and it didn’t bother him.

If what they had was a bit more casual than B’jin would have been correct in that belief, and in fact he had been early on in their time together as well. But something had changed and R’nd couldn’t explain what it was. He just liked being with the greenrider far more than he liked being with most everyone else he associated with and didn’t see the need to fill free time with them in sexual manners. Was that really so odd? When it came to a playboy like him, R’nd guessed it was.

Wait.

“Wha? You… wha?” R’nd’s attention was fully back on B’jin and what he had just said. It was done so casually that R’nd didn’t think he heard correctly, especially with the way B’jin didn’t flinch at or retract his words. Still, B’jin may not have heard it but R’nd had and oh, he needed to sit down. The room was starting to spin and R’nd realised he hadn’t been breathing properly, if at all, during his confession and now B’jin’s casually tossed out confession of his own was only making things worse. He stumbled back to the couch as it was closer than the chair and sagged down against the cushions and stared in bewilderment at the greenrider. There was a desire to flee the room, the hut, but that required more strength than R’nd currently had since staring and gawking seemed the only things he could do right then.

What did one say to such words? No, that wasn’t fair. R’nd knew what he used to say to love confessions being tossed at him and while he was pretty good at gently breaking hearts, it was scary how much he really didn’t want to do that now. Despite that desire to keep B’jin’s precious heart intact, R’nd found his natural defence of shutting out things he didn’t want to think about kicking in and his flirtatious nature taking over. He grinned at B’jin, trying his best to be rid of the confusion and shock in his eyes as he did so. “Shel may have been convincing but you’re still extremely tempting and convincing in your own ways that I can’t get enough of.” After such a talk, physical confirmation of their mutual understanding of each other seemed appropriate but R’nd didn’t want to throw himself at the greenrider either and make it all about sex.

Instead, he placed one still trembling hand over one of B’jin’s and let the simple touch say what he couldn’t – or possibly wouldn’t – say. Little words could leave such large impacts. “I’m sorry I made you worry over such things. I was so afraid I would upset you.” He brushed a strand of B’jin’s hair from his face, still impressed by how quickly it had grown in their time together. It was so soft as well! It put R’nd’s own mane to shame. “I was the reason you were lashed, the reason I’shan was given an insane amount for his lashing, and then potentially ruined our relationship. You really are too good for the likes of me.” For all of his ego and vanity, R’nd still didn’t think he was worthy of such a man like B’jin.

B’jin shifted uncomfortably, grimacing slightly when R’nd leapt on the words he’d been trying to over shadow with others; he had been perfectly aware of what he was saying, but he had hoped the leap to talking about Shel would cause his lover to miss them. He should have known R’nd would pick up on them, but he had also been partially convinced that the younger man would let them lie and pretend he hadn’t heard them; he should have known better than that. The greenrider watched anxiously as R’nd wobbled on the spot, his face an outstanding display of emotions that B’jin wasn’t sure analysing would be a good idea.

He tracked R’nd’s stumble to the couch anxiously, terrified the bluerider would faint. If he cracked his head on the corner of the table-! B’jin shifted worriedly, relaxing only slightly when R’nd finally collapsed on the couch. That was the longest twenty seconds of B’jin’s life, and the greenrider was still trying to figure out how he’d tell Talian why the bluerider had massive bruising on his face from his hypothetical fall when he became aware R’nd was gawking at him. The greenrider flushed, dropping his eyes in a manner both shy and awkward, an air about him clearly waiting for R’nd to tell him to get out of the hut, and desperately hoping he wouldn't.

His gaze lifted, and B’jin gave R’nd a small smile as the bluerider spoke, eyes dropping to the trembling hand placed on his own. B’jin’s hand twitched, the temptation to turn it over and twin fingers obvious, though he refrained as soft words were spoken, brown eyes searching R’nd’s face silently as his lover swept hair off his face. Then, R’nd picked up speaking once more and as he spoke, the blood drained from B’jin’s face in a sweep, leaving the greenrider pale and sickly looking, brown eyes huge in his face. That- that sounded like—B’jin’s trembling hand was extracted from under R’nd’s, features scrunching up in distress.

Moment's later, B’jin’s expression smoothed out, tears toppling down his cheeks as he stared at his hands, trembling and knotted together in his lap. He knew R’nd didn’t do love confessions, and he knew he didn’t do relationships, and what had made him think he was better than any of the others? A deep, soft breath was expelled, stilling some of the subtle trembling, as B’jin tried to figure out how to go about leaving quietly without looking like he was fleeing; just because he was fleeing didn't mean he had to broadcast it! How was he going to face Valerian now? He still had to see him, and the kid was far too insightful. Oh, what a mess he’d made with his big fat stupid mouth!

“I’m sorry,” it was a whisper, the greenrider managing to keep his voice steady though he refused to so much as look at R’nd. He’d ruined everything; he should have known better than to say that. He’d managed not to for so long, too, to ruin it now? What had he been thinking? It was said to reassure the bluerider that he didn't want or expect him to change... he still should have known better! Stupid!

Over at the Weyrling barracks, Larrikith was trying to decide which hard surface was the hardest, for maximum face planting.

He had made B’jin cry! R’nd was horrified he had done that and it showed clearly on his easily read face. How could he hurt such a sweet man? He really did ruin everything he touched. R’nd wondered why he needed everyone to like him and keep so many people in his life, even if only at an extremely casual level, if he would end up hurting them. This was another reason why B’jin deserved better. Naturally, a part of R’nd believed there wasn’t anyone better than him and he was the best man to be by B’jin’s side but there were far too many signs to the contrary. As was becoming the norm while with the greenrider, R’nd was at a loss of what to do – what was allowed and what would be appreciated? Deciding it didn’t matter anymore when he upset B’jin in some way, R’nd pulled his hand away from B’jin’s and dared to cup both of his lover’s cheeks, thumbs stroking gently over the smooth surface to wipe away the tears. He could still recall the first time he made such a move and the flinch that followed as B’jin believed he was about to be struck. N’mall was the true horrible man thanks to the treatment he gave others.

“Oh, love. Please don’t cry. My heart breaks every time it happens.” R’nd had no idea how to fix this mess he made. He kind of expected tears but they weren’t over the right thing. B’jin didn’t seem to care at all that I’shan had been a bed partner when he wasn’t looking and while R’nd respected relationships that were open like that and had even been in I’shan’s position a time or two before, it was still something he thought wouldn’t sit right with B’jin. Of course he was wrong – wasn’t that the moral of the story for the last ten minutes?

“I want to apologise but I don’t know what to apologise for now. I was dying from the guilt of cheating on you and worried it would hurt you but now I feel like I should apologise for not doing it sooner. So… I’m sorry I haven’t… been sleeping around more?” He was so confused! Apparently he had been right about disappointing B’jin as well. He was such a failure on top of being a horrible friend. He was expected to sleep around and R’nd failed to live up to that hype by spending more and more time curled up with B’jin and genuinely loving it and wishing to know everything he could about the man he called a close friend now. “I don’t want to though,” R’nd whispered with a small pout. If B’jin wanted him to, then he could try to pick up his old routine again?

What if he was smothering B’jin!

R’nd was once again horrified at the idea that B’jin didn’t want to be around him so much and had been hoping for more people to come in and occupy time and bed space. The greenrider was as closed off as he was when it came to personal facts so maybe he didn’t want anyone getting too close and finding out more than they should. R’nd had tried hard not to ask too many questions but there was a chance the ones he had asked shouldn’t have been said anyway. His hands slipped lifelessly away from B’jin’s warm but damp cheeks to fold neatly in his lap. They didn’t stay there long, however, as B’jin’s untouched glass of wine was spotted and R’nd made quick work of stealing it and chugging back most of the contents. Wine would dull the pain and get him to stop thinking so much! Even he knew he wasn’t making much sense anymore and R’nd was glad he hadn’t given voice to his crazy idea about why B’jin wanted more people between them.

A questioning chirp from the bedroom signalled Rell had finally escaped from Ayyonth’s watch, finally having enough of being kept away from R’nd when he was confused and a bit upset. The little firelizard came darting into the living room and chided both men for being so gloomy and settled on the couch in the small space between them. R’nd sighed and wondered why he had to deal with the other subject that always left him confused. He loved Rell but they had bonded by accident and R’nd was certain B’jin only barely tolerated the firelizard’s presence on a good day. At least the little guy had stopped trying to sleep in bed between them. He was so tempted to send Rell images of an angry wherry that was ready to eat little blue firelizards but he wasn’t that mean. No matter his mood or what had happened because of Rell, R’nd simply couldn’t hate him or cause him further distress.

“I’ll oil you in a bit, okay? Go back to Ayyonth or go lay down for now, Rell.” R’nd tried his best to shoo the flitter away but the best he got was a sulking Rell crawling over his lap to sit on the small space of couch furthest from B’jin. It would have to do.

Nothing was working out right!

And that was a terrible tag. I shouldn't have posted it or attempted it with how I'm feeling but there it is. Sorry >.<

The soft touch was surprising, and the quiet words confused B’jin, his head tilting slightly in R’nd’s hands as he lifted his gaze, meeting the grey gaze of his lover with startled confusion. He hadn’t been expecting such a response from R’nd, and his surprise showed clearly on his face as B’jin watched R’nd silently, curiosity and then relief taking over his features as he realised R’nd wasn’t trying to kick him out the door ‘gently’.  His relief was visible in a softening of his shoulders, though a flicker of irritation flashed through his eyes when Larrikith made a snide comment.

Then, the most bizarre offer; B’jin choked, the sound half sob half laugh as he leaned over to wrap his arms around R’nd’s neck, kissing the bluerider just below his ear. “You don’t have to,” B’jin purred softly, pulling back enough to meet R’nd’s eyes without either of them having issues with focusing on the other’s face. A small smile tilted the corners of his lips, brown eyes sparkling and alive behind the sheen of tears. “Whatever makes you happy,” B’jin said firmly; to him, it was that simple. Whether R’nd was sleeping with just he, or with half or even all the Weyr’s adult population, the greenrider wasn’t concerned so long as whatever the bluerider was doing, was keeping him happy. Grinning brightly at R’nd, and visibly relaxed once more, B’jin leaned in for a lingering kiss.

Pulling away, B’jin resettled himself against the bluerider’s side, curled and comfortable with his head resting lazily on R’nd’s shoulder. While his right hand sought out R’nd’s own hand, his left crossed the bluerider’s lap to gently brush his fingertips over Rell’s head, B’jin frowning down at the little firelizard. “I thought you were going to tell me he was dead or something,” B’jin murmured thoughtfully, lifting his gaze from the little blue as he retracted his hand, placing it lightly on his lover’s thigh, to look up at R’nd placidly. “I don’t hate him that much.” A small pause. “But I still don’t want him in the bedroom… or, wherever.” Dragons at least had the good sense to keep the things they saw to themselves; B’jin was not going to trust a firelizard not to project interesting activities all over the Weyr. His face heated uncomfortably at the mere thought.

“Thank you for understanding me so well. You may understand me better than I do.” R’nd smiled, almost ashamed that he didn’t know what he wanted or why he wanted it. What he had with B’jin seemed right but knowing how his lover viewed him and their relationship did ease a lot of tension that sometimes cropped up when he was around some people. R’nd couldn’t say if he would sleep with old flings or new friends like he once had but at least now he knew he wouldn’t be seen as a horrible monster in those beautiful brown eyes. Holding B’jin close, R’nd closed his eyes with a quiet and content sigh. He was glad he confessed and they had their talk, even if other surprising details came to light. As to his habit, those details were quickly shoved aside before he hyperventilated and scared B’jin all over again.

As he was about to inch happily into the comfortable silence between them, B’jin mentioned what he thought they were going to talk about. R’nd laughed lightly at B’jin thinking all the pacing and fear he had done was over Rell passing away. He loved the little guy but he would have been far more composed over delivering that news given B’jin’s fairly cool attitude towards firelizards. It was a bit flattering though. If that was the only thing the greenrider could come up with that would make him worry so much, did that mean B’jin regarded R’nd highly and had a hard time believing he could do something wrong? Whether or not it was true, R’nd’s spirits lifted all the more and he found a bit of his usual self once again as he kissed the top of B’jin’s head. “Maybe I only had him move so I could hold you close again,” he stopped short of mentioning how he wanted to tempt B’jin into wicked things, though, as he tried his hand at behaving again.

“And Ayyonth has been surprisingly kind in helping Rell understand when we want a little privacy. Five turns with him and I still can’t always figure him out.” R’nd winced a little at his topic, knowing his five turns with Ayyonth was nothing compared to B’jin and Larrikith’s bond. Not to mention the little fact that B’jin hadn’t wanted to Impress and likely understood his dragon even less than he did. “With how he’s always teasing me and playing pranks, I mean.” He was such an idiot. Ayyonth snorted but held off on actually agreeing which R’nd appreciated. He didn’t need another voice in his head right then telling him every single way he had messed up that evening. Enough, R’nd. You lost your way with words and you did look foolish with how you handled explaining your time with I’shan and the special words B’jin said to you but it’s done. You’re both still here and in each other’s arms. Who would want to tamper with this outcome? Even though Ayyonth was always his strongest supporter and motivated him to continue trying, R’nd found it especially nice to have his dragon’s vote of confidence when it came to B’jin. He supposed it was simply because Ayyonth had deemed himself Larrikith’s long ago and enjoyed having their humans on the page.

Ayyonth gently brushed against B’jin’s mind as a warning that he was there and wanted to speak to the man. He knew how unreceptive B’jin was to other dragons and that he often jumped and even got a little skittish when one tried to bespeak him but since Larrikith gave him permission and B’jin said he didn’t mind either, Ayyonth kept their conversations few and far between out of respect unless he was spoken to first. This time, however, he had to add his opinion on the whole matter. Thank you for loving R’nd. As gently as he appeared, Ayyonth withdrew. He could have said the feelings were mutual and R’nd would one day say the words in return or explain the reasoning behind the gratitude but he didn’t want to give away all the secrets that easily.

B’jin tilted his head to give R’nd an amused, tolerating look that clearly said he thought the bluerider was being silly. Understand him better than he understands himself? That was romantic folly that little girls sighed over, while they dreamed of Prince Charming and his Amazing Bronze to come and sweep them off their feet and away to a magical Weyr where life would be rainbows and candy. B’jin had no idea how R’nd aligned girlish romantic folly with their lives. Maybe his brain was still oxygen deprived from B’jin’s little three-word-stunt? The greenrider gave a breathy certainly-not-a-giggle sound and threaded his fingers through R’nd’s, studying the subtle contrasts between their skin tones as R’nd babbled something about Rell and cuddles. Since he was the object of cuddles while Rell was sulking, B’jin figured without really hearing the comment that he was the winning party and gave R’nd’s hand a gentle squeeze.

B’jin snorted, amused by the gentle dig – though he wasn’t quite sure if it were aimed at Ayyonth or R’nd. Either way, he found the comment amusing, and his voice was droll as he offered a return quip; “try thirty.” He still had no idea about Larrikith, and after more of his lifetime spent with the tart than not, B’jin was pretty sure he never would. Then again, she was pretty maintenance free; he could have been saddled with a dragon like Grith, who was loud and outrageous. Larrikith was just… cunning and a pain in his arse. Manageable, when he could be bothered (which, granted, he usually couldn’t) but definitely not a creature he understood, or would ever understand. The green monster’s sniggering in the back corner of his mind did nothing to win B’jin over in that regard. Bitch of a dragon!

Ayyonth’s light voice across the edge of his mind was met with the general slight stiffening through the shoulders, but quickly eased as the greenrider snuggled closer against R’nd; the dragon’s obvious approval for what he’d said, and what he felt, was more than B’jin could have hoped for. B’jin dropped his chin, blushing, but also smirking like the cat that got the cream. What more could he ask for, than the blue dragon’s approval? It was a delicious conclusion to be reached, and B’jin hummed happily as he tilted his head back, kissing R’nd lightly on the jaw line, brown eyes bright and inviting. He didn’t have to see Valerian tonight! Larrikith could inform the Weyrling he wouldn’t make it, right? The green dragon’s dry retort simply had B’jin’s lips twisting, the corners tugging into a subtle smirk, though there was still highlighting from the blush tapered across his face.

wow, fuck man. I need sleep x.x

R’nd may have been a bit slow on the uptake over their feelings and still a bit fuzzy in the brain, especially when he tried to think back on what he had said and done, but he certainly didn’t miss the sparkling invitation in brown eyes. The light kiss to his jaw line was finally enough to convince the bluerider he wouldn’t be taking advantage of the situation or anything that may have been said if he gave up on words and went for actions. First he had to study the face of the man that could take him on one crazy emotional ride in a matter of minutes. He had meant it, even if B’jin didn’t take it seriously, that he didn’t always know how he thought about things or why he did what he did but the greenrider understood him. He knew when to give him space, how to make him relax and laugh, how to handle him when it came to any sort of emotions, and possibly the most important way to understanding him – B’jin accepted him as was and didn’t expect anything more or less.

B’jin was special and it still made R’nd sad that his friend didn’t seem to believe it outside of his Harper skills. Like with Indivara, one day he would get both to realise how wonderful or beautiful they were.

Finally having enough of thoughts that seemed to make even less sense than usual, R’nd pressed his mouth to B’jin’s, doing his best to explain himself with each swipe of tongue, soft rumbling moan, and gentle caress of fingers over B’jin’s arm. This was something they did well and R’nd had long ago stopped over-thinking how perfectly their hands linked together or how nicely B’jin fit snuggled up against him. It was a simple fact of life now and normal.

R’nd needed normal right then. He had alluded to some crazy notions about relationships and B’jin had said some things that were better left forgotten for a moment longer but in the end, it all led to what felt right and they both enjoyed. Kissing the greenrider while lounging on his couch ranked high on the list of enjoyment. What ranked even higher though? “When do you need to get back to the Barracks?” R’nd asked between feathery light kisses he trailed along B’jin’s jaw and down his neck. It was clear why he was asking and that R’nd wanted to make the most of their time together. What R’nd didn’t need to ask about was Valerian. The weyrling was completely forgotten and easily rescheduled to another time since whatever it was again B’jin needed Valerian for could wait. That worked fine for the bluerider that issued a silent request for Ayyonth to go play dragon nanny with Larrikith for a bit.

I'm dishing out all of the bad tags in this thread -_- R'nd apologises and assures B'jin oxygen will return to his brain eventually.

Finally! The greenrider’s shoulders relaxed when R’nd finally returned the soft kisses with a real kiss, the greenrider grinning behind it. And people thought he was dense! He’d practically had to write an invitation on his forehead! Larrikith snorted in the back of his mind, but B’jin ignored her, shifting his seat slightly so he was almost in R’nd’s lap instead of beside the other man, arms twining around his neck. It was much easier to see the funny in the situation, than to worry about the heart-stopping worry that he was about to be thrown out of R’nd’s life forever. B’jin shuddered, party from the spine chilling thought of losing his lover, and partly because said lover’s hands were wandering – and that was niiiice.

Wait… B’jin frowned sulkily as R’nd pulled away for a moment, though the expression vanished as his chin tilted, giving his lover more access as kisses trailed down his neck. “Hmm?” B’jin asked, not paying a lick of attention to words. Words were for times when mouths weren’t better occupied, which R’nd knew. That meant his words were likely something that were meant to be heard, right? Larrikith, with a mental eye roll that spoke levels, brought B’jin up to speed. The greenrider snorted softly; tightening the light hold he had with his arms wrapped around R’nd’s neck, B’jin eyed R’nd playfully before letting it go, fingers travelling down his front to undo shirt ties.

“Later,” B’jin half promised, half stated, smiling coyly. Late tomorrow morning would be soon enough! They had Larrikith there, and from her contented emotions, R’nd had sent Ayyonth on over to keep her company. Talian was there if any of them decided to try and off themselves. Then there was the whole Weyr as well. What need was he, until their next lesson? But it wasn’t until after lunch or, before dinner, or …something; B’jin wasn’t too sure, but that could have been because he’d managed to get R’nd’s shirt off. Eager fingers trailed down R’nd’s chest, dropping swiftly to the waist of his pants while light kisses trailed along the man’s collarbone.

Pulling back suddenly, B’jin frowned impatiently at R’nd. “Send him away.” It was a statement, under toned with the same impatient sulkiness that was present on his features. He waited until confirmation came from Larrikith that the firelizard was with them… Then B’jin smirked at R’nd, brown eyes bright with wicked ideas.

Banishing Rell to spend time with Ayyonth or anywhere else that wasn’t the current location was something R’nd always did easily and quickly. He did like the little fellow now but he liked B’jin a lot more and since the accidental Impression, he had been quick to make sure B’jin was comfortable and happy. If he didn’t want a flitter watching them together, then the room would be flitter-free. Once Rell was gone, much like his shirt R’nd noticed with a smirk, the bluerider leaned back, taking B’jin with him so they could stretch out on the couch and further explore what was familiar but still felt excitedly new territory.

~~~Sexy Times~~~

A lot of time had been spent on the couch but somewhere along the way R’nd had lured B’jin to bed which was larger and far more comfortable. Well, comfortable for him! B’jin had been using him as a bed to lie on at some point so R’nd doubted he’d really mind if they fell asleep or simply rested in the living room but a larger playground and even more privacy were usually strong motivators. He gave a contented sigh and kissed the top of the blonde head resting on his chest. This was another one of the once-new-but-now-normal things he had grown to enjoy and missed when he couldn’t have them. Again, normal was needed and R’nd was feeling more like himself finally. He still didn’t know why he felt so guilty over the cheating but that heavy feeling in his chest was gone now and he had a naked B’jin cuddling with him. All seemed right in his life again.

Gently R’nd nudged B’jin to roll over since he knew the man was still awake and he rolled with him, coming to rest on his side. He leaned down and gave a lingering kiss, pulling away with a rumbling purr. “Why are you so irresistible?” he asked softly, not expecting an answer though one wasn’t needed. R’nd already had a list of reasons why and while he was fairly certain he had shared some of the points with B’jin in the past, he knew one day he would have to tell B’jin every single last one of them and make sure his friend believed each one.

“Ask me something and I’ll answer it true,” he always did, having never found the point in lying – with the rare exception like when D’ren wanted to know how he got his original black eye. To some, his words may have seemed out of the blue but it was something they did, B’jin especially liking to ask hypothetical questions or tell stories from his past when they were curled up in bed. R’nd thought it was about time he opened up the chance to ask him questions. He wasn’t necessarily a closed book but he often didn’t share details about everything either. It wasn’t so much a trust issue but R’nd still held off on giving away too much information. It was also hard to judge what would upset B’jin or have the greenrider shut down on him so R’nd became extra cautious with his stories and comments.

Tonight was an odd night though and R’nd was clearly in a confessing mood so what was one more question to answer?

B'jin had been quite content on the couch, but the undeniable benefits of being tucked away in the bedroom were hard to outweigh, and so the greenrider had put up no argument when he'd been lured into the other room, amused and endeared by the motivation that fuelled his lover's actions. Far more asleep than awake, B'jin was curled comfortably against R'nd, half sprawled on the bluerider and generally tucked as close against him as he could get. R'nd was a very comfortable partner, and B'jin enjoyed exploiting the moments when he could get away with being perhaps unreasonably clingy. R'nd made a fine pillow, and the gentle rise and fall as he breathed was relaxing.

As a result, the greenrider rumbled something under his breath as R'nd poked him gently until he rolled away a little, coming to a halt with a sleepy "hrmm?" as heavy eyes fluttered open, surprised by the lingering kiss but responding without hesitation, one hand lifting lazily to trace up R'nd's arm. As the bluerider pulled away, B'jin blinked rapidly, frowning in a sleepy daze at R'nd as he asked his rhetorical question, and B'jin snorted softly. "'M addictive," B'jin slurred, lazy smile at odds with the mild scowl as he woke himself up from the near-sleep he'd been in a few moments prior.

"Oh?" B'jin asked softly, the hand on R'nd's arm leaving its place of purchase so the greenrider could rub at his eyes, and then sweep his hair off his face. Brown eyes sparkled with curious affection as he considered R'nd quietly for a moment. He was pleased with R'nd initiating a conversation that B'jin usually began, the greenrider wriggling to get more comfortable in his new position as he thought about what he could ask.

His silence was quiet, and placid; clearly without any malicious intent. B'jin knew he could be a bit of a forgetful wherry, and he knew he'd asked R'nd several 'hypothetical' questions before. Sleepy and excited to be offered the chance to ask one that wasn't slathered in fear of the conversation being unwanted, B'jin couldn't rightly recall what questions he'd previously asked, and what he'd wanted to ask but hadn't quite been up to asking - or even what R'nd had asked of him.

"Besides Impressing," B'jin's voice was slow and thoughtful as he considered what he'd be saying before he asked it, "what moment have you most enjoyed?" He knew R'nd was very fond of his dragon, and had no disillusions about the affection he held for the blue. They obviously had a strong bond, and B'jin knew most (almost all!) dragonriders considered their moment of Impression to be amongst the best of their entire lives. B'jin wouldn't ask R'nd to put something above his Impression, especially as he knew the young man was one of those that considered his lifemate to be a great gift. B'jin didn't entirely understand that process of thought, but he could accept that most people felt it. He just hoped it wasn't a question he'd asked before; that would be terribly embarrassing!

He had a feeling he'd asked something similar once before, though.

The silence was only a little worrisome. It didn’t hold the usual weight of past silences that made R’nd fear he spoke improperly and had to think fast to correct the damage he had done. This time it seemed more like B’jin was actually thinking about a good question to ask which relaxed the bluerider once more before he tensed up entirely. He realised it was still poorly timed in the end since B’jin seemed minutes away from sleeping before he was moved about and made to speak but R’nd had to get the opportunity out there. The night had been filled with revelations, testing their bonds, and even growing closer. He may not have handled anything prior all that well and couldn’t say the words back to the greenrider but R’nd wanted to do something for B’jin in the form of opening up a little more in other areas.

When the question finally came, R’nd smiled and had to admit he was relieved B’jin wasn’t the devious sort to trap him by asking if R’nd loved him or what he wanted out of the relationship. Keeping to the motto that he never broke promises or his word, R’nd would have had to answer though he wasn’t sure how long the silence would stretch as he tried to figure it out. The question he was given, however, seemed a bit easier. Not by much, but it was easier. Ayyonth was of course highly ranked and he wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad that Impression was automatically removed from the answering block.

Like B’jin, R’nd felt like he had answered something similar before and as he idly ran fingers through B’jin’s hair, he remembered why. Their game of hypothetical questions one morning when he was barely awake held a question about what he wanted most. R’nd had made some joke comments about a smaller bed so they could snuggle more or a way to track down his missing clothes but he had thrown in a surprisingly serious answer he hadn’t allowed himself to think on too much before, during, or after. He already had what he wanted most in the shape of B’jin. After a quick jaunt through his memories, R’nd discovered that the top three that jumped out at him the most held B’jin in two of them.

Should he point those out, though? One probably seemed very bluerider and perhaps boastful and the other was the reason – according to R’nd and his eternal guilt – B’jin had earned his lashings. But he said he would answer it true and while the question only asked for one moment, R’nd couldn’t pick between the three about which one was the best of the best. So all three it was. “I’m going to cheat and tell you three moments that I most enjoyed and are pretty special to me, if you don’t mind.” It would keep B’jin up a bit longer but he felt it would be worth it and he’d make sure his lover wasn’t disturbed for the remainder of the night once he drifted to dream land.

“The first one is being Searched.” It was another tricky topic given B’jin’s way of Impressing and how he hadn’t wanted the life of a dragonrider but again, R’nd didn’t want to lie. As he said that aloud, though, he wondered how much he had told B’jin of this before since it felt vaguely familiar. “I think you only know the bare bones so I’ll fill in a bit more. My father is a minor lord of a sea hold and naturally the sea-craft is rather important to the family. While I’m the second son, third child over all, and wouldn’t inherit, I was expected to learn and master everything all the same and assist the family. I hated it. The water and beach are meant for fun, not fishing and working all day.” R’nd wrinkled his nose at the memories and rolled onto his back, waiting for B’jin to take up his spot curled against him again before resuming the tale. “Being Searched saved me from that bleak life and gave me a bit of hope that I might be special and destined for something more than the spare heir meant to marry another well-off family to keep ours flourishing. Naturally I couldn’t escape the skills as I helped keep us alive during the exile with my fishing and I help out still here. Truth be told, I’m not overly fond of fish either.” He laughed lightly at his confession and wondered if his babbling was appreciated or if he should just answer with the final two moments without details.

R’nd paused and linked their hands together as they often did when lazing in bed together and he stared at them a moment before making a decision. He’d be quicker now and if B’jin wanted to know more, he could ask for the details. Considering B’jin was there for both, he didn’t think there would really be a need. “Another moment I enjoyed was the day in the Square you were painting and I came over to talk and we ended up painted and …intrigued.” He usually lost his tongue when around B’jin or lost his nerve if too many people were around the greenrider he had held a crush on for quite some time but that day seemed like the perfect opening to have a little conversation. R’nd hated knowing he was the reason B’jin was whipped but he couldn’t regret that day one bit.

“The third moment is, and I hope you don’t take it the wrong way,” R’nd hesitated. B’jin was going to take it the wrong way! He was going to end up sounding like D’hys bragging about a conquest and B’jin would storm out of the room. He’d have to explain why it was so important but R’nd wasn’t sure he could handle that either since it told a lot about him. He had trapped himself though and there was nothing left to do but spill the beans. “Waking up beside you after our first win together.” His confession was quiet, not exactly embarrassed but he definitely sounded – at least to his ears – like a bluerider that just had their first win in general or a virgin who was lovesick over the man she just slept with. Maybe B’jin wouldn’t be offended but would find the humour in his delivery instead. R’nd could live with that.

B'jin smiled lightly at R'nd's expression, watching as the bluerider got lost in his won thoughts, the sleepy greenrider's eyes lightening with amusement at his lover's expression. He wasn't sure what was causing it, of course (that was the idea of the question!) but found it amusing as R'nd obviously dug around for something that struck home. A soft, lightly laugh escaped him as R'nd said he'd answer with three, and B'jin nodded cheerfully, rather delighted at the prospect of getting more answers than he'd asked questions. R'nd was never particularly closed off, but the flow of information between the two riders about themselves, was limited and often clogged up with worry that boundaries would be over stepped or someone somehow insulted. B'jin shifted slightly as he watched R'nd, relaxing lazily as he waited for the man to gather his thoughts and share what was on his mind.

A smile flickered the corner of B'jin's lips when the answer came that one or perhaps the top one, was the Searching he'd been collected on. While B'jin didn't particularly want the life he'd ended up with, and certainly had never had any of the foolish fantasies most people entertained of Impressing some day, he did understand the thrill of being Searched. While it wasn't nearly as much fun – and hadn't been practised in some turns – since the Plague, B'jin had thoroughly enjoyed Searching, and hoped to someday pick up once more. He enjoyed picking the children who saw it as a life changing dream come true; just like he'd been thrilled when he'd found out he'd been taken on by the Harper Hall as an honorary student, meaning his parents would not need to scrape up the funds required to give him the education he (by then) desperately wanted.

The slightly worried vibe he got off R'nd, however, before the bluerider launched into an explanation of why his being Search rated so high caused B'jin to blink. Almost everyone B'jin had ever been close to knew he had never wanted his dragon, and while it wasn't common knowledge, those he was the closest to knew his bond with her was raggard at best, the pair appearing almost to be a perfect combination until Larrikith would press a button, and B'jin was inclined to call  her filthy names with little regard for who was around. While the greenrider had a hard time understanding the joy people got from their own bonds, he was perfectly okay with accepting that such a thing did exist. He just didn't understand it, at all.

He'd probably have to do something to show R'nd he wouldn't bite the man's head off for enjoying his dragon's company inside his brain, especially if he'd thrown a tantrum at some point in time when the bluerider was around. B'jin frowned slightly, before snorting out a laughter, and speaking the same time Larrikith did, as if to counter all the negative idle thoughts that had been wandering around in his brain; “Too many little bones!” and the greenrider's nose scrunched up. Larrikith's tone was just as dismissive as she entered both men's minds to state her opinion without bothering to warn either of them. Then she withdrew, sticking her head against a weyrling's window to scold them for something. B'jin ignored her; little bastards should all have been asleep by now!

Curled against R'nd, B'jin watched their fingers link and swallowed a yawn, but ended up laughing softly halfway through, the sound coming out oddly muffled. “That was an interesting day,” B'jin's voice was dry albeit amused, but not because of the final (public!) event of him being at the receiving end of the reinstated lashes. That wasn't worth thinking about and B'jin often forgot he'd even been lashed so violently, never mind the reason for it! Something D'ren likely wouldn't handle very well, but not something B'jin cared to think about. He'd been in far worse situations than that, and Talian and R'nd had both been quite helpful in keeping his back clean and tidy. While scarred, they were hardly the horrible, angry ribbons they could have been. The greenrider very rarely even remembered they were there. Instead, his tone related more to his odd behaviour; he was a reserved, private and shy individual.

Normally, being  completely ignored by the entire population of the Weyr likely wouldn't have done all that much to upset him, but it had coincided with a time when I'shan was busy draping himself over his new lover, Par'a had been occupied with something B'jin couldn't recall if he tried, and his other few and far between friends had mostly been talked into staying away from him by the rest of the population, who were either horrified by the show Larrikith had put on, or simply disgusted with him. B'jin had to pause to think why they'd been in trouble, forgetting entirely the terrifying show Larrikith had put on when Talian had tried to kill himself; keening, and throwing people around and snarling like a rabid Wher. B'jin's nose scrunched up, but it vanished quickly as the greenrider shifted to place a light kiss on R'nd's jawline. “A good one,” he purred lightly, tone speckled with his amusement at what the entire day had turned into. Oh, ti had been very good – but so strange. But then, R'nd probably had that affect on him, B'jin decided as he curled back against the bluerider. He did odd things, like staying back after their first flight; he didn't do that (that, too, was Larrikith's fault!).

An eyebrow arched upward at the warning of sorts that came before R'nd's next part of his answer to B'jin's question, the greenrider shifting slightly against him to lean on an elbow, blinking at R'nd curiously as a frown settled over his features, intrigued but slightly worried by the skittish look on R'nd's face. He gave his lover's hand a gentle squeeze, curious to see what it was R'nd was – Oh! Eyebrows shot up as B'jin's face gave away his surprise, brown eyes bright with amusement, surprise and a hint of cautious curiosity. “Our win?” B'jin asked lowly, voice soft and filled with scepticism as he watched R'nd carefully. The bluerider was worried about sounding blue, but B'jin had never heard a less bluerider-ish comment. Blueriders considered themselves the winner, and the green they caught their prize, not a fellow winner. B'jin wasn't sure if he trusted the words used to not be a general slip up, R'nd was wonderful and sweet and a lot of things B'jin didn't have the right words for, but he wasn't quite willing to put money on his friend being that outside the norm!

R’nd grew slightly nervous as B’jin gave him that look that said he was curious about the strange thing before him. He had clearly said something wrong and he was seconds away from getting yelled at or slapped, maybe both, before B’jin took to finding clothes to leave in. With his luck, R’nd suspected he’d be down another outfit. It was stupid of him to say anything that not only revealed something about himself in general but showed just how much of a bluerider he could be! Luckily, before he truly got rolling on the mental tirade against himself, B’jin voiced his confusion and it wasn’t at all remotely close to what R’nd thought it would be about. B’jin wasn’t worried about the fact that a flight victory was important to him but the wording of it?

“Yes… our win…” R’nd spoke slowly, cautiously, as he wasn’t sure exactly where he went wrong. He knew he wasn’t entirely himself during flight lust thanks to some helpful friends pointing out the determined and wild gleam in his eyes or the grin he could produce during the chase and even how he did view the victory and greenrider as a prize but he also knew he didn’t think that way typically and he had a reputation for being a great flight partner and not being excessively rough or demanding more after the fact. Oh, he remembered vividly how he asked B’jin to stay after their first flight and it had shocked the bluerider back into silence since he never did that and always let his partner leave when they wanted. It hadn’t been a desire to prove their places or anything like that; R’nd simply wanted to spend more time with the man he had a crush on and even idolized to some degree. Some good moments should never end and that had been one of them.

“You were there as well, right? It takes two to win and I’m not referring to Ayyonth and me.” R’nd suspected he wasn’t going to do a good job at explaining his thought process or how he viewed flight outcomes – especially since in the case of S’kef he believed the bastard cheated and those weren’t clean or true wins for either party member. Still, he tried though he did wince as he did so. He was silent long enough to run his free hand up and down B’jin’s arm, letting his fingers trail lazily over the warm skin before trying another approach that R’nd knew would give him back his bluerider cred. “Maybe on an arrogant level I think I’m the prize and someone wins by being with me? I dunno…”

R’nd couldn’t stop the frown that made itself known as his gaze lowered from B’jin’s face back to their entwined fingers. He was good at talking, he knew he was! He could remember talking circles around people or chatting casually with anyone! Yet this greenrider beside him made it so hard to express himself clearly. “…our win.” Maybe he was just a fool for thinking that way and a flight was anything more than a challenge amongst male dragons the riders were dragged along for. He may have slept with everyone over a certain age but R’nd still felt a connection with each person leading up to that moment and he supposed he tried to romanticise flights like a silly little girl.

“Anyway,” he quickly spoke again, tone forced to be a bit brighter to guide them away from his pout and confusion, “I’m sorry I pulled you away from the clutches of dream land so you could ask me a question and hear me babble. You should sleep, love. I’ll make sure nothing wakes you before you want to rise.” R’nd kissed the tip of B’jin’s nose and offered a soft smile.

The sceptical frown never left B’jin’s features as he watched R’nd, the bluerider’s confusion only causing B’jin’s own to deepen. He wasn’t quite sure where R’nd was going with the slowly spoken words he was speaking, but B’jin was pretty sure ‘winning’ was a one-person deal. Otherwise it was a draw, and that didn’t make any sense at all to the greenrider. The following babble (for surely R’nd was babbling, as it was clearly nonsense!) caused B’jin to snort out a soft breath of amusement, not quite a laugh but not all that far off being one.

“Greens don’t win blues,” B’jin pointed out reasonably, voice a soft murmur but clearly bemused, “blues win greens.” Really, it was simple math! Brown eyes were shadowed with confusion, and a hint of concern as he peered up at R’nd, wondering if the bluerider’s brain was still malfunctioning from their talk earlier. Entirely possible. his dragon quipped, and B’jin waved her away, shifting against his lover so he could lean on his chest and stare down at him, eyes narrowed just slightly with a thoughtful air. He kept their hands carefully entwined, shifting them gently and pressing a soft kiss to his lover’s knuckles.

“Sometimes,” B’jin said lightly, his voice riddled with affection, “You say the oddest things.” Leaning in, B’jin followed his statement with a tender kiss, and then placed a feathery light one on R’nd’s nose as he pulled away. The greenriders eyebrows arched upward as R’nd filled the space with more words, and a coy smile claiming his lips. “But I’m awake now,” B’jin purred, tone a mockery of a sulk as he curled suggestively against R’nd, eyes wide and innocent as the fingers of his free hand travelled lightly down R’nd’s chest.

Good Faranth, you’re pathetic! Contrary to her words, however, Larrikith’s voice was warm and teasing, filled with the same affection B’jin’s was as he leaned in close again, voice a rumbly whisper, breath warm. “You’re the best.” Could you filter any more innuendo into that? You might as well have said ‘I lov–‘ B’jin gave the dragon a mental shove, and she laughed as she returned her attention to snuggling against Ayyonth.

He currently didn’t feel like the best. He had woken B’jin for entirely no reason at all since all he had done was babble, make a fool of himself, and in the end left B’jin not believing anything he said. R’nd wasn’t sure he could say anything else even though there was so much more on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to say that B’jin was wrong and that greens could and did win blues. After all, B’jin had won him, hadn’t he? R’nd had been easily won over by the greenrider turns ago before truly even getting to know the man. Now that he knew B’jin better, nothing had changed. He had been won by a fun, talented, caring, amazing greenrider.

And B’jin would never know or believe it.

It’d be counted as another odd thing he said. R’nd frowned, feeling utterly inadequate but at the same time he knew he did say odd things. Fellow blueriders teased him for his flowery words when flirting with someone and how kindly he treated everyone he met. He was a bit of an oddity but R’nd didn’t mind. He’d rather be who he was than pretend to be someone else so he could blend into the crowd. He wasn’t harming anyone, right? Except, maybe he was harming himself if B’jin wrote off sincere things as odd. He couldn’t – or wouldn’t – change that perception, however, and R’nd did what he did best; he shook it off.

Any self-pity and pouts were shoved aside to latch onto the seductive purr and touch that brought out R’nd’s usual smile and complete interest. “Is that so? I guess I’ll just have to tire you out again.” If he was lucky! There had been times where B’jin had used some of his masterful tricks that left the young bluerider sated and exhausted. It was a fun relationship to be in! With all of his previous panic and desire to back track buried once more, R’nd placed another kiss to B’jin’s nose and chanced a compliment, “you’re pretty amazing yourself.”

Ayyonth wanted to bash his head against the wall of the Barracks. R’nd makes so much progressive and can easily throw it all away with one simple thought he comes up with. He nuzzled at Larrikith as she made herself comfortable beside him before settling in as well. R’nd only needed to speak aloud more often and so many of their miscommunications would cease and fears would be banished. It is nothing for you or B’jin to worry over though. I will likely laugh at R’nd about it tomorrow but for now I’ll let him return to his fun. He was a kind dragon like that.

“I don’t even try,” B’jin purred, not really all that invested in the light hearted banter, putting far more attention into the things his hands were doing to his lover, brown eyes bright with a cheerful mischief that occasionally surfaced when he was feeling more frisky than was easily over powered by his more naturally demure and modest nature. It was something he knew didn’t go unappreciated, but something he couldn’t bring on at will. Grinning impishly, B’jin decided that it was quite time to make R’nd forget about his love affair with flowery words.

They are humans, the little green pointed out mildly, her eyes soft with the warm emotions rolling off B’jin as she preened under Ayyonth’s attention, mind scattered as she checked gently on the sleeping Weyrlings and their young humans, making sure all were well as they slept. Some few were prone to nightmares, and it made Larrikith twitch, but despite her invasive personality, she’d never really been comfortable within the minds of those with whom another dragon was bonded. Perhaps she’d teach the youngsters how to clear the nightmares from their bonded’s mind when they had fallen asleep. She was sure some few of them would find such knowledge positive. Perhaps when they were older, though; she’d speak to B’jin when he was in a position to answer (which was clearly not the one he currently occupied!) so that her short memory wouldn’t lose the idea which she was sure was good.

They will figure it out when they are ready to accept it. Their quirks are what make them enjoyable, and not just to pick on, either! Larrikith flicked a wing, shifting position so she was pressed against Ayyonth, while allowing her legs to stretch out in the other direction, sprawling beside the larger dragon without any of the instinctual fear of being attacked. I expect we will be the viewers of great amusement for a --- long time to come, Larrikith murmured sleepily, pausing to yawn both physically and mentally. Shifting again, she rested her head across Ayyonth’s paws and sighed contentedly. Goodnight, love. Just because their humans wouldn’t sleep for Faranth knew how long, didn’t mean she was required to stay up.

One of them had to be awake tomorrow when they were being clamoured for by weyrlings!