06.Sep.12, 03:55 AM
"It's only a big deal to us, then," Talian said. His old bitterness remained absent from his voice; rather than an accusation, his words were spoken as a pitiful, unfortunate fact. No one cared about the fate of a nonrider in this place. They cared only for how their prisoners could benefit them. That is, until they Impressed dragons and were made into a rider themselves. It was a vicious system, but Talian had grown weary of fighting it, instead retreating back to the state of resignation and servile acceptance that he'd twice exhibited, once upon arrival and always back at home.
"I dunno, Val. I guess I'm just used to things being fucked up." With that, Talian didn't want to talk about it anymore. He shuddered, then looked at his friend and managed a soft but weary smile. "Thanks for talking to me, though. I didn't want you to think I hated you or anything...it...I was telling the truth when I said I don't think it's a big deal. You couldn't help it." He was obviously still hurt by the whole thing, but that inexplicable numbness crept into his voice even as he spoke about it, like it was some sort of natural, unconscious antiseptic designed to calm him and ease his pain preemptively, before he had a chance to get too riled.
It wasn't worth his effort to get upset about abuse anymore. It was all the same, they were all the same, and Valerian would probably wind up the same one day, too. Talian hoped not, but he'd learned to hope against hope. Even such fears wouldn't run him away, though. As he'd demonstrated in his bonds with B'jin and Erisi, Talian seemed to gravitate towards those who hurt him the most.
The healer rose to his feet and hugged himself self-consciously. "I...I have to go back," he said, painfully aware of the time. Talian had a personal rule since his encounter with J'ver; he never went outside after dark, for any reason. Hhe had a lot of early dinners because of that. "Thanks for talking to me...I..I hope we'll see each other soon."
He stared at the floor for a few awkward moments before shuffling out, lightly closing the door behind him.
"I dunno, Val. I guess I'm just used to things being fucked up." With that, Talian didn't want to talk about it anymore. He shuddered, then looked at his friend and managed a soft but weary smile. "Thanks for talking to me, though. I didn't want you to think I hated you or anything...it...I was telling the truth when I said I don't think it's a big deal. You couldn't help it." He was obviously still hurt by the whole thing, but that inexplicable numbness crept into his voice even as he spoke about it, like it was some sort of natural, unconscious antiseptic designed to calm him and ease his pain preemptively, before he had a chance to get too riled.
It wasn't worth his effort to get upset about abuse anymore. It was all the same, they were all the same, and Valerian would probably wind up the same one day, too. Talian hoped not, but he'd learned to hope against hope. Even such fears wouldn't run him away, though. As he'd demonstrated in his bonds with B'jin and Erisi, Talian seemed to gravitate towards those who hurt him the most.
The healer rose to his feet and hugged himself self-consciously. "I...I have to go back," he said, painfully aware of the time. Talian had a personal rule since his encounter with J'ver; he never went outside after dark, for any reason. Hhe had a lot of early dinners because of that. "Thanks for talking to me...I..I hope we'll see each other soon."
He stared at the floor for a few awkward moments before shuffling out, lightly closing the door behind him.