29.Aug.12, 10:35 PM
Withdrawing his hand when I'shan let go of it, he pulled it closer and watched as the blue rider rested his chin on the edge of his bed. He seemed extremely relieved to hear Sand accept his help. Now as he watched the man sink into his chosen spot he began to wonder about him. When I'shan's mouth opened, the man began to look so dejected and mentally exhausted to the extreme. There seemed to be so many emotions and thoughts crossing I'shan's face. Sanderon was at a loss as to how he should interpret all of them. Giving up, he just lay there with his cheek upon the pillow and listened.
When I'shan began to ask him questions, he wondered how he should answer. He wondered if he even could.
Moving a little at a time with muscles unaccustomed to being used, Sanderon brought himself slowly into a sitting position with his knees up, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Exhaling with the effort it took, he frowned at just how weak his body felt. How long was he unconscious? Why was he drugged in the first place? Why was the weyrleader furious with him? What had he done?
Worrying about it to such a degree, he did not think about I'shan's questions right away. Instead, he tried to remember. It was not pleasant, for his mind immediately brought him to the point of his public lashing. He stiffened with the memory and gripped his head a little tighter with the harshness of the scenes and sensations he began to relive.
What happened next? D'ren had saved him. He had come and stopped the torture and humiliation. Then the weyrleader had helped him to the healer hall. He remembered trying to leave the room before he had been patched after D'ren left him there. But he couldn't remember why? Talian brought him back and cared for his hurt, making him feel better. Then what happened?
This is where his mind began to grow increasingly fuzzy and disconnected.
Jada had come. Yes, he remembered her there in his recovery room. The smell of his favorite meal came to his mind. He could almost smell it even now. It was the kind of meal his mother had always made. But what then? Had he enjoyed the meal with Jada? Had she just left it and gone? His mind skipped over whatever might have happened and went straight towards a very blurry memory of flowers and a kind young woman making a nice bouquet for the vase in his room. His mind slipped terribly at this point. Shattered half-thoughts broke away and would not come together in his mind. He could not go any further. He tried. He pushed his mind desperately. Silently he begged his mind to stay whole and remember. He wanted to know. He had to know!
What had he done?
Moaning out his distress, his hands gripped his blond hair as he fought his own mind. The emotions on Sanderon's face were more observant. The drugs were almost done wrecking their havoc on his body. But his mind still seemed trapped. If Sand could not remember, maybe I'shan could tell him. But how to ask? He could hardly speak.
Without lifting his head from his hands, Sanderon's voice came out sounding strained and still only above a whisper. "What happ-?" He could not go on and it frustrated him to no end. Were the drugs messing with his mind? Were they making his emotions weak? Why was his eyes crying now? He never cried. Tears began to leak and run down his face but he was too weak to bother with wiping them away. Closing his eyes tight, he turned his head away and hoped I'shan did not see. I'shan's questions were left unanswered and forgotten.
He just breathed now with his mouth slightly open. He hated to cry. What was more, he hated not having full control of his memory or mind.
Am I going insane?
When I'shan began to ask him questions, he wondered how he should answer. He wondered if he even could.
Moving a little at a time with muscles unaccustomed to being used, Sanderon brought himself slowly into a sitting position with his knees up, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Exhaling with the effort it took, he frowned at just how weak his body felt. How long was he unconscious? Why was he drugged in the first place? Why was the weyrleader furious with him? What had he done?
Worrying about it to such a degree, he did not think about I'shan's questions right away. Instead, he tried to remember. It was not pleasant, for his mind immediately brought him to the point of his public lashing. He stiffened with the memory and gripped his head a little tighter with the harshness of the scenes and sensations he began to relive.
What happened next? D'ren had saved him. He had come and stopped the torture and humiliation. Then the weyrleader had helped him to the healer hall. He remembered trying to leave the room before he had been patched after D'ren left him there. But he couldn't remember why? Talian brought him back and cared for his hurt, making him feel better. Then what happened?
This is where his mind began to grow increasingly fuzzy and disconnected.
Jada had come. Yes, he remembered her there in his recovery room. The smell of his favorite meal came to his mind. He could almost smell it even now. It was the kind of meal his mother had always made. But what then? Had he enjoyed the meal with Jada? Had she just left it and gone? His mind skipped over whatever might have happened and went straight towards a very blurry memory of flowers and a kind young woman making a nice bouquet for the vase in his room. His mind slipped terribly at this point. Shattered half-thoughts broke away and would not come together in his mind. He could not go any further. He tried. He pushed his mind desperately. Silently he begged his mind to stay whole and remember. He wanted to know. He had to know!
What had he done?
Moaning out his distress, his hands gripped his blond hair as he fought his own mind. The emotions on Sanderon's face were more observant. The drugs were almost done wrecking their havoc on his body. But his mind still seemed trapped. If Sand could not remember, maybe I'shan could tell him. But how to ask? He could hardly speak.
Without lifting his head from his hands, Sanderon's voice came out sounding strained and still only above a whisper. "What happ-?" He could not go on and it frustrated him to no end. Were the drugs messing with his mind? Were they making his emotions weak? Why was his eyes crying now? He never cried. Tears began to leak and run down his face but he was too weak to bother with wiping them away. Closing his eyes tight, he turned his head away and hoped I'shan did not see. I'shan's questions were left unanswered and forgotten.
He just breathed now with his mouth slightly open. He hated to cry. What was more, he hated not having full control of his memory or mind.
Am I going insane?