Hello loves! While I haven't been writing, I have been working on updating some issues that have been hanging around on the layout! The Character change box is now at the bottom of the page, beside the up/down arrows! Green and Gold dragon flight dates have been shifted to the bottom of the page, where the (useless!) discord widget was located. Where the dragon flights were in the header, is now replaced by a Monthly Event box! This will be updated at the start of each month, with a fun mini-event you can take part in, if you want to! Thistle!
27.Aug.12, 09:59 PM
S'kef froze for a long while, body rigid and mind rolling to a complete stop. Had those words really just escaped his lips, or had he imagined them? He wanted to think he had, that he wouldn't confess such a daunting weakness to the one who could abuse it the most, but something in his gut told him that it was true. Tyrrisath's silent confirmation was just fuel to the fire.
S'kef paused and inhaled deeply, composing himself as he pulled away from J'ver. He gripped the greenrider's shoulders gently, keeping his body close, but just far enough away to make solid eye contact with the precious creature. "I am," S'kef murmured. He never wanted to wear anything else again. He reached up with one hand and lightly ran it down J'ver's cheek, displaying a moment of uncharacteristic but gut-tearingly sincere gentleness.
He pulled away at last, wandering reluctantly back to his seat and flopping down in defeat. He'd never shown this side of himself to the greenrider before. S'kef had his weak moments, just like any other man, but he covered his with rage rather than let himself be consumed by sadness. This was something entirely different, something related to anger and fear, something that wanted to prevent the inevitable rejection he was certain he'd face. He sighed, looking away for a couple moments.
He felt like he was messing up, like he was letting the moment slip past unanswered with his inaction. As always, someone was there to fill in the gaps. It's true a smooth voice whispered in the back of J'ver's mind. A reassuring and posessive presence wrapped around him as the brown dragon touched J'ver's mind for the first time. He'd waited a long time for that perfect moment.
S'kef swallowed hard. He figured he could cry if he let himself slip too much, but no one needed that. He held fast for the time being and looked to J'ver again. "You're not the first one," he said, his tone detached. His old weyrmate meant nothing to him now.
He told the story anyway. He started at the beginning, with his initial search and Impression. He moved through it quickly and stoically, hiding even the touch of tenderness that usually came when a man spoke of his first meeting with his dragon. From there, he discussed B'jin, confessing the details of his attack on the haughty man with gruesome detail and not the faintest glimmer or remorse or actual affection. Then there was J'nira.
He'd once loved her, he made that much clear. But she was dead like the rest of them. He spoke of how betrayed he felt when she killed herself without pause, leaving him to face the plague alone. Were their children not reason enough to go on? Selfish, worthless woman! not even worthy of the green dragon she rode!
The children were a softer subject. A hint of shame welled up in his voice as he made his account of abandoning them. He made no excuses, but his priority was clear. Tyrrisath would always be more important. Besides, they'd already lost their mother, and S'kef didn't consider himself much of a father.
After that, it was just loneliness. He didn't think he would ever find the strength or trust to love someone again. And yet here he was. An idiot for a greenrider who would just toss him aside as soon as it was convenient. He was stupid enough to trust him anyhow, though. Because he loved him. How could this have happened.
By the end, his bloodied hand was cramping from being clenched so tightly. The rage welled up in his eyes, fighting away the tears that wanted so badly to roll to the surface. No. He wouldn't allow it. He was not weak.
In the end, however, he knew no man was impervious. He sighed wearily and slumped helplessly in his seat, wondering how he'd managed to subdue his pride long enough to share so much with his little greenrider, who undoubtedly wouldn't want him now.
"I said I'd never let you leave me, but I guess I lied," he muttered. "....If you want to, now's the time. Just tell me and I'll go."
S'kef paused and inhaled deeply, composing himself as he pulled away from J'ver. He gripped the greenrider's shoulders gently, keeping his body close, but just far enough away to make solid eye contact with the precious creature. "I am," S'kef murmured. He never wanted to wear anything else again. He reached up with one hand and lightly ran it down J'ver's cheek, displaying a moment of uncharacteristic but gut-tearingly sincere gentleness.
He pulled away at last, wandering reluctantly back to his seat and flopping down in defeat. He'd never shown this side of himself to the greenrider before. S'kef had his weak moments, just like any other man, but he covered his with rage rather than let himself be consumed by sadness. This was something entirely different, something related to anger and fear, something that wanted to prevent the inevitable rejection he was certain he'd face. He sighed, looking away for a couple moments.
He felt like he was messing up, like he was letting the moment slip past unanswered with his inaction. As always, someone was there to fill in the gaps. It's true a smooth voice whispered in the back of J'ver's mind. A reassuring and posessive presence wrapped around him as the brown dragon touched J'ver's mind for the first time. He'd waited a long time for that perfect moment.
S'kef swallowed hard. He figured he could cry if he let himself slip too much, but no one needed that. He held fast for the time being and looked to J'ver again. "You're not the first one," he said, his tone detached. His old weyrmate meant nothing to him now.
He told the story anyway. He started at the beginning, with his initial search and Impression. He moved through it quickly and stoically, hiding even the touch of tenderness that usually came when a man spoke of his first meeting with his dragon. From there, he discussed B'jin, confessing the details of his attack on the haughty man with gruesome detail and not the faintest glimmer or remorse or actual affection. Then there was J'nira.
He'd once loved her, he made that much clear. But she was dead like the rest of them. He spoke of how betrayed he felt when she killed herself without pause, leaving him to face the plague alone. Were their children not reason enough to go on? Selfish, worthless woman! not even worthy of the green dragon she rode!
The children were a softer subject. A hint of shame welled up in his voice as he made his account of abandoning them. He made no excuses, but his priority was clear. Tyrrisath would always be more important. Besides, they'd already lost their mother, and S'kef didn't consider himself much of a father.
After that, it was just loneliness. He didn't think he would ever find the strength or trust to love someone again. And yet here he was. An idiot for a greenrider who would just toss him aside as soon as it was convenient. He was stupid enough to trust him anyhow, though. Because he loved him. How could this have happened.
By the end, his bloodied hand was cramping from being clenched so tightly. The rage welled up in his eyes, fighting away the tears that wanted so badly to roll to the surface. No. He wouldn't allow it. He was not weak.
In the end, however, he knew no man was impervious. He sighed wearily and slumped helplessly in his seat, wondering how he'd managed to subdue his pride long enough to share so much with his little greenrider, who undoubtedly wouldn't want him now.
"I said I'd never let you leave me, but I guess I lied," he muttered. "....If you want to, now's the time. Just tell me and I'll go."
