Hello loves! While I haven't been writing, I have been working on updating some issues that have been hanging around on the layout! The Character change box is now at the bottom of the page, beside the up/down arrows! Green and Gold dragon flight dates have been shifted to the bottom of the page, where the (useless!) discord widget was located. Where the dragon flights were in the header, is now replaced by a Monthly Event box! This will be updated at the start of each month, with a fun mini-event you can take part in, if you want to! Thistle!
24.Nov.12, 10:40 PM
...I wanted you for a long time, Val. But I was scared. I'm still scared.
Valerian felt the oddest sensation in his chest. It was like his heart had dropped into his stomach but he didn't feel it rise again. He assumed it did, with it still in one piece, and it continued to beat as well as it had been before Talian spoke since he was fairly confident he was still breathing and that soft moan that his ears caught was his own, brought on by Erisi's wandering hand. Talian had answered the question posed to him to give them permission to proceed but now Valerian wasn't sure he could. All he could think about was how he was taking advantage of his friend again, somehow using the man and abusing his trust. It was still honestly surprising there was any trust left after what he had done during that green flight.
No matter how worked up he was and no matter how much his friends were throwing themselves into the act, Valerian knew he couldn't do this. No, that wasn't true; he could do it but the guilt that was already forming would eat him alive and he'd never be able to look Talian in the face or be in a room with the man again. He wanted to run and escape the madness that had clearly consumed them all but he had a Healer in his lap and a Harper's hand traversing his skin so there wasn't anything to do but sit there and feel as trapped as he was. He should say something, but what did he say? How should he say it?
"Talian..." the name came out in a broken whisper that conveyed far too much sadness and not enough lust given everything happening around him. Erisi already knew he was wanted and while his ego might be bruised at what was about to happen, Valerian knew he would quickly get over it and there would be make-up sex later on to prove he was still desired. But Talian... his quiet and sensitive friend wouldn't understand, Valerian was certain. It wouldn't matter if he went through with the group sex or not; he was damned either way. Should he just go for it, enjoy himself, and likely never have that friendship again or stop now and hope what remained of the friendship survived this turmoil? Either way, the feelings they seemed to have developed for each other but didn't realise until too late would have to be forgotten.
"Stop, please, both of you. We can't do this. You're drunk, Talian, and I won't take advantage of you again." He really despised how he had to say 'again' and cursed that flight. Green Rilaleeyth was apaprently the sweetest dragon one would ever meet but she was bonded to J'ver and somehow it seemed fitting that it was his flight that Valerian lost control during and raped one of his friends. "I think I've liked you and wanted you for longer than when I finally realised I did but I ruined that and tarnished our friendship and this isn't right. Sober... truly consensual..." He had a way with words, whether he was shredding someone apart for their faults or writing beautiful songs but Valerian didn't have any words left now. He was afraid. He hadn't been afraid when he woke up on Candidate Isle, he was close to being sick and was a bit frightened when Hoth attacked Indivara at the Hatching, but the idea of raping his friend a second time and losing that friendship he had once smacked Talian upside the head about when he was close to throwing it away with his suicide attempt... that was something the blue weyrling feared far more than he ever thought he was capable of.
Vivid forest green eyes were wide with that fear as Valerian did nothing more but sit there. His hands had returned to the arm rest of the chair and made no move to throw off his friends or encourage them. He wondered if they would continue to press on anyway and in a way, Valerian felt it was fitting and would likely let it happen. He had hurt Talian enough that day and likely had again with his current words. The Healer had more than enough rights to lash out at him in return. And Erisi... the Harper was likely disgusted by all the pitiful emotions in his hut and Valerian would be shocked if he didn't end up getting his ass kicked out along with all the sappy feelings. But he couldn't help it. It wasn't like he wanted all of these emotions, he just didn't know how to deal with them after breezing through life without making much of a connection with anyone anywhere.
Katila Weyr had corrupted him and Valerian, Junior Journeyman Harper and rider of blue Veeth, had suddenly had a handful of people he cared about and didn't want to see hurt and especially didn't want to be the continuing cause of the pain.
Valerian felt the oddest sensation in his chest. It was like his heart had dropped into his stomach but he didn't feel it rise again. He assumed it did, with it still in one piece, and it continued to beat as well as it had been before Talian spoke since he was fairly confident he was still breathing and that soft moan that his ears caught was his own, brought on by Erisi's wandering hand. Talian had answered the question posed to him to give them permission to proceed but now Valerian wasn't sure he could. All he could think about was how he was taking advantage of his friend again, somehow using the man and abusing his trust. It was still honestly surprising there was any trust left after what he had done during that green flight.
No matter how worked up he was and no matter how much his friends were throwing themselves into the act, Valerian knew he couldn't do this. No, that wasn't true; he could do it but the guilt that was already forming would eat him alive and he'd never be able to look Talian in the face or be in a room with the man again. He wanted to run and escape the madness that had clearly consumed them all but he had a Healer in his lap and a Harper's hand traversing his skin so there wasn't anything to do but sit there and feel as trapped as he was. He should say something, but what did he say? How should he say it?
"Talian..." the name came out in a broken whisper that conveyed far too much sadness and not enough lust given everything happening around him. Erisi already knew he was wanted and while his ego might be bruised at what was about to happen, Valerian knew he would quickly get over it and there would be make-up sex later on to prove he was still desired. But Talian... his quiet and sensitive friend wouldn't understand, Valerian was certain. It wouldn't matter if he went through with the group sex or not; he was damned either way. Should he just go for it, enjoy himself, and likely never have that friendship again or stop now and hope what remained of the friendship survived this turmoil? Either way, the feelings they seemed to have developed for each other but didn't realise until too late would have to be forgotten.
"Stop, please, both of you. We can't do this. You're drunk, Talian, and I won't take advantage of you again." He really despised how he had to say 'again' and cursed that flight. Green Rilaleeyth was apaprently the sweetest dragon one would ever meet but she was bonded to J'ver and somehow it seemed fitting that it was his flight that Valerian lost control during and raped one of his friends. "I think I've liked you and wanted you for longer than when I finally realised I did but I ruined that and tarnished our friendship and this isn't right. Sober... truly consensual..." He had a way with words, whether he was shredding someone apart for their faults or writing beautiful songs but Valerian didn't have any words left now. He was afraid. He hadn't been afraid when he woke up on Candidate Isle, he was close to being sick and was a bit frightened when Hoth attacked Indivara at the Hatching, but the idea of raping his friend a second time and losing that friendship he had once smacked Talian upside the head about when he was close to throwing it away with his suicide attempt... that was something the blue weyrling feared far more than he ever thought he was capable of.
Vivid forest green eyes were wide with that fear as Valerian did nothing more but sit there. His hands had returned to the arm rest of the chair and made no move to throw off his friends or encourage them. He wondered if they would continue to press on anyway and in a way, Valerian felt it was fitting and would likely let it happen. He had hurt Talian enough that day and likely had again with his current words. The Healer had more than enough rights to lash out at him in return. And Erisi... the Harper was likely disgusted by all the pitiful emotions in his hut and Valerian would be shocked if he didn't end up getting his ass kicked out along with all the sappy feelings. But he couldn't help it. It wasn't like he wanted all of these emotions, he just didn't know how to deal with them after breezing through life without making much of a connection with anyone anywhere.
Katila Weyr had corrupted him and Valerian, Junior Journeyman Harper and rider of blue Veeth, had suddenly had a handful of people he cared about and didn't want to see hurt and especially didn't want to be the continuing cause of the pain.
