21.Jun.21, 09:32 AM
21/06/742
I stopped counting how many days its been since I woke up.
Stopped counting how many days its been since I was told I couldn't talk.
Stopped counting how many days since I realised they were right.
My voice is gone.
There isn't much in this world I truly loved about myself, but my voice was probably it. It was what got me through life, and it was everything that was my life for so many years. Even after Larrikith tipped my world upsidedown, my voice was still there with me. I could still sing. I always knew singing was important to me, its who I am. I'm still surprised by how much I miss the ability to simply talk. If it was just my singing that had been taken, I think I could still survive. But its not.
Its everything about me.
My voice is gone, and I don't know how to ... I'm not me any more.
I'm broken in a way no one else has been able to break me.
I miss telling R'nd I love him. I miss exchanging quips with my son.
My world has never been so silent.
And the awkwardness of my friends and family doesn't help. The way they shield themselves. The way they censor themselves.
I hate it.
I hate it all.
I don't feel like me, and I don't think I ever will again.
what even is the point any more?
Why bother? Everything is just too much.
I don't want to get up in the morning; I don't want to do anything except sleep but Larrikith and R'nd won't let me. So I pretend to smile. I pretend everything is fine. Do the motions. Carry on. Smile.
I would rather they had killed me.
I don't want this life.
Stopped counting how many days its been since I was told I couldn't talk.
Stopped counting how many days since I realised they were right.
My voice is gone.
There isn't much in this world I truly loved about myself, but my voice was probably it. It was what got me through life, and it was everything that was my life for so many years. Even after Larrikith tipped my world upsidedown, my voice was still there with me. I could still sing. I always knew singing was important to me, its who I am. I'm still surprised by how much I miss the ability to simply talk. If it was just my singing that had been taken, I think I could still survive. But its not.
Its everything about me.
My voice is gone, and I don't know how to ... I'm not me any more.
I'm broken in a way no one else has been able to break me.
I miss telling R'nd I love him. I miss exchanging quips with my son.
My world has never been so silent.
And the awkwardness of my friends and family doesn't help. The way they shield themselves. The way they censor themselves.
I hate it.
I hate it all.
I don't feel like me, and I don't think I ever will again.
what even is the point any more?
Why bother? Everything is just too much.
I don't want to get up in the morning; I don't want to do anything except sleep but Larrikith and R'nd won't let me. So I pretend to smile. I pretend everything is fine. Do the motions. Carry on. Smile.
I would rather they had killed me.
I don't want this life.