World of Pern
Latest Updates

2023/08/04 Hello loves! While I haven't been writing, I have been working on updating some issues that have been hanging around on the layout! The Character change box is now at the bottom of the page, beside the up/down arrows! Green and Gold dragon flight dates have been shifted to the bottom of the page, where the (useless!) discord widget was located. Where the dragon flights were in the header, is now replaced by a Monthly Event box! This will be updated at the start of each month, with a fun mini-event you can take part in, if you want to! Thistle!
2023/01/07 Welcome to the New Year! We are now ELEVEN years old! Thank you, all of you, for your love and writing! I am looking forward to spending another year with youall! In addition, a new Default colour scheme is in progress and will hopefully be available soon! All my love! ThistleProse
2022/07/29 Gold Malvayth and Bronze Xyxyth clutch is Hatching! Come and join the shenannigans 743.08.03 | NIGHT STALKERS HATCHING and bring the popcorn!
2022/05/11 Gold Malvayth has Flown, caught by Bronze Xyxyth of A'tay. Their Hatching will be PC, and take place in Telgar in August around the 20-22nd! Update your Candidate Applications and prepare for some fun!
2022/04/21 New default layout! I hope you enjoy it! If you find any bugs, please report them in the discord #bug-squishing channel!
05/JUL It’s Hatching time!! Come take part in the shenanigans here
30/JUN Gold Thallyath of Ista Weyr has laid a clutch! More information here
27/JUN A bluerider, and then a greenrider, are found dead. More information here
25/JUN The Touching is up! Take part here
30/MAY After the Touching, many Candidates found themselves preyed upon in the form of their food. More information here
18/MAY Another goldrider - Ameris of Benden - is attacked. More information here
05/MAY Multiple individuals are attacked whilest out of the Weyr! More information here
04/MAY Take a chance OOC and guess who you think the murderer is! You can win prizes! More information here
03/MAY Goldrider Cazan and her twin brother Cazelarias are attacked. More information here
24/APR Goldrider Ashara of Fort is murdered by two brownriders. More information here
12/APR Searchrider B’jin was attacked at Telgar Weyr, surffering a slash to his throat. While in Benden, bluerider B’dor is found dead in his weyr. More info here
05/APRMore attacks occurred today. More information here
03/APRMultiple individuals found their death this day; more information here and here
28/MAR Tragedy has struck again! Across all the Weyrs, multiple people - primarily dragonriders - have fallen ill after eating muffins. There have been multiple deaths, and others are in criticle condition. More information here
24/MAR Weyrwoman Ameris and her son, Rislan, poisoned! More information here
18/MAR Benden’s Weyrleader M’ris and his children have been poisoned! Resulting in sickness and death. More information here
18/MAROn 18.03.742 Bronzerider A’dris of Vyaniorth was found dead in his personal bathing pool. He appears to have drowned after drinking an excess of alcohol. Afterwards it was realized that Machiya of Gold Cameth from Telgar Weyr had disappeared. Having never arrived at her destination, it is suspected she had an accident between.
11/MAR Gold Racoth of Donmaline went between taking Bronze Beruth of T’rel with her shortly after she had been caught, due to T’rel strangling Donmaline. He did not survive. more info
25/FEB Congratulations and thank-you to Guest for taking on a moderator role! <3
14/FEB Stars Above PC Hatching Link
06/JAN :o new layout is a WiP. Please report bugs in Discord.
01/JAN Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!




Currently: Spring 03.745 al
Monthly Event
2024-February
Details: Link

Welcome to the Month of Lovetm! This month's Monthly Event is all about Romance, whether it is asking someone out on a date, or getting sweaty between the sheets! Anything and everything counts, if it even looks sideways like it could be related to Valentine Day -- including lover's spats, or breaking up, Flights Wins (or Flight Losses!). Honestly, this month has a huge opportunity for interpertation, so go wild!



2023-December
Details: Link

Ahh, the fresh snow, the crisp air, the naked trees... welcome to Winter! Or, just the Colder Months for those in the more Northern Weyrs, while Ista is just... not as hot. But it is time to enjoy the end of the Turn, so folks should get together, spend some time gossiping, and drinking Hot Chocolate (alcohol and marshmallows opional)... does Pern even have marshmallows????? (they do now!)



2023-November
Details: Link

Feel like bitching? Wanna take part in a brawl? Or bet on someone? Take part in Brawls and Bitching this month! Boo-yeah!



2023-October
Details: Link

Thistle flunked this month; You can still post until the end of November as a result <3
Experience, tell or hide from a Spooky Story!



2023-September
Details: Link

The flu is running rampant, colds are clogging noses, and someone might have lost a limb?



2023-August
Details: Link

Partake this month by going fishing... or anything that occurs while fishing, or dealing with fish!



Latest Posts



Starlight, Starbright [Talian]

B'jin
of Green Larrikith

Date of Birth
23.06.683 AL, 61
Height
5'9
Eyes
Brown
Build
Sturdy, softly fit
Hair
Blonde, Silver

Threads
102
Posts
864

Written By: ThistleProse
#1
The greenrider slipped easily out of the bed, dressing quietly in the darkness. Gentle words to R'nd earlier that evening had excused him from the blueriders company for the depth of the night, but not the evening. A small, affectionate smile played over B'jin's lips as he left a lingering kiss on sleepy lips, before slipping quietly out of his lover's hut and coaxed his sleepy dragon back into wakefulness. A soothing pet was given to Ayyonth's nose and the rider swung up onto his dragon after putting her harness on her. A quick, quiet conversation assured the Harper that his adopted son was still awake, and huge Harper was unsurprised. B'jin wasn't sure if Talian was one to keep track of dates, but B'jin had watched the date looming on the horizon for the better part of the past month, then slowly watched the day creep to a close. If he'd been especially clingy and attentive to his lover, he'd chalked it up to the past whispering around in his ears.

He understands, Larrikith promised quietly to B'jin, but he wasn't sure if she meant R'nd or Ayyonth, or Talian or the sun that had set earlier that evening - in the end, it didn't matter, as the pair landed gently by the Healer Hall; Talian was in his office. Slipping from his dragon and cuddling against her cheek for a moment, B'jin let the heavy emotions of a turn ago wash between them. The little dragon's eyes darkened with hurt and pain, while B'jin shivered and clung to her almost desperately, before pulling himself quietly together and kissing her on the nose. I love you, he promised, staring avidly up at the dragon, expression intense. I love you too, B'jin. She returned, breathing warm air on his face, the tip of her tongue flicking out to lick her bonded's cheek affectionately. Bjin smiled softly up at her. Letting her go reluctantly, B'jin slipped inside the building and up the Hall, the silence pressing in all around him in a manner the greenrider found unsettling.

"Talian?" His voice sounded too loud in the darkness; a turn ago, it had been full of voices, and keening and there had been so much emotion. B'jin shuddered and gently knocked on the door, pressing against it to open it but coming up short when it was locked. Startled for a moment, B'jin was confused before past and present caught up and he rested his forehead against the barred door for a moment. "Tal? Love it's me. I-" How could he explain all the things he couldn't find words for, and all the love he held for the child he'd taken on as his own. The gentle plans he had lined up, and the desire to see Talian smile and forget the horrors of that night, so long ago - and yet so heavy on his shoulders at that moment.

B'jin stood up from the door, stepping back and staring at it sadly as he waited for Talian to open it. Larrikith promised he'd do so, and B'jin had no reason to doubt the green dragon's word. When the door finally did open, and Talian's timid face appeared, B'jin smiled warmly, sadly, at the boy and wrapped him up in a gentle hug and kissed the crown of his head; the two simple motions over flowing with the depth of emotions the date brought upon the man. "Put on something warm," B'jin said, though his words were barely more than a whispered beg. "Please." He wouldn't force the young Healer to comply, but brown eyes were begging Talian not to question him, to not fight him; Trust us, Larrikith cooed against Talian's mind, the simple words filled with all the love and pride the pair felt for their Little Healer.

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Pronouns
Discord
{hidden}

Threads
31
Posts
579 & 3,342 IC

Written By: ZZZ Archived
#2
B'jin wasn't the only one who'd been counting the days.

There had been a lot of anniversaries lately. Talian had each one memories and enshrined in his head, though none received more than a nod of acknowledgement and a secret midnight drink as they passed by. This one was meant to be no different. The only other date that Tal had anticipated with as much hatred and dread was the fifth of the twelfth, the day he'd been kidnapped. That had been a hard one, but it came and went silently, along with his pain. His birthday in the first month seemed like a small thing in comparison.

This one was just as bad, maybe worse. Tal raced about the healer hall all day, busying himself with any task he could find and pumping himself full of klah. It was amazing that he hadn't lost the taste for it. Maybe he was addicted to it after all! Still, he sometimes suspected he caught just a hint of bitterness underneath the otherwise pleasant flavor. He dismissed it as a hallucination, but sometimes it still felt vaguely wrong.

He'd been trying to sleep for hours when the knock came to his door. The young man froze in place, sitting in his chair and staring out the same window he'd used on that night one turn prior. He knew who it was. Some part of the healer knew B'jin would be coming. Their time together seemed like much more than a single turn, and yet as he sat there with his mind lingering on that terrible night, he felt as if he were reliving it by the minute. He couldn't imagine B'jin not being there.

Without B'jin, he'd be dead.

Talian rose to his feet and picked up his mug of klah. He answered the door with it hovering near his face, not even pausing to consider what a bad image that might conjure up. He simply hadn't thought of that.

"Hello B'jin," Talian said, timid and submissive. It wasn't too unusual, but something had definitely shifted ever-so-slightly since J'ver. Tal's self-confidence in his own opinions and identity remained strong, but when it came to commands, he was more willing to give in than ever. He nodded understandingly and willingly accepted the hug, holding his klah over the greenrider's shoulder so as not to spill it.


He didn't question B'jin's request. He simply followed, hovering as close to the man as he could as they walked. He didn't bother talking about anything; the toll the anniversary was taking on his morale was visible enough in the huge circles under his eyes.

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

Date of Birth
23.06.683 AL, 61
Height
5'9
Eyes
Brown
Build
Sturdy, softly fit
Hair
Blonde, Silver

Threads
102
Posts
864

Written By: ThistleProse
#3
A wry, almost haunted smile twisted the corners of B'jin's lips subtly as Talian opened the door with a cup of klah in hand. Were Talian to be anyone else, the emotional greenrider my well have freaked out and knocked the cup across the room. But, it wasn't, and B'jin trusted Talian. He trusted Talian with his life, and he trusted Talian with the young Healer's own life. He trusted the boy would never do that again, no matter how bad it got or how much he might want to. And, at time, B'jin didn't doubt the boy thought about that easy way out.

Easy? Larrikith queried, and B'jin gave a mental nod of agreement though no such thing touched his face. No, suicide wasn't easy and it didn't end the pain. How did dropping between restore the pain of losing one's lifemate? Were you now not lost in eternal cold until you starved to death - or had a heart attack - or froze? How was that easy? A shiver crept down the man's spine as he remembered all those who had lost their lives during the Plague, and those very few rare who had managed to claw their way back to some semblance of sanity.

Never leave me. He whispered to Larrikith, sincere in his begged request. B'jin might pine for the life he should have lead, and he might hate the dragon with every fibre of his being at times - but he wasn't blind; the dragon loved him, all of him, regardless - All that you let me, Larrikith quipped gently, brushing against the locked doors and iron walls of B'jin's mind, those barriers that kept her from understanding her rider and life mate on a degree that she knew other's were bonded to their human. It depressed her, when she let it, but the little dragon did her best not to wallow in those pools. In contrast, her mind was an open book for her rider to explore when she wasn't attempting to trick him. It was only his own sense of deep privacy and need to respect her as her own being that Larrikith knew she was able to keep secrets from B'jin.

But those were just games; his secrets she knew would turn her ichor to ice in her veins. Which is why they aren't shared, B'jin replied gently, brushing soothingly against her as he wrapped an arm around Talian, drawing the young man close to his side as they exited the Hall and found themselves in the fresh night air. It was dark, with barely a quarter of one moon on display while the sky was clear and crisp midnight-blue. The stars sparkled like chips of ice so far above.

"Come," B'jin whispered gently, and steered Talian towards Larrikith, the little dragon curled up sedately and watching them with softly glowing eyes, the colours warm and loving. A green nose was extended, breathing warmth across B'jin's face, her breath visible as it left the warmth of her body for the crisp air outside. Her head tilted and she eyed Talian curiously. His mind was so fuzzy! Not in a bad, or a drunk way, the dragon decided, but as if he was purposefully hazing up thoughts that wished to be clear. Particular, but then, everything about Talian was odd.

Fly with us? It was a breathy whisper against the edge of his mind, and B'jin smiled at her gently; it was a request, and even Talian wouldn't be able to take it any other way as she lathered the three simple words in a world of emotion without overwhelming the young man. B'jin simply stood beside him, arm resting gently around his shoulders and eyes watching Larrikith was a quietness that came with companionship of years. The air was filled with the relaxing scent of lavender, from the little green's hide.

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Pronouns
Discord
{hidden}

Threads
31
Posts
579 & 3,342 IC

Written By: ZZZ Archived
#4
Talian followed obediently, as he always did. He remained quiet as he walked along, his footsteps light and his posture rigid. He was nervous, even though he knew he shouldn't be. He could only imagine that B'jin was very aware of the date. He must have been there to console Talian, or at the very least keep him from maddening himself at the memory. He appreciated it, though he had an instant spike of misgiving when they stepped into the crisp air and he saw Larrikith curled nearby.

He'd always had very strong feelings about the dragon, and initially very harsh ones. She was the one who selected him, and completely remorsefully at that. She taunted him for his lack of 'understanding'. She was rude and hideous, at that! Things had been less simple for quite a while now, though.She'd keened for him on this night one year earlier, and in all honesty, it was ultimately her that saved him. B'jin had been content to ignore the problem and grumble, while Larrikith saw what was really going on.

It took a while for the young healer to realize she was pandering to him a bit. She suddenly seemed interested in being friends. Now Talian wasn't exactly sure how he felt about her. As he approached, attentions honed on the little green who seemed to be a wellspring of positive emotions, he felt inclined to reach out to her.  It was a test of sorts, and took a lot more bravery than he would have cared to admit. He slowly extended one hand, his fingertips brushing lightly against her nose as she looked back at him. He wondered what she was thinking.

Her nose was so smooth and soft. He often forgot how soft the dragons' hides were. He let out a thoughtful 'hrm' and kept stroking her for a few moments, looking at her as a mixture of emotions working their way over his face. Talian no longer feared her, but what he did feel was uncertain. He petted her nevertheless, struggling to keep his breath steady, though his pounding heart revealed how uncomfortable he was. He was uncomfortable, and yet so very curious. Maybe it was a way of trying to make peace. He wasn't sure.

A moment later, when the question came, he just nodded. "All right," he said with reservation, but no resistance. Then, for the first time in his life, he willingly climbed on the back of a dragon.

A few minutes later, they were on the hunting range. Talian was thankful to be on the ground again, and it took a lot of self-restraint to keep himself from scrambling to the ground like a madman. He instead slid down as gracefully as he could, therefore 'not very', and plopped into the grass.

"Why here?" he asked as a puff of wind ruffled his already unkempt hair. It needed to be cut.

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

Date of Birth
23.06.683 AL, 61
Height
5'9
Eyes
Brown
Build
Sturdy, softly fit
Hair
Blonde, Silver

Threads
102
Posts
864

Written By: ThistleProse
#5
B'jin watched, quiet and without words - mental or otherwise - the silent interaction between his dragon and the young man at his side. He didn't ask what was going through the minds of either human or dragon, the emotions swirling through Larrikith's eyes he could tell were related to the wealth of expressions dashing over Talian's drawn and tired face. Larrikith adore Talian, B'jin knew that, and she was confused and often upset by the way the young man refused her advances for friendship. With his own selective memory and lack of desire to remember anything remotely unpleasant (such as the day he'd Stolen Talian.) B'jin was unable to inform the little beast why it was that Talian was so reserved. They had settled on the quiet agreement that the young Healer simply hated dragons, though Larrikith had taken some delight when she'd discovered he wouldn't so much as pat Veeth, and Veeth was adorable.

At least she wasn't alone, in her one-sided battle for the Healer's affections. She didn't share her thoughts with the boy, instead she almost purred as he petted her nose, two sets of lids closing across her eyes and her throat vibrating with the deep, low sound of pleasure. B'jin smiled slightly, a quirky expression that seemed ill fitting to a night such as the one they were currently enamoured in. The expression warmed considerably as Talian answered Larrikith with a positive step, the little dragon crooning happily and most girlishly as she adjusted her position to help the young man climb aboard. Still smiling, B'jin scrambled up behind his charge and strapped him in, wrapping his arms securely around Talian's waist and holding him tight as Larrikith winked between without leaving the ground, wings unfurled and ready for flight on the other side.

"Why not?" B'jin returned gently, sliding down Larrikith's side to land gently beside Talian. Once more, he wrapped an arm around the young man as Larrikith looked around with interest, her eyes bright and curious as she scouted the area, neck arched. There are felines hunting further South, Larrikith warned B'jin, who turned frowning brown eyes in that direction. They are far from us. Keep an eye on them dear but we should be fine. I will chase them off! Suddenly excited, Larrikith pranced away from the pair and bounced into the air, shooting low and fast across the ground. B'jin watched her with amusement for a moment, before turning back to Talian.

"There's a hollow over this way," B'jin murmured softly, steering the boy towards it. "Larrikith spotted some felines and has gone to entertain herself at their expense." He added as an explanation for the dragon's sudden disappearance. The rider lead his young companion to a small depression in the side of a slight rise, the little hill barely noticeable, and the little hollow almost non-existent, but it offered a casual break from the night breeze and with a smile at Talian, B'jin collapsed against it, lounging back and staring up at the sky.

"I heard you liked to stargaze," he offered, tossing Talian a wink and giving a gentle tug to the healer's pant leg, an unspoken invitation to join him. "I promise not to tickle you!" A soft giggle of laughter danced under the words.

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Pronouns
Discord
{hidden}

Threads
31
Posts
579 & 3,342 IC

Written By: ZZZ Archived
#6
Tal sometimes wondered how Larrikith could not know. He knew B'jin tended to repress memories (he especially knew this after the business with Jada's flight), but had he really managed to keep all of that locked away in the back of his mind? Unintentionally, Talian called it all up. He thought about his first day on the island, cringing from her acidic words as he desperately tried to understand what was happening to him. He remembered his first encounter in the dining hall, where the same thing had happened in another context. It was hard not to meditate on those events, but even still he managed to keep himself calm. She didn't mean him harm, he reminded himself. At least not anymore. And she was so very soft!

When she was gone, he wasn't sure if he was relieved or unsatisfied. It was very confusing, so he chose not to dwell on it. He just sighed and slunk along after B'jin, thankful to find a little depression out of reach of the wind.

"I believe I'm the one who told you that," Tal reminded B'jin as he settled down in the grass. He didn't bother to point out that the stars weren't positive things to him any longer; they were different in the south, so different that he'd almost forgotten what the northern stars even looked like. It was unpleasant, but most things still reminded him of unpleasantness. Anyone who thought he was over it all was naive. He wasn't over it, nor did he expect he ever would be. He simply knew how to deal with it better. Unlike B'jin, who chose to repress, Talian chose to ignore.

That was hard to do on nights like this. He was glad that B'jin came along.

He nestled close to the man and sighed again, this time sounding relaxed. He shifted his tawny eyes to the greenrider, almost as if gauging his mood before speaking. "I know why you came tonight," the healer eventually said, though not without a lengthy gap of silence. "...Thank you. A lot has happened lately, and I just..."

He cut himself off and clamped his jaw shut, determined to stop himself before he even began. He hadn't let loose a long, emotional rant on  B'jin in quite some time now. He wasn't going to fall back into the habit now. He sighed, trying to think of something else to fill the void that such a rant would usually occupy, and came to a pessimistic and humorously morbid conclusion.

"You know, if this had all happened differently, I think I'd have been happy for a chance to start over away from Talerian and my teachers," he observed, his comment sorely lacking in any emotion aside from a stirring of dark humor, which substituted for his usual bitterness. He was trying to be happy, and this was a remarkable effort, but his low standards at least. 'Happy' was something he'd never quite learned.

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

Date of Birth
23.06.683 AL, 61
Height
5'9
Eyes
Brown
Build
Sturdy, softly fit
Hair
Blonde, Silver

Threads
102
Posts
864

Written By: ThistleProse
#7
Larrikith, despite being totally enchanted by the prospect of tormenting the pride of felines stalking around several hundred lengths from her rider and his young charge, was never one to let her mind wander too far from either: She was always on the edge of B'jin's conscience and ready to throw in a quirky comment when it was called for, or laugh to herself at the fact that he still couldn't acknowledge facts about himself and his life that were staring him straight in the face and giving him the bird to boot. It was hilarious and embarrassing, how naive and stubborn her rider could be!

The little dragon was pretty oblivious to the fact that she was remarkably like him, but it didn't matter as she felt the stirring of her name against Talian's mind and she paused, twirling away from a hissing feline to focus more steadily on what the Little Healer was thinking, her eyes taking on tones of curiosity. He didn't think of her all that often, a fact she was very aware of, since she spent so much of her time nestled against the edge of his mind, though she did her best not to make him aware of that. He didn't like her, and she didn't want to further alienate him though she was unaware of what it was she'd done in the beginning, and poking around her rider's memories had been of little use.

Apparently, all she'd had to do was dig deep enough in Talian's. Lifting up and away from the felines (though most had slunk off back towards the forest) Larrikith angled mildly in the direction the two humans were located, frowning mentally at Talian's thoughts. He hated her because she'd yelled at him? If he'd taken more pride in who he was-! Larrikith hissed to herself between her teeth, grumbling unhappily. How was someone so undeniably intelligent, so sharding stupid? Larrikith was careful to keep her thoughts to herself, but B'jin leaned up on an elbow to watch her approach with a frown and an eyebrow that arched slightly. Larrikith ignored him and his silent questioning as she slunk across in front of the two humans, to curl up on the far side of B'jin, staring at Talian with a dull expression.

He hates me. Her voice was pure sulk and B'jin's expression took on a very mild touch of amusement as his gaze turned to look at the dragon. He hates all dragons. Because I yelled at him. Both B'jin's eyebrows arched upward. You did? Apparently. She seemed unsure, not quite which set of memories she should believe. Huh. Well, don't do it again. Duh! Turning ehr head, Larrikith gave a very good impersonation of a sneer at B'jin, before curling up to sulk.

"Your little game not turn out to your liking, love?" B'jin asked, all sugar and sweetness, before snorting when Larrikith pointedly turned her back on them both. He didn't mind: while she laid there, she was further shielding them from the wind. The greenrider returned his attention to Talian,giving the young man a gentle squeeze where he was curled up against him. He didn't articulate an answer to Talian's thanks, not really feeling it needed one. As long as he was able, B'jin would always be there to help the young man. He didn't need thanks for it (though it was pleasant).

B'jin's expression saddened when Talian cut himself off from a rant, wondering if it were done to spare him or if Talian didn't feel comfortable raving at him any longer or if the young man simply wished to move past such things. The following statement made B'jin doubt his latter idea, and he shifted uncomfortably. The greenrider hated being reminded that he'd ruined the Healer's life, and even though what Talian said could be taken in a positive manner, B'jin failed to quite latch on to it. He did agree, though, and in a soft voice he shared it; he did wish things had been different.

But B'jin didn't want to talk about that, he didn't want Talian to delve into emotions that weren't if not positive, at least more than a negative-neutral. He wanted him to smile, to enjoy an evening - especially the one they were in, which had such an overwhelming and suffocating feel to it. B'jin tightened his arm around Talian and rested his chin lightly on his companion's head.

"Share with me a memory," B'jin said gently, "something sweet, and not bitter."

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Pronouns
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{hidden}

Threads
31
Posts
579 & 3,342 IC

Written By: ZZZ Archived
#8
Talian had no way of feeling Larrikiths mental touch. He did notice that she seemed a little out of sorts when she returned, but that was because he was almost happy to see her. He assumed her game hadn't gone well and shrugged it off easy enough, she when she gave him that blank stare, he was almost curious enough to ask what was wrong. He reached out hesitantly, as if he were thinking about reaching across B'jin to pet her again, but by the time he had the guts to extend his hand she'd already turned around. He didn't know why, so he just snapped his hand back and rested against B'jin once more.

Talian didn't view his attitude towards her as a grudge. He viewed it as an observation. The medically-minded didn't believe in coincidence. When something happened three times, it wasn't by chance anymore...He wasn't still angry at those particular incidents all that time ago, he simply assumed that if he gave her a reason to, she'd do it again. That was something he'd like to avoid. He still struggled to keep his mouth shut when any dragon's nasty voice came barging into his mind, though Larrikith was the one he tolerated best. One could say she'd trained him, but most of it was simple resignation. At least with Larrikith, he knew what he was dealing with. Better the devil you know!

He rolled his head back and smiled wryly at the greenrider. "I don't have any," he announced almost lazily, the dryness and pessimism in his voice so casual that it sounded almost normal. "At least none that don't bring up things I don't want to talk about." Things like Fiora. She really had been all that was good about his old life. The more he thought about it, the more apparent that became. She was the single good thing he'd ever had. He even hated his mother.

"And well, the rest of them aren't worth telling because you're in them and should already know," Talian continued, this time bordering on amused.  It was true. It was even sappy. The healer smiled and wriggled away so he could turn around and give his friend and father a hug.

He squeezed, then smiled. "I'm sorry I'm not that interesting. All I really do is work," he said. This was the first time he'd come stargazing in ages! He tilted his head back and looked up. "The last time I did this was months ago. I don't really..." Well, B'jin knew, so he could speak. "I don't go outside by myself anymore. And the last person who offered to go with me was Valerian." He spoke formally, using the whole name. Valerian.

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

Date of Birth
23.06.683 AL, 61
Height
5'9
Eyes
Brown
Build
Sturdy, softly fit
Hair
Blonde, Silver

Threads
102
Posts
864

Written By: ThistleProse
#9
B'jin frowned slightly at Talian's light admittance, wondering if there were any right way to react to it. It wasn't that he didn't believe Talian - that was just the problem, he did believe him. It wasn't so much that he believed Talian didn't have any time in his life where he was at least content, but as the young healer had said - none that didn't lead to things that would make the purpose of his question redundant. He didn't want to bring the boy down, he wanted him to smile and mean it. That's what happy memories were for, and it distressed B'jin to realise (not for the first time) that Talian had so little to draw on, to make the bad times seem worth it.

It didn't help that B'jin could relate. The fact that he'd been alive for twice the length of Talian's lifetime was the only reason B'jin currently believed he could pluck a happy memory when Talian could recall none. Faranth knows, his life when he was Talian's age was nothing but sorrows and unhappiness. The greenrider's nose scrunched up, and he brushed the memories away, burying them back in the abyss where they belonged. The young man's follow up comment cleared the greenrider's features, lifting lips into a small smile and he laughed softly as Talian hugged him.

"Well, they must be waiting for you to find them then." He refused to believe Talian would be miserable for the rest of his life. He might not actually admit it to anyone but himself (and Larrikith, by proxy) but he was genuinely happier presently than he had been in decades (and that made his nose scrunch up again. That he could count his lifetime in multiple decades) Larrikith's sly comment was tuned out before he actually had to listen to it, resulting in the green dragon twisting back around to watch the pair, eyes swirling in amusement.

"You're plenty interesting," B'jin laughed, hugging Talian back, "But I'm afraid most of your work makes my stomach churn." A teasing wink was tossed at the young man before Talian changed the subject. The result caused B'jin to stiffen subtly and Larrikith's eyes spiked to a swift, anxious orange-yellow as she turned to look at Talian. The dragon didn't really understand the concept of what had happened, or why it was wrong. She knew Talian hadn't wanted to be involved, and that it distressed B'jin but - her Little Healer had been unwilling to voice the help she knew he wanted, because it would put B'jin in danger. And nothing, no matter how she might spin her attitude, would ever rank above keeping B'jin safe. Talian obviously felt the same, and hatred for her or not, that was why Larrikith would do her best to protect the Little Healer from vile people like Rilaleeyth's rider.

"Valerian?" B'jin asked, arching an eyebrow and looking puzzled. While he himself tended to use the younger Harper's full name as often as not, he was aware that Talian did not and stuck to the other man's nickname to avoid the similarities between it, and his father's. B'jin's eyes narrowed slightly and he twisted onto his elbow, peering down at Talian suspiciously. He didn't speak, and was incapable of being overly threatening, but he was definitely expecting an explanation.

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Written By: ZZZ Archived
#10
"Perhaps they are," Talian muttered. He sounded unconvinced, but not in a sullen way. He simply saw no reason to expect things to change, ever. It had always been the same for him, one near-escape after another. Every time he seemed to have reached a point where he could help himself, it was pulled away. Letting his hopes up was foolish, for the same reason expecting Larrikith not to be cruel to him was foolish. There was no precedent for things to be any different.

What did he have to look forward to, though? He could actively try to find things, even flimsy excuses, but there weren't even many of those. He could look forward to seeing B'jin in the evenings, but that was just one evening. There wasn't anything good on the horizon, though, and that was what he needed.  He needed a long-term goal, something to reach for. He wanted badly to explain that to B'jin, but he'd tried before. The last time he'd mentioned it was a turn ago now. B'jin never seemed to understand, so Tal just let it go with a bit of a twisted grimace.

All of this was going through his head while B'jin made his next comments, something about Tal being interesting and not liking blood. Tal was so caught up in his own musings that he only snapped back near the end, pulled out of his daydreaming by B'jin's pointed question.

Tal answered before he had time to think. "Yeah, Valerian." He didn't elaborate much. What was there to elaborate on? He didn't notice the subtle shift in how he named the young harper, and if he did he may not have even realized the significance of it. Things had been weird since that incident. Tal forgave his friend, of course. They'd worked it out. Everything was fine, but there was still a footprint there, something that didn't sit quite right.

He shrugged. "B'jin, did he tell you about what happened?" Tal knew they were supposed to be discussing happy things, but he couldn't help himself. He never wanted that to happen again. He wanted to know what to do to fix his feeligns regarding the whole thing...and if anyone knew, it would be B'jin. "He grabbed me after a flight."

There should have been more pause there, or at least some sort of emotion, but it was spoken as a plain fact, just like so many other fucked up things.

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

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Written By: ThistleProse
#11
B'jin decided to simply let it go, not bothering to add any further comments to Talian's muttering and didn't see the change in the young man's expression. Instead, B'jin looked lazily back up at the stars, frustrated by Talian's apparent disinterest in making the best of his life. B'jin wasn't really one to speak, if he bothered to take a moment to examine his own history, he'd see he'd been little better and likely worse than the young Healer. But that was then, this was now, and B'jin wasn't really one to compare things so many turns apart. Hypocritical, perhaps, but B'jin was good at that, without having the slightest idea of what he was doing.

B'jin's brown eyes narrowed suspiciously at Talian's lack of, well, humanity as he asked his question lightly and without any particular emotion. A chill crept down the greenrider's spine, but before he could blame it on the cool wind dancing over the Ranges, Talian had dropped a bomb and B'jin's lips pursed angrily, a single word hissing between them: "Wonderful."

Larrikith looked up, startled, by B'jin's sudden spike of anger, the emotion entwined with the seeds of fear and she plucked the cause from his mind, her eyes flashing worriedly as she turned to stare at Talian. She hadn't plucked that from his mind and that worried her. Had he figured out how to hide things from her like B'jin did, or did he simply not think about it often? After a moment of staring thoughtfully at Talian, she decided it didn't bother him quite as much as the experience with J'ver, and lowered her head, still watching the two men but with less anxiety and confusion.

B'jin threw himself back on the ground, staring up at the sky irritably as he chewed on what Talian had said. The problem was, B'jin didn't know what to tell the boy. Valerian was many things, and B'jin had a lot of trouble picturing him as one of those. But he couldn't say that! He didn't doubt what Talian said, and didn't wish to risk implying that he did. But he just couldn't see it! Talian sees it very clearly. Larrikith put in drolly. Would you like- Faranth NO! B'jin yelped mentally, but managed not to do any more than shoot his dragon a harsh expression and snort at her in disgust. Larrikith snorted back and stuck her nose in the air.

B'jin brushed a hand over his face, breathing deeply before turning to look at Talian with a slightly worried expression, unsure exactly how to preceded, but there was something he needed to know, above all else. So he asked it, redundant as it might seem. "Are you okay?" B'jin had no idea what Valerian was like between the furs (and planned to keep it that way!) but he knew what flight losers could be like, having accepted R'nd's company after his friend had come out of a flight wanting. Not quite as bad as a flight itself, but still... B'jin's expression was sad, worried but held no pity. Talian wasn't pitiful. He was just having a shit run the past ... lifetime.

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Written By: ZZZ Archived
#12
It would have taken blindness to overlook B'jin's reaction, and Talian was anything but blind. The healer leaned back on the palms of his hands, face unchanging in the low evening light. He watched silently as B'jin huffed and fell backwards and shared some unheard exchange with Larrikith, who seemed displeased at the outcome. For a brief moment, Talian found himself wondering for the first time since meeting them what exactly went on between them. He was dismissive of dragons, quick to label them as vile things and instantly discard anything they had to say, but after an entire turn of observation, he knew there had to be something going on in there. In that moment, it was oddly and undeniably evident that B'jin and Larrikith had their own little world in there.

B'jin was worrying about him, Talian knew. B'jin was so kind, always worrying when it wasn't his problem and suffering through so much guilt that Talain no longer felt necessary or vindicated by. He once smiled at the thought of B'jin feeling such guilt, not because he wished the greenrider pain, but because it meant he felt remorse for the horrible thing he'd done. And it was a horrible thing, something Talian would never forget. Sometimes, though, Talian wondered if B'jin realized that forgiving and forgetting were not always the same thing. B'jin was forgiven long ago, even if neither of them would ever escape the reality of what had happened.

B'jin, however, was probably worth it all. No, not even probably...he was. He absolutely was. An unusual sense of calm washed over the young man as he flopped backward beside the man he regarded as his father, thinking about the implications and the unfamiliar and yet fortunate reality he'd just stumbled upon. B'jin was worth it. It was just one thing, but it was something.

"Yes," he answered simply, his voice just as devoid of humanity as it had been before. "I'm perfectly fine. It's..." It's not J'ver he explained to himself, perhaps subconsciously hoping Larrikith would pick up on it and make B'jin understand. "It's fine. It's what I expect from d-...most dragonriders." In a very Talian-specific sort of way, this was a compliment to riderkind. Shortly before, he'd not have hesitated to unapologetically label every rider in the Weyr a torturer and a rapist, while somehow exempting B'jin (and B'jin alone) from that distinction. Now, he was acknowledged that he expected it only from 'most'.

Of course, it also put Valerian in a rather unsavory category in the young man's head, but he was resigned to that much.

"I knew something was bound to happen the moment he Impressed," Talkian said dispassionatly, almost bored. "It's fine, though. It was just sex."

It was just sex. Tal frowned, troubled by his own void concerning the subject. It didn't even feel worth thinking about, and that didn't sit well with Tal. He knew it should have bothered him far more. Discontent, he brushed the subject away. If B'jin watched closely enough, or if Larrikith even tried to pick up on the young man's peripheral thoughts, they would be able to watch as he slammed the subject into the back of his mind.

The healer was silent for a few long moments before rolling onto his side and looking at B'jin, eyes wide and expression gradually softening. "This place is so...stagnant,"  he observed. "It's like nothing ever happens and nothing ever changes. I can't believe it's been over a turn. I can't even fathom it." He sighed, frustrated. "I...it's almost a relief to not have to see my father anymore. Or the Hall. Or the Master Healer. And I don't miss the sharding pressure..and I can only imagine what it would be like with a baby. But I don't have anything to do, B'jin. It's boring. It's like there's no past and no future. I...I don't understand how you aren't all crazy..."

He shifted onto his back. "Home is painful for me, too. But here is just...nothing. It's just a bunch of nothing." He sounded almost amazed. It was an attitude he'd been holding in for a long time, unable to express without falling into a self-destructive pity tangent. Those weren't completely behind him, but he'd advanced beyond spewing them out loud. Everyone knew how he felt on the matter, and he knew what everyone else would say. He was comfortable setting it aside to discuss the whole thing in other terms. He could even, for the first time, admit to the few good things that came with his incarceration, even if most of them came due to the absence of things from home.

He frowned.

"And don't say 'craft'," he said, his tone rigidly serious until he got to the nbext part. "...Because every other healer in this place is a talentless wherry."

He sat up again and stared comically at B'jin, his expression playful and yet hilariously honest. "Every single one of them!" the healer hissed, as if acknowledgement of their failure was physically painful to him.

Then, he laughed.

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

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Written By: ThistleProse
#13
The look B'jin gave Talian at his simple answer was many things; full of many emotions. It wasn't that he didn't believe Talian was okay, or that he didn't believe Talian thought he was okay. It was that he was pretty sure no one was meant to be okay, or in a position to say they were okay, when they'd been forced through as many hells and back as Talian had recently found himself slogging through. Brown eyes darkened as he watched Talian, and while the boy didn't seem willing to actually say what went through his mind, and while Larrikith didn't pass it on to him, B'jin understood, and it shone on his face as he nodded slightly. He could understand that, and even relate to it, though he had no intention of informing Talian of that.

"Mm," the agreement was dull, dry and somewhat dark as B'jin agreed with Talian's assessment of 'most dragonriders'. The fact was, most were like that, and while not all were, there were more than enough to shut out those few who were in fact decent people and prepared to ask before they took. Most - not all, but most - were his fellow greenriders, and a scattering of bronzes. What few blues, and if there were any browns, were vastly outweighed by those that weren't. B'jin, admittedly, had not heard anything bad about R'nd. But he was willing to admit that could be as much his unwillingness to listen as it was the fact that his bluerider was more than likely one in... however many blues currently occupied Katila. R'nd would never hurt him, and he knew that with a certainty that was almost worrying.

B'jin twitched slightly at Talian's aligning sex and being assaulted as one and the same, the greenrider unconsciously withdrawing in on himself slightly. They were not the same - but it had taken Nemall over a decade to convince him of that, and so B'jin realised he could hardly expect Talian to differentiate between the two without someone to show him the difference. Hopefully, the boy would find someone to do just that. Ironically, B'jin didn't see the similarities between his abrasive relationship with Nemall and what he was subjected to as a greenrider. It was amazing, the things the man could blind himself to.

Startled, B'jin gave a soft choke of laughter as Talian called Katila stagnant, his amusement flowing through to shine in his eyes as he turned to watch Talian march off on his tangent with fond amusement. When the young man set out to state his opinion of the other healers with such a comical seriousness, B'jin laughed properly, deeply amused as he hugged the laughing Healer to his side and shook his head.

"Perhaps you need to dig through some of the older Weyrbrats?" B'jin suggested, amusement still lingering in his voice, though he was being quite serious. "Maybe you'll find a gem or two in the - what did you call them? Talentless Wherries?" He suddenly smirked, leaning up on an elbow to meet Talian's eye. "Find me an alternate to Numbweed." As if that were possible. Then again, this was Talian so Faranth only knew. The boy would probably click his fingers and something would pop out of between to give him the relief he'd never been able to have. "Because Threadfall is going to be amazingly painful without it." The fact that his voice betrayed his horror at fighting Thread without having the planet wide relief of numbweed, gave away just how often the thought crossed his mind. "Chances are I'll be dead before it falls," Well, not really. He was barely fifty and Threadfall was due in what? Another two decades? But still. "Well, we can hope, anyway." He tossed Talian a wink that wasn't quite teasing.

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Written By: ZZZ Archived
#14
Talian chewed on the inside of his cheek for a few long moments, content to stare blankly at the stars and let the topic of sex slip away. Sex had always been a strange topic for Talian. His attitude towards it had shifted more than once in the past turn, but now he seemed content to discard it as unimportant. There wasn't even any disgust or bitterness in his tone. Just empty disinterest.

When healing came up, the young man became more animated, albeit only slightly. His chilly exterior remained for the first few moments. "Weyrbrats? I refuse," he said simply, in a tone that implied that he wanted to be offended but was far too tired of all the reasons and explanations to bother acting offended. It was a passing thing, but the sentiment was there, lurking behind his adamant eyes. "This place doesn't deserve what I have in my head, and neither do dragonriders' children." He spoke simply, once again as if reciting fact. The comment seemed to draw him out of his previously more relaxed tone. He'd decided long ago that he would only teach if he was returned to Healer Hall, but that wasn't likely to ever happen at any rate, so his skills would just have to die with him, slowly and boredly. Was that a word?

There was one good sign, at least. He finally seemed to think well of his own abilities. He would have, for once, actually attributed the improvement to Katila. Here, he didn't have his father or the Master Healer ignoring everything he did well to simply point out the small mistakes. He certainly kept it on the surface of his mind more than he once did, though he largely considered it a waste of his time and skills. How many people up north had died when he could have saved them? He'd only saved one person here. The fact that she was a goldrider didn't make her life any more valuable than theirs.

Now, the next part caught his attention. He looked to B'jin, eyes shining with just a hint of thoughtfulness and focus, something that was so natural to him and yet appeared so rarely these days. A creeping realization appeared on the young man's face, lightening his expression and bringing that almost looked like a rejuvenated smile to his face.

"B'jin? You just gave me a reason not to kill myself," Talian said in the most pleasant little purr.

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

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Written By: ThistleProse
#15
B'jin had... No idea at all how to respond to that, twisting slightly to stare at Talian in surprise at the young man's soft words. He could tell by the gentle expression and the soft, purring tone that Talian was being genuine in what he was saying, but it still made B'jin's blood run cold deep in his veins and a shiver strode down his spine with fingers of ice. "Good." What more could he say? Was there anything else to say to a statement such as that? B'jin leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Talian's forehead, toppling back over onto his own back in a fluid motion there after.

Deciding to mash topics, B'jin looked sideways at Talian with an expression that was distinctly trouble, a wicked little smirk twisting the greenrider's lips as he arched an eyebrow, letting Talian observe his expression for a little while before actually revealing what was calling it. B'jin didn't get to be naughty and have fun very often, so the times he did, he thoroughly enjoyed making his companion squirm. R'nd was a delightful subject, though he was starting to get to the point where he squirmed less and actively invited B'jin to act upon it... and the greenrider would be lying (something he was not known for) if he said he didn't enjoy that reaction just as much!

"Amorandii will be crushed," he was teasing Talian, and the way his lips were twitching belied the effort he was putting into keeping a mostly straight face. "She wants to be just like you," B'jin purred, laughter in his voice now as he settled into teasing the far too serious little healer. "Saving the world form unjust injury, bringing dead people back to life," B'jin's smirk was wicked now, and blatantly told Talian he was behind Amorandii's rather vividly coloured ideas of what her healer-idol got up to on a daily basis. B'jin thought it was adorable, the way his daughter told anyone that would listen that Talian was her Healer-Brother. He was still waiting to see if she'd drop the 'brother' part in exchange for marrying her idol, or if she'd just marry him anyway. Considering it was Amorandii, he was pretty sure Talian would have little say. The child was terribly clever when it came to getting what she wanted, when she wanted, how she wanted.

Just be thankful she's not interested in dragons. Larrikith said mildly, her voice audible to both the lazing men as she shifted her gaze to look at them seriously. B'jin's expression sobered, the cheerful and playful smirk sliding away to be replaced by a worried frown. "Indeed," he murmured dryly, well aware that he'd fight even S'kef - physically, if need be - to prevent his precious little girl from being put on the Sands. But how could he fight her desire? He would give her anything, but a dragon was not part of that deal. He would not see his beautiful baby girl marred by the harsh lifestyle of being a dragonrider.

"I would much rather see her married off and far from any baby dragons. Would that I could get you both away from such worry." While he wasn't looking at Talian - instead, he was scowling at the sky - it was clear B'jin was also speaking of the young man beside him alongside his baby girl. Indamor would make a fine dragonrider, and both he and Larrikith were quite sure he'd make bronze - brown at least, but surely bronze! - and so, he would be fine. But Amorandii and Talian? B'jin shuddered to think what the dragonrider lifestyle would do to his adopted son and his precious little princess.

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Written By: ZZZ Archived
#16
Tal's lip twitched a bit, but he accepted the affection nonetheless. He curled back into his previous position, shamelessly resting against the man, and yawned. This was a much more pleasant night than the one precisely one turn before. Tal's increased stability showed in his willingness to joke about his own suicide attempt, though as with smiling, it was partially done in genuine humor and partially to mask a bit of pain.

It hurt to think about. Tal ha abandoned the feelings that led him to that terrible decision, but he was no happier now than he had been at the time. He may have discarded those emotions, but he still understood him. The entire event was still a part of him. He withered a little bit, falling into a quiet slump as he thought back on it. What time was it now? What had he been doing at this exact time one year before? Was he still waiting, or was he gagging on his own blood? Or had B'jin already saved him?

The healer twitched again, but B'jin saved him, as he always did. Talian looked to the greenrider and bit his lip, thinking carefully about what B'jin had just told him about Amorandii.

"What have you been telling her? Why would you do that?" the healer asked, unsure how seriously to take his father. Talian sounded helplessly puzzled. Why would B'jin say things like that, and why would she believe them?Would she actually be crushed?

Tal's lip twitched again. "...Maybe just one," he conceded, rolling onto his side and letting out a precious and entirely unconvincing little huff. "I have no interest in teaching. Least of all anyone here," he said. Talian didn't hold strong to many things, but his sense of independence and identity was one of them. He would not teach weyrbrats. He would not contribute to Katila. He would not do anything to help these people. For B'jin, though, he supposed he could make an exception. He didn't elaborate on his words any, simply muttering them half-thoughtfully and letting it go. He figured if B'jin was serious, he'd follow up on it, now or later.


The healer rolled back to face B'jin again. "I wasn't kidding," he said, returning to the earlier topic as if nothing had happened. The poor healer still tended to spout off whatever was on his mind. "I am going to find a way to cure your allergy." He smiled widely, eyes wide and searching for approval or happiness. He wanted so badly to help B'jin! "You deserve it. You saved me."

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

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Written By: ThistleProse
#17
B'jin laughed, he couldn't help it. The way Talian spoke, the shocked indignation was too much. The greenrider's laughter was honest and while not soft, was not over powering either. Brown eyes sparkled with mischief. "Stories," he teased cheerfully, giving Talian a gentle poke in the ribs. "Why?" His voice was amused. "Because I love you, they love you, and I want them to know you, even if you don't want to know them." He wasn't being mean, nor trying to guilt the young man into spending time with B'jin's young children. It was simply a fact as he saw it and he had no intention of changing what he was doing. A suddenly devious smirk lifted the corners of his lips, "Which is why I also tell them outrageous stories about R'nd."

Of course, the stories of the outrageous bluerider who got up to comical mischief wasn't received nearly as well as the grand adventures of one Master Healer Talian (Capitals included) most notably because Amorandii wasn't interested in dragonriders and was a suspicious child by nature; Indamor hated blue dragons and unfortunately R'nd and Ayyonth had not done anything in the child's opinion worthy of his trust or good faith. B'jin was trying, but he knew he wasn't winning that battle on his own. The lack of interest his lover took in his children hadn't ever really bothered B'jin, since he wasn't expecting R'nd to hang around, and knew that their friendship never had nor ever would include the bluerider having more to do with the brats than was absolutely required. It was why B'jin was still randomly surprised R'nd hadn't avoided him after he'd dumped Indamor on him that afternoon - though Indamor had quite plainly made clear his disgust with the greenrider. B'jin grimaced; he wasn't the only one with shadows left by Nemall, but he hadn't realised what a bad influence his relationship with the other Harper had been on his children.

It didn't help that his children had grown up enough to be aware of the treatment differences between greens and blues, and while both had blueriding mothers, he was also aware of their distaste for the way B'jin had often come out of hiding after his flights with bruises and a sour disposition. For all that, however, Indamor had noticed the lack of his being sour, at least, since Ayyonth had managed to capture Larrikith's attention so regularly, and he was sure that even if he'd never dream of believing the weyr gossip that the two men were Weyrmated, B'jin was quite sure his not-relationship with R'nd was far more positive an influence on the children than what he had had with Nemall. At least he knew R'nd would never hurt his babies.

"I would appreciate it," B'jin said gently, turning serious brown eyes onto Talian with a sad little smile. "It's unjust that you should be forced to stand," his voice was soft, eyebrows furrowing as he frowned sadly at Talian, "But no one will ask Andi to stand if she has an education, Talian, and I do not want her tied into this life." He couldn't save Talian from the Sands forever, but he could save Amorandii - or rather, Talian could save her. B'jin supposed he could train her to be a Harper, but the child had no interest in music, art or any of the other categories of Harper Craft. She simply wasn't interested in his life or his craft. He could accept that, especially since her lack of interest currently also encompassed a lack of desire to Impress. Dragons were pretty enough, and fun, but he knew from asking her that she considered them far too much work. Amorandii occasionally enjoyed helping bath Larrikith, or to pain Grith in the Gather Square but she would rather pick flowers or paint on paper or play with her dolls. B'jin prayed every day that she wouldn't shift her gaze onto the dragons.

B'jin turned his gaze skyward, talking softly as he watched the stars. "If you are destined to Impress, I hope you get a blue or a bronze. No one deserves the life of a green. And..." well, did he need to explain his stance on brownriders to the young man beside him? B'jin sighed softly, shivering in part from the cool breeze that twined down his spine, and partly from the morbid thoughts within his mind. He knew, in his heart as did Larrikith, that Talian would be lucky to Impress above a green. But he would be so much better on a blue or bronze. Bronze, that would be best for his healer boy. Bronzeriders were quiet and dignified and respectable (or, more than often anyway) and that was what Talian was. So, surely, a nice sensible bronze would select him, right? B'jin ignored the little voice that pointed out there would be six greens to every bronze appearance - if not more - that would be far more likely to pick his boy. Why couldn't he protect him from the life he didn't want?

We don't always get what we want, dear, Larrikith said gently, turning and shifting so she could lay her head on B'jin's thighs, watching the two men lazily before closing her eyes and sighing deeply. B'jin raised an eyebrow at her, flexing his knees under her. When she didn't respond, B'jin rolled his eyes and turned to look at Talian with a frown. "Thank you, Talian." B'jin didn't bother to point out that he was pretty sure it was a pointless path. He wasn't sure what the Healer's he'd seen where like, quality wise, but he'd seen several in his youth and knew they hadn't found anything. But Talian was young, and he was the best there was to be had, and he had personal investment. B'jin smiled gently at the young man. "If anyone can, you will."


[sup]He went on a tangent, sorry >_>[/sup]

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Written By: ZZZ Archived
#18
Tal felt himself blushing at B'jin's explanation of the stories. The healer had no idea what to make of that. He knew B'jin's kids looked up to him, but Tal wasn't very good big brother material. He barely even knew his sisters back home, in spite of spending so many turns living with them! He didn't dislike B'jin's kids, but he had no idea how to be a big brother, or even if his status as a big brother was real or deserved.  Tal just flushed awkwardly, trying hard not to think about it too much. "I will consider it when she's a little older, I guess. I don't like the idea of teaching here." He didn't need to explain why. "But at least it would be an excuse not to teach any others, and I half expect to be forced into it."

He spoke with total resignation, so overwhelming that he sounded like it was just a fact of life. He was a prisoner, and would be forced to do all sorts of things that he didn't want. That was it. There was no misery in his voice, no annoyance, no indignation...just fact. It was eerily similar to the tone he'd used when speaking of his run-in with Valerian.

It shifted to a more thoughtful tone afterwards. "If anyone deserves it, it's one of your kids. I guess I can make up for not being able to look after the little one with Fiora." Not his little one. The little one. It would never be his.

He shrugged. "Assuming she actually wants to. It's pretty disgusting, being a healer...I've been covered in every awful thing you can imagine," he said, smiling just a little bit. "But if she can handle playing in the mud and skinning her knee, she should be fine." The idea still obviously made Talian uncomfortable, but there was asoftness there, a willingness to bend for someone he cared about. Talian didn't like bending for people, but B'jin was a special case.

The topic of dragons was less well-received. His eyes narrowed at B'jin's words concerning hatchings. It's unjust that you should be forced to stand

"Just me, or anyone?" Talian asked, tone descending into distant iciness. "If it's unjust, why did you search? Knowing that everyone would be forced?"

There was a definite note of accusation there, but it didn't linger for long. Talian wasn't very good at being angry. He'd always opted for sadness instead, and his months of anger had been beaten out of him by J'ver. Talian didn't have it in him to hate, and in spite of all the trouble B'jin had caused him, the man was also the single most positive influence Talian had in his life...now for sure, and perhaps ever. Only Fiora rivaled him, and Talian found these days that he intentionally shut her out of his mind. It was like he'd made a mental attempt to murder her, to banish her from his mind and heart like she'd never existed. It was the only way; otherwise, he'd love her forever.

Tal's eyes bored into B'jin a moment, lids listlessly half-open, like he didn't even have the energy to make a more strenuous accusation. The moment of coldness was over in a flash, but the brief hardness of his features was unmistakable. He exhaled slowly, a transparent effort to calm himself down and shut it away.

"Don't answer," he said softly. "It doesn't actually matter, and I think it better if I don't know," he said. He felt foolish for saying anything. He covered his discomfort with a smile. He could have been dramatic and reminded B'jin of how bad he'd be on any dragon, but he instead chose to interpret the 'blue or bronze' comment as a twisted compliment.

"...Don't worry about that," he said. "If any dragonet comes near me, I will kick it as hard as I can." He crossed his arms stubbornly. He was deadly serious, but the comment also functioned as a morbid joke. A serious frown crossed his face and he nodded, as if confirming his intentions to himself. He liked to think he'd kill the sharding thing if he could, but he doubted he had the guts. It wasn't that he was shy of blood, but he'd come to begrudgingly accept dragons as more than mere animals. Stomping one until it stopped moving hardly seemed acceptable anymore, but he could still determine without an hesitation that actually Impressing one terrified him.

"I don't want to be trapped forever, B'jin," he said slowly, once again using his dead tone. It wasn't much use to fantasize about fending off dragonets when he knew in his heart that when and if the time came, he would just cower. "But that's how it is for me, isn't it? It's never my decision; always someone else's," he muttered, soulless and mathematical. It didn't matter anymore. Stubborn Talian had given up on choosing his own direction in life.

He slowly turned his head towards the greenrider. "...I don't feel any better about it now than I did a turn ago, Dad...and I still think about it," he confessed. He paused for a moment, tryiong to think of how to say the words floating through his mind. "I want you to believe me when I say that in spite of everything, I'm still glad I'm here." He spoke delicately,as if he feared the consequences of speaking his mind on the subject. He let his eyes sink closed and sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just really heavy on my mind tonight. I'm glad you found me, B'jin. I gave up that day, and it was stupid."

He'd still given up, but in a much different way. There was a blend of weakness and strength present in him now. He had given up, and he was bonded to that decision, committed to surviving this entire ordeal at any cost. He was past weeping for himself and trying to pretend like he would ever have any control over his own life. His ambition was dead. His will to live was strong. J'ver hadn't killed him and he hadn't killed himself. Any dragonet that came near him didn't stand a chance. Nothing could kill him now, and in a strange and small way, he was quietly proud of himself. The Talian that cowered from his father and took medicine to dull the pain of his old life could never, ever have survived what the new Talian had endured.

"I remember promising you that I would be all right," Tal mused lightly. He smiled, this time more sincere. "...Did I keep my promise, Dad? In your eyes, I mean."

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

Date of Birth
23.06.683 AL, 61
Height
5'9
Eyes
Brown
Build
Sturdy, softly fit
Hair
Blonde, Silver

Threads
102
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864

Written By: ThistleProse
#19
B'jin had been the eldest child of four, back in the day, with no younger siblings showing up until he was in his fifth turn. The greenrider had very little memory of the turns before his brother's birth, and so in his mind, he had always been a big brother. His relationship with his siblings was up and down, but B'jin had always considered that to be all a part of being a sibling and was why he let his own children squabble when they needed to but firmly put a stop to any bitching before things got overly serious. He had never had much in common with Lenador, who had taken a fancy to the growth of grapes not long after B'jin had shown a talent for music. It was his sisters B'jin had always harboured a soft spot for, with Andeleen following him happily into the Harper Craft, where she had stayed when he had ended up an unintentional and unwilling dragonrider. Moramanda, who had grown up more on stories of Benjinamor than actual time spent with him, had idolised him and followed in his footsteps to the degree of being Searched and Impressing. B'jin would always blame himself for being fundamental in her eventual demise.

"Oh, she wants to," B'jin said dryly, looking sideways at Talian with a flat look that harboured a mild sense of amusement but was mostly simply world weary. "She may not have any skill, but I'm sure she can smile and look pretty." He shrugged slightly, watching the stars winking down at them once more. "But as you said, she's still just a baby." He didn't know if his little girl would have any talent for the Healer craft, but he knew she was currently interested and it would be a good way to keep her work up in her classes; if she wants Talian to take her on than she must do her best! B'jin smiled slightly. "She's very determined to impress you," his voice was light hearted, but not particularly teasing.

B'jin flinched at the icy tone Talian's voice took on, brown eyes widening than narrowing slightly as he twisted around to half sit, resting on one elbow and scowling down at the young Healer. He remained that was for several minutes, just staring down at Talian with an unreadable expression as the young man finally asked him if he'd kept his promise. He knew he should do as Talian asked, and not explain why he Searched - that he should answer the question of promises the young man asked with such insistence. Knew it, knew it somewhere in the back of his mind. But he couldn't get past the icy tone Talian had spoken in, and the accusation that had fuelled it. Like B'jin wanted to steal these young men and women from their homes! Like he enjoyed it!

"Why?" He asked, half hissing the word. "Because that son of a fucking wherry told the fucking Weyrleader my bloody dragon is the best. That's why." Brown eyes were dark with anger, though it was not aimed at Talian, but at S'kef and just another of the brownrider's life ruining actions. B'jin hissed between his teeth irritably and sat up, giving Larrikith's head a gentle bump with his knee so she lifted it off his thighs, letting him spin around to face Talian, crossing his legs, arms folded tightly over his chest. "So yes, we Searched. A whole fucking seven of you, out of over one hundred. So don't give me that fucking attitude, Talian. I don't do it because I want to. I do it because I have no fucking choice!"

Easy, love. Larrikith spoke softly, before snorting when B'jin returned her quiet words with a fast mental stream of curses that had the dragon ruffling her wings huffily. Fine. Be that way. Irritable, Larrikith rose and stalked off several paces to sit with pristine dignity, her back turned to the two men and her nose in the air. B'jin didn't so much as glance at her: he was busy glaring at an image of the past located somewhere to the left and over Talian's shoulder.

B'jin's lips twisted into an angry sneer, before his entire persona calmed as rapidly as the anger had spiked, the greenrider shaking his head and closing his eyes. B'jin dropped his chin, unfolding his arms slowly and raising his hands to rub idly at his temples, a deep breath releasing very slowly. "I'm sorry, Talian." B'jin's voice was a very low murmur, almost a whisper. His head lifted slowly, hands dropping back into his lap as he considered the young man thoughtfully.

"I guess so," B'jin said slowly, almost completely random as he recalled Talian's wide eyed question and focused on it, pushing aside his tantrum of moments before with his usual dedication. "I wish you were happy," he didn't bother elaborating on how he knew that wouldn't actually be likely to ever happen. "But you are surviving." He shrugged slightly, looking uncomfortable. "Sometimes that's all we can do." B'jin had spent most of his life surviving; random points in the past turn were the only times he could recall being happy - legitimately - with who he was and where he was in his life. R'nd was a major factor, his children, and Talian. He wondered, sadly, if any of them were aware of just how much they meant to him. He was afraid of putting any form of pressure on R'nd, but he had no excuse not to remind the children daily - thrice! - that he loved them, and appreciated them, right?

With a sudden and dramatic change in expression, B'jin literally threw himself at Talian, wrapping the undoubtedly startled young man up in an almost desperate hug. "I really do love you!" It was said firmly, but more than a little muffled by his face being half buried in his own arm, and Talian's shoulder.

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Written By: ZZZ Archived
#20
Talian knew he was in trouble as soon as B'jin fell silent and remained silent for so long. The healer drew up unconsciously and got quiet himself, lips tight and fingers curled anxiously in his lap. When the retort finally came, Talian liked to think he was mentally prepared for it. Tal had gotten used to B'jin's temper and unpredictability. He was also used to being frequently admonished by people he cared about.

There were a lot of things he could point out about B'jin's answer. There were a lot of things that Talian wanted the answers to. After that, however, he was unwilling to ask. He cringed lightly at B'jin's words and looked back at him, his expression once again accusing and filled with those pressing questions. Why, if B'jin was forced to search, had he been so sharding cheerful about it? That was the one that had always bothered Talian the most. B'jin acted so proud of what he'd done. The fact that he was forced made no difference if he was proud of it. Talian would never forgive B'jin for how cheerful he'd been on the day he ruined the young man's life. That was the most hurtful part of the whole ordeal. B'jin had been all smiles and sunshine that day, and it was hideously insulting.

Talian wasn't going to say it, though. Not after that. The expression on his face diminished to an anticlimactic blankness and he looked away, his feelings obviously hurt by the comments, but not so much that he chose to turn it into a fight. He very well could, but it wasn't worth it. Even if he made good points, B'jin would ignore them as he always did. B'jin was a master at ignoring whatever was inconvenient for him. Fighting would only make both of them feel worse, so Talian was more than willing to let B'jin be right. Deep down Talian knew that B'jin already felt bad for what had happened.

Talian  felt worse, though. Or at least he once had. Now it didn't seem worth the effort, but parts of it still gnawed at him. What he longed for most desperately was some sense of closure on the matter, and that wasn't something he was ever likely to have. "It doesn't matter anymore, anyhow," was his only response, utterly bland, in spite of the apology he'd already received. That wasn't the same as not accepting the apology, but he felt emotionally withdrawn, unwilling to say anything for fear of sparking a conflict that he didn't want to get in to.

He watched as Larri walked away. A small but vocal part of the healer found himself wanting to walk over to her and pet her again. She looked so put out! He could only imagine B'jin had spoken harshly to her, though over what he couldn't imagine. Certainly not him. He resisted the small temptation and just watched, since actually getting up and walking away would look more aggressive than he intended.

During B'jin's next comments, Talian remained motionless and unresponsive. He'd almost tuned the man out, thinking about all sorts of other topics in short bursts while trying to pick up the little scraps B'jin was giving him as well. Talian didn't have much enthusiasm for the response, but he did tilt his head slightly in B'jin's direction and nod. "I wouldn't be happy at home anyhow," he said, like a child deciding they no longer wanted something because they couldn't have it. There was some truth in there as well. He'd been miserable at home, and some part of him knew that Katila should have been a welcome escape for him. He'd already touched on that, so he didn't feel the need to say anything.

He was jolted from his quietness by the sudden hug. He squeaked, lacking in any dignity, and wiggled for a few moments before he realized what was going on. His heart jumped; for a moment, he hadn't been sure who had him or for what reason! But shards, once he realized it was just B'jin, he felt stupid. No green was flying and J'ver couldn't hide under every rock. Here, Talian was safe. He gasped for breath for a moment before going limp in the greenrider's arms and lazily resting his head against him.

The young man had become much more accustomed to physical contact than he once had been; almost too comfortable since his run-in with J'ver. It mattered and meant so very little to him. B'jin, however, was worth the effort of a tight hug. Tal happily allowed the greenrider to nuzzle him, though he couldn't help but wonder what caused the change of tone. Talian's own mood remained muted, but a small smile did return to his face.

"I love you, too," he murmured. "And I really am going to find that cure for you..." It was the sweetest thing he could come up with to say in his alarmed, dour state. It was a pretty comical attempt, but entirely wholehearted.

The healer was silent for a few moments. His feelings had been hurt by B'jin's outburst, but the greenrider's mood swing and subsequent show of affection were almost touching. B'jin always tried so hard to make Talian happy. As the healer rested in the other man's arms and considered those attempts, he wound himself wishing very badly that he could manage it...if only once.

He sighed. "I'm sorry, B'jin," he said, looking up at the greenrider with a curious mix of emotions. "I don't mean to give you a hard time about it. There are just a lot of things about it that have never made sense to me, and that have been very hard for me to forget..."

Hadn't he just resolved not to talk about this?

"It's always bothered me how you seemed to proud of what you'd done, and how you acted offended when I told you I didn't like it here. I guess it's because we didn't know each other then," the healer said, disturbingly little emotion audible in his soft voice. "And it's all been on my mind a lot tonight."

He paused again. He wasn't sure what kind of point he was trying to make, but he was so tired of the tension in their relationship...something that he knew went back to the kidnapping. It always had. He wasn't sure if B'jin was conscious of it or not, but he was.

He set his jaw and ground his teeth a little bit, fingers twitching in his lap.

"I know I've said it all before, though. It doesn't matter. That part doesn't even really bother me anymore. It's just that...every time I tried to explain to you why, you blew me off. You always brushed it away, like I was silly for being upset or like what I said didn't matter. I felt like you thought less of me because I wasn't happy, when I had no reason to be. It's been impossible for me to forget it, B'jin. But I know you're sorry for hurting me, and I know you try very hard to make me happy." Another sigh.

"I also know I got out of it luckier than most of the others. You risked yourself to go check on my family for me, and I got away from my father, and...I got you." For the first time, his tone warmed, if only a little.

"I don't want you to think I'm still sitting around pining to go home. I know I'm never going to go home." His voice shook a little bit. "I don't think I even would now." This was the first time he'd spoken of home to anyone in quite some time. The last time, he imagined, had also been with B'jin.

"...I don't want you to think I have a grudge on you for taking me, either," he said, serious yet hollow. "It's....It's not the sort of thing I'm ever going to be able to forget,  but I know you have tried so hard to make it up to me..." His voice shook again and tears welled up in his eyes. "And I know in some ways, I've been very lucky. I've just never been able to understand," he said. "I didn't know they forced you to go, Bjin! I wish I had!" His voice nearly broke.

He collapsed into the man's shoulder, but he didn't cry, at least not like he once would have. He rested there for a few long seconds while he gained his composure. He was so much stronger than he once had been, yet still so vulnerable to his old fears.  In many ways, the past scared him more than the future. What more could the future do to him now?

"Thanks for trying so hard to help me," he said wearily. "I love you. I really do. You're a better father than my real dad, and if I had the option to go home...I'd stay here, just to choose you over him," he whispered. It was the ultimate compliment he could offer the greenrider. He didn't know what else to say.

Well, there was one small piece of information he'd been withholding since the day they met.

"By the way...my birthday is the 9th of the first month. I'm twenty-five now."

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

Date of Birth
23.06.683 AL, 61
Height
5'9
Eyes
Brown
Build
Sturdy, softly fit
Hair
Blonde, Silver

Threads
102
Posts
864

Written By: ThistleProse
#21
B'jin smiled gently at Talian's confirmed assurance that he would find a cure for the man's allergy. If it were possible, if anyone could do it, B'jin knew without a doubt that it would be Talian who would do so. There wasn't anyone else worth even considering - at Katila or beyond - and while B'jin knew there had been doctors when he was a child that had found his condition fascinating, none had seen him as more than something particularly interesting to poke sticks at. They were far more interested in his reaction time, than removing the reaction. Even if Talian failed (which wouldn't be a fault in Talian, but the simple fact that B'jin's condition was difficult at best) the greenrider knew he could trust that the young Healer would have put everything into it first.

"I know." He murmured softly, mostly into Talian's hair as he held the young man, chin resting gently on top of his head and brown eyes staring absently out over the fields. The boy would do his best, and that was all B'jin ever wanted for him, or from him. His best. It wouldn't matter if his best wasn't what someone else could give, or was more than someone else gave. It would be Talian's best. "Hmm?" It was an absent sound, pulled from the greenrider without thought as he realised Talian was speaking once more. Brown eyes blinked, focusing, and his gaze dropped down to look at Talian with a gentle, quiet pride.

B'jin blinked placidly, but his eyebrows drew together just mildly as the young man spoke, puzzled and slightly distressed by the words that were being spoken. The greenrider's features flushed slightly, his expression guilty and he shifted his hands, one brushing gentle circles over Talian's back as he chewed on his words for a moment longer. He realised he'd waited too long when Talian took off speaking once more, the boys words tripping over each other as he tried to express himself, and B'jin waited. Relaxed, quiet, but still frowning unhappily.

"Talian," B'jin whispered, when his little healer had come to a stop. The added comment of his birthday surprised a flickering smile out of the greenrider, but his voice was soft and serious as he leaned backwards slightly. B'jin sighed softly, shaking his head as he shuffled words he'd never been skilled with into order, to try and make things better rather than worse. The likely hood of that twisted his lips into a bitter smile before it washed away. He sighed again, one hand freeing itself to shove his hair off his face.

"I... I don't remember Stealing you, Talian." There was guilt in brown eyes, as B'jin looked at the young man sadly, not oblivious to how the day had effected the Healer, or how such words must sound to him. "I don't remember the day, I don't remember my mood and I have no idea what I may have said or done." He paused, eyebrows furrowing, "I remember getting into trouble with D'ren; lots of trouble." The greenrider shivered slightly as he recalled D'ren's fingers curling into the collar of his shirt when the man had grabbed him in his outrage. "My memory is about as bad as Larri's, and she only remembers things for about three days." B'jin shrugged uncomfortably, looking unhappy. "I don't like to remember things, Talian. So I don't."

Desperate eyes begged for understanding - acknowledgement - that Talian would at least recognise that B'jin wasn't doing it to belittle Talian's experiences, but simply because the greenrider had such messes in his life, that forgetting had become the coping mechanism. It was how he survived; unfortunately, it tended to include the good as well as the bad, and often gave the impression of belittlement when people asked him why he had forgotten such and such. B'jin's eyebrows were furrowed sadly above his eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you, never hurt you. Or anyone I've brought in. Searching is meant to be an honour, it's meant to be a great and amazing thing. Before -" he cut off unexpectedly, oddly afraid in his current swirling state to bring up the Plague,  "before, it was. We did so with pride. It wasn't a matter of what, Talian. It was a matter of when. Our boys never Impressed below brown, while our girls always got Gold." He shook his head sadly, sighing softly. "We've done no less well, upon Impression. But... I never wanted this life, Talian. How could I force other's into it? I managed to avoid Searching for Renewed Hope, and... I wish I hadn't. Three of those that were brought in and Impressed suicided. Three! I... I can't help but think if I'd gone, if I'd helped Search, maybe I could have brought in those that would have been stronger, hardier... coped. You know? Three wasted lives - six, if you count the dragons. Such a waste." B'jin shook his head. "I had the choice taken from me when S'kef opened his big mouth and blabbed about how great Larrikith is. We've always been a picky pair, so we got away with searching so few. I just..." It was such a bitter-sweet subject; searching was meant to be an honour. It was meant to be conducted with pride and assurance. Those Searched were meant to hold their heads high and be proud to be found worthy of a dragon... B'jin sighed sadly, wondering if anyone would ever be able to Search with pride again, or if wearing his knots would forever brand him worse than his greenrider knots ever could.

"I always hear you, Talian." B'jin murmured softly, sad. "I do. This has never been my strong point, talking, and I am no good with words. I am a Harper because I have a pretty voice and a clever hand at art. Not because I can weave fancy words. I love you, Talian. I will always try to do what is right by you, I promise..." His voice trailed off, the greenrider's eyes flickering unhappily with an image of the past as he remembered clearly and with distress that what he thought was right, had once become the biggest wrong. But R'nd would never harm his children, and Par'a would never let that man near his family again. B'jin just worried he'd make another mistake, and not see it until it was in bruises across the faces of his children.

"I'm trying," he promised, hugging Talian tight for a moment before relaxing his grip and kissing his temple sadly. He didn't comment on Talian's birthday for now; but that was something he would certainly not forget!

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Written By: ZZZ Archived
#22
Talian listened patiently to B'jin, eyes wide and thoughtful, though his face was buried in the greenrider's shoulder for much of the time. B'jin's tenderness was appreciated, but much of the content was news to Talian. It surprised him at first, but as the seconds drug on and he had more time to absorb it, it all made much more sense.

"Oh, B'jin..." Talian breathed lightly, peeling himself away from the man just enough to look up and meet hs gaze. Talian's wide eyes were as honest as ever, broadcasting his emotions in a much more eloquent and empathetic way than his awkward words ever could. There was tenderness there, along with love and understanding, but there was also a great deal of confusion and guilt as well.

"I didn't know that, B'jin. But it makes sense to me," he whispered, as if his fragile voice couldn't go any louder. "You...have behaved in ways that worried me before. It's like sometimes you forget your words right after they come out of your mouth. I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier." In honesty, the boy was trying hard not to spin off into a medical tangent. Partially it was born of curiosity and desire to learn, but it was also a subtle evasion tactic. It was unsettling and perhaps insulting to know that B'jin didn't even remember events that Talian recalled so vividly, but the pleading look on B'jin's face reminded Talian to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Tal managed one of his nervous smiles. "What I said was true. You acted like it was nothing. Like I should have been happy," he said. His words lacked the bite they carried before; now it was just factual. "It was very offensive to me at the time. It felt like you were mocking me, and I have always wondered about it. It was there the second time I spoke to you as well, but near the end..." That's when he'd seen the guilt. The healer observed his father softly, curious eyes betraying just how well he finally understood.

B'jin repressed bad memories. It all made sense now, and that was a large part of what Talian had wanted all along. "But I get it. You block out things that upset you. I've treated people for that before."

Whoops! Talian's hands shot up.

"Not that I think you need treatment! I...well, after what I did, I don't think I have any right to criticize someone else's coping mechanism...!" Oh shards! The boy blushed furiously. "But I'm glad you told me. Thank you." Now he wouldn't wonder anymore.

"I guess I should tell you something about me, too," Tal offered lightly. "I'm not like you. I'm...almost opposite," he said. "I never forget anything. I...I obsess over bad things. I always have, ever since I was very little. I remember falling down when I was four turns old and ripping the knees on my pants. Talerian had just bought them for me, and when I got home, he beat me. I still remember the exact words he said to me during it, Dad."

He shook his head slowly, unmoved by the memory. "It's part of what made me good at my lessons, but it's been a problem as well. Bad things play over and over again in my head, and every little details sticks with me forever. I guess...I guess that's my problem."

He wrinkled his nose. He'd never asked to be smart. "I don't like it. I don't like being smart, B'jin. It's just given people a reason to single me out, and it's...I just can't understand other people sometimes." He was sure this was no news to B'jin, but it was worth pointing out. "Or how to talk to them," he added, this time borderline sulky, though in a rather harmless way. "Or handle change. Or talk to people I don't know."

He rolled his eyes at himself. "I don't know, B'jin. I'm just really sorry. You've listened to me complain and done everything you can for me for over a turn now. I don't have any right to throw it back in your face," he whimpered at last, looking down in shame.  "And I'm so fucked up that I can't do anything. I'm trying, though...I really am."

He looked up again, unable to avoid eye contact for long. His eyes were suddenly intense. "It's hard for me to do anything without a goal. I've always survived by having something to look forward to. Shards, I hope that makes sense...and..with nothing ahead and all that shit to worry about behind, I just...couldn't ever get my mind off it. But it's not your fault."

Another sudden hug. "You're the best. I can admit that you probably saved me. I'm just not sure what to do now." He nuzzled the greenrider shamelessly. His voice was steady now, even strong. "I didn't mean to talk about all this tonight, either. It's just...on my mind," he added swiftly, looking imploringly at B'jin.

"I know you'd never hurt me. I'm sorry things can't be the way they used to be for you. I know it would make you proud if I was a dragonrider...or if I just wanted to be," he said, trying to find the right way to voice condolences for B'jin's obvious sadness. B'jin was proud of his searching. Tal didn't understand, but he could tell the new connotations of searchriding were upsetting for the man. Something he'd once been proud of had turned evil.

"I'm sorry I can't. I don't think I'd make a very good dragonrider anyhow...No offense, Larri."

It was the first time he'd even spoken directly to her in a casual context, and the first time he'd ever used her nickname.

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

Date of Birth
23.06.683 AL, 61
Height
5'9
Eyes
Brown
Build
Sturdy, softly fit
Hair
Blonde, Silver

Threads
102
Posts
864

Written By: ThistleProse
#23
The greenrider's eyebrows furrowed slightly at Talian's soft words, not sure what points in time the young Healer was speaking of - but for that to be the point, B'jin supposed it would be odd if he did recall the instances of which Talian was referencing. The greenrider shook his head slightly, denying without words what Talian was saying. It wasn't that B'jin didn't believe him, but rather that he didn't want to believe him. He didn't want to think that he'd done something that had so obviously upset Talian; he didn't ever want to have upset Talian.

"Huh?" B'jin's eyebrows arched upwards, his expression taking on tones of confusion as he tilted his head at Talian with a curious air flickering through the brown eyes staring at the young man's face. "Treat?" He asked, blinking. What on earth had he said that would cause Talian to think he might require treatment? B'jin's features contorted into a puzzled frown as he played with the words both he and the young Healer had spoken, trying to figure it out and make sense of it. Talian treated people for forgetting about things that made them unhappy? B'jin chewed on his bottom lip as Talian took up speaking once more.

"Well, that's unfun." B'jin stated simply, perhaps as concerned about Talian's obsession over bad happenings as the boy had been concerned over B'jin's repression. The greenrider couldn't understand why the boy would retain such events, his features betraying lack of understanding though his hand was gentle as he rubbed Talian's back soothingly, unsure how else to comfort the young man as he continued speaking. B'jin just smiled wryly at Talian's admittance to his inability to speak to or understand other people; he was in the same boat there and it had taken a little trial and error to find a way to talk to R'nd.

Ah, a goal - or lack there of. B'jin could relate to that! The greenrider's nose crinkled and he gave the young man an irritable look. Not directed at Talian, but at a circumstance he could understand. "I haven't had a goal beyond 'survive' for over two decades, Tal." Probably three was closer, but B'jin was not quite comfortable acknowledging the length of time he'd dragonridden for... Never mind his own age! B'jin let that slide away without focusing on it. He didn't like to think about how long he had been alive for. It was distressing; were his sister and brother still alive? He knew his parents were not. Did he have nieces and nephews grown? Did they have children of their own?

"It's okay," B'jin said gently, wrapping Talian up in a hug and pressing a kiss to the top of the boy's head. His lips twisted into a smile as the boy spoke to his dragon, who's eye flickered open and she stared at Talian from where her head had taken up resting once more by B'jin's legs. I am never wrong, Talian. Larrikith replied lightly, her voice both amused and affectionate. I do not recall saying I searched you to Impress. Her voice was sly and teasing, and B'jin flicked out a hand to tap her around the nose lightly. "Now you're just covering your big fat green arse." His voice was muffled, speaking into Talian's hair, but the words were dipped in amusement.

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Written By: ZZZ Archived
#24
Talian hummed in soft appreciation of the back rub. His muscles were knotted and his posture rigid, signs of the stress that the young healer wallowed in. He handled it better these days, but it had not vanished. Perhaps one day it would, but for the time being, caffeine addiction and repetitive cycles of studying and self-analysis were Talian's answers. He still spent long hours pouring over his own symptoms, trying to find some sort of magic medication that would cure his depression. At this point, however, it was largely a ritualistic cause. Talian was not happy, but he was no longer as intensely depressed as he'd been. He was no longer suicidal or nihilistic. He knew his problem wasn't actually medical, but merely the lack of focus that he'd expressed moments before.

This new idea about finding B'jin's cure was much more promising. Talian may not be able to cure his own problem which was all in his head, but B'jin's allergy was real and untested enough that maybe, just maybe, some good would come of Talian's research. Shards, it was something to do...Even something to present at Healer Hall when he returned! If he ever returned.

In this sudden flourish of unnatural optimism, that almost seemed like it may be possible one day. After all, he'd survived an entire turn. Maybe he could tough it out a little longer.

Oh, shards! He'd been daydreaming. He jumped when Larrikith's voice entered his mind, though for one he did not cringe. His head snapped towards her and he smiled, so pleased by the strange affection in her voice that he forgot to mistrust her. "I think I'm with B'jin on that one," he said, slowly reaching out and stroking her nose with his delicate fingers. She was so pleasantly soft, in spite of her firmness. What odd creatures!

In that moment, between his new understanding with B'jin, the pleasant new ideas in his mind, and the distinct lack of hatred for the green dragon, Talian giggled sweetly. It was the single happiest moment he'd had in a very, very long time. He could barely stand it, and in a fit of sudden passion, he wriggled free of B'jin, only to dive onto his knees and throw one arm around B'jin's midsection and another around the dragon's nose.

"I love you!"

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B'jin
of Green Larrikith

Date of Birth
23.06.683 AL, 61
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5'9
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Brown
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Sturdy, softly fit
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Written By: ThistleProse
#25
Larrikith crooned with pleasure as Talian's fingers traced lightly over her nose, eyes swirling rapidly with her enjoyment. The little healer's touch was gentle, but it held none of the timidity she was used to him displaying around her, and his mind wasn't whirling with hatred or mistrust. Larrikith crooned again, blowing warm breath in Talian's direction. She was not alone in her appreciation of hte change in the young man in that moment, the link with B'jin buzzing happily and he tossed her a cheerful wink, smiling slightly.

B'jin's expression altered as Talian suddenly wriggled free, a slightly confused frown taking control before outright surprise as the healer threw himself back at B'jin, but also included an arm wrapping around Larrikith's nose; Larrikith was as visibly shocked as her rider, but went with the motion at any rate, letting the arm wrap around her oddly and she inched closer, huffing a breath of amusement at Talian's exclamation, nuzzling at his chest. We love you, too, you know. There were times Larrikith truly believed the young man didn't realise that, or remember it, or believe it. But they did, and her tone was filled with gentle warmth and affection even as B'jin backed her up by wrapping both arms around Talian and giving him a quick squeeze, kissing him lightly on the head.

"Love you, too." B'jin's voice was slightly bemused, the greenrider getting lost in all the ups and downs of his son's mood, and not sure what to expect next. He didn't quite realise that that was often how he made Talian feel, and probably would have been slightly distressed were he to fully understand. Grip releasing, B'jin let his arms relax and simply drape around the boy. Smiling, still bemused, B'jin shifted his seat and than dropped backwards, sprawling once more onto the grass and staring up at the sky; he'd made no motion to let Talian remain sitting up, and after a moment he pointed at the sky, giving Talian a teasing look as he began picking out pictures in the stars that were definitely not the constellations.

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