Sinking [Invite]

“Yes, Weyrleader,” Rhaedalyn replied when it seemed obvious S’kef was waiting for some sort of response for his order. Kahleena and Jada were quick to do the same although they both seemed far more confident than she felt. How could he expect the three of them to maintain what Tsuen and Nirinath had been upholding for over a decade when she, at least, wasn’t even out of Weyrlinghood yet? Not to mention the very horrific fact that they were nearly homeless, had lost so many wonderful people, and their Weyrwoman was on her deathbed. She wasn’t mentally prepared for such a task! Still, she agreed to do it and walked out of the meeting with her head held high to give off the illusion all was well.

Kahleena had wanted to talk, likely to comfort her, but Rhaedalyn didn’t want company right then that wasn’t in the form of Aradissicath or her firelizards. All of her energy was being put into standing up and acting like she wasn’t falling to pieces or that her heart had been shattered into a million pieces. It took a few minutes but she finally got her friend to leave her alone for a while longer. Perhaps they would talk and console each other or whatever it was they were supposed to do in such times but for the moment, Rhaedalyn was free to be alone and she quickly went in search of where Aradissicath was resting.

Her poor sweet dragon no longer had a hatching circuit to call her own and rest in thanks to the landslide. No one would let her back in the remaining space that hadn’t been wiped out so she had taken up residence in a portion of the Square that was unaffected and out of the way of dragons coming and going with supplies or the injured. Rhaedalyn nearly ran across the Square to return to Aradissicath’s side, letting go of Muffin in the process, and threw her arms around the dragon’s neck, sobbing lightly into it. The beautiful golden hide had seen so many tears in the past twenty-four hours that Rhaedalyn was certain she wouldn’t need to bathe or possibly even oil the dragon for some time.

She wanted V’zire. He was always so optimistic no matter what was happening that he’d have encouraging words for her. They’d then laugh and move on to the latest gossip or discussing crushes. She had been so excited for V’zire when he finally showed interest in someone and allowed himself to take a chance. D’hys had seemed perfect for her best friend until he broke V’zire’s heart several months earlier. Her heart had broken as well and she blamed herself still for encouraging V’zire to give into his charms. She was such a blind fool! She was also a fool for not telling the greenrider more regularly how amazing he was and important to her.

It had been shortly after the Healers looked at R’nya and someone tried to find a way to get her cleaned up that clarification was made on who had died in the initial wave of mud and debris. Aradissicath had known before she did and held off telling her. Rhaedalyn didn’t remember much once the words sank in. In fact, she was certain she had passed out and only woke to begin crying and chanting it wasn’t true. V’zire wouldn’t leave her! He was stronger than everyone gave him credit for! Niskziath would never let anything happen to him either. For her to vanish and, from what she was told, take V’zire with her, meant something horrible had happened to her best friend. She still wasn’t sure if she was glad she didn’t know details or if she needed them.

If losing V’zire hadn’t been enough, the mountain decided to take Mevrit from her as well. They were complete opposites but they had roomed together and been friends nonetheless. Rhaedalyn loved the very matter of fact way Mevrit looked at everything and she needed that now. She needed her friend to tell her to do what was asked of her and rest later. It was what was expected of her and nothing less should be given. R’nd had been the one to find Mevrit’s body and told Rhaedalyn personally about her. They had shared a quiet moment together, R’nd allowing her to cry against his chest before he went back to work, helping where he could. Rhaedalyn could see the pain he was in and the way he hid it and she was a bit envious of his ability to shut down, especially now, as she cried yet again.

Slipping down to sit on the ground, Rhaedalyn curled up against Aradissicath’s side and her trio of flitters took up places around her. She reached up to play with a lock of her curly hair and froze when her fingers met nothing but air. She had forgotten that traumatizing experience in all of her grief. Her adventures in the mud had made for her long locks of already unruly curls to become matted and knotted with mud and muck. The woman that had attempted to help her wash up had been left with no choice but to take scissors to the hair. Rhaedalyn had once toyed with the idea of chopping off some of her hair ever since Indivara said she had too much of it and lovers would get lost in it but she loved her locks too much to do so.

Now, she felt like she was bald and naked. The woman hacked it all off, leaving once bouncy and free curls to be nothing more than short curly spikes atop her head. Rhaedalyn had a nice collection of floppy hats she had made over the turns but that had required going back to her hut and that trip just didn’t seem important enough. At least everyone else had enough worries and shock to deal with that her hair hadn’t become the latest news.

Now, on top of everything else, she had to wait for the woman that had been teaching her how to be a goldrider to die so Aradissicath could take over in controlling the dragons. “What if we can’t do it, Dissi?” Rhaedalyn sniffled and gasped when Muffin, Rumour, and even Whisper hissed as someone approached them. She knew they were only being protective because of her mood and they wouldn’t truly be against someone coming to see her. Still, she was surprised to see who it was after dashing away tears and looking up.

She supposed, in all actuality, she had been lucky; she had managed to sleep through the entire mess of the landslide the morning prior, and she had not really lost very many friends. Of course, when you could count the people you considered a friend on one hand, it did not really leave that many for the statistics to wipe away. Instead, what remained of her family had been snatched away. Indivara had only realised early that morning – waking with a shout from a nightmare and clobbering V’ler across the face – that losing them left her an orphan.

Varlea was still alive, for which Indivara had been surprisingly grateful; it would have been just her luck that losing the brat would have her right to Stand revoked. The woman that had adopted the child had looked both disgusted and relieved and Indivara had given a dry laugh at that. Losing her family did not mean she was going to be suddenly interested in hoarding the infant. She had absolutely no desire to change shitty bums or be covered in baby sick. Indivara had had more than enough of that during the month she had been forced to keep the little brat.

Despite all that, Indivara still felt decidedly lost. Sleeping through the entire ordeal had left her out of the loop, and she was still struggling to find her footing, to understand. Why had it even happened? Granted, the unusual rain – and the sheer quantity of it – had been the obvious cause, but the question why? still pounded through her head with every step she took across the messy, muddy grounds. Even the areas not slaughtered by the mountain side were churned up, grass long gone in favour of harried footsteps and dancing dragons.

Barely seeing where she was going, her mind far away, it took Indivara several moments to realise that the obstacle that was slowly advancing was the still form of a dragon. She blinked, clearing her gaze and focusing on the now; Aradissicath. Indivara paused, and in that pause, saw Rhaedalyn throw herself at the golden creature and begin crying. Was that all goldriders did? Cry? Indivara’s nose scrunched up and she sighed. She should probably be more accommodating – after all, every time you thought of a name, chances were the bastard was dead – but still! Whining little bitch had not lost her life, or her dragon, or any of her firelizards… Indivara’s fingers crept up to her left shoulder where Saph was, tail wrapped around her neck like a dark blue chain.

Pursing her lips, Indivara crept closer to the pair, ignoring Aradissicath regally with the same disdain she gave all the gold dragons; it was probably a better attitude to have towards them than the familiar, snippy friendship she shared with Krypth. Indivara had not yet pieced together that Krypth would be the next weyrwoman – probably would not for quite a while – but it would certainly be something she would take note of in the future. Probably something many people would take note of sooner rather than later. Indivara herself would be no happier about such a young weyrwoman than would anyone else, but at least she had some familiarity with Krypth and, in a manner, manipulative power over Jada. The fun she would have!

In the meantime, pursed lips and narrowed eyes studied the back of Rhaedalyn, and Indivara’s nose scrunched up as she reached a talking-distance behind the girl, though perhaps a little closer than necessary. The hissing firelizards were ignored just as Aradissicath was, though Queenie popped out of between to hiss viciously back at them, little body puffed up indignantly. Indivara hushed her by enticing her onto her empty shoulder, though her gaze never left Rhaedalyn. Eyebrows arched slightly as the woman wiped away tears.

“You know,” Indivara’s voice broke through in a bored droll, “I didn’t quite mean that short.” It was clear the girl was talking about Rhaedalyn’s hair, as she stood before her. Indivara’s hands were on her hips, and a frown was furrowing her brows. Dark blue eyes were rimmed in the same sleepless and I’ve-been-crying red that everyone else’s was; a new fashion statement, probably, though not one Indivara would ever admit to falling into, however reluctantly. “Can’t do what?” She asked, tone brisk.

Rhaedalyn stared at Indivara in silence for a span of seconds as she tried to figure out what the girl meant. When the word ‘short’ echoed in her head over and over, it finally dawned on her that the horrible haircut she had been given was being mocked and her lower lip started to tremble again. It wasn’t like she wanted to lose all of her hair! The long curly strands may have been a handful but they were like a security blanket to Rhaedalyn and now she had nothing left. “I… I didn’t… she said… no choice,” a gasp for air or a sniffle punctuated every couple of words as Rhaedalyn tried her best to carry on a conversation about something she knew should have been mundane and nothing to cry over.

She purposely let the silence consume them as Rhaedalyn stared at her hands. No matter how many times she scrubbed them, dirt still seemed to cling under her nails and she took to picking at one to try cleaning it again. While she liked Indivara and wanted to thank her for attempting to distract her from her horrible thoughts, the truth was, her haircut simply wasn’t the best way to go about it and neither was questioning what she had been talking about with the gold dragon that was remarkably behaving herself rather well.  I’m not made of bad manners like some tiny golds running amok. Aradissicath commented on a haughty note, not at all pleased at even remotely being associated with the younger gold dragons that had left a bad impression from the moment they hatched.

Normally Rhaedalyn would have flailed around mentally and even physically at insulting her dragon but she couldn’t even find the energy to do that. She was miserable and alone. Friends had died, R’nya was concussed and almost too weird to spend too much time around, and Kahleena was busy with her own recovery of friends and piecing together life again. You are not alone. You have me and the little ones. You still have Kahleena and R’nya but they have their own struggles to deal with first but you’ll all be back together soon. You also have the tiny girl with the big mouth that keeps staring at you like you’re pathetic and fragile. You are no such thing and you should show her that. The dragon chided Rhaedalyn but it was done out of love and the way her head swung around to nuzzle at the upset girl confirmed that. Self-pity would never do and while Aradissicath didn’t want to take away the grieving that was needed to help heal, she didn’t want Rhaedalyn getting lost in the grief and possible blame that could come from it.

Rhaedalyn sighed, nodded, and gave Aradissicath a kiss to the nose. That seemed to be enough to make the dragon lie back down, giving a sigh of her own. Being egg-heavy and so close to clutching made every action seem like she had flown to the North and back in one day. She couldn’t wait to be able to move once more without such exhaustion!

“And we can’t…” Rhaedalyn picked up the conversation that Indivara had not only interrupted but invited herself into. It didn’t seem like it would hurt any to have the girl know what was going on. Everyone knew Tsuen was dying and Krypth likely wouldn’t be strong enough to control the dragon population on her own. “Tsuen isn’t improving so we were told what would happen when she… passes. Dissi is to help keep Nirinath’s order in place.” She spoke quickly, far too afraid to slow down in case she lost her nerves or ability to speak without turning into a fountain of tears again. Rumour crooned at her and Rhaedalyn picked him up to cuddle close.

The silence was long, and drawn out, but Indivara displayed unusual patience as she stood waiting for Rhaedalyn to answer her question. The response to her comment about Rhaedalyn’s hair had left Indivara suddenly thankful she herself had slept through the most dramatic of the recent event. Her own hair was something Indivara tended to with a quiet pride that would likely have surprised many people to know of. She was brass, and often came across as completely uncaring about her appearance, but Indivara loved the long, silky strands of dark brown – almost black – hair. Reaching easily to her hips, and well maintained (mostly by Kerrin), Indivara considered her hair to quite easily be her best feature – which in and of itself, was a reason she never mentioned it to anyone.

To have some hag hack it all off though. Indivara resisted the urge to pull the heavy braid her hair was presently woven into over her shoulder and pet it reassuringly. While she was self-centred enough not to care nor consider the fact that Rhaedalyn might view such an action as a means of being a bitch and rubbing in her own luscious locks compared to that which the goldrider had lost, Indivara rather refrained because she did not want to make a weakness known. Rhaedalyn was a spineless twit and wouldn’t use something like that against her, but Indivara didn’t trust as far as her tiny foot could kick Grith and she knew someone would likely hear of it and exploit it. Someone like S’kef, for example, or a grumpy Weyrlingmaster, or Faranth only knew.

A sudden frown furrowed Indivara’s brows at the mentioning of Tsuen and the deathbed the woman rested on. Indivara had always considered the silly old twat as wound up as one of B’jin’s guitar strings, but she wasn’t quite sure how she felt about the woman biting the dust. She was the reason Indivara could call herself a born and bred Katilan, and she knew that many of the Weyrfolk were anxious to return to the North. With Tsuen gone, Indivara could only imagine that such gossip would be put into active steps and she was not at all sure she liked the idea of going North. It sounded cold, and Indivara detested being cold!

“Help?” Indivara latched onto the one word that did not seem to make much sense in the context of the answer. Nirinath had been keeping that command in place by herself for many years, Indivara knew – mostly through listening to Jada bitch about whatever lesson she’d had her brains filled with – and if Nirinath could do it by herself, why would Aradissicath need ‘help’, or to help? Her eyebrows furrowed a little more as she eyed Rhaedalyn, gaze shifting to Aradissicath and then back again. If Tsuen died, Nirinath would go between, and that would leave them without a Weyrwoman.

Indivara knew about Weyr hierarchy, and knew the Weyrwoman herself didn’t carry any weight worth breathing on (which was why she was more interested in a bronze and Weyrleader. Hello!), but the broad’s dragon generally had the get-go required to be a commanding bitch, and Indivara assumed the human influence gave her further control over the other golds. It was probably the only benefit to a great fat lump of a so-called dragon – seriously; what kind of dragon couldn’t breathe fire? Nevertheless, they would be left with what… half a dozen baby gold dragons and their useless riders.

Indivara snorted, both amused and disgusted that S’kef had already stepped in to take control. Maybe they would not be abandoning what was left of the Weyr so soon, then, if he was forcing the gold dragons to upkeep Nirinath’s command. Indivara would admit surprise to that – it was not like there was much of the fucking Weyr left, anyway – but she wasn’t at all saddened by the idea. Of course, the rest of the Weyr probably would have something to say about it. At any rate, “Why can’t you do it?” She really did not see what the issue was. All Aradissicath had to do was be bossy, and from what Indivara had seen of the various golds, they were far too abundant in that particular trait.

Rhaedalyn’s relief over Indivara not latching onto the lack of hair was immense. It wasn’t like the talk about possibly failing an important task that the Weyrleader himself had given her was any better but at least she was familiar with failing and knew how those conversations could go. Her hair would always be a sore spot and Rhaedalyn didn’t think any amount of compliments over it would make her like the new style she would do her best to quickly grow out.

I can do it just fine, Aradissicath chimed in, answering the girl while Rhaedalyn returned to sulking over her hair. Yes, it was pretty and the dragon thought the unruly curls fit her sweet rider but it was only hair; it would grow back! Then again, the ladies in stories never had short hair but long flowing luscious locks so it was understandable there would be distress over the loss. Aradissicath grumbled to herself at how she was now getting distracted. None of those other so-called golds will be able to handle such a task so I’m left having to lend my talent and make them look good. It’s a waste, really. While she did get along with Okalinath thanks to their riders’ friendship, even that gold dragon was sometimes eyeballed for her antics and her skill level questioned, although more quietly.

“Aradissicath will definitely be able to do it,” Rhaedalyn added quietly as she moved Rumour to a shoulder so Muffin could be scooped up and squished to her chest in a tight hug. The oldest of her trio was used to such things and hung limply in the grasp but with a content look as finger started petting his little head. “I guess I’m more worried about my end of the bond. I’ve not been too focused or strong the last few days.”

Indivara turned frowning blue eyes upon Aradissicath when the young gold’s voice penetrated her mind without invitation. Saph and Queenie both curled their lips up at the intrusion, throwing out breathy and vicious hisses as their eyes swirled suddenly and unhappily red. There was no welcome in either firelizard, and no invitation for Aradissicath to renter Indivara’s mind; the girl did not think that would prove the least bit daunting to the dragon. Saph puffed up indignantly, but kept his irritability to himself; Queenie was not so quiet, her lips twitching at Aradissicath, revealing her pointy little teeth.

Indivara scowled, her lips pursing before she started to demand what, exactly, was the problem then, but Rhaedalyn answered the question before the girl could actually ask it. Indivara’s frown deepened. “That’s stupid,” Indivara snorted, her tone condescending as she crossed her arms before her, and rocked back on her heels irritably. On her shoulder, Queenie sneered and then turned her attention to grooming her wings. “That great lump there chose you; she wouldn’t have done that if there was something wrong with you.”  A backhanded compliment, but coming from Indivara, it was definitely a compliment. Sort of.

Rolling her eyes, Indivara snorted. “No one has been, by the way. Have you stayed up past nightfall, when everyone thinks everyone else is asleep? No one is sleeping, and no one is strong or focused.” She indicated the Weyr at large – or what shitty remains were left of it, at any rate. There was not a whole lot to be strong or focused about. “People are just surviving.” It was what they were good at, after all. Surviving.

She was not a stupid girl despite what everyone thought of her and even how she sometimes felt herself. She knew she was walked all over for her kindness and how meek she came across because she didn’t always put the extra effort into properly knowing someone since that meant they would get to know her and find her flaws and weaknesses. She also knew everyone thought her rather useless and that if Aradissicath didn’t choose her then she would have been brought South for nothing but to be an extra mouth to feed that could barely do anything worthwhile.

Rhaedalyn was tired of it all.

The entire population was mourning someone and living in the mud like she was, Rhaedalyn knew that and accepted that; understood that. So why wasn’t she allowed to have a moment alone where she could cry and have self-doubt in a job she had never been asked to do before just like everyone else was going through? There was nowhere to escape anymore and even when the sun peeked through the clouds, the light didn’t reach her. Everything was in black and white, bleak and cold. A few minutes away to cry and collect herself was needed in order to get through another hour of the day and she had made the mistake of thinking Indivara could be a friend she could talk to. She should have known better; two of her closest friends were no longer with them and R’nya wasn’t himself with the head injury.

She was alone again and it was about time she acted like it once more. Rhaedalyn stared at the girl that was abrasive but still had shown kindness in the past but now, with her heart being closed off, Indivara was nothing more but another voice telling her how stupid she was. Her firelizards were given the briefest glimpse of what she was about to do and they clung to her or took off – or in Muffin’s case, continued to hang lifelessly in Rhaedalyn’s arms – in preparation.

Rhaedalyn didn’t have much height on her but it was still enough to tower over the petite weyrbrat as she got to her feet and stood proudly. “You are a horrible person, Indivara. Just because you don’t want to think about your losses or cry because you think it’s pathetic, doesn’t mean you have a right to yell at anyone else who needs to. It’s how some of us cope. Two of my dearest friends are dead, R’nya… R’nya isn’t himself, the Weyrwoman is dying and I have to step up and show I’m not as useless as you all think I am, and I’m in love with the sweetest bluerider that I probably can never be with that is probably off saving more people right now and I don’t want to be a burden to him either.” She stopped to take a breath and didn’t care that the tears had stopped and she was now trembling with anger.

It felt like there was more to say to the young woman that had pressed the final button but the anger that flared quickly was starting to fade as well. With a glance at Queenie, something else entirely came to mind and she blurted that out instead. “Also, your firelizards are rude little creatures. I don’t even care if Aradissicath eats them. I have a job to prepare for; excuse me.” Rhaedalyn spun on her heel and did her best to stomp away without slipping in the mud.

I wouldn’t eat these ones. Too stringy; they’d get stuck in my teeth. The gold dragon snorted as she slowly got to her feet to waddle after her rider. They didn’t have too many options when it came down to where they could go but Aradissicath would follow as far as she could and see that Rhaedalyn was safely tucked away somewhere.