So much work for one pair of Hands [Firah]

In many ways, life at the weyr was drastically different than living on a farm. For one, there were so many more people. Nothing was done on a small scale. Meals must be done for the whole weyr, laundry was a never ending mass of fabric and soap. All under the presence of dragons flying about. It’d been a lot of take in, especially since Sennia’s life had been so quiet for most of her life. The village close to her home had to be reached by an extended walk. It wasn’t something the girls did.

But having arrived and settled in, as much as she was going to, they started tasking her with chores. It was a welcome reprieve from the quiet of her mind and the fear that silence encouraged to grow. And when it became obvious she was dependable in regard to chores, she was assigned regular shifts in the kitchens, the barracks, and anywhere else that needed a good, soapy scrubbing. She’d even fill in for others that might be ill. The quiet of the night bothered her more than calloused hands and a sore back ever would. It was with that in mind that Sennia was ushered to the kitchens to help clean up after a late dinner. Most of the staff took to packing away left overs while shooing her to the large tubs to scrub the dishes. Probably the most hated of dinner clean up but it was something to do.

Sennia took a moment to tie her hair back with a strip of leather before starting. Given that she was alone, the dishes would probably take her all night. Which was fine with her. And no one seemed particularly inclined to help.

Per usual, when she’s alone and busy, she began to idly hum. The tone rose and fell with her scrubbing, picking up tempo when she had to work at gristle on the pans before turning more serene with the easy to clean cups. Of course, Sennia wasn’t even aware she was making sounds at all.

"So I found him like that, and all I could say was 'That's not how you skin something'." The small troupe of men entered the kitchen laughing at the joke, they were all in a good mood because they were happy to be back. Their hunting trip had taken longer than they had hoped, night had fallen and they had still been out in the forest. Snatching one of the women who came over to relieve them of their game, Firah twirled her around with a chuckle. While the woman protested she had a smile on her face. Over the turns he'd been there the Beastcrafter had fostered a good relationship with the women who worked there on a daily basis, so they knew his antics were almost always friendly in nature. With a grin he and the other men helped to pass over their catch. They had managed to take down quite a few of the smaller animals around the Weyr, they might not have gotten anything big but to them it had still been a successful hunt. The Weyr would have meat without having to sacrifice one of the domesticated animals, which was a plus in anyone's book.

Once everything was handed over Firah stayed behind as the other men filed out of the kitchen to go about their nightly tasks, whatever they may be. It wasn't unusual for him to offer to help the kitchen workers a hand in skinning the animals he brought in but tonight they waved him off as most of the catch didn't take that long to prepare. With a shrug he gave the oldest of the kitchen workers a kiss on the cheek before heading toward the door with a wave. It was then that he noticed a vaguely familiar woman scrubbing at a large pile of dishes. He couldn't see her face but something about her nagged at him. Firah stood there for a second before sighing. And while he hated doing dishes he could tell that the sack was going to be a little much for one person to do. He really was too nice of a person sometimes. Rolling up his sleeves a bit more the Beastcrafter walked over to the girl. While his clothes and arms were covered in a fine layer of dirt, his hands were relatively clean after having needed to wash the blood off after they got back.

Skirting just behind the girl he came to stand at the edge of the tub. "Oh, it is you Sennia. I thought I recognized your hair." Firah leaned against the table with a smile. "Need some help? Looks like you got a real job a head of you." He now slightly less minded offering to help with the dishes. He'd gone through Candidate lessons with Sennia and occasionally chatted with her in passing, so he didn't mind spending some time helping her do a tedious task. It helped that she was also one of the Stolen, he tended to be more inclined to socialize and open up around those who shared that in common with him.

Sennia found it was easy to lose herself in tasks. Something as monotonous as scrubbing dishes required little by way of thought but it didn’t produce the idly and often depressing concerns that inactivity did. There was a calm in the repeated motions and concern over cleanliness. What’s more, the longer it took her to do this, the less time she’d have to spend by herself in the dark. With her own thoughts and conflicts.

Sennia had adjusted to weyr life as well as to be expected, she thought. Being taken from a farmer’s life and put into one that was drastically different. She didn’t rage against the expectations of her, like some did, but neither did she feel like she really belonged at the weyr either. She’d been taken from everything she’d known to – what? Do chores here? Care for dragonriders as opposed to her own family? It was a struggle to accept and make sense of it all. And to accept that the entire reason she had been brought here – impressing a gold – seemed rather unlikely. After 4 failed impressions going to women clearly better suited, Sennia had trouble doubting. More to the point, she didn’t feel like the possible position of weyrwoman suited her overly much.

It was quite a jolt to realize someone was trying to talk to her. The commotion of comings and goings didn’t register, it wasn’t until Firah was standing at the edge of the tub that she realized she wasn’t alone. Blushing faintly, her humming cut off by her return to reality, Sennia smiled her greeting. “Good evening, Firah. I… didn’t hear you.” She wiped her hands off on a towel and stretched. Her back had become sore from leaning over the dishes she was scrubbing.

The offer to help surprised her, not because Firah was particularly cruel, but because no one had been expected to help her. Or required. “It will still probably take some time for the pair of us,” she conceded. “And if you were out hunting,” a comment followed by her quick survey of him, “you probably want to go rest up.” While she was inclined to deny help on the grounds she wished to be able to do whatever was expected of her [ since impressing a dragon seemed out of it ] without help or fuss. But the gesture, one not usually extended her way, was touching and she was loath to deny company when that was just a suitable for chasing away the loneliness and doubt. “But I would enjoy the companionship, if you wished to stay.” Admitting as much made her embarrassed, turning her attention back to the dishes and beginning to wash. That way, should he wish to politely bow out, he’d not have to do so to her face. 

"Ahhh psh." He said, accompanying the noise with a dramatic sweep of his hand. "I'm like a canine. I only need a few hours of sleep and I'll be okay. Plus, the hunt wasn't very rigorous and I don't have the dawn shift with the animals so..." Firah gave a little shrug of his shoulder. He continued to smile at Sennia until she gave him the go ahead to hang around. "Good." Moving around so he could gain better access to the tub without having to bump elbows constantly, he pushed his sleeves up again out of habit. "'Cause I wouldn't have offered if I hadn't meant it." He itched the side of his nose before grabbing a plate from the pile and inspecting it. Unfortunately his quick search for an extra cleaning cloth didn't yield results. It probably would have taken him a shorter amount of time to locate one if he actually asked Sennia where an extra one was but, he really didn't think of asking.

Once he did find one, half way across the kitchen, he returned triumphant to start cleaning the dish he'd left out separate from the pile. Dipping both the cloth and the dish into the water he began to scrub at the little particles of food that clung desperately to the plate. He was happy to continue washing in silence but good manners dictated that he attempted to carry on a conversation. "So," he began, "there's a clutch on the sands. Are you going to stand for the Gold again?"" While he disliked Dragonriders or people who wanted to be one, he had a little more patience with the women who were stolen specifically to be Gold Candidates. If they Impressed a Queen at least they would have some credibility when they got back to the North. Most of the stolen women had been married before they were taken and after having been missing for turns going back to their husbands was probably out of the question. Especially if they had had a child. Truthfully, if it had been his wife who'd been kidnapped in his place, well... he probably would question the validity of their marriage too. "Or are you going to sit this one out?"

That honestly was a question even he was debating. Part of him wanted to go to this last hatching just to stick it to the Weyr that took him. He hadn't Impressed since he got there, so he doubted he was going to ever. But, there was always that slim percent chance he could. It was entirely possible that he'd end up in the stands just as an observer. He gave a little sigh.

It wasn’t because the majority of the weyr was difficult or up tight that she lacked a social life. In truth, many had been kind to her in passing. Just as Firah was currently. Going out of his way to help do something he didn’t really need to. But rather, it was once said kind stranger was left with Sennia that the real reason she didn’t have much by way of friends became readily apparent. She had no idea what to say to them. Her life and what the others in the weyr must go through seemed so far removed, with a chasm of different experiences and expectations. Fall, even some had grown up around dragons! She’d never even seen one up close until 5 turns ago. Then all of a sudden, everything was upside down.

Her husband gone. Baby no longer apart of her daily routine. Sweet Insa, the girl would grow up with another woman as her mother. There was no doubt her husband would remarry, assuming something fatal had happened to Sennia. The idea she could be so replaced… Sennia wipe at her eyes and feigned it was an itch. Not the sort of thoughts she should be having with help so close at hand. She smiled at Firah when he returned with a cleaning cloth, but quickly turned her attention to her chores.

The ensuing silence made her bite her lower lip, if only she had something to say! ‘Lovely weather’ seemed so ordinary and intentionally desperate. ‘How was the hunt?’ Equally bland, at least it must be to Firah. Surely he’d already been asked numerous times on his way through the kitchens. Sennia settled for fretting over the pan she was presently scrubbing in the hopes that he wouldn’t be upset she had nothing to say.

Sennia dropped the plate she’d started on when he mentioned the clutch on the sands. She blushed hotly, her cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red, before fumbling in the water to snatch it back up. She tried valiantly not to think about how it would look if she failed this new round of impressions. “Ah…” She hadn’t thought standing out was an option. Was that silly? She opted not to say as much and instead focused on the plate while trying to find the words to express the anxiety that came with every clutch. “I’ve already failed more than I care to admit. I’m not sure I want to add another.” Which was the truth of it. “I’m sure they’ll eventually tire of tossing me out on the sands.” Or she’d age to the point of no use. For at least that.

Sennia glanced at him, trying to judge his reaction to what she’d just said. If it had been too much. So many seemed excited about impressing a dragon, was it normal for someone to be so reserved?

He popped the bubble that had landed on his arm when Sennia dropped the plate, amused that it left a thin circle of cleanliness in its wake. It was probably a good idea for him to bathe before flopping into his bed later, he might not mind being dirty but that didn't really extend to his bed. "Well you know, things like that happen." He put the plate he'd been working on onto the stack of clean ones. "All the women they took plus the girls here that want to Impress a Gold, and add in the fact that there is only one Gold per clutch generally," he shrugged, "Its not so much that you failed, as the odds are against you. They also say that there is only one dragon for you or some nonsen..." He cleared his throat, "...thing like that." Way to almost rub your cynicism in her face Firah, that was smooth. As someone who actually liked being around women he tried to not show his derisive side if he could help it, it wasn't really an attractive feature in someone people wanted to be around.

"Its one more hatching before we move North again." Hopefully. "You should try standing one more time if you really want to be a Goldrider." Now that that bitch Tsuen passed away the Weyr was getting a fresh batch of Goldriders. Which was nice, since they'd be going home and didn't have to slum it in the South anymore. He was loathe to admit it but he felt a little better about his position in life ever since, like some kind of revenge happened for forcefully disrupting and uprooting numerous lives just to maybe Impress a Dragon. A guilty expression flitted quickly across his face as he tried to bury those thoughts. "Even I was thinking of standing one last time. Shocking I know. But I've sat through so many hatchings with a chance of Impressing four separate colors, I don't think one more hatching is going to change much." Another dish was added to the clean pile.

"That or, just sitting in the stands like I do fifty percent of the time." He might not like Dragonriders but he didn't so much mind the baby Dragons. As a person who was fond of animals watching the babies hatch and flop around before they Impressed was actually nice to watch. They were animals after all. Very smart and very large, but animals nevertheless. Which made them cute until they became part of the problem, which he knew was an inevitable task they needed to complete. He hated being so torn up in side about the issue. When he first got to Katila everything was black and white. Dragonriders were assholes and the Stolen crafters didn't want anything to do with them. Now... NOW it was all so grey and annoying. Now he had close acquaintances who were Stolen and now were Riders. He liked baby dragons but disliked them in a human/dragon team. Firah sighed as he scrubbed at another dish. He just had to wait. Everything would change when they moved North. Hopefully everything would go back to normal and he wouldn't have to see another dragon ever again.

Sennia actually paled at the mention of going north and quit cleaning all together. She heard Firah, but much of it seemed to come through a filter. Like her ears were stuff. She actually leaned back and let the plate she’d been cleaning remain submerged. “I… I suppose, yes. The odds are against me.” It was all she could say without choking up. The idea she might return north and, what, see the family she’d been pulled from? Meet up with her husband and is new wife, caring for the little girl she had given birth to?

It took a long moment for Sennia to compose herself, steering her thoughts back to the dragons. That would be safer. She glanced at Firah before nodding vaguely, like she was agreeing with one of his points. Rather than continue in that vein, the words tumbled from her mouth she’d never said before. “I don’t really want to impress a gold.” She had to blink several times as the statement rang true. She didn’t. The possible responsibility of weyrwoman? The idea the dragon would turn into an incubator for the weyr, as Sennia had intended to be in life, stung. The comparisons were too true, too close to her heart. Embarrassed by her outburst and further upset by it, Sennia remarked, “But there really isn’t anything else for me.” To have been taken from her family only to be shoved in some room to produce children for the weyr smacked of a betrayal. Of what, she wasn’t sure. It wasn’t like her husband would go wife-less, her daughter would go mother-less. Sennia had already been replaced in that time, in her former life where everything had already been laid out and it made sense.

Sennia dropped another plate but didn’t care to pick it up. She stared at her hands a moment as the quiet horror of that reality settled on her shoulders. It was only after another attempt at composure did she smile for Firah, trying to play off her comments as nothing more than the senseless outburst from a tired candidate. “Who knows, maybe you will Impress. The odds, as you say, are greater for you. And even if… “ she looked around, trying to figure out which part of the weyr she should remark on, but settled with, “you impress a Green at least you’ll have more to do here.” Sennia didn’t touch another plate but turned her eyes back to her hands in the water. “Or is it not so good for a boy to impress a green? I can’t ever keep up with what’s good and what’s not.” She paused long enough to sigh. “What would you want, if you could impress?” Safer territory than what they had been discussing at previous.

She’d thought it would be safer to have more company than her own thoughts, but Firah seemed to be hitting all the hard points her thoughts tried to steer from. It was made more real by another commenting on it. Firah was in much the same position as she – waiting to impress, stolen from his life. Did he have a wife? A daughter? Sennia caught herself really watching him, curious just how similar they were. Did he think everything would go back to normal if they went north?

For some reason Firah felt the strangest sensation that he was slowly and beautifully fucking things up again, but he just didn't know how. He was a little startled when Sennia proclaimed that she didn't actually want a Gold. That was something that never had come up in passing. He was so used to talking to the women who wanted to Impress a Queen that he sometimes forgot there were those who didn't want anything to do with them.

The revelation silenced any witty remarks he might have had. This was another grey area, he could tell. Stolen women not wanting to Impress a Gold even though their chances of getting back with their loved ones (or otherwise) when they moved back to the North were slim... yeah, that's a grey area he probably shouldn't be poking into. He cleared his throat again and made a non-committal noise to show her that he was at least listening to her.

"Well..." He started as he decided to try and pick his subjects a little more carefully to avoid Sennia from actually dropping a plate. How? He didn't know, but he was going to try. "I suppose we're not too much different. I don't actually want to Impress. The whole last Stand thing I'm thinking about is more of a subtle statement that 'ha I didn't Impress' thing. I mean, obviously if I do I'm going to commit and that's that but... I dunno. I like being a Beastcrafter. I think if those Dragons are going to Impress they should go to someone who wants to be one." He touched the edge of his scar with wet fingers as he made a face. "I mean, I don't even know what Dragonrider do. I tend to fuck things up so I'm much better off just tending to the animals and their babies. One of the bovines had a baby a few nights ago," He said suddenly switching topics, just like everytime someone brought of his craft or hunting, "she was a breach but she's doing fine now. Getting strong and running around. If you like baby animals you should come by and see her."

The change in topics was almost too quick for her to follow. One moment, her heart is hammering in her chest and tears are threatening the corners of her eyes, the next she was being invited to see a baby bovine. Sennia stared at Firah for a moment before she actually laughed. It was a soft, almost desperate sound. The last laugh of someone who might as well be drowning. But she clung to the change of topic desperately and wiped at her eyes. Just an itch, she told herself. At least she was still smiling. The very idea that she’d actually expressed a true thought of her own and it’d turned the entire conversation south was proof enough she should keep her mouth shut. No one wanted to hear the woes of a stolen woman.

Least of all someone she barely knew.

Sennia picked up a plate and returned to her washing. “We had our own bovine, while I was growing up. Just a couple.” She glanced at him, her smile genuine this time. “I helped nurse a baby one when I was much, much younger. They’re very cute.” Never mind that had been a lifetime ago, in another place entirely. Had she even really been a farmer’s wife? Sennia contemplated if seeing the baby would compromise the wall she was trying to build around her heart before nodding. “I would actually like to see the baby.” It would do her some good to get outside. Besides, maybe she could help out somehow? It’d give her yet another chore on her long list to keep her preoccupied. Others might say she failed the dragons, but at least she was doing more than her fair share to keep the weyr running in whatever way she could.

And this topic was certainly safer than dragons. Or their past families. Maybe Firah didn’t harbor the same fears she did. Maybe he had someone to return to. Even though it was a painful thought, she fervently hoped his return to the north would be all he expected it to be. Because Sennia wouldn’t be returning unless forced. More to the point, Sennia had thought every male wanted to impress a dragon. Why would they not? And it wasn’t as though there weren’t a lot of choices for them. Sennia glanced at Firah, her smile still in place, before she added, “And I’ll stand with you… If you decide to go for one more try. I will too.” She wanted to be supportive. That was something she certainly understood. Maybe Firah was as lonely and displaced as she was?