06.Oct.19, 02:11 PM
Brave? Strong? F’drel scoffed at that, shaking his head in disagreement. If he were brave or strong he should have been able to do something, even if he couldn’t stop Rinderian entirely. Just, something more. Anything. But he’d been terrified, and he’d done nothing.
“I’m glad I was Searched too,” he said, then hesitated before continuing. “I wasn’t, at first. Not until Halomirth, at least. I thought… The day I was Searched, my- the lord, he was out of the house for something, so when the Searching party asked if they could bring me to the Weyr - they were worried they’d be told no, but the Search dragon was insisting on me, and they figured they’d at least try, since Nabol is pretty friendly to the Weyrs overall - Lord Jimeridan has a cousin who’s a dragonrider, I’ve learned - and I was a drudge, not anyone of importance, and Lord Jimeridan said of course, as you can tell, I guess, and they wanted to leave right away because that’s how Searching goes and I think they were worried Lord Jimeridan would change his mind. I had time to grab a few things and say goodbye to my siblings and that was it. He… he was still out of the house, so I never - I didn’t see him before I left, I didn’t see how he reacted. I was… I was so afraid he’d be upset and take it out on my family. Terrified. I didn’t want to go to the Weyr because of it. Thought I’d be leaving them to… But I didn’t say anything, because Lord Nabol had decided, and I didn’t have any say in where I went.”
F’drel stared blankly ahead for a minute, remembering. He’d hated the four months he’d been a Candidate - the entire time he’d been waiting to hear news that Nabol had changed their mind and he had to go back, to get a letter or something from Rinderian implying that he was hurting one or more of his siblings. Kelikki had actually told him, after they had reunited a couple turns later, that Rinderian had seemed to blame his brother for taking away his favorite toy, and while he was petulant around Jimeridan he mostly left Kikki and the others alone. F’drel didn’t want to question that good luck, but he couldn’t wrap his head around Rinderian leaving them all alone, not with how often he’d threatened them. Not that he wanted to track the man down to ask him.
“He didn’t do anything to them, I found out later, but at the time I was terrified. It was awful, until Miri hatched and then… then it was better.” There was no way to describe Impressing a dragon, and R’dal knew, F’drel didn’t have to explain. He smiled softly in the direction of the ledge where the dragons rested, and Miri purred back at him, enveloping him in love and warmth and how happy she was he was talking to someone about these things.
“And now they’re all away from Nabol - Kikki and Kit still in Fort for now, and my younger sisters here, though it started when they all moved to Fort - so at least I’m not constantly worried about that, I guess. But I still… everytime I go to a Hold, or a Gather, and especially they very few times I had to go back to Nabol to help my family move to Fort, I’m just. Just waiting for him to show up, see me, and I... I don’t think I could handle that. I’d freeze, I think, and let him do whatever he wanted, because I couldn’t…” F’drel trailed off again, the shaking having resumed. He didn’t like to think about it. It made Gathers very difficult to enjoy, with the threat of Rinderian around every corner. It didn’t help that part of him missed the Lord, as much as he hated the man. Rinderian had been kind sometimes, even later on, and even while he hated and feared him, F’drel still clung to those moments - and hated himself a little for doing so.
“Thank you, R’dal,” he whispered, forcibly breaking the train of thought that led to his inevitable reunion with someone he had way too many complicated emotions about, “For... for listening, and being my friend, and… thank you.”
“I’m glad I was Searched too,” he said, then hesitated before continuing. “I wasn’t, at first. Not until Halomirth, at least. I thought… The day I was Searched, my- the lord, he was out of the house for something, so when the Searching party asked if they could bring me to the Weyr - they were worried they’d be told no, but the Search dragon was insisting on me, and they figured they’d at least try, since Nabol is pretty friendly to the Weyrs overall - Lord Jimeridan has a cousin who’s a dragonrider, I’ve learned - and I was a drudge, not anyone of importance, and Lord Jimeridan said of course, as you can tell, I guess, and they wanted to leave right away because that’s how Searching goes and I think they were worried Lord Jimeridan would change his mind. I had time to grab a few things and say goodbye to my siblings and that was it. He… he was still out of the house, so I never - I didn’t see him before I left, I didn’t see how he reacted. I was… I was so afraid he’d be upset and take it out on my family. Terrified. I didn’t want to go to the Weyr because of it. Thought I’d be leaving them to… But I didn’t say anything, because Lord Nabol had decided, and I didn’t have any say in where I went.”
F’drel stared blankly ahead for a minute, remembering. He’d hated the four months he’d been a Candidate - the entire time he’d been waiting to hear news that Nabol had changed their mind and he had to go back, to get a letter or something from Rinderian implying that he was hurting one or more of his siblings. Kelikki had actually told him, after they had reunited a couple turns later, that Rinderian had seemed to blame his brother for taking away his favorite toy, and while he was petulant around Jimeridan he mostly left Kikki and the others alone. F’drel didn’t want to question that good luck, but he couldn’t wrap his head around Rinderian leaving them all alone, not with how often he’d threatened them. Not that he wanted to track the man down to ask him.
“He didn’t do anything to them, I found out later, but at the time I was terrified. It was awful, until Miri hatched and then… then it was better.” There was no way to describe Impressing a dragon, and R’dal knew, F’drel didn’t have to explain. He smiled softly in the direction of the ledge where the dragons rested, and Miri purred back at him, enveloping him in love and warmth and how happy she was he was talking to someone about these things.
“And now they’re all away from Nabol - Kikki and Kit still in Fort for now, and my younger sisters here, though it started when they all moved to Fort - so at least I’m not constantly worried about that, I guess. But I still… everytime I go to a Hold, or a Gather, and especially they very few times I had to go back to Nabol to help my family move to Fort, I’m just. Just waiting for him to show up, see me, and I... I don’t think I could handle that. I’d freeze, I think, and let him do whatever he wanted, because I couldn’t…” F’drel trailed off again, the shaking having resumed. He didn’t like to think about it. It made Gathers very difficult to enjoy, with the threat of Rinderian around every corner. It didn’t help that part of him missed the Lord, as much as he hated the man. Rinderian had been kind sometimes, even later on, and even while he hated and feared him, F’drel still clung to those moments - and hated himself a little for doing so.
“Thank you, R’dal,” he whispered, forcibly breaking the train of thought that led to his inevitable reunion with someone he had way too many complicated emotions about, “For... for listening, and being my friend, and… thank you.”