02.Oct.19, 11:46 PM
Halomirth lashed her tail in frustration. She didn’t think R’dal was really hearing what she was saying - F’drel wasn’t disappointed, she never said that - but since the bluerider seemed to be staying, Halomirth decided to let it drop for the moment. There would be time later to make them both address all the incorrect assumptions they were each making.
As soon as R’dal turned around to go back Halomirth moved from blocking the door over to Edath, and wound herself around him. Her purpose was twofold; one to make sure Edath couldn’t go anywhere, just in case R’dal changed his mind, and the second because she was so worried about her rider and needed the reassurance from her friend. She’d gotten R’dal to stay, but she couldn’t convince F’drel that R’dal didn’t hate him, just help keep him a little steadier (which wasn’t much just then). Hopefully Edath hadn’t become upset with her, but she had only acted to keep both their riders from unnecessarily avoiding each other and making themselves even sadder.
None of Halomirth’s exchange with R’dal registered to F’drel, who was focused only on remembering how to breathe and overthinking every bad thing that had happened, was happening, or could happen to him. R’dal’s return was a complete shock to him, and F’drel froze when he felt arms around him, bewildered. He blinked up at R’dal; hadn’t R’dal left? He thought R’dal had left and wasn’t coming back. Apparently he hadn’t left though, or he’d gone and then come back - F’drel wasn’t sure how much time had passed, honestly - and now he was apologizing to him. For what? R’dal hadn’t done anything that needed an apology, F’drel had. He was the one who needed to apologize.
He tried to say as much, but he was still having trouble speaking and only managed some sort of half-cough for his efforts. Having failed that, F’drel pressed his face against R’dal, nose bumping against R’dal’s collarbone, and simply clung to him. They stayed that way for a while, though F’drel had no idea how long. Long enough that F’drel’s breathing had evened out and his heart rate returned to normal. He felt exhausted, as if he had been running continuously for hours instead of doing literally nothing and then having a conversation, but when had his reactions to anything ever made sense.
“M’sorry,” F’drel mumbled when he finally managed to form words, though his face was still pressed into R’dal and his throat felt as if he’d been drinking chalk dust. “Didn’t mean to... to yell at you. I…” He hesitated, unsure. Miri flooded him with encouragement, refusing to let her hard work go to waste. F’drel took a deep, shaky breath, and clung a little tighter to R’dal before continuing. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, I just...I don’t feel safe showing emotions in front of most people, but I feel safe with you, but sometimes all the emotions come out at once, and it’s nothing to do with you at all, not really, I just can’t... can’t process all of it when everything starts piling on top of me like that and then it turns into yelling and it’s not at you, it’s just too much and I…I shouldn’t yell at you because I’m overwhelmed, because it’s not your fault, and I’m not mad at you, I just can’t...I’m sorry, R’dal,” F’drel said, catching his breath again after the rush of words. Halomirth hummed, pleased her rider was actually talking. It would be good for him and R’dal, she was sure of it.
As soon as R’dal turned around to go back Halomirth moved from blocking the door over to Edath, and wound herself around him. Her purpose was twofold; one to make sure Edath couldn’t go anywhere, just in case R’dal changed his mind, and the second because she was so worried about her rider and needed the reassurance from her friend. She’d gotten R’dal to stay, but she couldn’t convince F’drel that R’dal didn’t hate him, just help keep him a little steadier (which wasn’t much just then). Hopefully Edath hadn’t become upset with her, but she had only acted to keep both their riders from unnecessarily avoiding each other and making themselves even sadder.
None of Halomirth’s exchange with R’dal registered to F’drel, who was focused only on remembering how to breathe and overthinking every bad thing that had happened, was happening, or could happen to him. R’dal’s return was a complete shock to him, and F’drel froze when he felt arms around him, bewildered. He blinked up at R’dal; hadn’t R’dal left? He thought R’dal had left and wasn’t coming back. Apparently he hadn’t left though, or he’d gone and then come back - F’drel wasn’t sure how much time had passed, honestly - and now he was apologizing to him. For what? R’dal hadn’t done anything that needed an apology, F’drel had. He was the one who needed to apologize.
He tried to say as much, but he was still having trouble speaking and only managed some sort of half-cough for his efforts. Having failed that, F’drel pressed his face against R’dal, nose bumping against R’dal’s collarbone, and simply clung to him. They stayed that way for a while, though F’drel had no idea how long. Long enough that F’drel’s breathing had evened out and his heart rate returned to normal. He felt exhausted, as if he had been running continuously for hours instead of doing literally nothing and then having a conversation, but when had his reactions to anything ever made sense.
“M’sorry,” F’drel mumbled when he finally managed to form words, though his face was still pressed into R’dal and his throat felt as if he’d been drinking chalk dust. “Didn’t mean to... to yell at you. I…” He hesitated, unsure. Miri flooded him with encouragement, refusing to let her hard work go to waste. F’drel took a deep, shaky breath, and clung a little tighter to R’dal before continuing. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, I just...I don’t feel safe showing emotions in front of most people, but I feel safe with you, but sometimes all the emotions come out at once, and it’s nothing to do with you at all, not really, I just can’t... can’t process all of it when everything starts piling on top of me like that and then it turns into yelling and it’s not at you, it’s just too much and I…I shouldn’t yell at you because I’m overwhelmed, because it’s not your fault, and I’m not mad at you, I just can’t...I’m sorry, R’dal,” F’drel said, catching his breath again after the rush of words. Halomirth hummed, pleased her rider was actually talking. It would be good for him and R’dal, she was sure of it.