Broken Dragon Woes [R’nd]

T’bia fiddled anxiously with the small, blue stone he had picked up the previous day when bathing Jycenth. It was not anything particularly special, simply a pretty stone with deep flecks of blue through it, washed smooth by the water. There were many prettier stones out there, T’bia knew, but he liked the one he had picked up. The soft grey colour reminded him of how Jycenth’s deep midnight blue front melded into the pale sky blue of his rear – except for his nose, of course, T’bia smiled. He could not find fault with his dragon’s beauty, and was quite certain that Jycenth was easily one of the most beautiful blues around!

Unfortunately, being secure in Jycenth’s beauty wasn’t helping T’bia with the deep worry that there was something else wrong with his lovely young dragon. T’bia had watched the blue dragons (and the bronze, and the brown) from not only his own group, but those either side of it, take to the skies after the green dragons that populated the skies. He’d even seen some of them take off after the golds, though most everyone knew they’d never win. He had not, however, seen Jycenth so much as even twitch when a green screeched. He’d not so much as seen the dragon looking at a green, or sweet talking a green, or anything.

Jycenth was a friendly dragon, so he had lots of friends, and T’bia had seen him spend time with all the colours, and talk to them and play with them. But he never seemed to favour any of them, and T’bia was beginning to fret. Well, no, he’d passed the point where he was fretting and now he was stressed and upset because there was clearly something wrong, he’d failed somewhere, and he had broken his dragon. Jycenth, the only creature that had ever truly wanted and loved him, and he’d failed the little blue and broken him and now he didn’t chase and it was clearly all T’bia’s fault.

T’bia’s lower lip trembled as he trudged quietly through the mostly abandoned Katila Weyr, seeking unenthusiastically the only person he trusted enough to talk to about his fears. Jycenth had tried, unsuccessfully, to convince T’bia that there was nothing wrong with him. He had been slightly amused, at first, by the implications before growing frustrated that T’bia didn’t believe him. It hadn’t taken much to find out why: all through Weyrlinghood, their Weyrlingmaster had made sure to drill home to quest a dragonet that insisted all was well, notably about the itchy spots of hide. Jycenth had always done his best to be honest with T’bia, but he had hated telling the boy a spot still hurt after the youngster had oiled it several times already. After that, he could see why T’bia was reluctant to believe him and so had suggested he speak to R’nd.

The young bluerider had chewed on the idea before finally it had grown into such a knot of worry that he simply couldn’t not speak to R’nd about it. Then all he had had to do was wait to find the right moment to approach the bluerider that had mentored him for much of his Weyrlinghood, and continued to do so in their Wing sessions. It had not been easy. T’bia’s own responsibilities kept him busy, and catching a break was hard but catching one when R’nd was not occupied with B’jin, helping B’jin, wing practice of dashing around up North… T’bia wondered if he’d ever get to talk to his friend ever again! It had, naturally, been while he had been moping about never seeing the bluerider that he had crashed directly into him. After umming and ahhing and hedging a lot, T’bia had finally asked if he could talk to R’nd – later, of course! – and had run off when R’nd agreed, but before he could turn a request for later into that moment (he’d looked busy!).

Thus, T’bia trudged along unhappily behind Rell as the little blue firelizard led him to where R’nd was sitting in the shade of a large tree. The youngster smiled at R’nd when he lifted his gaze and met the other bluerider’s eyes, but did not say anything as he sat down and curled up, leaning against the tree trunk and looking up at R’nd dejectedly. “Jycenth is broken.” The blue dragon in question sighed softly to himself and shook his head, but didn’t say anything as he gently withdrew from T’bia in order to give him the impression of true privacy as he confided in R’nd, and Jycenth focused on the beasts below him, trying to pick out the most delicious one.

R’nd was doing his best to relax and not overthink anything that could be implied with T’bia’s slightly odd behaviour earlier. He felt he had every right to worry a bit since it seemed like something was weighing heavily on his young friend’s mind despite T’bia often worrying over the little things and his panic attacks not being anything for the boy to be so worked up over. This, however, seemed different. T’bia had a way of avoiding eye contact on a good day but R’nd didn’t like the mood that seemed T’bia seemed absorbed in.

So he went through the rest of his plans for the day as best as he could without worrying about what was on the other bluerider’s mind but he had a breaking point. As soon as free time was upon him, R’nd sent Rell to fetch T’bia so they could talk about whatever it was.

It was when he was checking for dirt under his nails in a bid to keep himself occupied – and clean! There was never an excuse to stay dirty longer than needed – that T’bia appeared. He smiled but didn’t say anything either as T’bia silently sat down. R’nd was just about to ask what was on his mind when that silence was broken and he ended up staring at the younger man for several heartbeats before the shock of the words passed.

“What? Is he okay? What do you mean by broken? Did he harm a wing or limb?” R’nd was worried in earnest now but even as he asked all of his questions, he knew it couldn’t be a physical injury. Even with as shy as T’bia could be, he’d never put Jycenth in danger or keep the dragon in pain for a moment longer than needed. No, there was something else that led the boy to believe his dragon was broken.

“T’bia,” R’nd started again on a calmer note, voice a bit lower and without the panic of seconds before. He turned to face his friend a bit and placed a hand on the boy’s knee in a gentle and friendly touch. “You know you can talk to me about anything. What happened with Jycenth?”

T’bia lifted his gaze to stare at R’nd in horror as the other bluerider spurted a sudden array of questions, the focus clearly on the health and wellbeing of Jycenth. The youngster shook his head earnestly, eyes wide, and waved his hands around in front of him in an effort to ward off R’nd’s questions. T’bia let his hands fall into his lap and took a deep breath, as, whether it was his own actions or not, R’nd calmed and said his name, though he did flinch slightly at it. He stared quietly at the hand on his knee, using it as an excuse to avoid looking into R’nd’s face. His stomach fluttered at the friendly motion, but he was too saddened by the knowledge he’d broken his dragon to take any heart in it.

“I broke him,” both sullen and heartbroken, T’bia’s lower lip trembled after he spoke and he bit down on it to stop it. Blue eyes swimming in tears looked up at R’nd, his face flushed shamefully and T’bia shook his head, causing tears to spill down his cheeks. “He isn’t like the other d-d-dragons, and it’s all my f-f-fault.” Sniffling, T’bia fought bravely to not actively burst into tears before his friend, though it was a hard won battle, he did, nonetheless, win it, despite the silent tears that continued to paint his cheeks.

R’nd wasn’t the best at handling crying. He knew how to hold the person and coo sweet words of sympathy and say everything was all right but he still wasn’t all that useful outside of that. So when T’bia burst into tears and stuttered words came out, the bluerider stared for a moment at his friend, wondering what brought on the tears and how exactly T’bia broke Jycenth.

Until he could figure it out, hands lifted and thumbs gently swiped across T’bia’s cheeks to brush away the tears. He frowned as he did so and after a moment’s pause, R’nd shifted a bit until he was sitting much closer to T’bia and was able to put an arm around the boy. “T’bia, you can’t break Jycenth, just like he can’t break you. You’re a part of each other; complement each other. Catch your breath and take your time, but please, tell me the reason for why you think he’s broken.” It was hard to figure out exactly what it could be but R’nd started to suspect it had something to do with flights. It was in a male dragon’s nature to chase the females and most of the dragons from the newer classes were rising before graduation. It wasn’t hard to wonder if Jycenth not so much as flinching a wing was starting to bother T’bia. After all, Aradissicath was younger than Jycenth and had flown twice already with young dragons giving chase.

Then again, it could be the oddest quirk of not eating fresh meat or hating water that had T’bia upset. R’nd knew he had improved and was better at reading T’bia than most people but even still, this one had him still slightly stumped.

With his face smudged with tears, and his eyes puffy from crying, the blush that coloured T’bia’s cheeks from R’nd’s light touch and gentle hold would be hard to notice even by those searching for it, but T’bia knew. At first, he tried to stop crying, but that just made it worse and so he gave into it, crying heartbroken sobs as he curled into R’nd and clung to him for several minutes. His dragon was broken, he was broken, and everything in the entire world was his fault, because T’bia could not imagine it being the fault of anyone else.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, T’bia leaned back carefully. Wiping his eyes and nose on his sleeve and then brushing that on his legs, T’bia slowly and with great concentration made an effort to pull himself back together. The young bluerider made a few attempts to speak, but gave up when his shuddering breath and hiccups continued to interrupt him. His lower lip continued to wobble as he took a deep breath through his nose and puffed it out in a single breath through his mouth.

“But I did. I break everything,” T’bia spoke slowly, his words a low murmur but each one clear and concise, as he usually did when he was trying to make sure he both was understood, and didn’t say the wrong thing. “I broke Jycenth.” The name trembled and T’bia had to pause to take another breath, which he held carefully for a few moments before expelling as slowly as he could.

T’bia lifted his knees, drawing them against his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Leaning forward, he pressed the side of his cheek to one knee, and looked in R’nd’s direction, but past the other bluerider, avoiding his gaze. “In our lessons, we were told everything about Flights, except for when a dragon won’t, because all dragons do, and none don’t. Jycenth won’t. I broke him. I broke my dragon and now he’s broken and it’s all my fault.” While he didn’t start sobbing again, tears did fall down his face, across his nose, and T’bia’s quiet voice was filled with the guilt he felt for breaking his dragon.

As the minutes ticked by, R’nd realised he still wasn’t very good at handling someone crying but he felt his holding skills and staying silent skills had improved by several points. He didn’t tell T’bia to hush in gentle tones nor did he whisper promises that everything would be okay. He simply held his friend and waited. When T’bia finally pulled away and tried to compose himself, R’nd let go and pretended to fiddle with a boot lace to give the illusion of privacy while tears were wiped away and voice found.

As suspected, the issue was about Flights and how Jycenth had yet to show interest. It took a moment to sort through the way the confession had been worded but R’nd was glad he knew the boy enough to know his way of speaking and thinking. He’d hate to make T’bia try to explain again when he was already so distraught.

Taking a moment, R’nd thought about how to explain that Jycenth was fine and nothing at all was wrong. It had to be hard to have a subdued dragon when so many others chased if a green so much as flinched. It likely also didn’t help that his mentor was one of the bigger playboys in the Weyr as well. “T’bia, you really don’t have anything to worry about. There are a few reasons why a dragon might not give chase and none of them have anything to do with being broken by anyone, especially their rider.”

R’nd paused for a moment but decided to list everything all at once and field questions afterward. They’d no doubt end up getting lost in questions and other fears before either of them remembered what else he wanted to say if gave too many openings. “Sometimes a dragon’s needs aren’t that… needy. They might not need to chase as often as others but that’s still natural. Sometimes a dragon doesn’t want to chase multiple greens because he’s interested in only one. You know how Larrikith and Ayyonth are. He only chases her unless they’re playing their own twisted games,” R’nd scowled a bit as he mentioned the games his dragon liked to play and Ayyonth laughed in the back of his mind before being quickly shoved aside again.

“The last reason Jycenth might not want to give chase yet is, and it isn’t your fault, okay?” R’nd took a breath and knew T’bia wouldn’t like it and would still blame himself. “Green and gold dragons only rise when their riders are sexually ready. If they Impressed at a very young age, the dragon will make sure the rider is ready for what a Flight brings. Male dragons are the same way. Jycenth wouldn’t want you thrown into a situation you’re not ready for. You look out for each other, right?”

T’bia shifted anxiously the longer R’nd remained silent, his eyebrows knit with worry and his lower lip trembling as his mind came up with every reason imaginable about why R’nd was still not speaking and how terrible he must feel T’bia was to break his own dragon. The fact that it had only been seconds and not the eternity it felt like meant very little to the distraught bluerider. It felt like forever, and for someone such as T’bia who lived very much by what and how he felt, those few seconds shaped up to be a terrible omen.

When R’nd finally did start to speak, all his words got from T’bia was a distrustful scowl, though the expression was likely reminiscent of a puppy trying to look like a bloodthirsty wher. The little quip about Larrikith and Ayyonth got no more response than a pursing of pouting lips and eyes cast to the side, T’bia fiddling uncomfortably with the hem of his sleeve. His eyes darted up to stare at R’nd in clear worry as his mentor made an effort to make sure T’bia would not blame himself – something that told the youngster he was clearly to blame.

As the explanation came, T’bia’s eyes widened slightly before his gaze was cast aside again. He knew about flights, and he knew what came of them. It had been a part of his life for as long as he could remember – came with having a bluerider for a father – that knowledge you have and do not remember gaining. He had been educated in it during his first Candidacy lessons, and then so much more after actually Impressing.

“It’s not that. I’m ready.” His voice was low and soft, with an edge of resignation. Not at what the flight situation would bring about, more the entire situation he found himself in; not even R’nd understood or was going to accept that he had broken his dragon. But it’s not what you want. Jycenth put in gently, before withdrawing quickly and silently without giving T’bia a chance to respond. T’bia hugged himself miserably and slouched in on himself, barely whispering; “I’m ready.”

R’nd frowned, not at all sure what else to say. He wasn’t even entirely convinced that everything he said was heard. T’bia seemed intent on claiming that he was ready for everything a Flight brought, and perhaps he was. R’nd felt he was pretty good at finding out when someone was ready for such things but he’d been out of the circuit for a while and a little rusty. You’re a master at knowing when B’jin is ready though. Ayyonth laughed, barging back into the mind R’nd hadn’t locked down nearly as well as he thought, though he never really was great at it to begin with.

R’nd scowled yet again at the dragon and then returned to frowning as he offered an explanation to his friend. “Sorry, Ayyonth is being his usual distracting self again by rudely talking when I clearly do not need his input at the moment.” A deep breath that was slowly released a moment later had R’nd calming and ignoring Ayyonth yet again to focus on T’bia. He was worried about his friend but wasn’t sure what else to say or how to help him and that was leaving him feeling rather useless and pathetic.

Going with that useless feeling and giving up speaking, R’nd threw his arm around T’bia to pull him a bit closer and offer a hug instead. He could work wonders with words in almost any situation with nearly anyone but R’nd found there were still a few things that even he couldn’t work through and solve easily with a phrase and smile. After a pause in mentally berating himself, R’nd decided an apology and an offer could make up for his failings. “I’m sorry, Bibi. I’m not being very helpful, am I? The only thing I can think of if you’re ready is that Jycenth isn’t and there isn’t anything wrong with that. I can ask some of the Weyrlingmasters for you though, if you’d like?”

T’bia started slightly when he was grabbed suddenly but settled into the warm hug without fuss, pouting miserably to himself as he stared at his knees and pretended not to be ridiculously aware of R’nd and his closeness. He could smell the bluerider (In a good way!), but he wasn’t quite able to turn off the way he was aware of every part of his body that R’nd was touching  - a thought that went a lot further than the friendly hug, and had T’bia’s young face flaring crimson as he ducked more into himself.

Thankfully, the flush coincided with R’nd’s offer to speak to the Weyrlingmasters, which immediately brought the greenrider B’jin to mind and T’bia shook his head so viciously he almost managed to knock R’nd’ on the chin. How he did not was most likely attributed more to the mentor than the student, but T’bia stopped as soon as he was aware of the risk. “N-no. D-don’t bother them!” Wide blue eyes looked up at R’nd fretfully.

Taking a deep breath through his nose, T’bia carefully untangled himself from R’nd and scuttled away a little bit, not a small bit terrified the awareness of R’nd would make him do something awful. With his gaze on the ground rather than his friend, T’bia tried to figure out what was going on in his head; not an easy task for a youngster who was more of a habit of acknowledging his thoughts after he had broadcast them. B’jin was an incredibly frightening threat, however, and T’bia clasped his knees to his chest miserably, eyes scrunched shut and pressed into his kneecaps.

Once he had recovered his thoughts, T’bia was far from convinced that everything was not his fault, but he could see R’nd wasn’t buying how he blamed himself, and he could feel Jycenth making his way back to the Weyr after his feeding - not that the young dragon would ever intrude on him spending time with a friend. Glancing at cautiously R’nd, half-afraid he might suddenly jump him, T’bia sighed in defeat; “I guess so.” Better to let R’nd think he had convinced him – if he would even buy that – and flee before he said or did something stupid. Maybe he’d talk to one of the other Weyrlingmasters (most of whom were only slightly less terrifying than B’jin) about Jycenth but T’bia didn’t think he’d bother. If R’nd did not believe him, no one would.

R’nd mentally sighed in defeat as T’bia moved away from him. He wasn’t being a very good mentor or friend and it bothered him. It wasn’t like he expected to be able to solve every issue that cropped up in the Weyr or beyond but it would have been nice to at least alleviate a friend’s fears. Sometimes he had to wonder why Ayyonth chose him. The blue dragon was confident and a natural leader given the way he had helped his clutchmates in their younger days.

You helped their riders just as much. Do not sell yourself short because of one set back with someone you have helped so much already.  Ayyonth was used to the sporadic moments of doubt and quickly swooped in to shoo them away. R’nd was a clever man with enough confidence and charisma to go around for an entire class. He guided those that needed a hand and made those that felt left out feel welcome and noticed. Perhaps a bit more than was necessary at times.

R’nd hated when his dragon had a point but he conceded without a fight, as he usually did. He wasn’t an expert on the subject and while he didn’t believe T’bia for one second that he accepted all of his reasons, he felt that perhaps some of it sunk in and would leave his friend with something to think about.

Since they were at a stalemate with neither of them knowing what more to say on the matter, R’nd decided for a tried and true tactic; changing the subject. “The evening meal won’t be on yet but how about we sneak into the kitchen and see what kind of sweet treat we can swipe to hold us over?” It was a habit he had had for quite some time and while most of the kitchen workers didn’t seem to mind, it was still fun to make it a game and see what he could get out of them when they weren’t looking or were caught up in a smile.

Standing, R’nd took a moment to brush off some of the dirt and debris from his pants and then extended his hand to T’bia to help him up as well. If he couldn’t solve a problem, then he could at least be a good friend and get the boy into light trouble!