A Real Talk [I'shan]

Ce'lie sighed with frustration as she observed Twilirth and Isharyn playing their version of catch in the clearing in front of her personal hut. The canvas in front of her was partially filled in with the background of the scene before her, but she wasn't sure that she could pull off the level of detail she was hoping for with Twirlith swooping and veering off suddenly and her precious boy darting from side to side.

He heaved the ball straight up in the air above him so quickly it was as if he had shot it from a cannon. The hide-covered ball flew up into the air and, defeated by gravity, lost its upward momentum. Reversing course, it gained speed and dropped down in a direct path at the small boy below.

Isharyn was just looking up to watch the ball and had opened his mouth to scream or shout. Twilirth shrieked loudly in the air and blinked /between/, appearing neatly just a foot before the ball. The dragon was there in a nick of time, snatching the ball with her jaws mere feet above the boy's head and saving him from what surely would have been a nasty bump and bruise combination. She then landed so quickly she caused a puff of dust and dirt to rise around her. Her eyes whirled orange in agitation and anxiety as she silently stalked up to Isharyn and dropped the melon-sized ball in front of him.

[twilirth] Don't you do that again, little one, [/twilirth] Twilirth chided gently, her tail swishing behind her in annoyance that she would never take out on Ce'lie's adorable son. [twilirth] You know I can catch it, but I don't like it so close to your head. [/twilirth]

Ce'lie had been watching the scene and was finally getting a close up shot at her subjects. She took up a charcoal pencil and made some quick lines on the canvas, added to the outlines she already had placed of their bodies, and nodded in satisfaction. She wasn't phased in the least. The rider knew that her boy was completely safe with Twilirth and her bonded knew what she was doing with children. She had had enough experience with them.

The greenrider had just put the pencil down and was looking up to see them resuming the game when a blue dragon appeared in the sky above them. Ce'lie mentally checked the day and groaned a bit inwardly. It was I'shan, no doubt. She still hadn't been able to get over her awkwardness with the man, despite having over 7 turns to do so.

Smiling sweetly at her darling boy, Ce'lie called to him from where she sat inside the common room. "Aryn, come inside and get cleaned up. Your father's here to collect you," she informed him as she watched the supple blue land neatly in the clearing in front of her.

Isharyn's birthday was nearly upon them.
Today would be different, she vowed. Today, they would have a talk. A real talk.

I'shan was excited. He'd noticed the date rapidly approaching, though whether or not he did it on his own was questionable. Someone has asked him or reminded him along the way, but now that it was in his head, it gave him something to be excitable about. He'd been thinking for a while on what to get for the boy, especially now that he'd blown the best present ever on a random whim, he wasn't sure how he was going to top it! He loved that Missy had gone over so well, though. And to think, some people had scoffed at his notion to get a child a fire lizard!

Ilveriath was in a good humor, too. He rumbled a soft greeting as he settled outside Ceilidhe's hut, eyes shining as he looked to Isharyn and his little green fire lizard. The boy had taken off in a Bee-line for Ilveriath the moment the dragon appeared, and Missy had decided at some point to appear, clinging lightly to the back of the boy's shirt. I'shan smiled and waved to Twilith, having not yet caught sight of Ceilidhe herself, and knelt down to intercept their child.  He threw his arms around Isharyn, closing the boy in a tight hug, before waving him over to Ilveriath. "Go climb on Ilv!" he encouraged with a laugh before turning to look for Ceilidhe. He should probably let her know he was taking the kid.

Upon seeing her, he walked over. He didn't plan on staying for long. He wasn't sure if he liked the greenrider much, and she'd made him uncomfortable an awful lot of times in the past. He didn't have a reason to actively dislike her, though, so he was never rude...he jut kept his trips short. Even awkwardness couldn't stop his enthusiasm, though. He waved and offered a silly grin. "All right, I'm off! I'll keep him out of your hair until tomorrow, okay?" He winked knowingly. Birthday soon! That would be nice...though he really hoped he could give Isharyn his own party at his place, and not a shared one. That would be weird.

Initially the greenrider was hopeful that I'shan would be open to having a decent conversation with her. The feeling was soon replaced with biting disappointment as she waved at him with a welcoming smile on her face only to hear the man already saying goodbye. I'shan really was determined to keep his contact with her to a bare minimum. Well, today she wasn't having it.

Ce'lie stood up, the smile fading quickly from her face. Carefully skirting around her current work in progress, she walked to the doorway with her lips pursed in annoyance. There was no way she  was going to let him just sneak off. They had to come to an understanding sooner or later. The greenrider was tired of the awkwardness between them and though she absolutely, positively abhorred confrontation, enough was enough. Apparently she had reached her limit.

Twilirth, she said softly, and the green dragon immediately put her face smack in front of I'shan, blocking his exit. She let out a soft growl to make sure she had the blue rider's attention in case he thought to escape and extended her wings to their full length as she flapped them in agitation. Twilirth slowly, inexorably moved forward, forcing I'shan to back towards the doorway as he had nowhere to go except toward the woman he was trying to desperately to avoid.

"I'shan," Ce'lie said from close behind him ever so softly. She took a few steps backward to give him room to turn around. "It's past time for us to reach an understanding. Please, turn around and come inside. I'd like to discuss our son's future."

Hope this was ok, I couldn't see Ce'lie doing anything other than having Twilirth corner him before he skidaddled since she wasn't in a begging him to stay and talk kind of mood

I'shan's good mood didn't last long. He hissed in surprise when he saw the green dragon moving closer, effectively boxing him in and forcing him back towards the door. "Hey, what the..?" he asked, blinking in confusion and finding himself sorely tempted to duck under her and run off. I'shan was normally pretty easy going, but he didn't handle being confronted very well. He was prone to overreaction, especially when he didn't feel that he'd done anything to provoke it.

Ilveriath was not pleased. His eyes flashed red and he delicately side-stepped a confused Isharyn as he walked over, gaze locked on Twilirth. Move away he commanded n an even but serious tone, curling up close by and fanning his wings in a show of anxiety. He soothed I'shan and tried to warn him not to overreact, but the truth was that Ilveriath was far angrier. I'shan was, for the most part, just confused and a bit offended...Ilveriath was outraged.

I'shan shot a look at Ceilidhe. "Do you have a problem?" he asked, puzzled and unimpressed. If she wanted to talk, she could have just asked like a decent person would do. When she spoke, he lifted a brow and looked to Ilveriath, motioning gently for the normally-placid dragon to calm down. The blue bit back the sharp words he had for the greenpair and settled down, turning his attention back to the child, pleased to distract him from the moment of tension that Ceilidhe and her dragon had provoked.

I'shan crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "You could have just said something." No wonder he never visited. Of course, the topic at hand cooled his nerves a little bit, and he found himself glancing back to Isharyn as the boy attempted to balance Missy on Ilveriath's snout.

"...He's about to turn eight," I'shan murmured. He remembered.

Ce'lie huffed and sat down on the wooden bench that served as her couch, grabbing one of the square green velvet pillows next to her and hugging it to her chest. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, calming herself. With a hand she indicated for him to take a seat wherever he was comfortable. There were plenty of places to sit in the common area and she assumed he would not want to be sitting next to her on the bench anytime soon.

Twilirth crooned softly at Ilveriath in an attempt to calm him as she moved to the side of the doorway and curled up, mission accomplished. [twilirth] I'm sorry, my friend, [/twilirth] the green said with just the right amount of contriteness. [twilirth] We just didn't want him to rush off as he so often does. [/twilirth]

"Listen," she said in an apologetic tone, "let's start over. I'm sorry that I asked Twilirth to block your escape route.. it's just that you always seem to be in such a hurry that I end up feeling like a complete fool for trying to strike up a conversation with you. I just didn't want to feel that way this time. And there's always this… awkwardness between us." The greenrider sighed regretfully, her eyes sad as she spoke the last bit.

"Isharyn is dear to me, he's the only son I have. And I'm grateful that you're in his life. But I.. ," she trailed off and laced her fingers together as she tried to search for the right words. The greenrider leaned forward and placed her elbows on her knees while her chin came to rest on her clasped hands. "I hate to be alone at night. Even with Twilirth here, I can barely stand it when I'shan's not around. So I sometimes dread your coming to pick him up," she finished in a rush.

She hoped that I'shan would accept her apology so that she could ask him the big question that she wanted to ask. Unfortunately, in her haste to force the conversation with him, she might have ruined her chances, and Isharyn's. Ce'lie would just have to wait and see.

Ilveriath calmed, but he was in no mood to accept an apology, especially such a passive-aggressive one. His inclination was to tell her exactly how rude she was, but in the interest of ending the conflict and making sure his rider stayed calm as well, the blue dragon silently let it go.  He didn't say anything in reply, but instead put his attention on Isharyn, who was cautiously approaching him. "You okay, boy...?" the child asked, wide-eyed after seeing Ilveriath moody for the very first time. The dragon rumbled and apology and pushed his snout forward to nuzzle the child, who was quick to respond with a tight hug. Isharyn didn't understand dragons very well, especially how quickly their moods and memories came and went. All he knew was that if daddy's dragon bit mommy's, it would have been awful!

Ilveriath purred. I would never bite her the dragon said to both of them with amusement, his mood lightened, especially when the boy's eyes widened in shock.

Inside, I'shan refused to sit. He kept his arms crossed and watched Ceilidhe suspiciously. He couldn't imagine why she would even want to talk to him...she'd never acted like she wanted to before, and if something was important, it wasn't like they didn't have dragons to send messages for them. It seemed silly to him, but even he wasn't oblivious enough not to see that she was upset about something. He sighed a little, leaning against the door frame (not without shooting Twilirth a nasty look) and then turned back to Ceilidhe.

Man...she looked so sad. That was pretty awful. He frowned and hugged himself self-consciously. She thought it was awkward? He wondered how she thought he felt. Every time he looked at her, he was reminded of the awful, awful flight. He imagined it was awful for her, too. Greenriders got stuck with people they didn't want to sleep with all the time, but someone who returned the favor an didn't want to sleep with them, either? I'shan had fled as quickly as he could when it was over, mostly because he would have died of embarrassment and shame if he started crying over it in front of her, which he almost did.

He figured it must have made her feel awfully unwanted, but not as unwanted as the crying would have. Catching a female greenrider was a disaster for him, and he didn't handle disasters gracefully...why would she want to be anywhere near him, ever? It never occurred to him that she might not actually feel that way.

The next part earned a sudden frown. What was she getting at? Was she about to ask him to stay away?

Ilveriath gave him a mental nudge. Don't expect something so completely that you can't accept hearing something else the dragon purred. It certainly wouldn't be the first time. I'shan twitched at the abstract nature of Ilveriath's comment, his continued denial just charming enough to turn the dragon's eyes blue. His human was so sweet, in his own way...but also so sharding, sharding stupid!

The bluerider squeezed himself tighter and mulled it over for a moment while Celidhe's speech stopped. She was hesitating?

"...What's wrong?" I'shan finally asked, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

Ceilidhe, normally so well-spoken, found herself at a loss for words. She leaned back against her chair, folding and unfolding her hands in front of her. She opened her mouth once, twice, and closed it again. Finally, she shook her head sharply from side to side once, angry with herself for her hesitation, and continued.

"Well.. with our son nearly eight turns, I think it's time that he started spending more time with you. If you're up for it," she said quickly. "My.. preference would be to keep him here nearly all the time, but he needs to experience more than just what I can offer him. There are things that a boy can only learn from his father… " her voice trailed off again as an image of Z'ley flashed through her mind. If Z'ley had been alive, she would never have ended up in this situation. She pushed the thought away, knowing from experience that spending any length of time thinking about her former partner would only invite depression and melancholy.

The greenrider wrung her hands and bit her lip nervously as she looked at I'shan imploringly with wide eyes, making herself appear young and vulnerable. "Really, I don't want you to take him at all, ever," she admitted. "It's not that I dislike you," she quickly added, making sure that he knew she harbored him no ill will, despite the unwanted pregnancy that had resulted from her dragon's unfortunate mating with Ilveriath.

She lowered her voice further, giving a furtive glance at the doorway to make sure Isharyn was occupied. "And I hate to impose on you by asking you to take him more often. But our son would benefit from spending more time with his father. And I… even though I have Twilirth, I still have this problem… being alone at night," she said softly, lowering her eyes.

"Eventually he could have a dragon of his own," she said, a small smile surfacing on her face at the thought of little Aryn astride his own flying beast. "At some point, he'll have his own hut, or quarters somewhere, and I'll be alone again… so I need to start getting used to it," she finished softly.

Ce'lie was ashamed of her anxiety and found that after explaining her issue to I'shan, she couldn't even bring her eyes up to look at the man. She was more embarrassed that she had thought possible. To have to ask him to take Isharyn more often was humiliating. She could have just dumped the boy at the creche while she tried to acclimate herself to his eventual absence but she felt that was wrong when he could spend time with his father instead.

Now the blue rider would probably joke about it with his buddies and she would become the laughingstock of Katila. Well, it would be worth the humiliation as long as her little boy was able to spend more time with his father. That would be worth any amount of suffering from the teasing that was sure to develop once everyone found out that friendly, party-loving Ce'lie was, at her age, still afraid of the dark.

Finally, she managed to raise her eyes again to his face. "Please, can you take him a bit more often? Perhaps for a few days at a time?" The greenrider asked him in a quiet voice, her hands visibly shaking as she waited for his answer. She felt small and weak and not at all like herself.

I'shan stared at her for a long time, turning her words over in his head again and again, trying to make sense of them. She was lonely and didn't like him to take the boy off her, so she wanted him to come and take him more? Why was she so lonely? She had other children, didn't she? And plenty of friends, he was sure. He looked back at her, his expression torn between confusion and concern. He didn't spend much time around the greenrider, but based on their past encounters, he would have expected passive-aggression or condescension, not something like this. Something was certainly wrong.

"Um...I don't mind at all," he said. He cut his eyes towards the door. Outside, he knew Isharyn was playing with Missy and Ilveriath, oblivious to the drama that his young existence was at risk of causing inside. It made I'shan anxious. His throat tightened and he could feel himself starting to sweat.

That just didn't seem right. It didn't make sense. If she hated him taking the kid so much, shouldn't she be chasing him off? He did pick up on the comment about being afraid of the dark, but he didn't latch on to it nearly as much as she expected. I'shan was scared of his own shadow half the time, so far be it for him to mock someone else for what others might call a childish fear.

He shuffled from one foot to the other. N'gelt wasn't around anymore...it's not like he had anyone around to complain that he'd brought the child over, and not like he had anyone else to keep him company. If he needed some time to himself, he could always drop Isharyn off at the creche. It wouldn't be too bad?

His lip twitched. The entire tone of the conversation had him worried.  He laced his fingers together almost skittishly and cleared his throat. "Yeah! I'll do it. Um...are you going to be okay, though?"

Ce'lie let out a relieved sigh when I'shan agreed to spend more time with their son. "Thank you," she said sincerely, a small smile playing on her lips. She leaned back and visibly relaxed. Her hands stopped shaking. She still didn't feel like herself, but she did feel better.

"Would you like something to drink? Tea? Klah?" the greenrider offered, feeling like she was being a terrible host. She took in a few deep breaths and exhaled, trying to relieve herself of the anxiety that still lingered. Somehow, even though it would be difficult for her to deal with not having Isharyn around at night, now that I'shan had agreed, it seemed like it might be less of an ordeal. She tried not to think about it too much; if she did, she was sure to back out and keep Isharyn with her and that wouldn't do either of them any good.

"I... I hope I'll be okay, I'shan," Ce'lie said softly, having trouble meeting his eyes.She noticed that from the way the bluerider's lip twitched, he might actually be worried about her. Was that even possible? Their relationship had been so distant over the past turns that she was fairly certain he didn't give a glow about her. She was still feeling rather vulnerable and since she truly was grateful for his help she decided that she would trust him. This one time. If he was genuinely concerned, it meant that she'd misjudged him.

"When it comes down to it.. I'm basically terribly, irrationally afraid of the dark. So much so that it's difficult for me to sleep alone at night," she explained, feeling her cheeks getting hot. "I know it's stupid... that it shouldn't be this way. That it's childish," she said with a grimace. "But that's how it is," she said with a small shrug.

The greenrider studied I'shan's face, watching his reaction. What would he make of it? She wasn't as sure as she had been a few moments ago about how he would behave after learning about her little problem.

"Scared of the dark? That's not so bad.." That made sense, though I'shan still wondered why the woman's dragon or her daughters couldn't alleviate it. Maybe Ceilidhe needed a man in her life...or maybe Isharyn was just destined to be some sort of inspiring hero! I'shan figured the first was more likely, but he liked the notion of the second much more. He wanted his little boy to grow up and have everything in the world. It was almost funny, how he wouldn't have cared at all that long ago. Wouldn't have cared, or simply wouldn't have paid attention?

I'shan wasn't very good at paying attention to the more distant things in his life. He needed and preferred to stay close.  It made him a needy lover and a relentlessly social companion, but apparently it had the potential to make him a good father, too. He had to stay close to things he loved, or he risked forgetting about them. It could make for a doting father, but it could also make for an absent one.

In that moment, Ilveriath understood the implications of keeping Isharyn around a lot much more than I'shan did. He just thought it sounded fun. Before, the idea of even being involved in one of his children upset him because he dreaded losing his life to it. He wasn't thinking on that wavelength for the time being, which was probably a good thing. The moment he realized that being a full-time parent might  bring that old fear back to life, he probably would have fled.

Ilveriath thought it was strange. I'shan was selfish. Thoughts like that rarely strayed far from his mind. The dragon supposed that somewhere in I'shan's chaotic brain, that particular fear didn't weigh on him so much anymore. It was nice to know. It meant he really loved the kid. He had to love something an awful lot to not put himself before it without a second thought.

As far as Ceilidhe's hospitality went, I'shan raised his hands and shook his head in a soft 'no'. "Oh, I'm fine..thanks thought.." he said. He still wasn't sure if he liked her. He didn't like seeing anyone suffer, but neither that nor having a child with her obligated him to want to be her friend. I'shan's selfish and careless tendencies were more the result of being scatterbrained or inconsiderate than actual malice, though. He didn't wish anyone ill, so of course he'd been concerned when she was panicking right in front of his eyes like that!

It put him in a strange place. He'd always assumed she wanted nothing to do with him, and here she was being both horrible and soft to him at the same time. He hadn't exactly forgiven the incident at the door, but he'd been desperate enough in his life to recognize it in others, too. He just wasn't sure. He realized after a moment that he'd inched towards the door, the offer making him more uncomfortable than anything else. He hesitated, then stopped.

"I don't think it's stupid," he repeated at length, not sure what else to say.  "I know people who are scared of stupider things..." He wasn't sure if it would be polite to change the subject, so instead he babbled on about the previous one. Maybe it was a little stupid, but it wasn't the sort of stupid that he cared about. Some people were scared of fire lizards, after all.

Feeling somewhat awkward, he hugged himself again and took a conscious step away from the door. He hadn't meant to look rude, but he felt trapped and uncomfortable. Unable to shake the strange feeling, he blurted out his thoughts.

"...Why the sudden interest in me? You always ignored me before." It wasn't hostile, but rather curious and half disbelieving.

Ce'lie was surprised to find that I'shan's simple declaration that her fear wasn't stupid had touched her more than she would have thought possible. She found that her eyes were stinging and realized that she was nearly on the verge of tears. Normally she was made of tougher stuff. She sniffled a bit and rubbed her eyes with her fingers. It had been a long time since she had been able to confide in anyone other than V'riy and she wasn't sure what to make of I'shan's unexpected show of support.

"Do… you know anyone else who's afraid of the dark, then?" the greenrider questioned as she began rubbing her arms vigorously. She suddenly felt cold and she brought her legs up in front of her, wrapping her arms around them. Damn it, just talking about it was getting to her.

I'shan's next words took her by surprise. He thought that she had ignored him? Ce'lie frowned deeply as she considered this new piece of information. Mentally reviewing their history, she thought about the aftermath of Twilirth and Ilveriath's flight. She was positive that the bluerider had bolted out of her hut at the first possible opportunity without a second look.

Her voice soft, she gazed at I'shan with wide eyes. "I thought that was what you wanted. You … pretty much ran away from me after the flight," she said, looking confused. "I know.. I'm older than you and thought you must find me… repulsive.. without the dragonlust to fuel your libido," she explained quietly as she studied his face. She looked down then. "It's been hard to have you around knowing that you want nothing to do with me. I didn't really feel like I could act any other way. But for our son's sake, I think I need to learn to get along with you better. He's young now, but I don't think it will be good for him if he learns that daddy really hates mommy.. or vice versa."

"I'm sorry," she said, holding her hands out to him with upturned palms as she looked at him imploringly. "Usually I'm very friendly.. I just didn't know how to be sociable with someone who rejected me the way that you did. If not for Isharyn, I would probably just have gone on ignoring you," she confessed with a deeply apologetic look on her face.

Rejected? Repulsed? I'shan's puzzlement was visible, but he didn't feel any better. Clearly there was some sort of confusion, but he was still caught off guard. "...You think I ran off because I didn't want you?"

Well, it technically was true. That wasn't how he thought of it, though. "Shards," he mumbled, looking at his feet and narrowing his eyes, "I didn't mean it that way." That was also true. "...I didn't do it to make you feel bad," he said softly, uncertain of himself and where exactly he was going with the conversation. "I don't hate you either, though! It's just that..."

How to say this delicately?

His nose scrunched up. "It has more to do with...ugh..." He half-growled, miserable and uncomfortable. Just say it his dragon purred sweetly to him. I'shan had a way of making big deals out of things, now didn't he?

The bluerider huffed. "...It wasn't your age or anything that bothered me. I just don't like sleeping with women," he finally confessed. He made a face. They were so unappealing! He got along with them fine as friends, or at least he had in the old days, but relationships? Their unpleasant bodies didn't help, either. He just didn't like it.

He started to open his mouth and ask if she'd preferred he puke in her bed, but Ilveriath stopped that before it could happen. I'shan's jaw snapped shut and he cursed his own lack of tact. "Eehhh....I was more running away before I freaked out and you got insulted...I was probably going to cry."

Probably? He did. He almost wanted to now, he felt like such a jackass. Instead, however, he covered it up with a big, goofy, possibly convincing smile. "Eehh...sorry. I was just freaked, is all..."

Now it was Ce'lie's turn to be confused. So it didn't have anything to do with her… it was that I'shan wasn't interested in women? The greenrider was stunned.

For a moment, the greenrider tried to imagine how she would feel if she were in I'shan's boots. While she had never partnered with a female, some of the woman at Katila were quite attractive. She just saw them more as competition for a man's attentions rather than as potential Weyrmates.

Since gold dragons did not chase greens, the only real possibility for something of a similar nature to happen to Ce'lie would be if the rare blue dragon that was bonded to a female happened to chase Twilirth. The only one she knew of at Katila was J'di and she had never before considered the consequences of such of a flight. She wasn't sure how she would feel if that particular flight happened.

Ce'lie wished for a moment that she had known of I'shan's preference for men. For the most part, her friends were either female, or greenriders, or both. She had spent many turns making sure that none of Twilirth's flights had resulted in a relationship between the winning dragon's rider and herself. Part of making sure that nothing developed was her avoidance of any lasting male friendships with riders of blue, brown or bronze dragons, which accounted for her ignorance of I'shan's sexual preferences.

"I'm sorry, I'shan," Ce'lie said gently, her voice filled with regret. "Had I realized that you felt that way, I would have urged Twilirth to pair off with another one of her potential suitors. She's usually able to outmaneuver most of the male dragons who chase her… " Ce'lie's voiced trailed off a bit as another thought popped into her head.

Her curiosity getting the better of her, Ce'lie opened her mouth to ask I'shan a question that might have been better left unsaid. "Why did Ilveriath fly Twilirth if you only like men?" the woman blurted out before she could stop herself.

Hope this post was okay. Though Ce'lie has heard that some dragons tend to have a mind of their own, Ce'lie and Twilirth are generally of the same mind most of the time. So Ce'lie honestly would not understand why Ilveriath would have chased since she can't imagine Twilirth doing something like that.

"Because people don't control dragonflight," he responded bluntly. "Some of them might seem to cater to us from time to time, but that's just not how it works...Ilveriath isn't bound to my wishes, and while he would never do anything to really hurt me, he's still a dragon..." It almost hurt to say, but people were put in this position by their dragons every day. People were flightpaired with people they didn't want. It was just how it happened. What sort of weyrling master did this woman have, to not know this?

He frowned again. "Ilv usually won't chase greens with woman riders, but instinct gets the better of him sometime," he said, projecting a mental apology to Ilveriath. The dragon rumbled softly, his won form of apology, though his dragon mind didn't quite understand the problem. Humans were oddly fussy about mating sometimes. He didn't understand, but it was one of the things that dragonkind them different from their human counterparts.

"Ilv doesn't catch a lot of greens, anyhow..." I'shan went on. "He flies more like a green than a blue, and he's pretty small and thin overall. I dunno...it just doesn't come up every often. It's only happened three times ever." Three times, and two of them landed him with a damn child. What luck. "I can't blame him for trying when he thinks he can, though." He made a face. Situations like that guaranteed that one of them would be unhappy.

"But it's not anyone's fault...You couldn't stop Ilv from snatchng her any more than I could stop him from chasing, so it's not anything that anyone's at fault for." It was making him uncomfortable to talk about, though. The hair on his arms stood up. He felt like a weyrling master, delicately explaining away unfortunate flight consequences! And it reminded him that no matter how much Ilveriath loved him, sometimes instincts were going to clash.

He twitched again and suddenly changed the subject. "...Why did you name him after me?"

Ce'lie regarded I'shan with a thoroughly puzzled look. Of course people didn't control dragonflight, dragons controlled dragonflight… had she really just been lucky all these turns? The disturbed dragonrider quickly closed off her mind to her dragon, not wanting to worry the green with the direction her thoughts were taking.

Twilirth had always given her the impression that she could easily avoid any male that she wasn't interested in pairing with, had she the desire to do so. Ce'lie had found the claim comforting. Had her dragon been just putting on airs? She had been inclined to believe her green's claim, since the creature had proved so intelligent. That was also contrary to what she had been taught in her lessons. Her Weyrlingmaster had viewed greens as nuisances, stupid, annoying creatures that any Weyr would probably be better off without. In his view, the only good thing about them was that they gave the male dragons something to chase other than golds.

When had her green made that comment about? She couldn't remember how many turns ago it had been. Thinking about it at length, Ce'lie conceded that it was also quite possible her green had simply been boasting.

The greenrider's easygoing personality meant that there were few men that she really had a problem with at Katila on a personal level. Flights were something that Ce'lie had come to accept as just another part of her life as a dragonrider. She really didn't give them much thought. Ce'lie also had taken the viewpoint that what happened during a flight was separate from what happened at other times. In fact, she could really think of only two dragonriders at Katila that she didn't care for. Even those particular two riders would just have been politely ushered out of her bedroom when the flight was over like anyone else. Whoever dragon's was lucky enough to catch Twilirth was lucky enough to get a night with Ce'lie.

The greenrider felt badly for I'shan. Compared to him, she had it easy. Now that she knew the reason why he had bolted after their dragons' flight, she felt kinder toward the younger man. She realized that it would be difficult for him to reconcile sleeping with women feeling the way that he did and didn't envy him having to do it one bit.

Blinking at the man as he questioned her about Isharyn's naming, she wrapped her hands around her legs again. Placing her chin on her knees, she looked into his eyes. "I wanted to draw your attention to him, I guess," she said softly. "I wasn't sure how involved you would want to be in his life.. and I thought if his name was closer to yours, it would be harder to avoid him," she said quietly with a small frown.

"I hope you don't think that I wanted to manipulate you," she said quietly, fidgeting a bit. "It was more just to make sure that you were aware of him. I hoped that it would help him have a relationship with his father. Not to mention that he looks just like you," she said, smiling at him warmly.

Not trying to manipulate him, huh? That was exactly what it sounded like, but he liked to give people the benefit of the doubt. He frowned a little, eyeing her and then glancing through the door, out to where he knew Isharyn was playing. This conversation wasn't pleasant, but it revealed some interesting truths. The bluerider frowned slowly.

He he looked back at her, his frown evened out almost as quickly as it appeared. She certainly seemed honest enough.  Maybe she was telling the truth. Yeah, naming the kid after him instead of approaching him was pretty passive aggressive, but in the end, he'd been able to avoid the whole ordeal until he felt ready. He was a dragonrider. Dragonriders weren't generally obligated to acknowledge their children. It also never really occurred to him that the little boy needed him. So, he'd stayed away. Now that he was ready, being a dad didn't seem to awful.

Still, I'shan could be flighty, and the news made him a little nervous. "I'll take your word on that," he said, expressing his worry without rejecting her. He sighed slowly, largely relieved that the conversation hadn't blown up the way he'd feared, and leaned back against the wall.

"...Looks like me, huh? I dunno, I think he looks like you, too.." he muttered calmly, almost like he was floating away. "...I don't look a thing like my mother, though."

He instantly wanted to punch himself for bringing his mother up. Doh. He instantly made another scrunched face, this one less stressed and more comical.

Ce'lie sighed with relief. At the very least, I'shan was taking her at her word and she again felt feelings of gratitude toward the bluerider. Their conversation, while stressful, was turning out to be better than she had expected. Not only was he not sneering at her for her irrational fear of the dark, he also seemed to be almost.. genuinely concerned for her welfare.

She did see him glance at the doorway a few times, looking between her and the exit as if he might leave, but he must have decided against it. Ce'lie was glad. The most important thing she wanted to come out of this conversation was that the two of them would be comfortable around each other. Isharyn was getting old enough that he was sure to notice the strain between the two of them if they didn't put it to bed.

"Your mother?" she said, peering at him with interest. "Was she a dragonrider?" Ce'lie didn't know a thing about the man who had fathered her only son and she found that she was interested to learn about him. She caught his grimace and frowned at him, worried. "…Are you ok? We don't have to talk about her if you don't want to. I'm just… curious."

His puzzled expression only intensified when she asked her question. "My mother, a dragonrider?" I'shan wasn't sure if he would ever get used to the fact that woman riders existed. He'd never minded them, but they were both unknown to him before he went to the Weyr and rarely seen afterwards. He avoided them so carefully during flights and had been so hastily swept into bluerider circles (where they were the rarest) that he honestly just never felt familiar to him. He couldn't have cared less, but in those moments, imagining his own mother at one of these exotic creatures was a bit amusing!

He blinked a couple times, then grinned. "Nope. Not even close," he said. What exactly was his mom? He'd never been able to really nail down what she did for a living. Some days she cleaned houses or worked for tips, some days she played a little music here or there, though that was more dangerous than profitable. She'd really done whatever she could to keep a roof over their heads. He knew sometimes she stayed gone a long time, and other times she convinced him to sing in taverns and collected coins while he grinned and accepted the praise of the impressed patrons. What was she, exactly?

Other than single.

"Mom was holdborn," he replied simply, shrugging, deciding against putting too much thought into it. He always liked to imagine her as wold and free, but the more he learned about real hold life, the more he had to not think about it. He'd always imagined his mom was special, made of steel and fire. She lived alone with no one other than her little baby boy, and she didn't have to answer to anyone. That was good, right?

He'd been too young when he left to really understand. It didn't help that she kept him in the dark as much as she could. He twitched again. Outside, Ilveriath decided to hazard a glance around I'shan's memories and let out a slight hiss. The blue dragon detested the memories of that woman that floated around in I'shan's head. He loved her so, idolized her even, and yet she seemed so toxic to the dragon! He creeled with worry and soothed I'shan, who suddenly found himself missing her an awful lot. Ilveriath didn't care if he hated her himself. I'shan loved her, or at least thought he did.

I'shan realized quite suddenly that he was gnawing on his lip and wringing his hands. He huffed a bit and pouted. "Nothing special. She was sort of...I dunno.  She did odd jobs and all that." He didn't need to point out that it was hard. Even as a kid he knew it had been hard without a father. He didn't care to think about how hard, though. "Mostly at inns and in other households. She worked a lot."

Ce'lie was confused by I'shan's reaction to her question and wondered about its cause. Was it that his mother as a dragonrider was a rediculous notion or was it something more? As he explained, the greenrider came to the conclusion that it was the former.  His explanation of his mother's odd jobs would account for that strong reaction but she was still a bit surprised.

Something didn't add up, though. It would have taken a decent amount of coin to raise a son and keep a roof over both of their heads without a man to provide for them. That simple fact was one of the reasons Ce'lie was grateful for her dear Twilirth; a woman in a Weyr was provided with quarters of her own and had no need to worry about where her next meal was coming from. If she didn't want a lasting relationship with a man, she didn't have to have one. It did provide freedom from the uncertainty of typical life on Pern for women and had stopped her from being designated as someone's "wife". As a dragonrider, Ce'lie felt like she had had more of a chance to become her own person.

"She… must have been quite a woman to be able to provide such things for you on her own," Ce'lie said at length. The greenrider was sure that the woman must have been turning tricks or had some kind of special arrangement in order to provide for her son. There would have been no way that she'd have gotten her hands a private place for the two of them otherwise.

"If I might be so bold…..What happened to your father that the two of you were on your own?"

"My father?" I'shan's inquiry was gentle and filled with innocent surprise. No one ever seemed to ask about his father, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd talked about him. I'shan had always been focused primarily on his mother, the person who took care of him, loved him, and perhaps even crippled him. He was greatly invested in the memory he'd created of her, but his father? He wasn't even sure what he could say in reply, so he shrugged helplessly.

"Don't have one," he replied casually. "Mom said he was a dragonrider, but she didn't have much to say other than that," he said. He paused, realizing just how strange that sounded. He'd literally said everything he knew about the man who sired him. He could remember pressuring his mother for more information, but she always just changed the topic and started spoiling him so he would forget about it all that much sooner. He frowned.

"...Mom...didn't have much to say," he admitted out loud, more to himself than to Ceilidhe, but he certainly wasn't hiding the revelation. He wouldn't have been very successful if he tried, either. Something akin to grief lingered on his face for a moment. "...She refused to talk about it. I don't think she...liked the idea of sharing me." She'd never seemed heartbroken or traumatized at any recollection of I'shan's father, just disinterested and possessive. Yes, that was the word! Possessive. He sighed.

"I guess I really don't know. I don't even think about it, really. Whoever he was, he's long gone now. I don't even know if she was telling the truth about him being a dragonrider." I'shan shrugged again and somehow conjured a smile. "It's no big deal, though. I mean, I never knew him to miss him, so that's that. He doesn't exist."