Hello loves! While I haven't been writing, I have been working on updating some issues that have been hanging around on the layout! The Character change box is now at the bottom of the page, beside the up/down arrows! Green and Gold dragon flight dates have been shifted to the bottom of the page, where the (useless!) discord widget was located. Where the dragon flights were in the header, is now replaced by a Monthly Event box! This will be updated at the start of each month, with a fun mini-event you can take part in, if you want to! Thistle!
19.Jan.20, 09:29 AM
R’nd was used to B’jin talking but not really saying anything as the man enjoyed babbling about whatever came to mind. Now that he was, it was hard to keep up. He didn’t think he was really expected to interject with even a noise to show he was listening so he didn’t bother, letting B’jin get out everything he’d bottled up for far too long while also trying to listen to what was being said.
He had never liked N’mall and hearing more about the relationship instead of basing it off of rumours made R’nd hate the man to the very depths of his being. It was hard to make him hate someone but there were a few out there that had rightfully earned it by hurting someone close to him and learning exactly how horrible N’mall had been made R’nd see red. How dare that man not only hit B’jin but then go after N’mor? R’nd had started out uneasy around the child with his stare that went right through you, but he’d never wish harm on the boy and now viewed him as part of his hopefully no longer growing collection of children.
He pushed away thoughts of how to remove N’mall permanently as B’jin brought up his old party ways and R’nd managed a small smile of his own. He hadn’t needed a reason to binge on good times and slept his way through Katila simply because he loved people and the connection sex created between them. Was one reason better than the other? His was probably worse since he knew broken hearts trailed behind him so his own would be safe.
He treated everyone like a cherished person that should be loved and given pleasure and it still baffled R’nd that B’jin didn’t understand that that feeling was normal and that it frightened the greenrider. But he didn’t say anything, letting the man find his thoughts. It was better than rushing him or interrupting him. B’jin had a way of shutting down under the slightest bit of pressure so R’nd waited, stewing in sadness brought on by the life B’jin had endured because of horrible men.
And then B’jin was saying what he had been thinking just then and regularly since the last time B’jin left. How easy it was for B’jin to believe the worst no matter how hard R’nd tried to be the best person on Pern. How he was just never going to be what B’jin needed or wanted. By the time B’jin was close to hyperventilating, R’nd was wide-eyed and unsure of what to say or do but he returned the grip on his hand, trying to convey yet again that he was still there.
But was that really what was needed? B’jin said he needed help and couldn’t defeat the demons alone but R’nd wasn’t sure they could do it together either. Once, he would have pointed to the last ten years as proof of how much he himself had changed and how perfect the world was now that he and B’jin were together. They could conquer anything together. Now, he didn’t think that was true. It was all starting to feel very one-sided as he looked back on the memories. He really hadn’t been good enough for B’jin or what the man needed and perhaps he had been arrogant to think that he had been helping the man heal by showing him love and compassion instead of being abusive.
Maybe he should be the one to walk away this time. What proof was there that B’jin would actually try this time? That he was ready to actually change? R’nd had seen the bruises his lover sported when he came back from staying with D’hys and it made him worry that B’jin had relapsed and wanted the beatings again. Maybe he would be fine again for another ten years.
But he knew he wouldn’t do that. Like he had said, he loved B’jin for some reason and couldn’t leave the man alone. Couldn’t stand to see him suffer and would probably wait for him to come home again the next time something did scare the greenrider away.
He placed a hand over B’jin’s that lingered over his heart. “Of course I’ll help. We’ll figure it out together.” He almost promised that they would but R’nd wasn’t sure how to do it and he hated breaking his promises so he refrained from it and instead opened his arms for B’jin to come in for a hug if he wanted it.
He had never liked N’mall and hearing more about the relationship instead of basing it off of rumours made R’nd hate the man to the very depths of his being. It was hard to make him hate someone but there were a few out there that had rightfully earned it by hurting someone close to him and learning exactly how horrible N’mall had been made R’nd see red. How dare that man not only hit B’jin but then go after N’mor? R’nd had started out uneasy around the child with his stare that went right through you, but he’d never wish harm on the boy and now viewed him as part of his hopefully no longer growing collection of children.
He pushed away thoughts of how to remove N’mall permanently as B’jin brought up his old party ways and R’nd managed a small smile of his own. He hadn’t needed a reason to binge on good times and slept his way through Katila simply because he loved people and the connection sex created between them. Was one reason better than the other? His was probably worse since he knew broken hearts trailed behind him so his own would be safe.
He treated everyone like a cherished person that should be loved and given pleasure and it still baffled R’nd that B’jin didn’t understand that that feeling was normal and that it frightened the greenrider. But he didn’t say anything, letting the man find his thoughts. It was better than rushing him or interrupting him. B’jin had a way of shutting down under the slightest bit of pressure so R’nd waited, stewing in sadness brought on by the life B’jin had endured because of horrible men.
And then B’jin was saying what he had been thinking just then and regularly since the last time B’jin left. How easy it was for B’jin to believe the worst no matter how hard R’nd tried to be the best person on Pern. How he was just never going to be what B’jin needed or wanted. By the time B’jin was close to hyperventilating, R’nd was wide-eyed and unsure of what to say or do but he returned the grip on his hand, trying to convey yet again that he was still there.
But was that really what was needed? B’jin said he needed help and couldn’t defeat the demons alone but R’nd wasn’t sure they could do it together either. Once, he would have pointed to the last ten years as proof of how much he himself had changed and how perfect the world was now that he and B’jin were together. They could conquer anything together. Now, he didn’t think that was true. It was all starting to feel very one-sided as he looked back on the memories. He really hadn’t been good enough for B’jin or what the man needed and perhaps he had been arrogant to think that he had been helping the man heal by showing him love and compassion instead of being abusive.
Maybe he should be the one to walk away this time. What proof was there that B’jin would actually try this time? That he was ready to actually change? R’nd had seen the bruises his lover sported when he came back from staying with D’hys and it made him worry that B’jin had relapsed and wanted the beatings again. Maybe he would be fine again for another ten years.
But he knew he wouldn’t do that. Like he had said, he loved B’jin for some reason and couldn’t leave the man alone. Couldn’t stand to see him suffer and would probably wait for him to come home again the next time something did scare the greenrider away.
He placed a hand over B’jin’s that lingered over his heart. “Of course I’ll help. We’ll figure it out together.” He almost promised that they would but R’nd wasn’t sure how to do it and he hated breaking his promises so he refrained from it and instead opened his arms for B’jin to come in for a hug if he wanted it.
