Hello loves! While I haven't been writing, I have been working on updating some issues that have been hanging around on the layout! The Character change box is now at the bottom of the page, beside the up/down arrows! Green and Gold dragon flight dates have been shifted to the bottom of the page, where the (useless!) discord widget was located. Where the dragon flights were in the header, is now replaced by a Monthly Event box! This will be updated at the start of each month, with a fun mini-event you can take part in, if you want to! Thistle!
01.Oct.19, 12:44 AM
F’drel frowned as R’dal stepped back from the hug. How did R’dal always manage to make F’drel feel bad for being upset? It wasn’t fair! R’dal would look like a kicked puppy and F’drel would feel like a massive asshole and he just wanted to be upset about something without feeling guilty. But no, he hurt his friend’s feelings by having his own emotions. He just wanted to be mad for five minutes! Fuck this!
“What about me has ever given you the impression that I enjoy surprises?” he asked incredulously. Didn’t R’dal know him better than that by now? Sudden, unexpected changes were not something F’drel thought of as enjoyable, quite the opposite; they were extraordinarily stressful. They were made even worse by blueriders of decidedly questionable intent.
“And from D’hys, even. We just talked about avoiding dangerous people!” F’drel shook his head exasperatedly. Why wasn’t anything he said sticking? “D’hys doesn’t do gifts, R’dal. If he does anything for someone it’s because he thinks it will benefit him somehow, someday. And he’s made it very clear I owe him now.” Technically the favor he owed was for letting Kikki stay with Kit in Fort only, not for his other sisters moving to Ista, but F’drel wasn’t stupid. If D’hys felt like it he would use his ‘gift’ as leverage. F’drel could easily see him making a comment about some rider he knew who thought one of F’drel’s sisters was pretty, maybe offer to dissuade the hypothetical rider for a price, that F’drel would almost certainly pay because he couldn’t let anyone touch his sisters. D’hys could probably warp his gift in countless ways, and F’drel had no faith that it wouldn’t come up eventually. That was just how men like D’hys worked, and how F’drel’s life went. How could he really enjoy his sisters being in the Weyr if he was constantly afraid he wouldn’t be able to protect them from someone else’s game?
“You’re lucky he hasn’t paid attention to you before, you don’t want his attention,” F’drel said quietly, trying to squash the continually rising panic. He was unsuccessful, becoming overly aware of how fast his heart was beating and how hard it was to catch his breath. R’dal had only been approached by D’hys because of him, because D’hys knew they were friends and wanted to, what, just make F’drel squirm more? Did he have ulterior motives? Was it about getting M’ris to let the girls into Ista? What if D’hys felt R’dal owed him now for his ‘assistance’ in getting the position of Searchrider? F’drel was glad R’dal got to be a Searchrider, he was, but that happiness for a friend was for the moment completely buried in the fear and anger, and he didn’t think it was worth the risk. Edath was clearly good at Searching, he would have proven that soon enough on his own without D’hys’ ‘help.’ Did it help R’dal more than it put him at risk? F’drel wasn’t sure.
It was all too much, the uncertainty and anxiety and panic, all crashing down on him and he could feel the panic clawing at his throat, making him shake. Why did it all have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t he just take a gift at face value, F’drel wondered, it would make his life a whole lot easier. Profoundly more dangerous, but easier. R’dal was certainly happier than he was. But he wasn’t R’dal, he was him, and at that moment the only thing keeping F’drel from collapsing onto the floor and crying was Miri, worriedly trying to help him in any way she could, but she couldn’t fix him. F’drel clung to where her mind met his like a lifeline but she couldn’t make this stop.
“What about me has ever given you the impression that I enjoy surprises?” he asked incredulously. Didn’t R’dal know him better than that by now? Sudden, unexpected changes were not something F’drel thought of as enjoyable, quite the opposite; they were extraordinarily stressful. They were made even worse by blueriders of decidedly questionable intent.
“And from D’hys, even. We just talked about avoiding dangerous people!” F’drel shook his head exasperatedly. Why wasn’t anything he said sticking? “D’hys doesn’t do gifts, R’dal. If he does anything for someone it’s because he thinks it will benefit him somehow, someday. And he’s made it very clear I owe him now.” Technically the favor he owed was for letting Kikki stay with Kit in Fort only, not for his other sisters moving to Ista, but F’drel wasn’t stupid. If D’hys felt like it he would use his ‘gift’ as leverage. F’drel could easily see him making a comment about some rider he knew who thought one of F’drel’s sisters was pretty, maybe offer to dissuade the hypothetical rider for a price, that F’drel would almost certainly pay because he couldn’t let anyone touch his sisters. D’hys could probably warp his gift in countless ways, and F’drel had no faith that it wouldn’t come up eventually. That was just how men like D’hys worked, and how F’drel’s life went. How could he really enjoy his sisters being in the Weyr if he was constantly afraid he wouldn’t be able to protect them from someone else’s game?
“You’re lucky he hasn’t paid attention to you before, you don’t want his attention,” F’drel said quietly, trying to squash the continually rising panic. He was unsuccessful, becoming overly aware of how fast his heart was beating and how hard it was to catch his breath. R’dal had only been approached by D’hys because of him, because D’hys knew they were friends and wanted to, what, just make F’drel squirm more? Did he have ulterior motives? Was it about getting M’ris to let the girls into Ista? What if D’hys felt R’dal owed him now for his ‘assistance’ in getting the position of Searchrider? F’drel was glad R’dal got to be a Searchrider, he was, but that happiness for a friend was for the moment completely buried in the fear and anger, and he didn’t think it was worth the risk. Edath was clearly good at Searching, he would have proven that soon enough on his own without D’hys’ ‘help.’ Did it help R’dal more than it put him at risk? F’drel wasn’t sure.
It was all too much, the uncertainty and anxiety and panic, all crashing down on him and he could feel the panic clawing at his throat, making him shake. Why did it all have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t he just take a gift at face value, F’drel wondered, it would make his life a whole lot easier. Profoundly more dangerous, but easier. R’dal was certainly happier than he was. But he wasn’t R’dal, he was him, and at that moment the only thing keeping F’drel from collapsing onto the floor and crying was Miri, worriedly trying to help him in any way she could, but she couldn’t fix him. F’drel clung to where her mind met his like a lifeline but she couldn’t make this stop.
