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+---- Thread: Killing the Rage [M][Solo] (/showthread.php?tid=814)
Killing the Rage [M][Solo] - Sanderon - 31.Aug.12
Sanderon's body began to feel stronger. With his physical strength came a mental strength he did not want to know. It was not a good feeling. It was the overpowering rage growing stronger in the shadows of his mind. Like a beast that lurked in the dark, it was getting ready to pounce. Sanderon could feel it there. It was getting more dangerous with each passing day.
The mental barriers Sanderon was frantically trying to rebuild to prevent the rage from growing kept crumbling. They refused to remain in their places. The mental cage that had safely contained his anguish that had been protected by his prowling rage was failing. The beast within was no longer keeping his anguish contained. It was battering down the defenses and threatening to set it free. He could not allow that to happen. He could feel it happening though and he was powerless to prevent it. He was no longer in control of his own mind it seemed and slowly feeling it break down scared him very much. He did not want to face his rage or his agony. He couldn't.
There came a point a seven-day after he had first woken here on the isle again, when he was very thankful to be locked in his room. He could feel his rage finally crawling out of its hole. This was the day he would see himself in a way he had hoped to never see again. He lay on his side upon his bed and stared at the locked door as his hands gripped his hair. Right behind the growing rage was the terrifying feeling of all the anguish he had repressed for so long boiling up after it. He would have to face that beast too. He did not think he would survive.
Having already warned Ilveriath not to let I'shan in his room several hours earlier, Sanderon lay like that upon his bunk for what seemed like a lifetime. His body began to sweat with the strain of his mind. He was trying everything he had to keep himself contained. He tried to be strong. He had to be strong. But he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was quickly losing the battle. This was the day he would either have to kill the rage within or be forever lost to it's power. He did not want to lose his mind. He did not want to be a danger to others either.
When his mind finally clawed itself free from his control, he whimpered.
Sanderon's sweated cheek lay upon the cool floor. He forehead was bruised from headbutting his door. His throat was hoarse and sore from screaming and yelling like a banshee. His tortured lungs heaved in what air it could. His knuckles were bloody from pounding the walls and every object in the small room he could find. His body trembled violently as if very chilled. His clothing smelled heavily of urine.
The room did not come away unscathed either. The bed he had once lay upon was over turned and shoved into a far corner. The rush mattress was torn and its contents scattered about. His blanket lay in torn pieces against the now-dented urine bucket that had been slammed around. It's contents having sprayed the wall, the floor and his body.
In silence, Sanderon lay there in the middle of the room. Though trembling violently and gasping for air, his mind was not done with his torture. By an iron-willed determination, Sanderon had fought himself, the room and his rage into complete submission. The terrible beast that was his rage, had been killed. But the beast that remained was a much stronger force and it was about to tear him apart.
The anguish he had trapped deep inside for so long battered out of the cage of his mind. He tried to fight it back out of habit with whatever strength he had left but it could no longer be denied. Bloody fists gripped his hair as his mind and throat began to wail. His heart screamed with the pain and it pounded harshly inside his chest. The terrible agony of not being strong enough ripped through every fabric of his being. Every scrap of hope he had desperately clung to of ever seeing his family again was cruelly torn away...he wailed, he cried, and he mourned. Tensing and shaking, Sanderon's tortured mind began to release all that he had tried so hard to bury away.
Being so incredibly weak to begin with from his fight with his rage, his anguish did not have a chance to fully release before his strength finally failed and he fell into a fitful, troubled sleep upon the floor. His body trembled periodically as if it were very cold.