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+--- Thread: [G] [C] 741.10.19 | Foolish Attempts (/showthread.php?tid=4713)
741.10.19 | Foolish Attempts - A'tay - 03.Nov.20
A’tay sat alone on the edge of a public bathing pool. It was the middle of the night to help ensure he wouldn’t be bothered, though he still had the door propped shut with the table normally used for setting supplies on. He didn’t want anyone to know what he was doing but he was realising how stupid that may have been. Not even Xyxyth could reach him if anything went wrong. Maybe he should have used his smaller personal tub so his dragon could have a better chance of getting to him.
Everything will be fine, though I have to admit I’d feel better if you would just wait for Zell to go with you.
A’tay could hear the anxiousness in his dragon’s voice regardless of how hard Xyxyth tried to sound confident and stay calm. I know, but… it’s embarrassing. It’s one thing to not know how to swim but I’m afraid of the water, Xy. You know I sometimes have nightmares. What if I start flailing or panic too much and I either hurt her or she laughs or is utterly appalled by it? Normally, if he had nightmares, they were related to the landslide but sometimes they combined with his near-drowning of years even earlier and he was left sinking in the mud, unable to breathe, drowning slowly as friends didn’t even notice it happening.
He hated those nights and always got up and sat with Xyxyth in his wallow until he fell asleep curled up beside his dragon.
I doubt she’d do any of that! I think it would actually encourage her to try even harder to help you. Xyxyth was likely right. Zelly was kind but she was also stubborn and determined. A’tay had a feeling she’d quickly change tactics to find a new way to prepare him to be her boring yet buoyant boy.
I just need to stay calm. I can do that, A’tay assured them both as he finally slipped into the water. When he sat down in the middle, the water came almost to his shoulders and he knew that should be fine. He knew he was in a small area of water and he knew what was in it and where the bottom was. He took deep breaths, telling himself it was just a bath and he survived them regularly. It worked, and A’tay found himself almost able to relax entirely and enjoy the heated water like he would with any other bath.
But he knew why he was there and before he could talk himself out of it, A’tay took a deep breath and dunked himself under the water. He came back up almost immediately, too freaked out to stay longer. That wouldn’t do! He had to be able to hold his breath to at least the count of ten and not panic. He’d seen so many of his friends stay under water for much longer, swimming, hiding, sneaking up on someone… he could do that. It would be a good starting point for when Zelana tried to show him how to float or swim with such ease. He couldn’t do any of that if he couldn’t dip below the water line.
So he tried again and got to three.
He came back up, brushing his hair from his face, and clung to the side of the pool. It wasn’t that bad! He could do this. As long as he remembered where the surface was, it wasn’t too bad. It helped that the water wasn’t deep enough for him to really get lost in but A’tay would take the comfort where he could.
After another pep talk, A’tay took a deep breath and went back under. Everything was fine until he got to six and it felt like a hand was on his head. No! Not again! He opened his mouth to scream, all the air he had stored coming out as he started to thrash around in the water as panic took hold and dark water, mud, and landslides filled his mind.
A’tay! No one is there! You’re alone and safe! Remember where you! TayTay! Xyxyth was barely refraining from bellowing out loud as he frantically paced on his ledge, unsure what else to do but to send his lifemate calming vibes as he worked hard to remind A’tay he was alone in the tub and all he had to do was put his feet down and stand up. Please, A’tay! You’re safe, just stand up and it will be over.
A’tay barely heard Xyxyth’s voice as he continued to flail under water and fight off the people and mud that had a hold of him. His nightmares were nothing like the real thing. They always scared him and left him breathless when he awoke but he had never recalled the burning in his lungs and tightness in his chest until that moment. He was going to die. Please… A’tay latched onto the voice. Xyxyth! His beautiful, sweet, kind, funny dragon. Xyxyth was courage in their bond and A'tay clung to that and listened to the dragon’s soothing voice as it told him to stop fighting and to let his feet fall so he could stand.
Figuring he had nothing else to lose, A’tay did just that and as soon as they felt the stone, he pushed upward and came out of the water gasping for that sweet air he didn’t think he’d ever inhale again. Even as he gasped and coughed, he dashed for the ledge and crawled out. For a moment he lay on his side, gathering his wits, before deciding he was too close to the water and scrambled to the wall. There he sat with his back to the wall and knees hugged tight to his chest. He didn’t even brush his hair aside this time, glad that he couldn’t see the water for the moment.
He had been a fool to try alone. Pride almost killed him and hadn’t he heard enough stories growing up about that? He had so many friends that were willing to help him and he had been too afraid and embarrassed to let them and he knew none of them would have mocked him or rushed him. If he had died, then Xyxyth would have as well. The amount of pain that would cause his family and Madiquel was too awful to think about yet he did and tears started falling.
It’s okay, TayTay. You’re okay. Take a few minutes and then come back to me. You don’t need to try again or do this alone. Zell will understand. Xyxyth softly crooned, doing his best to not share how scared he had been and that he wanted A’tay back beside him for his own comfort.
A’tay nodded. He didn’t think Zelly would fully understand since it would be seen as a problem she had to fix but maybe they could figure something out. He didn’t have to put his head under water to splash and play, right? He sighed, mad at himself for so many things and disappointed in himself. He shoved the table away from the door, wrapped a towel around his waist, and gathered up his belongings.
Utterly defeated and ashamed, A’tay returned to his weyr where he dropped everything on the floor and went right to Xyxyth where he curled up with his dragon. “I’m sorry I did that to you. Thank you for helping me.”
I’ll always be there for you. Xyxyth curled up around A’tay as if he could protect the young man from the world and his nightmares but A’tay sighed in relief all the same as he drifted off to sleep.