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+--- Thread: [G] [P] 741.01.15 | Nervous Antici.......pation (/showthread.php?tid=4617)
741.01.15 | Nervous Antici.......pation - B'kit - 30.Jan.20
The last few weeks had B'kit practically climbing the walls with nerves. First Misha had bluntly just--just told J'shom about Kitt's feelings, saying he was sick of hearing Kitt whine. A week before Kitt's long-awaited plan for Turn's End! And then J'shom, being J'shom, and therefore criminally oblivious, just brushed it off as Misha playing some stupid weyrling prank or joke. Frankly he'd almost chickened out after that, but Misha pushed a second small glass of wine in his hands at the party which restored his nerves.
Only now he worried he'd pushed too far.
He'd finally cornered J'shom near dawn, and given him the song, which brought the most delightful smile to the Harper's face. That, along with the fact J'shom was wearing the shirt B'kit embroidered for his birthday, and the two glasses of wine was enough to make him bolder than he'd been yet, leaning in to steal a kiss as the sun rose over the Weyrbowl.
J'shom hadn't pushed him away. Hadn't run away, or babbled some excuse. Or said anything at all.
That had been two weeks ago, and the harper had avoided him ever since.
You worry too much. His dragon's gentle rebuke drew Kitt back out of his thoughts. Will you sing me something? Erebuth nudged Kitt's hand where it had stopped moving, reminding him to keep oiling, since this was supposed to be distracting him from fretting. "Of course, Re. Any requests?"
Erebuth rumbled, considering. He rolled over, exposing his belly for attention, then replied, anything. I just like your voice. B'kit smiled and shoved the blue's shoulder lightly. "Flatterer." But it was too easy to slip into one of Erebuth's favorite lullabies and he felt his mood lighten again.
RE: 741.01.15 | Nervous Antici.......pation - J'shom - 09.Feb.20
It was a nice evening, cool by Istan standards but still warm enough J’shom could be outside in no more than a light jacket. He paused in putting away the supplies from oiling Siolilth to watch her stretch luxuriously, the light glinting off her hide. Siolilth preened at her rider’s attention for a moment more, then made a show of craning her neck to look at something down in the Weyr Bowl.
Oh look, I see Erebuth and B’kit, Siolilth said innocently, We haven’t talked to them in a bit, why don’t we glide down and say hello? J’shom shot her an annoyed look; he knew what she was up to.
“What’s this? You, wanting to spend time with a blue? It’s a few months too early for you to be proddy. Or are you changing your schedule due to some mid-life crisis?” J’shom deflected, hoping he could deflect Siolilth to her favorite topic; herself.
Mid-life nothing, I’m only eight. If anyone here is having a mid-life crisis it’s you, dear rider, she snorted dismissively. I simply want to go visit Erebuth. J’shom sighed. He did not feel ready to have the conversation that would inevitably result from visiting the weyrling bluepair. He’d probably never be ready. Siolilth eyed him, decidedly unimpressed. Males! Idiots, all of them.
If you’re going to be a baby, I’ll just go by myself then, she said sweetly, stretching her wings out to prepare for flight. She would, too, and then B’kit would wonder why J’shom hadn’t come with her, and he didn’t trust Siolilth when it came to explaining his mysterious absence.
J’shom sighed in defeat.
He didn’t not want to see B’kit. He just didn’t want to confront what had happened during the Turn’s End celebrations. It had been such a nice celebration, too. B’kit’s gift to him had been a song he’d written. A well written and well performed song, and J’shom had enjoyed it immensely. But then B’kit had kissed him and J’shom froze. He hadn’t known how to respond. J’shom had not imagined B’kit would kiss him, or at least he had convinced himself it would never happen. He wasn’t even sure it counted anyway, since B’kit had probably had too much to drink throughout the night and may not have been in a place to really think it through (though his singing hadn’t been impacted by any likely inebriation). Even so, the kiss, however sober it may have, when put together with how one of B’kit’s fellow Weyrlings - Sh’ran, of a blue Siolilth couldn’t be bothered to remember the name of - frustratedly informed J’shom of B’kit’s ‘tedious pining’ for him, which J’shom had tried to brush off as Sh’ran trying to get a rise out of him or play a joke on his friend, started building up a narrative J’shom was having a harder time saying was impossible.
Did he want it to be impossible? He didn’t know. It was all very complicated. J’shom liked B’kit. He was a charming young man and a talented musician, and he cared so very much about those he considered his friends. And if J’shom sometimes wanted to brush B’kit’s hair back to keep it out of his face when it got displaced due to excitement or focusing so much on whatever he was doing, it wasn’t like anyone could blame him. But he’d also taught B’kit some of the Teaching Songs back in Katila, and J’shom struggled relabeling B’kit as an equal as opposed to a student, especially with how B’kit so often visited to learn more about music. And J’shom was a teacher first and foremost, even above being a dragonrider most days, and that was a line he couldn’t comfortably cross.
He’s a dragonrider, not your student. We’ve been over this. Now, I’m going to see Erebuth now, if you’re coming you’d better climb up, Siolilth interrupted his spiralling thoughts, and J’shom was clambering up to her neck without giving himself time to think it over further.
Good, Siolilth said, deeply pleased with herself, and launched herself into the air to lazily glide down into the Bowl.
RE: 741.01.15 | Nervous Antici.......pation - B'kit - 09.Feb.20
Erebuth hummed happily along as B’kit started another song, lazily cracking open his eyes as he heard wings approaching. It’s Siolilth, he told his rider, excited. Good evening! Come join us! The blue rolled back over and made room for the green in the best spot on the still sun-warmed rock.
B’kit took a moment to compose himself, putting away the oiling rag and waving as the pair glided over. “You’re looking lovely tonight, Siolilth,” he said, greeting the vain green warmly. “J’shom… it’s good to see you.” Kitt smiled warmly, though everything in him was screaming nervously.
Breathe, B’kit. He doesn’t look upset, or angry, just like himself. Erebuth gently interrupted B’kit’s internal panic. He took a breath and sent a wave of affection to his blue, inviting the Harper and his green to sit and enjoy the air with them a while. Somehow, incredibly, he even managed to make small talk for a bit.
But still, the kiss hung over everything like a tunnel snake in a wherry nest. They were both tense and they both knew why. “J’shom, I…” He bit his lip, darting a glance over. “I’m sorry. I’ve liked you for so long and I’ve been trying to tell you and then Sh’ran-“
Breathe
“I’d planned to finally just tell you at Turn’s End, but Sh’ran blurted everything and you just brushed it off like all the other times I’ve tried. But then you liked the song-which I realize now you still didn’t really pick up on. How can you be a Harper and be so oblivious to metaphors in lyrics-“ he shook the thought away impatiently, “no, that’s not the point.”
B’kit sighed, staring down at his hands. “I saw you in the shirt I made, looking, frankly, unfairly gorgeous in the morning light, and I couldn’t help but to kiss you. I was impulsive and now I’ve ruined everything.”
RE: 741.01.15 | Nervous Antici.......pation - J'shom - 14.Feb.20
J’shom slid down Siolilth, returned B’kit’s greeting, and walked over to settle on the ground near him - not too close, he thought it best to keep a respectable space between them. Siolilth gracefully took the offered space, politely thanking Erebuth for making room for her (as he should).
He allowed B’kit to ramble about whatever he wanted - what the Weyrling had been doing that day and such like - and added comments where appropriate, though it wasn’t as relaxed as their usual conversations. J’shom could feel it, and he knew B’kit could too. It didn’t come as a surprise to him when B’kit suddenly changed topics to the one that was most likely occupying them both.
B’kit, it turned out, had a lot to say on the topic, and J’shom was almost blown away with the amount of information he found he had to process. Truly, J’shom wasn’t as oblivious as B’kit seemed to think he was. It was a well-practiced obliviousness - B’kit was hardly the first of his students to form a childhood crush on him. As a rule, J’shom ignored those student crushes, continuing on, business as usual, not treating them different, just teaching everyone best he could. When B’kit’s pre-teen crush seemed to resurface after the move North, J’shom had decided to respond the same; ignore it, because it wasn’t serious, and would go away.
It didn’t seem to be going away. Not after a number of turns now. And, somewhere along the way, they had become friends. B’kit, though J’shom often had trouble seeing it, had grown up. As Siolilth liked to point out, he was a dragonrider, an adult (if a terribly young one), and could make his own decisions. J’shom had spent so much time ignoring any hint B’kit liked him, he’d almost missed it. And now all his thinking was leaving B’kit in silence, waiting for a response.
“You haven’t ruined anything, Little Bird,” J’shom sighed softly, wanting to make sure that point was clear. At some point during the conversation some of B’kit’s hair had fallen in front of his face, and J’shom finally let himself indulge the urge to brush it back and tuck it behind B’kit’s ear. “I’m sorry I tried to ignore you - your feelings - for so long. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just… I thought it was a crush that would go away. Clearly, I misread it.” He sighed, brushing his own hair back and leaving his hand resting at the back of his neck. They were going to need to have a proper conversation about this.
Well, you have plenty of time. This rock is quite comfortable and Erebuth is acceptable company. Siolilth helpfully pointed out.
’I thought you wanted to spend time with him,’ J’shom thought at her, amused.
Did I? she said mildly, curling her tail around her feet.
RE: 741.01.15 | Nervous Antici.......pation - B'kit - 18.Feb.20
He valued his friendship with the Harper above everything else, even his persistent crush. The fear that he had ruined that friendship with his impulsive behavior and just now through his rambling confession ate away at his already frayed nerves as J’shom listened and processed. The ghost of a relieved smile played over his face at the nickname and reassurance, and he felt his heart jump up into his throat as J’shom gently brushed an errant strand of hair behind B’kit’s ear. He wanted to grab the hand in one of his own but couldn’t think or move until too late when the touch had already been withdrawn.
“I thought it might too,” B’kit admitted reluctantly. “When we didn’t see as much of each other those first few Turns after the move North. You were busy with Search and I was sick and then hopping all over for Hatchings.”
“But then we started our music sessions after I caught up with you and the other harpers in the bowl. And I wasn’t… I wasn’t in your class anymore. I started to get glimpses of the real you and I fell all over again.”
Sh’ran and Mylorah and the others had teased him about his crush for ages. And while it was true it had waxed and waned over the turns, intermingled with a few more age-appropriate attractions, it had always returned and even redoubled. Honestly, he’d made rather a few bad decisions in his late teens trying to ignore the strength of his infatuation. And last turn, come to that.