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+--- Thread: [G] [C] 720.03.24 | Feeling Blue (/showthread.php?tid=4378)
720.03.24 | Feeling Blue - N'reh - 05.Apr.19
Nerreh couldn’t sleep. Not that it was totally unusual for her to be awake far too long, but recently she couldn’t stop thinking about Faxx and what fucking color her dragon was. She knew Faxx was aware of the inner turmoil, but she —he— she had kept silent on the matter, as if waiting for something. Nerreh had a good guess what, too.
Because while Nerreh had thought about it a lot, and made indirect comments about the change in Faxx’s hide, she’d never directly asked Faxx what color she was. He was. Whatever. And something (probably the whole telepathy, feeling sharing thing) told Nerreh that the only way to get a straight answer out of Faxx was asking directly. And fuck it, Nerreh was tired of staring at her new ceiling and wondering. Time to get some fucking sleep.
Decision made, Nerreh kicked the covers off and swung her legs off the bed, getting up and heading out to Faxxonth’s ledge. She kicked open the door between the main weyr and the dragon portion, to find Faxx watching her already. Because of course Faxx knew why her rider was there. It’s not like Nerreh was trying to be subtle right then.
“Hey. Faxx. What fucking color are you?” Nerreh asked, bare feet slightly cold against the stone, and air chilly against her face as she watched her dragon closely, breath held as she waited for the answer.
That depends who you ask, doesn’t it? Faxx said, tilting her head. His head. Everyone has been saying I’m green.
“But you're blue, right? Have been the entire time and didn’t say shit?” Nerreh asked, slightly relieved once she’d said it out loud. Still confused, maybe a tiny bit hurt her dragon didn’t trust her with that, while also simultaneously understanding.
I do appear to be blue, don’t I? Faxxonth said, craning his head around to look at his own hide, But I used to appear green, so everyone said I was green. You said I was green. Why would I doubt you? Nerreh’s heart sank. Had she fucked up her dragon by thinking he was green? Was that her fault? Had she given her dragon an identity crisis? Shit, she was just a baby dragons were strangely mature at Hatching but it’s not like she could really know, could he? Fuck.
It’s not like that. Faxxonth reached forward, butting her head against Nerreh’s shoulder while also extending her awareness towards her rider. I’ve always known who I was. The color people called me didn’t matter so much to me. I like being green, even. You’ve never done anything wrong. I would have told you if I didn’t like it.
“But you did know you were blue, right? You were just, what, seeing how long it took everyone to figure it out.” Faxx gave an awkward shrug, not a natural movement for a dragon, but one mimicked from humans.
You thought I was green so I decided to be green. I thought it was fun. I still think it’s fun, actually. He flicked his wings in thought, gazing off towards a space past Nerreh. But I can be blue also. I think it’d be fun to be blue. I don’t really prefer one or the other, I don’t think. Faxxonth turned her head to look directly at Nerreh. Which do you want me to be?
“It’s not about what I want, Faxxonth!” Nerreh exclaimed, befuddled by the whole situation. She still hadn’t gotten a proper answer, but more importantly… “You shouldn’t be what I want, you should be what you want. I want you to be you, Faxx. I don’t care what color. Though if you’re secretly gold I may reconsider that statement,” Nerreh added as an afterthought. Being a goldrider just sounded like a whole lot of bother. Faxxonth chortled.
No, I don’t think I’ll ever be gold, he said, and Nerreh sighed in relief, but I really don’t care much what color people call me. Blue or green, they’re both nice. I am Faxxonth no matter what color my hide is. And, she added, fully aware of Nerreh’s next question, knowing who I am includes knowing that I will never rise, though I think chasing seems interesting, and that I’m not fussed about what people call me, ‘she’ or ‘he’ or whatnot. I am happy with whatever you choose to refer to me as, N’reh.
“I, uh, I’ll call you he then, I guess?” Nerreh said with a slight frown. But what would other people say? Would they even believe them the Faxx was actually blue? That was still one of Nerreh’s worries, that people would think she was trying to make herself special or some bullshit because she wanted to be a woman on blue. Nerreh didn’t want to be a woman on blue. Nerreh just wanted to be Faxxonth’s rider, no matter what color Faxx was. Even gold.
We can just not tell them, then, Faxx said, following Nerreh’s train of thought, they’ll figure it out eventually without us having to say it. We’ll make sure they have to acknowledge us and who we are. Her dragon made it sound easy, but Nerreh had a sinking feeling it wouldn’t be. It’d be terrifically hard to find proof that would convince some people — the night-sky hide wouldn’t be enough, clearly, and it was hard to prove dragon color if a person refused to acknowledge color.
“If you think that’ll work,” Nerreh said doubtfully. Faxxonth gave the awkward shrug again. Doesn’t matter if other people believe. You and I know how things are even if no one else does. And no one else matters but you.
“Thanks, I guess,” Nerreh mumbled, but Faxxonth knew it was sincere. He gently nuzzled against his rider, leaning his head against Nerreh. They’d get there, Faxxonth knew it. The dragon truly had no real preference when it came to what color people thought he was. He just was, and if Nerreh was happy for him to remain green forever, Faxxonth would have been fine staying green. But his hide had turned blue, and Nerreh was ready for him to be blue, it seemed. And that was okay too. Faxxonth was sure he’d have fun as a blue. So would Nerreh, even if he was too worried about what other people thought. They’d work on that.
You are N’reh, of blue Faxxonth, Faxxonth said quietly, pulling his head back to look directly at his rider, and now that we’ve established how very blue I am, go to sleep. You need it. Nerreh grumbled at her dragon, but went back inside, after giving Faxx a long hug.